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Kala Ingellvar in a Rodarte dress from FW23

Just a self-indulgent sketch for my birthday. I saw this dress and I had to put Kala in it! I'm definitely getting Morticia vibes here. I'll finish rendering this someday.

The reference is in the cut!

#oc: kala ingellvar #rook #rook ingellvar #mourn watcher #dragon age the veilguard #oc art #fashion #gothic fashion

Lucanis, Spite and Dissociation

I wanted to expand a little on my love for lucanis and spite, and how they're a beautiful representation of dissociation, for anyone who is unfamiliar with dissociative disorders, they are primarily caused by significant early childhood (usually before 6) trauma paired with unstable environments that results in your brain putting up blocks between different parts of itself. This happens because as children we are hard wired to believe that our caretakers and environments are safe, they have to be so that we can function and develop.

well when your caretakers and environments aren't safe, that causes significant conflict of your brain, and as result your brain responds by developing different parts that hold different memories and beliefs so that they can respond properly to the circumstances

the most common type of part is a protector part, and while most dissociated systems hold a multitude of parts, i believe Spite is meant to represent Lucanis's protector, Protector parts are the parts that develop typically to shelter other parts from abuse, and to protect the body and hold those memories so other parts can live unburdened.

I personally am diagnosed with osdd or other specified dissociative disorder, and i have seen my own personal journey with my protector part mirrored so perfectly in his journey that it made me cry!

when we recruit Lucanis we see that he has a clear dislike for Spite, as do most people with protector parts. This is because now that they are no longer in the traumatic situation, Spite and those coping mechanisms are a part of the trauma, much how protectors are developed during trauma.

once you are in a safe environment, their existence can feel like a burden in and of itself, especially when experiencing lost time, and reacting in ways that you know aren't appropriate. It truly can feel like you have been possessed against your will.

We can clearly see this sentiment in lucanis early on with his refusal to ever allowing spite to be co-conscious. Instead lucanis tries to simply internalize and ignore both spite and the trauma, this manifests in lucanis refusing to sleep, not allowing him to interact with the other companions, and in general denying spite a chance to live. Lucanis views spite as an enemy rather than a part of his healing.

this is is mirrored in real dissociative disorders by repressing protector parts, denying their anger and rage, and viewing them as a hinderence, rather than as a vital part that kept you alive.

in my eyes its heavily implied that in the ossuary spite was likely the one in the body, experiencing most of the torture, epecially considering the venatori were actively focusing on corrupting the demon further to force him to overtake lucanis. i think this is further confirmed by spite believing he is still in the ossuary, because that all he knows, theyre the only memories he carries, because since theyve been freed lucanis has been keeping him trapped in their head, stuck ruminating in those traumatic memories rather than being allowed to experience their new reality. They are living sperate lives in the same body

even spites voice is entirely different to lucanis in the beginning.

i think the fact that spite takes over when lucanis sleeps primarily also makes me think lucanis is likely experiencing traumatic nightmares reliving the ossuary, and triggering spite in thinking he needs to jump back into his role as protector, and that is his reason for overtaking and believing they need to escape again.

Throughout the series we never see spite doing anything other than trying to keep the two of them safe no matter how, even when he no longer needs to.

Lucanis believe that this makes him fundamentally unlovable because he believes he is not a whole person, he is a danger to himself and others, and he has become a burden, another very common sentiment amongst those with dissociative parts

he fears that acknowledging that spite is a part of him makes it all real, that there was a darkness in him to begin with if he's able to coexist with a demon, and that maybe he truly should just be executed

and so the fact rook and/or neve can see all of the ugly parts and still care for him and spite is jarring and cofusing for him, but its what inevitably leads him down the path to healing and what leads us to the inner demons quest, because if they can see and accept spite then maybe he can too

and that is what leads to both mine and my therapists favorite scene, the coffee date with spite, because that is what healing with a dissociative disorder really does look like, its teaching that protector part that you are no longer in a life or death situation, and that they are allowed to breathe and enjoy things and just exist.

for me that looked like learning how to rollerskate as an adult because the little demon inside me wanted to see of we could

for lucanis its teaching spite letting spite experience coffee and the cafe because thinking about it helped keep them both sane in the ossuary

after this we begin to see lucanis and spite being present at the same time, is dissociation this is referred to as co-consciousness, and its only possible when parts are working together. Lucanis is relaxing his hold on spite because he realizing he doesnt need to cage him any more, because spite doesn't feel like he needs to fight constantly to keep them alive

truly im heartbroken that we got very little interaction between spite and rook because i think we missed out on a lot of potential for rook to prove to spite that even the darker parts are lovable themselves, spite sacrificed so much of himself to keep lucanis safe and none of his pain there was explored really, and i wish we got to be more involved with spite first hand

LMAO this got so long winded nd im too tired to proof read and see if it makes any sense lmao, enjoy my stream of thoughts about my baby girls <3 @feaches i accidentally wrote a whole thesis for you so here you go, if you have any questions about dissociative disorders, and lucanis, or just on how they work in general feel free to ask, I think the media has done wild things to peoples perception of them so im always down to share my experience

#i didnt even touch on his relationship with caterina i could go on forever #lucanis dellamorte #spite dellamorte #rookanis #veilguard #mourn watcher #rook x lucanis #da spite #lucanis #spite dragon age #dav