#moving 2k18

[theemperorsfeather]

I was not super thrilled with my apartment being on the 2nd floor instead of ground level, but I have an east-facing and a west-facing window and so I get great sunset views (the glow in the east sky from the sunset is also lovely).

Didn’t have this in the last place. Compensates for not having a nice bird-attracting yard to entertain me.

[theemperorsfeather]

The sky here makes me happy. The clouds. The trees. OH the trees! Juniper and Ponderosa pine and others. The way the air smells. Rocky outcroppings in town, and other undisturbed areas where sagebrush and rabbitbrush and grasses grow wild.

Last night I had a dream in which I was visiting Portland, and the view of a building across the street left me so bereft I spent several minutes trying to find a place alone to sit down and cry.

The city here - I haven’t really warmed up to it, for the most part. There’s been no sense of homecoming or intense welcome from the city, though most of the people I’ve met have been pleasant and friendly, and I’ve found a number of things are far more convenient than I’d feared they be. Still, I’m not really feeling it. But I’m not here for the city.

[theemperorsfeather]

I have a deposit on an apartment, and a truck reservation - and 5 full days left in Portland.

[theemperorsfeather]

My dishwasher is gone, and the relief I feel is surprising: I have a full-sized one in the new place, so the countertop unit that served me so well here was no longer needed. I thought my chances of selling it in the 5 days I had here before leaving were small, but someone contacted me this evening and came and got it and now I have $$$ to blow on uhhh, I dunno, gas money and groceries?

[theemperorsfeather]

My mom called to chat and see what, if any, progress I’d made on the moving front, and was like “hey maybe you should email that one guy you talked with twice in that nonprofit in Bend” and “your aunt has a friend who owns some property there but she just rented out the one duplex and you probably couldn’t have afforded it anyway but maybe you could get her email anyway?” because “word of mouth is how people find places!” and I’m like “craigslist is a thing, that’s where the listings are, NO, placing an ad that I am looking for a place wouldn’t cost money but it would be a waste of my time why would a landlord call me when apartments rent so fast???” and now I am mulling over how aggravating I find it when I am reading a story and the protagonist has this one glaring flaw/hangup/whatever that is obviously getting in their way and oh my GOD they ought to just s t o p before they get wrecked and you know what.

I am aware, very very very aware, that asking for help is a thing I mostly don’t do. And asking specific individuals for help - when I don’t know them well - is a thing I basically do not, will not, HOW could you SUGGEST such a TERRIBLE THING?? hell fucking will not do this is inconceivably appalling and this has likely prevented me from getting advice/help on things in the past but I’d really rather suffer, or find other workarounds, than do that.

So I guess I should be more understanding of fictional protags with glaring character flaws is what I’m saying.

[theemperorsfeather]

Me: The kitchen is packed, except those 2 very specific boxes!!

Silverware drawer: *clears throat*

[theemperorsfeather]

I’ve spent a total of almost 9* years of my life in Portland. The first 4 years were in the mid-90s, so coming back here and turning on the altrock radio station during the occasional car ride was a real trip.

So today I am grateful that other people have put together 90s Alternative playlists, because it seems like the right soundtrack while I’m packing and saying some final goodbyes.

I’ve never left a city I loved for another place I loved - it was always “Meh” moves or sometimes “I have to gtfo” or “why gods must I leave and go to that.”

*(I’m sure there’s nothing suspicious in that number, anyway it’s not exactly 9, I am about 3 months short)

[theemperorsfeather]

Other things seem to be wrapping up, or something, without me trying:

I’ve run into 2 people associated with groups I was intensely involved with here, both having to do with land work, just, completely coincidentally. And I mean: “coincidentally.”

The first one just struck me as a nice bit of timing, but after the 2nd one (tonight),this has the feel of . . . something. IDK. Gods meddling, wyrd, who even knows, but in both cases I was out doing something for the last time while I live here, and . . . here they were.

I don’t know if there’s a message in it, or a purpose, or if it’s just one of those things that happens when all the pieces are lined up.