#morticianboy

[heytutorialheads]

I also have those stripedy pants. I suggest we do a twin photoshoot one day

YES PLEASE 

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morticianboy replied to your photo: “For those that are interested in this sort of thing, the contents of...”:

Now I know the secrets!!

NO U CANNOT KNOW MY WEAKNESSES

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@morticianboy and I spoke for the first time today. this was by far the best thing said:

you know what really grinds ma gears, man? anime porn faces and SEBASTIAN VAEL.

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Modern Marian 

[obi-wans-butt]

Ahsoka isn't the easiest character to cosplay ever. I think you do a great job in making her, especially for a first cosplay!' try not to let anyone get to you. There are tons of mean anons in this world but they aren't worth the time. Keep on doing Star Wars cosplay proud

It is very difficult not to let them get to me, but I am sticking with it! 

Thank you so much! <33

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my visit to the psychiatrist went wonderfully. not.

I have generalised anxiety disorder (which I already FUCKING KNOW, I was diagnosed with that over a year ago and received CBT for it).

I am 'confused about my sexuality'. I replied, with no small amount of venom, that I've always known I liked men and women.

I am too young for a PD diagnosis, and living such a comfortable life that nothing can possibly be wrong with me, despite the fact that I told him about the abuse I got when I was in school and the troubles with my mum, which he ignored in favour of blaming my confused sexual identity.

- 'How can you know you are attracted to men if you've never had sex with one? You don't have a boyfriend right now? You don't have a boyfriend? Okay you don't have a boyfriend? And you had a girlfriend? Is she the only partner you've ever had? You've never had any other partners? So, your girlfriend, were you really attracted to her? Right. She never encouraged you to self harm, did she? She never taught you these ideas? You're single? You're single at the moment? Okay. Yeah, and you're single? How's your sex drive?' (I say it's very erratic) 'You can't monitor your sex drive, you don't have a partner!' (I explain that it changes by the hour with me) 'With most people it goes up and down on a weekly basis, what you're describing isn't normal.' 

'Your GP referred you to me 'urgently', she was very concerned about you. She said you were going to take your own life?' 

'No, I had suicidal urges.' 

'And how often does that happen?'

'Too often', I say. At this point I'm thinking, did you even fucking read my file??

I got all the usual questions after this point: Do you hear voices, do you hear noises, do you see things, are you scared of other people hearing your thoughts, are you worried people can control your thoughts with devices, what are you paranoid about and tell me about your childhood. 

'I'm going to give you a blood test next month'. 

'Good luck getting it from me, I say'

'Why do you say that?' 

'It never works. They tried the needles in my hands, everything. You'd be better off just nicking me and taking the blood from the cut.'  

He hmmmmm's thoughtfully.

'Do you take any drugs or medication?'

'I take St. John's Wort.'

'And who told you about that? Do you even know what it does?? Why do you take it?' 

'It manages anxiety', I say.

'Goooood! Now I want you to stop taking it, because we're going to give you a trial on prozac. Do you know anything about that?'

'No, not really.' He gives me a technical explanation, followed by a condescending tradesman's one.

'I want you to stop taking the St. John's Wort because-'

'Serotonin syndrome. I know. That's why I waited after stopping the 5-HTP before starting it.' He looked at me as if I had literally taken a shit on his desk. Then he asked me if I had any questions, and told me to write down all my symptoms and any more questions I can think of for him the next time. 'Why are you such an ass' comes to mind. 

I got very upset in there, I was glad to leave. There were other things we talked about but nothing very relevant. 

I started crying after we left, and didn't really stop until about 4 hours later. 

When I got home, mum didn't offer me a hug or one word of sympathy, she just took the food we brought back for her and started eating. She asked me questions and I answered them. She said she doesn't want me taking prozac. Then she started talking about her friend's husband's hip operation, ignoring me completely. I went back to the truck to get the boxes and when I came back in I was trying to hide the fact that I was crying.

She whispers to Dad while I'm in the bathroom 'why is she taking this out on me?' then I hear her yell 'WHY AM I ALWAYS THE BAD ONE' right outside the door. 

I come out and she's gone. Dad told me she said to him 'I don't want to deal with Nina and her problems anymore, she's on her own.' She also told him to 'man up and pick a fucking side.' I started howling; I just couldn't cope with it anymore, and Dad hugged me. He's really upset too, and he said this isn't about sides, and that none of it is my fault. 

This has been a wonderful day.

[heytutorialheads]

There is so much I could say about that Tails post.. so much ...

i literally know exactly what you were going to say and yes. that is exactly 100% what i was thinking as well. 

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The doctor says it’s BPD for sure after reading my assessment and that my own suspicions were correct. I have to wait two months, maybe more, to see the psychiatrist and get a piece of paper telling me so. There’s no therapy, group or otherwise available for me because the NHS don’t see the point in funding it in the Highlands. They don’t want to give me medication because there’s no guarantee it would work. So basically I haven’t got any way to get better - of course I can’t tell anybody because here the stigma around anything that isn’t the winter blues is immense - they automatically think of BPD on a level with psychotics and schizophrenics and assume you’re a murderer or something.

So I’m feeling pretty hopeless.