1832 Nov., Wed. 7
6 55/..
11
Fine frosty morning Fahrenheit 48º at 7 a.m. – Settling what remained for me to pay Miss W– [Walker], expenses of our journey to and expenses at York – It seems the balance against me is only 5/8 pounds/shillings – Breakfast at 8 20/60 with my father – Told him a good deal of what had passed with Holt last night –
Off to Lidgate at 8 55/.. – There in 1/2 hour – Miss W– [Walker] detained by Hinscliffe and 1 thing or other for about 1/2 hour – Then sat talking till Mrs. William Priestley called for 1/4 hour – Then about 1 came my father and Marian and on their saying Wilson and his man were in the library passage. I set off home to see what they were about and got home at 1 1/2 –
Miss W[alker] nervous in tears perpetually. I told her my plan of introducing her in York where she might be very comfortable and mentioned Miss Crompton to whom I would more particularly recommend her. She seemed much affected at this. We then got on the subject of my going abroad and not corresponding. Reasoned her into believing me right.
Then spoke of Mr. Ainsley. She was very nervo[u]s. At last from little to more it came out that if she married him, it would be from duty. I pressed for explanation, and discovered that she felt bound to him by some indiscretion. He had taught her to kiss, but they had never gone so far as she and I had done. He had express pathetic sorrow, but was annoyed at the business with Mr. Fraser, and she did not know whether she should have been happy with Mr. F[raser].
On Mr. A[insworth]’s account, my indignation rose against the parson. I reasoned her out of all feeling of duty or obligation towards a man who had taken such base advantage. She said there was now no other obstacle between us, and she should be happier with me. Cliff hill would now separate us.
I asked if she was sure of this. Yes quite. Well then. I consider half an hour and decide. In half the time, she asked if I would take her and gave me her word, and yes, and hoped I should find her faithful and constant to me. Thus, in a moment I thought not of was I accepted and the matter settled.
I kissed her, and this had hardly passed before Mrs. P[riestley] came. Miss W[alker] just went upstairs and gave me the purse and yes in it before she went down to my fathe[r] and sister who could little dream what had happened. I promised to breakfast with Miss W– [Walker] tomorrow but on my return home determined to sleep at Lidgate tonight –
Met Mr. Parker in returning going about Hinscliffe’s coal lease – Some time with Wilson in the library passage – In about an hour wrote 3 pp pages and ends to M– [Mariana] (having sent off note to Mr. Jeremiah Rawson by Cordingley) to say I was right as to the prices of the coal leases,
“but it is not my intention at present to be entirely guided by these. For as I told you on Friday, you will find me rather worse to bargain with than you would have done the 1st time you called here on the subject in question – I am, Sir, etc. etc. A Lister” –
A week today since receiving her letter – Scarce knew why I had let remain by me so long unanswered, certainly not from any want of affectionate remembrance –
“I have thought of you much, and often wished you were at my elbow – Had it been possible for you to spend another day or 2 with me here before my having England, I should have been glad on many accounts –
Maise ala ne se pent pas? – If you are to leave Lawton is not Leamington next best? Thank you, Mary, for this so kind wish to see me there – I shall hope to contrive it, as I see no prospect of being able to get off from here before the middle of January – Even then I must be more or less dependent upon my aunt, and circumstances; Yet I hope and think to be off by that time – I have been here almost long enough” –
Then about Eugenie – My aunts and Marian’s suspicion Mrs. Herbert had not really wrote the letter – But I had got over that and said what I had written in substance – Have given Mrs. N– [Norcliffe] no answer, but fear I shall not have much time to spare for Bath –
“My friend was much pleased with your brother” hope he will be of service to her – She has plenty of faith in him – Was going on admirably well till the afflicting news of the sudden death of her most particular friend – Hope she is beginning to get over it and will be recovering again under Steph’s care –
“You always tell me how much better you think Mr. L– [Lawton]. Really he ought to be congratulated on having taken a new lease of life – I am rejoiced at your having ridden a good deal, and only hope to see you looking and being well enough and keep pace with Mr. L– [Lawton]”
It was thro’ inadvertance did not tell her ‘my friend and I only proposed staying 2 or 3 days in York’ and then returning straight home – Observations on M– [Mariana]’s observation of Burnett not quite to suit me now –
“Surely she could keep house for me – But Mary, it is not my intention to trust this matter to any servant if I can help it – Surely heaven in its mercy had something in store for me better than this! Do not be long in writing – I would rather hear from you, if but a few lines –
Tho’ I have felt bound to remember all you said to me at Lawton in May, yet for twenty years your health and happiness have been the dearest objects of my life, and I am always, Mary, very entirely and especially yours AL–”
Had just written so far at 5 20/.. – Sealed and left for John to take to the post tonight my letter to M– [Mariana] (Lawton hall Lawton Cheshire) and dinner at 5 1/2 – Aunt sitting by me –
Off to Lidgate in 25 minutes and there in 25 minutes at 6 20/.. – Miss W– [Walker] surprised but very glad to see me – She was getting low and nervous, and wavering as to whether she had done right, that I was rejoiced to have gone to her.
She had been near sending off James with packet she had had from Mr. Ainsworth. Half a dozen pages to be returned of canting told detail of particulars of the last day of Mrs. A[insworth]’s life (how she had taken dripping and pills to one poor woman and gone to thank another for cooking them a dinner, ridiculous stuff).
A proper letter that anyone might see, and one page of half sheet note marked private, reminding her of being his affectionate Annie. I remarked that this last expression was what he could only have used to a woman who had gone all lengths for him. He had said too, that she was the only one he could "rest upon" and that he should send her the “drawing room scrapbook.”
I commented pretty severely on all this, and she seemed indignant. She had concluded her note written on Monday with my emendation, but dated today "gratefully and very truly yours." I made her write it over again merely to leave out the gratefully, and then dating Wednesday evening.
Say she had just received his packet, had read the detail of the last day of her friends life with deep interest and returned the detail according to his desire. Was much obliged by his offer of the scrapbook, but positively declined accepting it – She seemed satisfied.
We talked and got on very well. Had had tea in at eight. Went upstairs at 10 3/4 – Miss W– [Walker] poorly this evening – Complained much of the back of her neck – Had it rubbed with Mr. Day’s ointment. Fir[s]t time when she was to sleep with me. I did not smell the turpentine of it much – Fine day –
