#modgod

[tf2fansderogatory]

scout tf2 is trans and so is every other merc end sentence end paragraph end story close book put book back on Shelf my dude

name one character that valve made that’s not transgender. i’ll wait

[tf2fansderogatory]

scout probably had like 1000 random jobs before joining the team and every time he mentions one it just throws everyone for a loop. (like the jerma substitute teacher thing)

you think spy is a jack of all trades? wrong, scout is the real jack of all trades. because he had so many random jobs to support his family, he can do lots of random things (unlike spy, who only pretends to do those random things half of the time, but that’s the value of improvisation).

want to ice skate? scout will coach you! want to make ice cream? scout is already looking through the fridge to see if you have supplies. need lunch? well what kind of food do you want? because scout has probably made it all at his various jobs. want to sing? scout taught vocal lessons. you’re nothing. (even if scout makes this job very hard to believe.)

and every time, he says, “oh yeah, i worked at [this place] for a summer,” as though you knew this. so far he’s only gotten stares back

[tf2fansderogatory]

very important question hell discord server, please poll and answer honestly. of all the mercs who has the nicest smile

putting the tumblr poll system to good use, while we're asking:

scout

soldier

pyro

demoman

heavy

engineer

medic

sniper

spy

Voting ended onMar 1, 2023

[tf2fansderogatory]

excellent answer guys! now an equally but completely unrelated question to poll (which you must have a different highest answer to for no particular reason). which of the mercs is the sweetest

you know the drill:

scout

soldier

pyro

demoman

heavy

engineer

medic

sniper

spy

Voting ended onMar 1, 2023

[tf2fansderogatory]

What does the team do for birthdays? Today is mine and it's got me Pondering at work

scout (from bongus):

scout’s main birthday strategy is spending the whole day moping around and being passive-aggressive until somebody notices and congratulates him; watching Scout be sad is enough of an excruciating experience that most of the team makes reminders to celebrate him first thing so they can get it out of the way, but the thing about Scout is that if you forget about his birthday he will never tell you (aside from passive aggressive remarks about how hey don’t you think today might be special somehow for some reason) and, not only that, but he will never let it go. you’re permanently tainted in his eyes. if you ever need a favor he’ll spend at least a few minutes just kind of walking in circles and going oh, but you forgot my birthday. it’s okay if we’re not friends and you don’t care enough about me to say happy birthday but don’t ask me to do something for you. y’know. as friends. and the only real way to get him to shut up here is either to strangle him to death or profusely apologize and give him a bunch of money

aka he’s a total dick about it. he doesn’t even mean to be that’s just kind of the way he is about things sometimes. if anybody gets a big birthday party though it’s scout. I think they throw a surprise party for him EVERY YEAR and it ALWAYS WORKS. he is ALWAYS SURPRISED. he’s also very easy to plan for on a budget because a $10 walmart cake and some balloons and a crapton of dollar store alcohol constitutes the best party he’s ever been to

soldier (from bongus):

no one’s sure when his birthday is—well, his real, actual one, since his enthusiastic answer of July 4th every time seems just a little too excited and coincidental to be the truth. not really the team’s business to poke at it, though; July 4th is already a big celebration anyway, and it’s basically just for soldier already, so it’s pretty convenient to just lump in a birthday thing along with it. if anybody’s feeling especially generous, they’ll buy some red white and blue icing and trace a shitty little American flag on whatever shitty box cake they end up buying. he’s not hard to please; rig up some fireworks and get some of the more patriotic (or easily bribable) members of the team to sing America the Beautiful instead of an actual birthday song and soldier’ll have the time of his life.

pyro (from bongus):

here’s one no one knows, not even medic. occasionally somebody just goes “have we celebrated pyro’s birthday this year yet” and if the answer is no (or yes and they just forgot) they’ll just buy a cupcake and stick a candle in it and call it good. pyro’s perfectly happy with this arrangement, especially if they get to keep the pack of candles afterwards.

demo (from modgod ft modbot):

i think that he’s never been one to focus an entire day on his birthday under the belief that it’s just another year around the sun where he’s gotten older, though he likes being able to spend the time with his teammates and takes the chance to go out to get drinks, and generally accepts the day as ‘his day,’ or at least as ‘his aftenoon.’ he goes home for his birthday every year that he can during the closest weekend to it, so that he can see his family and celebrate it with them, but also takes the time to be with his teammates.

