#moodsong

[monstaxardeur]

Warnings: Suggestive

You swayed gently back and forth. Hands around his waist as he mouthed the words to the song making you smile. And he tugs and pulls you closer. You never knew since when he'd gotten this big, it felt like yesterday he was your cute broody boy next door kind of boyfriend. His forehead touched yours as you two slowly danced, his hands tracing your back and gliding to the hem only to slide under the fabric. The warmth of your skin against his cool skin made you hiss briefly. He chuckled, arching a brow teasingly. You only stole a kiss catching him off guard and he was immediately pulling you in for more, his arms tightening around you in a comfortable grip. Cute and peppered at first and then slow and languid. You missed his mullet if you were honest, more room to play with his hair but something about short hair made him rather devious. He helped you by the window, lips still not completely detached. Devilish smiles and playful smirks, bashful cheeks and heated breaths. He made sure to kiss all your sensitive spots trying not to leave too many purple blossoms but you didn't mind, it's not like you had to be in front of an audience to worry about. That is why marking him up meant all the places only your eyes could see. He stepped back briefly only to pull his shirt over his head and discard it and he could see what affect that move alone had on you. The way you reached your hands to the back of your dress's zipper and he helped you out knowing well you'd struggle. It fell off your shoulders instantly then, leaving you exposed to the cold wind. His knuckles brushed over your cheeks while his other hand closed the curtains behind you just in case, even though not a soul was outside but he still wanted to feel like it was just you two. As if he didn't want the moon and the stars to see and blush at the fervor.

Nails clawed his tattoo at the back, teeth grazed your soft collar bone skin. Deep groans and soft love talk took place in that deep voice of his that alone could drive you over the edge. Your back was arched from the delicious feeling pooling for the third time that night. You two were as one and you didn't know if you'd call it a sinful demise or a passionate escape. All you knew was that you'd given your heart to this boy who made you feel so many things. All he knew was that he was on his way to sell his soul to stay in this limbo with you.

Your eyes were heavy with sleep tugging as you traced the new ink on his arm, the arm that was thrown around you in such a romantic notion, he sleepily watched you in a drunken haze, totally love drunk. And when he was asleep finally you lovingly bundled both of yourselves up in the covers, even in sleep he knew he had to keep you close, even in sleep he'd hug you like he was scared this would just be a dream.

mood song: john wayne by cigarettes after sex

[muhawal]

Tag temanmu yang suka lagu ini !!! . . 🎶 iklan 91-an ( @ekagustiwana ) ____________________________________________ Jangan cuma di lihat aja, Follow, Like & Share !!! @liriksultra__ #liriksultra__ 😁 🙏 makasih !!! . . #ekagustiwana #iklan #saymusik #cover #story #moodbooster #moodsong #literasi15detik #literasistory #acousticcover #covermusiktop #mangudi12 #trending #storywa #aesthetic #sadsongs #tumblryourindo #lirik #tumblr #tumblraesthetic #sajakdetik #explore #musikhits #storymood_ #xelfmoody #musikkita #anakmudabalikpapan #mangudi12 https://www.instagram.com/p/B9YBEMgpRs0/?igshid=nzljqnw1pxi4

[jetajem]

[monstaxardeur]

Warnings: soft angst

The leaves crunched under each step you took to a place where nostalgia was rooted. Your younger years made you yearn for such intense emotions yet nothing ever came your way back then and today it felt like a silly teens angsty dream. Summer night was breezy with the coastal winds and the night was lit up with street lights, the old park and its ferris wheel still was ever the same. The peaceful silence of your moment was broken by a known stranger, 'pretty' the voice said. You turned to your side and couldn't process for a second, what was he doing here? 'Did I intrude on your alone time?' he asked politely and you shook your head yet you kept looking on at the ferris wheel the colors kept changing but your mind was only focused on him. You heard gentle rustling in the background and then he suddenly showed up next to you and you turned to see the boy holding a stray kitten in his hands. You smiled immediately breaking out of your melancholic trance giving the little critter a few scritches.

