Knox just then realized how exhausted Charlie looked. His eyes were sunken in and underlined by deep black bags, his skin was paler than usual, his hair wasn’t styled, but it went beyond his appearance. Charlie hadn’t been making as many sarcastic remarks, he hadn’t been arguing with Cameron every chance he got, he hadn’t been teasing Neil and Todd when they were being too lovey-dovey. Charlie wasn’t being Charlie. Knox felt the guilt gnawing at his heart. How had he not noticed that his best friend was acting like a totally different person? His attention to the boy was snapped when he heard the group start to get up and get ready to leave the cave. He followed suit, keeping an eye on Charlie and watching the way he lethargically got his coat on and picked up his stuff. As soon as they left the cave, Knox ran up to Neil.
“Hey Neil, you’ve noticed how off Charlie’s been recently right?”
Neil glanced behind him at Charlie, his expression saddening when he saw his tired form.
“Yeah, I tried talking to him about it, he won’t budge though.”
Knox glanced at Charlie from the corner of his eye. He was walking a few paces behind the rest of the group, head hung downwards.
“I’m gonna stay behind with him and talk to him, okay? Don’t wait up, we know the way back.”
“Okay… Knox, don’t press him too hard, okay? Talking about his feelings and his problems has always been scary for him.”
“Don’t worry Neil, I won’t do anything to hurt him, I never would.”
Neil gave him a knowing look before nodding and jogging to catch up with Todd. Knox stayed where he was and waited for Charlie to reach him, walking beside him when he did. He watched him for a minute, wondering if he would speak first, but he was clearly lost in his own little world.
Charlie snapped his gaze up to meet Knox’s, taking a second to process what he had asked before giving him a weak smile.
“Yeah, I’m all good Knoxious.”
“Charlie, come on, I know you better than that. You’re lying to me”
His shoulders went stiff.
Knox looked at him for a minute before sighing and looking up ahead at the group.
“Look, I know talking about your issues is hard for you, I get it, but you need help like the rest of us, if you ever need to talk-“
“Knox, I said I’m fine! Fucking drop it!”
Knox bit his tongue to refrain from snapping back at him, settling on nodding instead. He didn’t leave his side, he didn’t even think about it.
“Okay. We’re gonna talk when we get back to campus, Cameron is gone for the rest of the week anyway.”
“No, it’s obvious that something is seriously hurting you and I’m not gonna stand by and watch you get worse and worse. We’ll talk when we get back.”
Charlie went quiet, not arguing any further. He knew Knox, and he knew he wouldn’t give up on this until he got his answers. Charlie may have acted angry and yelled at him, but god, he was so grateful that Knox cared as much as he did. Charlie quickly got absorbed into his own world again, the words of his father from winter break ringing in his ears and jumbling with all his other negative thoughts, but he was pulled out by the feeling of Knox grabbing his hand and interlacing their fingers. Charlie looked down at their joined hands before looking up at Knox, who had his eyes ahead towards the school. Charlie stared at him in awe for a second before smiling softly and looking back down at the ground, subconsciously squeezing his hand slightly, smiling again when he felt Knox squeeze back. Charlie had always been physically affectionate with all of his friends, especially Knox because of his feelings towards him, but none of his friends except Neil ever went out of their way to be physically affectionate back. It meant the world to him.
After about 15 minutes of walking, the group reached the school. Knox and Charlie still hung back a few paces, their hands never leaving each other’s, not even when Neil turned back and saw it, giving them both a knowing smile before turning back and saying goodnight to the rest of the group. Knox and Charlie walked down the hall to the dorms, and as they grew closer to Charlie’s room he could feel his nerves growing. He hated talking about his problems, he felt like such a burden doing it. Charlie dropped Knox’s hand reluctantly when they reached the room and sat down on the edge of his bed, taking his coat and shoes off and watching as Knox did the same.
“Knox, I’m okay, you don’t have-“
“Charlie, please, I’m worried about you, I just want to help.”
Knox sat next to Charlie who never met his eyes, keeping them glued to the floor instead. Knox took the chance to really examine him. His eyes were dull, the usual spark of mischief that danced in them gone. His eyes were underlined in deep purple bags. His skin was a shade lighter than normal, he just looked exhausted. Knox felt anger boil in his chest at who or whatever had made him feel like this.
“When was the last time you slept, Charlie”
“Jesus Charlie! Seriously?”
“It’s not like I wanted to be up all night!”
“And the last time you ate?”
Charlie moved away and sat against his headboard instead, pulling his knees up to his chest.
“What’s going on with you?”
“Knox, I really don’t want to talk about this-“
“Why not? I’m your best friend, I just want to help you”
Charlie snapped. He couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t bottle this up anymore. As much as he wanted to, it was getting painful, he couldn’t take it.
“Because I’m supposed to be the strong one! I’m supposed to be the one people talk to about their problems, I’m who the group turns to when they have issues! I can’t bother you guys with mine when you have so many of your own!”