heavy (from modgod ft modbot):

he probably has the most standardized birthday celebration out of the whole team. everybody knows when his birthday is, and everyone knows the routine. he’s never been huge about birthdays, but will celebrate his anyways, ‘just because’ if anything. he could and may often bake a cake for the day, maybe not for himself more than for making something that the team can come together and share, even if it’s under the umbrella of his birthday. he also enjoys baking, and isn’t your birthday supposed to be about doing things you love? spy (who is often the best about gift-giving) got him an expensive watch one year and he still wears it. he also appreciates receiving postcards and notes for the day, especially from his family, and might pin them up somewhere and keep them in a drawer.

engineer (from modgod):

if you get him a gift on his birthday, he’ll act all polite and charmed, but inside he’s rattling because his teammates thought to get him something. he usually receives cheesy gifts like mugs saying “#1 dad” or horrendously ironic t-shirts, but he’s gotten good, sentimental ones as well, or even useful ones like a new toolbox or more metal for a new sentry design. he’ll definitely make some sort of joke about being older and rustier, even if you couldn’t tell.

medic (from modgod ft modbot):

“Medic gets at least one ritual sacrifice, or people challenge him to make the most horrifyingly fucked up and scientifically improbable success out of old parts. It's a very fun creative exercise and the rest of the team gets to chase it around, which is very fun to watch.” (— modbot direct) i’m no expert in medic, but give him a body to dissect on his birthday and he’ll probably be content, and depending on the person, it’s a smaller cost and effort to get that for him compared to a cake or an alternate gift. instead of throwing a party, you could take him graverobbing in the evening, and it might have the same effect.

spy (from modgod):

he does nothing, really, at least that the team knows. they don’t know his birthday, besides medic, who has it in his medical files. he’s been given a bastille day birthday (july 14th) and accepts it, and his teammates throw a little party and wish him the best, but he’s never been one for public celebration. when it’s his real birthday, he does something for himself or by himself. he buys himself a new book, or a new suit, or new fabrics to make clothes from. if you ever wanted to know his real birthday, though, you only need to look for the day that he’s in engie’s workshop for a moment longer than normal, or when he complains a little less about going out for drinks with demo, or when he stops for a few seconds before leaving medic’s infirmary, because even if they’ll never know when his real birthday is, he thinks that he should at least spend it with his teammates.

Sniper (From Modbot):

He doesn't care about the traditional aspects of a birthday. Gifts are irrelevant, travel isn't mandatory, and breakfast in bed is simply a daily thing for him. However, his birthday is a day where, just once, he can pretend to be somebody else and connect to a normal society. He'll be missing all day, shopping but rarely purchasing, talking to people along the streets, and doing little social service projects of any sort. Usually, around the end of the afternoon, he'll clean up a creek or lake just so that he can sit by it and pretend that nothing else has ever existed, and feel happy that he and other people know he does. After that, though, he'll linger around the base. Somebody will always offer a drink, and he'll refuse it, and then he might be offered a meal that he'll overindulge himself on and then pretend to be miserably sick so that people don't stop paying attention to him. He has a secret soft spot for being pampered, and he'll pay back all of the movie nights or long talks with the best killstreak anybody has ever seen. And the day after that, the same. The day after. . . The day after. . . Happy Sniper is a ruthless monster of a man who fiddles with his birthday trinkets all day long.

[tf2fansderogatory]

which food do u think would be each mercs favorite? personally i hc that pyro just sits there and teleports whatever engie cooks directly into their face. never to be seen again

Scout’s is anything that reminds him of home, whether it’s a food from Boston or something with little breakfast diner vibes (Ma worked at one). He makes a mean lobster mac&cheese.

from bongus: Solly claims he only eats military rations—which for the most part is true, but secretly when no one else is looking he likes to satiate his tragically ignored sweet tooth with a little bag of cheap cookies or something. He never questions why his favorite brand of them seems to be always be stocked in the pantry, though—as far as anything else goes it’s Engy’s little secret:)

anything that can’t be ingested via straw Pyro prefers to eat alone (or w/Engie or Scout). they still like to sit with everybody at meals though, so by the time they go wherever to eat, any hot/warm dishes that were served have cooled quite a bit- which is why he loves the rare chance to eat hot dishes while they’re still hot ! he doesn’t get it that often but they love it (bit of projecting here but dolsot bibimbap is one of their favorites)

