So I just read chapter 4 First off great update! I hope everyone on the team is doing well.
Just one gripe with probably my least favorite character in the book, Mrs. Anderson.
So my gripe would be for reuiniting with Mrs. Anderson. Now I get that the pacing issues in chapter 2 and 3 will be addressed post-open demo, but currently if you're playing a grumpy mc, telling her off is extremely unsatisfying. She takes no responsibility, she doesn't attempt to apologize, just "you're mean to me! >:(" I understand the too much positivity issue, but if you're getting into fights and showing obvious signs of depression, ptsd, and anxiety from being literally ripped from your home. You'd think she'd at the very least try to be more gentle about the MCs rage even later in the week.
To make this a bit of a criticism sandwich I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how Larry and Co is handled, ESPECIALLY if you're a grumpy MC. The "Quiet...yeah I can do quiet..." sentence literally made me gaffaw. I love this himbo so dang much. Every scene with Larry is pure *chef kiss*
Hi there! Bird here!!!
Spoiling this under “read more” for more on Mrs. Anderson and CH 4 for those who have not read it yet!
Mrs. Anderson is definitely written in that sort of way!
It definitely comes from a post I have written before, talking about Moonspot in general, which you can find right here! Where it talks about how sometimes, too much positivity is a bad thing.
And in this case, you can definitely see it in Mrs. Anderson, and you can really see it in this chapter. Where upon now, MC views Mrs. Anderson as a brick wall who won’t definitely listen to them, and dismisses them the MOST on their issues. She’s the first person MC ever sees in the supernatural society, and is the first to say MC isn’t human, denies being related to a human, and pushes away anything MC say that is the truth and their problems.
Being introduced to such a person like that, to someone who just shoves you into something without any warning and hesitation... that’ll cause some panic.
But again... too much positivity is a bad thing.
I wish I could share more about Mrs. Anderson, but I wish not to spoil too much on the future chapters!
It’s great that you also enjoy Larry and the others! Truly are a loveable trio.
Maybe kind of spoilery I don't know, but if the MC is obviously distressed about being kidnapped why doesn't anyone focus on explaining things and giving them time to adjust? Like it goes from fighting your kidnapper to being forced to go to college overnight and I kinda...just don't know what they expected? Thankfully most MCs aren't way more vengeful, but how could they not expect them to be at the very least severely depressed at having their entire life taken away from them in a day and then expect them to not act out or plot an escape? Like I get the MCs experience is somewhat unique in their eyes, but even for your average monster that seems cruel to expect them to be fine overnight.
Bird here!
This is a little spoilery, so it’ll be in the “keep reading”. But, it does contain some lore and info on Moonspot Maine.
Moonspot was created as a safe haven from humans. When it was first created, monsters fled there quickly to be hidden from the human race. But the rush came in so fast, majority of creatures that were in North America, were already in Moonspot.
After that, there were still some who didn’t know of Moonspot but still in hiding, so hence the creation of finding those still out there to bring them to Moonspot. And in those days, the creatures that were found were grateful and overjoyed on the fact there was a safe haven.
Sounds like a pretty positive thing, right?
So for a long time, everyone who came to Moonspot, is very happy. Because a place to hide away from humans safely? Well, that’s so cool!!! So the mentality of “everyone who comes here will be happy” basically stuck. And even if some people were hesitant and sad to leave the human world, couldn’t say much. “Humans are bad! They’ll kill us! Why would you go back?” Kind of response.
So that mentality still followed when MC came in. Like, “Look at them! They’re now safe. They should be happy!! Why should they be upset?”
Sometimes, too much of a positive attitude, can be a bad thing...
Hey yeah I was the anon for the too much positivity response and the anti Mrs. Anderson ask. I guess my growing concern is outside of a few exceptions the monsters are basically acting like monsters in the sense that I view them and their society as unequivocally the bad guy for what they're doing to the MC. I don't view the end of chapter 4 as a big bad hint, I view them as a savior. Which rubs me the wrong way, because I want to like Moonspot and Co. I understand that it is probably just a me problem and that this criticism is moving away from constructive (spelling, plot holes, etc.) and moving toward subjective. Good luck with the rest of the project!
Writer Bird here!
I wont spoil too much, but in future chapters, you would form your own opinion on who essentially is “bad” and “good”. I can’t say who you would form these opinions on, but that’s just my little tip for now!
There is definitely more to come, and going to be more edits to the demo before we move on to the rest of the story, which won’t be available until it’s all finished for beta testing.
