Hii❤ I wanna request a drabble with Kihyun from Monsta X pls~ The quote: "Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don't" A kinda break up angsty one(?) Thank you!!
I can’t tell you how horrible I feel about taking soooooo dang long to finally complete this. I’ve honestly been working on it for the longest time, but I couldn’t never find quite the right feeling for it until now. I’m so sorry for the inexcusably long wait.
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Three hours. Another broken promise.
But this time, instead of feeling disappointed or angry, you just feel… oddly relieved in a way. For so long you felt like you had been holding your breath, waiting for this time to come and now that it’s finally made it to this point, you’ve already had your time to mourn the loss before it had even come. It was certainly much easier to do in his absence, and you’ve had plenty of that.
Putting the last of his things in a box, you give a soft sigh before standing and moving to your living room. Another sigh left you as your phone dinged again with another ‘happy birthday’ from a friend, but still not a word from the one that you were supposed to be most important to. That thought was just another brick in the wall you were slowly building around yourself. Surely you would need that barricade for when he finally did show up; which he would, with an abundance of apologies and excuses. But this was the last time you would hear them. This is the last time you were going to let him let you down. This was the last time you were going to let yourself fall for his empty promises.
As if on cue, there’s a knock on the door before you hear the jingle of keys and it’s quickly swung open. “Jagiya! I’m so sorry. We had a meeting that ran la-” His words quickly evaporated as he took in your expression. His eyes moved to the box that sat before you on the coffee table. He could feel the tension, but this was different than before. You weren’t crying, you weren’t yelling… you were just staring at him with an empty frown. “You know I didn’t mean to forget. I called the restaurant and they’re happy to accomodate for us in an hour, so you have time to get ready.” He swallowed hard. You were already in pajama pants and a tee-shirt, but not one of his like you always wore to bed. Your hair was still wet from a recent shower. Clearly you had already resigned for the day.
A breathy, humourless little laugh left you as you shook your head. “It’s over Kihyun.”
You watched his brows furrow before he checked his watch. “Not quite, there’s still a few hours left,” he replied, flashing you a little sheepish smile. You could only stare at him and shake your head slightly. You wondered if he was just playing daft or if he really couldn’t read the room. Honestly, it upset you even more. He really wasn’t going to let this be easy, was he?
Shaking your head, you did your best to keep your expression straight. “Not my birthday. We’re over. I’m done. Please just take your things and leave.” Picking up the box beside you, you crossed the room and held it out to him. Your gaze remained strong, your mouth held in a straight line, revealing no emotion as he glanced between you and the box. His expression, on the other hand, showed each and everything thought as he processed them. You were always able to read him like a book and even now was no different.
“Come on. Let’s not be so over dramatic. There’s still plenty of time-”
“No, Kihyun. Not anymore,” you interrupted him, shaking your head and thrusting the box at him, urging him to take it. Instead, he just stared at it. “I’m done with the excuses. I’m done with the broken promises. I’m done being on the back burner and forgotten. We’ve been through this a thousand times and I don’t have it in me to do this dance anymore. ‘Cause you never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever, but you don’t. I can’t sit here and wait around for you anymore. I’m tired of not being important enough to be remembered. Each broken promise broke off a piece of my heart and now there’s nothing left there for you anymore. I will never be able to love you like I did before, there’s nothing left to try and fix. It’s too late and all that’s left to do is go our different ways from here.”
It would be a lie to say you felt nothing as you watched him shatter before you, as you watched his lip tremble while he searched for words to say, as you watched the first tear race down his cheek. Bit what you felt wasn’t love anymore, it was just pity.
You knew he had tried. You knew balancing his job with this relationship had never been easy for him, but you also knew he had taken your forgiveness for granted time and time again. You knew nothing was going to change and there was truly no future for the two of you, this was the inevitable end of what once was. Truly, the last thing you wanted to do was hurt him, but you were so tired of being hurt by him. And you also knew he never meant to, he never meant to leave you lonely, he never meant to break all those promises. But it was easier to disappoint you and let you down then all the fans and his group. It was easier to ask for your forgiveness than it was to apologize to the PD for missing an important schedule. You tried to be okay with that. You tried to remind yourself that you knew what the relationship would be like before things even started, but a person carries with them only so much forgiveness before that well runs dry. How was a relationship going to work if one party could never depend on the other? Maybe all those missed dates were small things at the time, but over the years it’s all added up and it’s taken its toll. All your time left alone has burned out the fire you felt for him and it’s left your heart cold and empty.
He stood before you for a long, awkward moment, staring at the box before taking it. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Slowly, he raised his gaze to meet yours and you saw the hope turn to defeat in his eyes. He could see there was no point in fighting, there was nothing left to fight for. You didn’t even have to utter a word and he knew. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed the lump in his throat and fought back the bubble of emotion. He could fight with everything he had and even if he managed to convince you to take it all back and give him another chance, things would never be the same. Your eyes didn’t hold that light in them like they used to, and he knew that was his doing. All this time he had taken you for granted, put everyone and everything else before you only to come crawling back to you with apologies and promises that it wouldn’t happen again, that it would change, that he could love you better. He knew you understood his job and the responsibilities, but he also knew he had pushed you away with all the empty promises and there was no one to blame for that but himself. He had lost you, let you slip through his finger like sand while he barely even tried to hold on until it was too late.
Taking a deep breath he gave a nod, his eyes darting everywhere but the box, knowing that seeing all the things neatly packed inside that held so many memories would only lead him into begging for more chances he didn’t deserve. He knew it burst his heart that was already shattering. Licking his lips he brought himself to gaze at you one last time, to finally see what he had done to the woman he had claimed to love so much, but let down so far. He had been so caught up in himself, that he had failed to see what he was really doing to you until now, and he couldn’t hate himself more for it. “I’m sorry. For everything. For all the broken promises and all the times I’ve let you down. I understand there’s no fixing it now. I understand it’s gone. I just want you to know I didn’t mean for it to be like this and I’m truly sorry.” So badly he wanted to also tell you that he still loved you and truly believed he always would, but he knew you well enough to know that was the last thing you needed to hear from him at this point. The best thing he could do for you now is hold his tongue and cut the ties while your reserve was still strong. Dragging things out even further, throwing words that would only fray the cord would do nothing more than destroy the clean cut you were clearly deserving of.
“I truly wish you all the best and all the happiness I couldn’t give to you.” His gaze dropped as he uttered the words, tears stinging his eyes as he turned from you.
He had been thoughtful enough to leave the key you had given him on the small table beside the door before he left. The sound of the door closing behind him resonating through you as that chapter in your life came to an end.