Demo likes cranachan, a Scottish dessert originally made as a celebration of the raspberry harvest. he likes the tartness of the raspberries with the sweetness of the honey, and the oats give it a good texture in his opinion

Heavy’s favorite is potato and mushroom leek soup- it’s creamy and hearty, and reminds him a bit of home. he makes it for the team semi-often

seasoning is the most important thing to Engie, and in his mind nothing does it better than Louisiana’s Creole and Cajun styles. the bold flavors are too good for him to pass up on. he also makes a mean chili that pyro adores and which gives spy a heart attack.

crabmod: Medic likes traditional German food, which is damn near IMPOSSIBLE to get in the states, particularly in the southwest. (He’d have better luck in like, wisconsin, someplace with a lot of German immigrants) His best bet is to either make it himself or have it imported, which is a pain in the ass, but also the only way to get actually palatable beer. To nobody’s surprise his favorite is blutwurst (blood sausage)

modbot: I think Sniper’d really like dried mango, or just a good cup of chamomile mint tea to soothe his aching, wary brain. Self projecting! He has a weaker stomach so things like lamingtons or coffee would kill him—He just prefers 'green' flavors, anyway! Maybe roasted peanuts? Pleasant earthy snack food! And yes, I do mean wary— not weary.

modgod: i think for Spy it’s bread. specifically baguettes that are straight out of the oven. it’s a comfort food since he grew up baking them. i think people expect it to be something all expensive and something, but no. baguettes.

[tf2fansderogatory]

physical affection headcanons for the team GO

Ikea: the entire offense class is prone to just running up to you and giving you an absolute huge hug for no reason other than they felt like it. they’re all incredibly physically affectionate people- Pyro because they’re a lil touch starved, Solly partially because he’s touch starved and partially because he sees only one better way of showing affection and that’s acts of service, and Scout because that’s just how he is

modgod: continuing on with the offense class thoughts. soldier will throw his arms over your shoulders and lean on you like it’s nothing, he loves physical contact, it’s his way of showing friendship. you know how big cats will playfully leap onto people? he’s the human equivalent of that. he also headbutts people affectionately (yes with the helmet on, but he’s gentle about it surprisingly). scout is the same way, but he’s a little more aware of when people don’t want to be touched, and he’s also not throwing two hundred pounds of muscle directly onto you. he’ll lean on you a bit, maybe punch your shoulder lightly, but he’s not going to knock you off your feet (not that he could, even if he tried). pyro is the most aware about touching people, and makes sure to ask first, but won’t hesitate to hug you if you say that it’s okay. they can and will pick you up off your feet when they hug you. all of them are dangerously “we will be so physically affectionate to you.”

Modbot: If Sniper were a cuddly man, and I have no doubt that he can be given the right time and person. . . He's not a hugger; he's too claustrophobic! He will, however, shove his thick skull right into another thick skull— Or chest, or shoulder— and will be deeply upset if this isn't reciprocated to a degree in which the two skeleton-havers have efficiently exfoliated each other a la feline nuzzling. His legs will also end up in the other's space, and it will be a very tangled endeavour, indeed. . . But it's not really enjoyable for anybody. This is projection. My dad and I have given each other many concussions.

Secondly, Medic has a strong grasp. . . This simply makes sense, with how tightly he has to hold onto his equipment, and the fact that any medically intrigued individual always has and always will have that unavoidably firm clasp. Unfortunately, Medic's is cold, and this holding habit of his carries over into his inability to respect or understand what personal boundaries are. If he's jolly, he'll hold his friend's shoulder very firmly, which can be funny in some cases (from an outside perspective with taller people), and downright disturbing in others (for literally everybody else, always and forever). He also tends to very casually ruffle hair in such a way that one wants to schedule a chiropractic appointment with a physician that's far far away. He's an unprovoked half-hugger in a way that communicates that he's trying to catalogue blood type through osmosis. It's imposing.

Demoman is the only person on the team with a sense of physical boundaries and weight. If he's casually affectionate, it's languid, no pressure applied. A lot of people would feel safe around him. If he's in love, though, especially with somebody who matches his energy, expect for them to end up in the same hospital bed after a cute fist fight.