'I'll take it home, maybe give it a place to stay' you heard last from him and watched him walk away feeling your heart sink realizing you'd been falling for him for far too long and you tried so hard to detach yourself from these feelings. You hated how it made you feel so wary of everything, your look, your actions, your vulnerability, you hated overthinking about it, 'why can't i make it go away' you'd ask yourself. If you didn't notice it didn't mean others wouldn't either. People who knew you could tell something was off but they couldn't pinpoint it, masking is key, you'd always tell yourself and yet somehow your mask would crumble thr most every time you saw him.

'Do you hate me or something?' He had asked that one time when he walked you back home from a friend's housewarming party. Your throat ran dry, how could you tell him that wasn't it? 'I can never hate you, it's quite the opposite. I am really fond of you, you're pretty cool and nice. You know I don't say this to anyone but my door's always open if you ever need anything.' Your tone was so matter of fact, trying your best to mimic your own genuine chirpy self on any other normal day. But the silence that followed was rather heavy until you both reached your doorstep. After exchanging the small talk of saying goodbyes you made sure to clarify, 'I am sorry if I ever made you feel that way I could never hate you.' You wanted to end it at that and head inside not wanting to feel the weight of the emotions and thoughts anymore. 'You won't ask me why I asked that?' He inquired and you looked away feeling it all come to the surface and yet you knew running away inside would only cause a rift in whatever tiny bit of a fleeting relationship you had of being somewhat neighbors. 'So why did you ask that?' you asked chuckling a fake one to lighten the conversation. 'Because you avoid me like the plague.' The words seeped deep if you were honest, 'Yet you say the kindest things to me. It can only mean..' he trailed off, a gentle playful smile splayed on his lips seeing your eyes widen in a little panic. He let the moment hang in the air for a while but for you the silence felt deafening. His smile albeit playful wasn't a smirk, it was soft, his eyes were kind as he stepped forward. He held out his palm and didn't meet your gaze when he said, 'I can hold your heart if it's heavy.' You couldn't help but let out a laugh at his cheesy dialogue though your eyes were already brimming. You didn't know when your soft chuckle turned into sniffles. The strain so visible it hurt your throat, your palms covered your face, you were crying. It was pouring out, you couldn't control it and hated how he had to see this.

His arms encapsulated you instead, his hands giving you gentle rubs on your back, 'Hey look at me it's okay.' He tried calming you, tucking your hair behind your ears and tried to get you to see him while you resisted being ashamed of yourself at that moment. After realizing you really couldn't hide forever you hesitantly looked up, voice croaking with soft apologies falling from your lips but you couldn't help but notice how his own eyes were glossy from holding back his own emotions having seen you like that. He still seemed concerned as he rummaged in his pocket for a spare napkin and you tried to excuse yourself inside. 'I should go home.' and he only asked softly, 'Would you like if I come inside, I make nice tea I swear, I don't think a single hug will be enough.' He was so close in proximity, fingers gently prying strands of hair away. You nodded agreeing to his offer.

You didn't know when you dozed off that night, he was right beside you keeping you company. You two had spoken softly to your heart's content, about your first loves if any and how it shaped you both in your respective lives. But when you dozed you didn't realize you were still holding on to his hands and he brought them to his lips, kissing your knuckles gently and whispering, 'i love you too' he planted the next kiss on your forehead and fixed your blanket making sure you stayed warm.

In the days that came, when you found yourself quiet and alone with your thoughts, he'd be there, whenever your heart felt heavy he reassured it would be okay. It took so much of you to realize this could work that it would be okay, that he really did feel the same way as you did about him. If the summer breeze and the stars those nights could speak they'd say they witnessed so much fear and yet so much love, when everything around us is sound we often get scared we aren't worthy and often sabotage ourselves.

And finally there was a day when you proclaimed your love to Changkyun with such confidence and strength and he had crumbled in your embrace with such softness, tired of having waited for such an outright confession. His embrace was firm but he seemed tired and you whispered soft promises to him. 'Changkyun..,'

'I love you'~

mood song: falling in love by cigarettes after sex

[monstaxardeur]

Warnings: Mature, slight mention of bodily insecurities.

