✗ Time Period: Middle of August 2020
✗ Trigger Warnings: Mentions of abuse, miscarriage and negligence.
Tick, tick, tick. With each annoying tick of the second hand on the clock that hung on the wall, it made her whole body twitch. As if every tick was like a warning to what was coming. Waiting had never been one of Selina’s strong suits. Waiting in some shrink’s office without knowing what was coming? It only added to the anxiety that was building up inside of her. She should have been expecting it. After all, Selina was at the estate under the impression that she was seeing things that weren’t there. Truthfully, it was rather concerning if they believed that about her and yet still took them this long to call her in to be examined by someone.
“Selinaaa, come in my dear,” a voice chirped from the room off to the side. Blowing out the breath she didn’t know that she had been holding in, the blonde princess stood up swiftly and walked into the tiny room. It felt dark, yet open at the same time. There was one long window across the wall that gave it the open feel. As for the darkness, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Between the window and the fluorescent lights hung from the ceiling, the room was well lit. Maybe it wasn’t a dark feeling, but something did feel off. “Go ahead and take a seat wherever you feel comfortable.” There were several seats scattered in a circle type shape so Selina randomly sat on one of them. It didn’t really matter to her. She didn’t plan on being in there long.
“If this is about my problem, things are actually doing better with the medication I’m on,” Selina butted in before the counselor could actually explain why she was there. When she first arrived at the estate she had an initial assessment with a doctor and therapist about her situation. They prescribed something to her, but Selina never actually took any of it. She kept a bottle next to her bed in case anyone ever came looking, but the rest she flushed the first second she got. There was nothing wrong with her mind. As terrible as some of her memories were, she knew for a fact that they were there.
All Selina received as an answer was a simple raise of the woman’s eyebrow. Simply studying how quick Selina was to instantly go on the defense. Or at least that was what it felt like from where Selina was sitting. It was judgement, just studying her. “I’m actually here to talk to you today about your classes and your work,” she replied, lowering her clipboard onto her knees with her arms covering the paper on top. “But if you wish to discuss the problem you have for being at the estate in the first place then we can.”
With all honesty, Selina was kind of relieved that it was about something like classes. That was something she could deal with. That was something that she knew she wasn’t doing well in. After all, how can you do well in a class that you don’t show up to most of the time? Selina was twenty-one. She was old enough to move out of home and make her own life decisions. Yet because of the royal status she was still being controlled by people she had no contact with anymore. There was a sense of relief that if she couldn’t have that freedom she so desperately craved, that at least she was in a secure place that monitored those coming in and out.
A faint smile fell upon the girl’s lips as she gave a small shake of her head. “No, that’s okay,” she hummed. “So classes.. I get that I’m failing. So give me the detentions and the name of a tutor and make this all a lot easier for the both of us.” It wasn’t Selina’s first time in this rodeo. She had attended private school where it was all the same. Selina would either skip class or fall behind from not exactly understanding things correctly. They would give her the same spiel about how she needed to pay more attention and give her the name of a tutor to catch back up.
Again, Selina received a rather quizzical look from the counselor. “Well, yes one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you was because of the fact that you’ve been skipping classes. That will require some form of consequences. More than likely a week of detentions,” she explained without faltering, only expressing some concern when she paused. “That being said, the classes you have been attending have, you have been doing extraordinary in. Your test scores are one of the highest in the class.”
Selina had heard it once before while she was in private school. How she did well in classes and if she wanted to, she could study at any university she wanted, not that it was an option for her. The blonde went to clear her throat as a way to think of what to say. Before she could though, the other woman opened her mouth to say something. “Come in, Mrs. Caspari,” the counselor called in answer to the knock. “Mrs Caspari?” Selina choked out. Parents day was all that Selina had been hearing about for the past week. There were daily reminders mainly from the estate workers, but also from the royals themselves. Everyone had an opinion on the matter. Selina didn’t care. She’d cut her father out and then her mother when she found out everything that she had been keeping from her. Sure, she might have not known about what Julian did to her and what that cost her in the process. But she did bring that man into Selina’s life in the first place. With no more parents in her life, Selina figured that nobody would show up for her.
There are two completely different things that happens whenever Selina talks about something. It will either be the first thing that comes to mind and she’ll say it without actually thinking of what she just said. Or, if it’s something more personal Selina will avoid the topic entirely. The less time she spent acknowledging it’s existence in her mind the more she can pretend like it didn’t actually happen. She wanted to be the bubbly and energetic girl that she usually was, not the girl who let every tragedy get the best of her. As her mother stepped into the room, all Selina saw was red. She hated her. In that moment, she felt sure of it.
“It’s so good to see you Mrs. Caspari. I was just telling your daughter-” Before the counselor could get too far into her explanation Selina cut her off. Here was the showdown that Selina never thought would happen. “No, she doesn’t get to call me that. She lost that opportunity a long time ago,” she huffed, rolling her shoulders back in the process as if she was preparing herself for the showdown. “Selina Maria Caspari, do not test yourself in this situation. This is supposed to be a good occasion. Your teachers want to put you in advanced classes as long as you put in the effort.” The look on her mother’s face as she snapped at her daughter would be enough for anyone else to heel at her feet. Not Selina though. No lecture from her parents had ever had a big influence on her. She took it like a grain of salt. If they said her jeans were inappropriate then she would be seen out in public in a little black dress with her thighs and cleavage on full display. It was all just a power game. Selina repeatedly worked to make sure that nobody had any power over her. As hard as she tried though, it seemed that she was only deluding herself.
Selina stood up from her chair. At this point it was like the counselor didn’t exist. The hate she felt in that moment took over. “You want to act like a caring mother now? Where were you when I actually needed someone. You cared to even notice the signs that something was off with me,” she snapped, her voice rising with each word. “And I get the fact that you didn’t know everything that he did. But when you found out you didn’t even try to sympathize or apologize for your actions during that time. Go ahead and tell Miss Shrink here about it all, why don’t you? You clearly need it a lot more than I do.”
The anger was bubbling. It was consuming her. It didn’t matter that Selina never mentioned the miscarriage or abuse specifically. Both her and her mother knew what they were talking about and that was enough to threaten the spill of tears. This was why she avoided it so often. Because if she ever let herself focus on it, she knew that she wouldn’t ever stop crying. Selina took the opportunity to storm off. It wasn’t until she stepped out of the building itself that the anger slowly started disappearing and everything that happened replayed over in her mind. That she was smarter than anyone thought, that her mother actually came to visit her on parent’s day, everything that she had said. It wasn’t like Selina actually hated her mother, she couldn’t. She just expected more.