Spy isn't naturally affectionate unless it is completely impersonal and unimportant. However, he's happy to invade somebody's personal space by putting his legs on the wrong footrest, or leaning just a little too close when reading something over somebody's shoulder, or really any other iteration of such. He'll pretend not to know, then look all smug about it, and it will never go beyond this. Sharing the same presence is just fine by him. God forbid somebody invades his space, though. . . If a day comes that he doesn't gingerly peel somebody's hand off of anything even moderately close to him (like a table during dinner, or the crown of his armchair), he's fallen in love.

Engineer? I can't say much. He's not likely to initiate anything, but he'll pat backs and call grown men son and maybe, just maybe, let them use his equipment here and there. He doesn't like giving hugs, and he probably smells too much like the sulfur he uses to make his own batteries, anyway. . . Not that these lunatics would care. He won't ever get used to being cute around people, but he'll make a point to be less of a goggled grouch if he knows he's that close to somebody.

Heavy is the one who's only affectionate when it's needed, and he's bloody good at it, but nobody ever has to know when that is for themselves. These displays happen oftentimes before they become a realised necessity: Homesickness is never a problem when this man knows and likes his teammates. Bonecrushing hugs, offers of personal items, and hot drinks are common— Especially for Medic, who he enjoys his quietest hours with. Otherwise, when he's not a fun tag-a-long party-animal exercising his big brother instincts, or a ghost of a presence, he's only the steel-eyed, ginormous bloodbathing beast they see him out on the field as. . . Gruff without some peace and quiet and a little too comfortable with what sometimes isn't good-natured bullying. . . He flips a dime every day, you see, and most of the time—Almost all of the time— it turns out very nicely. He puts a lot of thought into how he thinks, and he loves so much about so many things. His team is on that list. You have no better friend than a friendly Heavy.

[tf2fansderogatory]

If it’s spy acceptance hours I have him on the brain!

I think he’s very good at motivating people. Hell I think he’s very good at making people feel better, however in doing so he willingly makes himself the bad guy. Someone’s too stubborn to go to medic for something even though they KNOW it could get worse? He says they’re scared and gets them to go out of spite towards him.

Someone staying awake for days on end? He hides the coffee pot, and says it’s because he wants to see if they’ll pass out in the middle of a fight.

someone’s stuck in their own head? He antagonizes them about whatever they’re thinking about and more often than not that motivates them to act instead of keep stewing.

spy really doesn’t care what his teammates think of him, and the asshole act isn’t even a far cry from his normal personality. He does care about them though.

I mean, did you SEE him give the speech in Expiration Date?

Spy knows how to give a speech, how to motivate people. How to talk to people. How to look at a crowd and change their minds about something, how to take doomsday and make it another fighting day, along with the vice-versa. It’s part of his job to talk to others, yes, but to inspire others as well. Sometimes before a match that the team knows will be difficult, he’ll stand on a box and tell them that “Today is not the day we die. Today is the day we thrive!”

On the individual levels, he’s used to being villainized anyways. So why not use that to his advantage? Make himself the enemy. When Pyro is nervous about going to see Medic, Spy lays out the terrible future that could fall upon them if they didn’t, because he would rather himself be feared then Medic, because he does not want his teammates to suffer if they don’t need to. When the Engineer approaches him, asking where his coffee pot went, Spy claims he destroyed it. In reality, it’s being hidden in his smoking room to be retuned at a later date when Engie has a sleeping schedule, because he would like to see Engie successful on the battlefield, not brought down by a late night of caffeine and work. That’s how they win, after all. If Sniper is in his own head, Spy kicks him out, because he’d rather be Sniper’s inner demon, he does not want Mundy to villainize himself. One of Soldier’s raccoons was hurt in a no-fault accident and he blamed himself, but twenty minutes later he had changed his mind because of Spy. Even Heavy, who could fear no man, has his moments where Spy scares his fears away, because Spy doesn’t believe that such a good man should suffer from himself.

Even when Pyro scampers away in fear, even when Engie walks away upset about his coffee pot, even when Sniper looks into the mirror and curses Spy instead of himself… Spy sees no downsides. Because at the end of the day, he does not care if the team likes him. He likes the others enough to make up for that. He is an asshole, yes, but a self-manufactured one, one built from love for his team.