You dimmed the lights around the house as it was late but you also had work. You stared blankly scrolling through the internet suddenly recalling how your love had brushed your hair away from the neck to plant a fluttering kiss. You bit your lip recalling that and your hands naturally went to rub your neck and you felt your fingers trail over the recent love mark staining it and all your focus was thrown off. You had even decided to wear his old shirt he'd happily given to you. You were covered in his remnants and you sighed realizing you were very much in love as much as it scared you. It was no longer you pushing away your feelings or yourself so then why was your heart so scared of losing this, as if it was too good to be true? Was this what they called the 'honeymoon' phase? You still couldn't help but feel insecure, guess it was a given with Changkyun's job stature. It felt so common when you'd stand in front of the mirror just looking at yourself with doubts and yet again a memory resurfaced of how he had started touching you one time while you were busy criticizing yourself mentally. Right here in front of the mirror, just one of those rare days where he felt less like Changkyun and more like I.M. You covered your face, flushed cheeks and all and smiled so big as you flopped on the bed, he loved you regardless and of course you loved him unapologetically. These were memories that made you feel it was okay, and that it was going to be okay.

It was very much dead of the night now that he had returned and both of you were a little too love struck, angsty songs in the background and sweet nothings whispered as he decided to take you right there by the window. Lips leaving soft peppered kisses on eachother, him parting your legs and taking his place between em. Once he'd gotten in rhythm with you, you threw your head back at the build up, it felt so sweet, how was it possible that it felt just as sweet as the first time or even better. 'and you wanted to waste time trying on something for me?' he teased through pants in that deep voice that seemed to drop more when he'd be making love 'when you know you know this is the best thing you can wear' and his ring clad hand traced over your exposed neck and breasts, gently going back up to caress your neck rather than choke it, just teasing touches of his warm skin and the cool metal around his fingers, a perfect choker. He made you look at him, slowing down the pace, letting you wrap your legs around him even more and he kissed you a mind numbing kiss. His movement was still slow so you tried bucking your hips for more feel. 'shhh patient babe, it's been days since I saw you, let me savor it', his voice was in a hush, like a whisper as if, if he spoke any louder he might break you like a doll. You found yourself clinging to him more, pulling him closer, and kissed him kisses that left you gasping for air, kisses with moans that erupted intense coils in your belly. And he lifted you briefly only to drop you on the bed on the side.

You two continued making love for much longer if you remembered and once the moments would pass they would feel like a dream, often to you. You sat up in bed as he was dozed and reached for your glasses. You had changed back and slowly got out of bed so as to not wake him. He probably knew you weren't next to him but you remembered he'd once said how just being in the same home or place as you comforted him. Knowing that you'd be just in the other room and always nearby, a sentiment you resonated with deeply as well. You were awake just to wrap up your unattended things, and clear any mess made around the apartment. But also using that time to just be with your thoughts, realizing how even in such moments it felt so 'heavenly' like what if you walked back in the room and he wasn't there as if nothing happened, as if you were dreaming it. But surely when you finally came to bed, your heart leapt out of its cage seeing him sleeping, curled up hugging a pillow. Changkyun felt you get back in bed and he'd scoot closer as you out of new habit discarded your shirt and he nestled into your chest burying his face in you and had an arm around your waist. Until sleep came you'd always run your hands through his hair, giving soft kisses over his head. And usually when morning came he'd be the one becoming the bigger spoon and leaving sweet soft caresses over you, seeing you sleep away without a worry.

mood song: heavenly by cigarettes after sex

[monstaxardeur]

Warnings: Suggestive, Melancholic

It was a rainy day, a gentle downpour and with the sky so glum it made Hyungwon rather solemn. Specially after having to be there to assist a friend whose loved one passed away. Taking long strides in his dark black coat and dark hair with a mask covering his face he strolled around town. Picking up some ramen and drinks from a nearby store. He paused at a flower shop seeing it being closed up for the day. In fact, he was led to think about you. Flowers often reminded him of you. The rain picked up and he held up his umbrella still reminiscing…he missed you. It hit him in that moment about what was happening…he missed you a lot and he'd been in denial. To think you'd be back someday, to visit your mutual friend, maybe he'd see you again~

