I can't find any resources on it; what does it feel like to become a system or to realize there's a headmate. Do they just talk to you? Do they know who you are? Are we strangers? And how do I know if I'm faking or not? Thank you and sorry if the wording is a bit unprecise I'm not very calm at the moment.
For us, when Tom realised he was apart of a system (or more re-realised), a lot of things that were unclear to him or that he thought was his way of not taking responsibility for things he did suddenly made sense. The dissociation, going back to certain conversations and not only did not remember them but they didn’t feel like his words at all, among other things as well.
Unfortunately, systems are usually very different from each other in the way that things are run or how each member is, so we’ll try to encompass a number of different answers to your questions.
For many systems, in-headspace communication is very common and can be very easy for certain members or certain systems. However, some systems may find that external communication is easier. Such as, through writing in journals to each other or via Discord within a personal server. There is no clear cut yes or no with this, but if you already experience someone trying to talk to you, that could be a system member.
Usually, system members (or headmates) that have been around for quite sometime might know a lot about the main fronter or host just by observing them. Sometimes, system members may also know about each other or the main fronter or the host because they need to have that information so they do. A newer system member may or may not know other members of the system due to how and why they formed or how and why they’re in the system in general regardless of origins.
For some systems, system members may start out as strangers, but just like roommates that you meet online or through an ad, you’ll likely never stay strangers for long.
Our rule of thumb, despite some doubts from our own minister of magic (host) at times, is that if you have to ask yourself “am I faking?” Then you are not faking. People who are faking know that they are because it’s a conscious decision. You either say to yourself “I’m going to pretend to have or be X” or you aren’t faking at all. You are the only one who can truly know yourself through and through, no one else can tell you if you’re apart of a system or not. Nor should they, it’s not anyone else’s decision. And remember, if you suddenly come to the conclusion that you’re not apart of a system because of certain symptoms surfacing or because more information about yourself comes to light, that doesn’t mean you were ever faking. You’re still very valid and figuring things out about ourselves, literally all of the time, is just a part of being human (or in certain people’s cases — being in a human body). Visa versa, you may decide right now that you aren’t apart of a system then later down the road, figure out that you are. Self discovery is a long road and hardly anyone nails it the first time around. If you have any other questions, though, just send in more asks!
