#mortifiedandawsome

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P!nk feat. Eminem - Here Comes The Weekend (Jyvhouse Extended Bass Remix)

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Having a daily hour by hour recap of a trauma uncontrollably for years while AWAKE, my dreams eventually began creating alternate universe scenarios where I had a chance to stop it or to rectify something ...this morning I returned from a world very similar to IRL, except for some bizarre fucking reason my subconscious ADDED A FICTIONAL DOG into the mix .

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"Just you and me today, huh!" cheerfully chirps the support team member who's been dicking around for 25 minutes, after the rush has quelled and other support about to come in.

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Oh God no. It didn't spoil anything personally for me but apparently I've liked something from a TV show that I don't watch and this "because you like it yeah take it take it right in the eyes" business tumblrs doing, showed me some blog I don't follow with an entire gif set of something that would be a very big spoiler. This fucking website.

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It's certainly not through my doing but I think my insomnia is lessing. I'm still not sleeping like I used to be able to but I'm getting more than 5 hours now. It's not 11:00 yet and I'm starting to get sleepy. That's a good thing.

Always been a night owl but this bout of insomnia has been annoying. It hasn't left me exhausted though. For a couple of years at a time immediately after work I would have to slumber, but not necessarily the entire night. That was also an annoying time.

I think a different combination of illnesses and stresses have receded, and perhaps I'm shifting back towards a better pattern. Slowly.

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The other day in a store my eye noticed somebody a distance away and it made my brain think about it and wonder if it was a acquaintance from ancient times. No, it certainly wasn't but they looked like they were. Which caused my brain to remember, oh yeah, you had completely forgotten about that person and you were entirely happy to.

So then, having remembered the person and the situations around them, I was a little cross because I was more than happy to forget about them. But then I realized I couldn't remember their name! So for two days my brain and my other brain would argue with each other, I was siding with the one that couldn't remember the name and we were very happy not to, the other part of my brain which I could not control kept piping up randomly suggesting names to see if they fit.

I was getting very upset and trying my best to distract it, eventually I did forget the exercise. Then yesterday for reasons 1,000% not at all about this, I happened across an email of almost equal ancient age, and the sender had the very same name, and with a shock of lightning myself and all of my brains instantly remembered the name.

Oh, how sad it is to have a moment of Peace ripped terribly out of your head forever again.

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Since forever:

(SCIENTISTS:) pollution will ruin our climate.

Now, people I’ve encountered, half the people who even NOTICE the chaos:

“This is looking like Satan is getting stronger!”

“They keep saying we need to save the environment, but it looks like the environment isn’t interested in saving us!”

“Jeez, it’s just like in THE BIBLE!”

“We lived in a nice generation! I mean we made sure we didn’t throw our garbage into the river!” (Implying only this generation pollutes)

(Talking about CLIMATE CHANGE): “and then they come here from some other country and don’t work A DAY and get all these BENEFITS! (80+ yrs old, thick german accent, living off dead spouse and govt)

“You can’t even tell what they ARE in that place!” (Srsly about a store in the middle of the weather discussion)

“Those solar farms down south!!!!” (Fury)

Me: (growing fourth lip in order to chew) (buying cyanide pills for myself on the dark web)

“First i heard of it! Climate change huh? Commies did it” (close but altered terminology)

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Where do you live that you rooster crows

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So late in the afternoon

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Feed it corn and put it in a barn

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What does it want to do

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I just need to check my account

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Maybe cocks’ in your yard

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Not that I’m complaining about work at home

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But why is this so hard

-ode to I have a simple question and you are the fifth person they sent me to since 10 am