Could it be fate's kindness or cruelty when he passed by his own flower shop on the familiar route back home and there you were peeking inside the glass door wondering if the shop was just closed or maybe someone was inside working. It was you and Hyungwon couldn't believe it. He saw how you noticed him and after squinting a little made an excited wave of hello. He didn't even know he was smiling as he waved back. He saw you close the gap between you two and his thoughts became a locked away hazy memory. You two got lost in pleasantries and asked each other about everything and anything. It came as even more of a surprise when you asked to bunk for a few days at his. He was trying to hide the redness in his cheeks recalling the last time you'd been at his place. Your eyes were anywhere but meeting his knowing this truth and his gaze softened as he said, 'you can stay as long as you want~'

'what if i stay forever?' you had asked back playfully only making his heart skip tiny little beats.

The weather hadn't changed in the coming days keeping most places closed down including his shop so he stayed most of the time in his in house workshop and you loved watching him work if you were honest. He was so meticulous and gentle with the flowers caring for them and nourishing them.

In the coming days he had taken you to a little art exhibition, it was like nothing you had experienced though, it was different from big city exhibits. Close knit town people only and everyone was acquainted with everyone and you were a new face everyone recognized now as Hyungwon's special little friend, his date for the night. His arm stayed around you and you stayed close to him at all times, out of nothing but pure endearment if anything. There were so many small moments where it felt like time had converged, a deja vu of seeing him stand before a painting probed your mind. Or the time his fingers caressed the inside of your palms when he held your hands, how they traced your knuckles, it all felt familiar yet anew.

When you two had returned home and were still in your fancy dresses he had offered to teach you how to dance when you had mentioned you were worried about stepping on his toes. But somehow the rhythm came naturally, as you two swayed lightly just sharing silence together. When the song hit the crescendo and then started to fade off it felt like a cue as Hyungwon without hesitation leaned down to kiss you. Hands gently holding your face, how did he find gentleness in him, he was surprised himself. Was it not common when you two were alone you had wanted to just make passionate love like in the movies but in person the calmness consumed you so staggeringly that it felt unreal, ethereal and very foreign.

If you had thought your first time had been an intense emotion, this time was a different kind of intense. You had missed the smell of his perfume as you fell back on the soft sheets holding him close. Your fingers tracing slowly the ridges of his spine, then the broadness of his shoulders while his lips caressed your ever exposed silver of a skin. Your gentle slow makeouts had lasted longer than expected, restraining yourselves from pleasure as if wanting to keep extending this moment. But when he did make love to you it was always intense in its own way, in 'his' own way. While yours was subtle and restrained as if scared of showing so much of yourself, ..and scared of being shunned away.

You could hear the rain pick up as you lay in your post bliss moment looking out the tinted windows. He joined you a moment later, getting comfortable in the warmth of the sheets, close to you and you two couldn't stop flirting even now. He had brought up how you had said 'you would stay forever' and you smiled softly like 'do you want me to?' and hyungwon wanted to say something witty back but he held back and instead asked, 'would you stay with me forever if i asked you right now? no make believe..for real?' His face was serious but tender nonetheless as if he'd spoken his thoughts out loud. 'I'll stay for as long as you want and leave whenever your heart desires' you had replied back, melancholy lacing your words. He knew there was a ring of truth to your reply, 'if I can help it…it won't happen.' you only smiled brushing his hair away from his face, his eyes always felt like they could see into your soul. He didn't want either of you to over think if silence prevailed and so his lips found yours again this time uttering the dreaded three words.

'i love you~'

the same three words were whispered back in between kisses at him. You two made love till your heart's content that evening when the rain was particularly heavy as if mirroring your emotions.

Only when the weather changed a little it felt like it brought reality back with it yet you two couldn't break your trance. It was love for sure yet there was fear of this infatuation ending, of this honeymoon phase to wither away. The question always remained in both of your minds. The fear alone always somehow made you two make the most of it and so far nothing had happened. There was honesty in confessing the fears as you two leaned by the pier. 'Will you keep coming back to this town?' he had asked one day looking onwards at the sea, 'I want to,' You had replied, 'Besides as long as I have something to come home to, I'll always come back.' Hyungwon held out his hand wordlessly for you to take and you did, they were warm and comforting. 'I hope you never find a reason to stop coming.' Like a cupid's bow making seams of his name and his love in your heart, you found your reason, a single reason, to come back to.

mood song: fourth of july by sufjan stevens

[monstaxardeur]

Warnings: Existential crisis?

You'd been staring out the window lying on the floor for what seemed like ages, it had hardly been fifteen minutes that Changkyun had gone to fetch some snacks. You were glad it was dark, you welcomed it to hide away. You had called him suddenly asking if his beach house was still available to just visit and you were lucky enough that he was free to accompany you. He came in finally, music faintly emanating from his phone. He lay down with you, your heads side by side but both lying facing opposite sides. Words weren't needed right away, it was enough to tell you needed space to just be.

"It would sure be nice to not exist you know." You sighed out with a soft chuckle after a while. You really just expected a casual nonchalant 'yeah' in agreement to such statements. That's how you had always responded anyway. "No, I'd want a little you to exist in the world actually." He replied and you turned to face him and felt your heartbeat in your ears. If it wasn't so dark you were sure he could see your cheeks flushed, especially with the way he looked back at you with that heavy gaze. You had paused but then asked looking away, "Don't you think it's a little I don't know, self...indulgent? To expect someone to live in this messed up world for your happiness?" You asked knowing well these were heavy questions to be thrown at someone like that. "Oh you mean I'm selfish? Maybe." He retorted back and you chuckled, not confirming or denying that 'selfish' was indeed the right word. Before the silence after that prolonged, you spoke, "It's nice to be someone's selfish reason to exist. I haven't experienced that…" You trailed. "That's not true though, you have a lovely bunch of people who love you, friends and family, found family alike." he reminded you softly. "I mean yeah I know but- okay I take it back. What I meant was.." and you hesitated before continuing. "It's nice to be someone's selfish reason to exist...someone who I'm really fond of." You could feel him look at you when you said that and you just stared blankly at the dark ceiling and then the sky out the window. Before you knew it, your heart sank, the existential dread had eaten you alive and even confessing this was dragging your soul through thorns. Tears pricked at your eyes and profusely started escaping. You felt him shift and sit up to palm the side of your face but you felt so embarrassed you hid your face with your arms. "I'm sorry..so sorry." You mumbled softly at him, while your mind kept repeating, 'i want to disappear right now.'

"Hey look at me babe." He urged you to show your face but you would just shake your head. He was strong and placed his arms to hold you and drag you gently to sit up so he was holding you in an embrace from the back. He got really close and intimate, really held you in place with his chin resting on your shoulder. He slowly took your hands in his and intertwined them so you weren't hiding anymore. It was as if he knew what you had just been thinking that he said, "Well let me disappear with you then, if that's what you want. You won't leave me in this fucked up world alone right?" You gently nodded and he exclaimed then with a slightly playful tone. "Did you just agree! Oh my gosh you want me dead!" He faked a loud gasp holding you closer and the hint of laughter was visible in his voice. You couldn't help but eventually laugh along lightly and also protested, "Nooo that's not what I meant and you know it!" He nuzzled the side of your face in response and made you face him, genuinely adoring your crying face and how soft you looked because you chose to be vulnerable to him, he appreciated that. He planted a firm kiss to the side of your head and he heard you whisper, 'i love you', as if hoping he wouldn't hear it. You two had been everything but still, you never had the courage to openly confess that you loved him. But he knew and always returned all the love he could give you.

moodsong: k. by cigarettes after sex

[monstaxardeur]

Warnings: None

The raindrops pattered fast blurring your vision, the weather was a strange and lovely shade of gray, how odd for gray to be a lovely hue at all. Your hoodie’s drawstrings were pulled and bunched up making you look like a cute egg if anything. You looked back and forth but you seemed to have lost him. Cars whizzed by as you felt the faint music play from your earphones which was immediately drowned out by another thunder roar. You flinched and felt a sudden yank, a familiar grip on your wrists and heard a laugh that had warmed your heart every time. You smiled and ran behind as Changkyun led you by the hand through the rain and busy streets, both high on adrenaline and serotonin. Running through the familiar places you two first met, passing by that favorite thrift store and past the underground pub you and your friends often met after hours. The memories flashed before you and you kept running along wondering where he was taking you, but after a few familiar turns you realized you two were just headed back to your home but through the back route. “I don’t have the back door keys!” You exclaimed following behind as somewhere down the road he left your hand and you had trouble keeping up. Among the cozy looking house streets, with rain making all the greenery smell and look like a new painting, you paused, catching your breath and then noticed him climb over your back fence. “Kyunni what in the world are you doing? Hey, wait for me!” You caught up to him and used the leaning tree’s branches as leverage to hop over as well. You were sure there were scraps and bruises you’d find later. “Come lie down.” he spoke as you saw him lie on the floor of the porch as the rain poured down. You quickly took a picture of him because he looked so silly and cute, your pet cat witnessed you both from the window and literally judged the heck out of you two. Pulling away your hoodie you lay down as well and you realized why he loved doing this, you were blinded by the drops, the feeling was making you all giddy, you could barely speak through it. Occasional thunderstorms would keep roaring and he held your hand as if reminding you he’s there, you don’t need to be scared. Fingers weaved and you turned to see how serene he looked, he’d managed to bring the kid out in you from an old soul like yourself. Your gaze softened, not wanting to lose this feeling, this relationship ever and for once you were glad the rain was heavy, he wouldn’t notice your tears. Confused tears of joy and fear of loss, you closed your eyes and let yourself be immersed in the feeling, all the while grounding yourself to reality by his hand that you held, slowly clasping it more. He raised your knuckles to his lips and your eyes shot open to look at him, he wasn’t looking your way, eyes closed, feeling the rain but you could hear him speak. “Stay, always..please.” His face finally turned to you and your heart almost leapt out of its cage, a red blush creeping on your cheeks. “I love you too.” he spoke softly and you could have sworn you felt your heart explode much like the thunder, you felt a rush of emotions. “You knew….” You voiced, not sure if it was a question or a statement. He smiled a little smugly, “You’re too fuckin’ obvious.” he looked away and sighed with a pout, “It’s slowing down, the rain.” You were still letting it sink in, what had just happened, you didn’t hear what he was saying next until he got on his feet and crouched over you waving his hand over, “Hey babe.” he focused your attention and you felt embarrassed all of a sudden, sitting up and looking away. You only heard him chuckle and give you a swift kiss on your cheek before heading inside. “Don’t stay out too long, you’ll catch a cold.” he spoke and you hurried inside after him.

The rain had finally slowed down to an eventual drizzle, both of yours wet clothes were lying in the lounge under a fan. The view from outside the porch still looked really serene as you looked on with your hands warming up to the hot coco mug he had made you two, he even added heart shaped marshmallows. He was such a romantic that it made your heart flutter each time, you welcomed this new found love in and let your walls down because he made it so easy to be comfortable in such a scary emotion as you perceived otherwise. Instead of sitting across you, he sat by your side, his hand sliding around your waist and scooted you closer with his chin on your shoulder as you handed him his mug. The rain outside was almost over but the tv in front of you forecasted for more rain at night. “Stay over? Until the rain stops?” You asked him softly, “Alright.” was all he replied softly with a smile. “I’ll protect you from the thunder.” he joked, making you both smile like two silly beans in love.

mood song: blame me by monsta x

prior: aurora by onewe