He could feel tears pooling up in his eyes. He furiously rubbed them with his hand, desperate not to cry in front of anybody, especially not Knox.
“I don’t want to face my own problems! I don’t want them to be real.”
The way Charlie’s voice dropped and broke as he spoke the last sentence shattered Knox’s heart.
“Charlie, we’re your friends, we appreciate all that you do for us, but we love you, we care about you. You need help too.”
“But I shouldn’t! I’m supposed to be able to just push this all away and ignore it”
“No, no you’re not, no one expects that of you. Talk to me, Char, tell me whatever it is you need to get off your chest, let me help you. You may think you’re supposed to be the strong one, but even the strongest hero’s need backup sometimes.”
Charlie held Knox’s stare for a minute. He felt a tear slip down his face, then other, and suddenly he was sobbing like a little kid. Knox quickly pulled him closer, holding him as securely as he could. Charlie buried his face in his shoulder, arms wrapping desperately around Knox as he sobbed.
“I just-I don't know what’s wrong with me. There-there isn't anything happening, everything been-been going great and I’m just- shit I’m just so sad Knox and I hate it, it hurts”
Knox tightened his grip and rested his head against Charlie’s.
“I know it does Char. You don’t always have to have a reason to be sad, you know. Whether or not there is a reason it’s still real, you’re hurting and it’s okay to hurt”
“I don’t want to anymore, I want-I want it to stop, I want to be happy”
“It’s okay, Char, it’ll be okay, I promise. This isn’t permanent, I promise.”
After about 15 minutes of Charlie crying and letting his feelings and thoughts out, he finally started to calm down. He squeezed Knox once more as a silent thank you before pulling away from the hug, wiping his eyes harshly.
“‘M sorry about all that…”
Knox frowned and grabbed Charlie’s hand, holding it tightly in his own.
“Don’t apologize, Charlie. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“No, no buts. I’m here for you, that’s what friends do, they listen to each other and help each other. No apologizing needed.”
Charlie went to reply, but was cut off by an abrupt yawn. Knox looked at him carefully, noticing how tired and worn out he looked.
“You look exhausted, Char. You need to sleep.”
Charlie didn’t have the energy to argue, so he simply nodded.
“Do you want to sleep alone? Might be nice to have the room to yourself since Cameron’s back home for spring break.”
“Actually do you think you could- do you think you could stay in here with me?”
He looked up at Knox with an unfamiliar timid look. Knox offered him a warm smile.
“Yeah, if that’s what you want. I’m gonna go grab my pajamas okay?”
Charlie hummed softly in response, standing up to change into his own pajamas. His movements were slow and lethargic, his lack of sleep and food catching up to him. Knox stared at him for a second, a soft sigh leaving his mouth before he turned and left the room. He came back a minute later in his pajamas, knocking on the door to make sure Charlie was decent. He heard a tired groan in response. He opened the door with a giggle, his eyes quickly landing on Charlie’s tired figure now wrapped up in the blankets.
“Jesus, Charlie… don’t ever go that long without sleep again, okay? That can seriously hurt you-“
“You’re starting to sound like Cameron.”
Knox gasped and placed his hand on his heart in mock-offense.
Charlie tiredly giggled, and Knox swore his heart melted right then and there. He shook his head and started making a place for himself to sleep on the floor. Charlie sat up and looked at him, cocking one of his eyebrows up at him.
“I figured Cameron wouldn’t be too happy about me crashing in his bed, so I’m taking the floor?”
“No, absolutely not, come here”
Charlie lifted up the blanket he was engulfed in, ushering for Knox to join him.
“Charlie, I really don’t mind, you need the sleep-“
“How do you know I won’t sleep better with you up here? Come on, I’m cold”
Charlie prayed that he came off confident and sure of himself as he spoke, his nerves over what he said eating him up inside. Knox felt his brain freeze for a second as he processed what Charlie said, but he ignored it, huffing and crawling into bed next to him.
“You’re a stubborn son of a bitch, you know that?”
“So I’ve been told, doesn’t seem to be scaring you off though”
Knox swallowed his nerves and wrapped an arm around Charlie, pulling him closer to him. Charlie quickly melted into the touch, to sleep deprived to question himself before doing so. He yawned again and wrapped his arms around Knox’s waist, resting his head on Knox’s shoulder happily. Knox couldn’t help but smile as his face flushed red.
“Thank you, Knox. For everything”
“Anytime, Charlie. I’m always gonna be here for you, no matter what, okay?”
“Mhm… goodnight Knoxious”
Within minutes Knox could hear Charlie’s breathing even out and felt him relax completely against him, sleep quickly taking over his exhausted brain. Knox smiled again, reaching over and grabbing his phone. He snapped a quick photo of Charlie curled up against his side. He stared in awe at the photo for a minute, finding the moment hard to believe before he sent it to Neil.
He’s okay, he got what he needed off his chest and is now out like a light.
Lol, I’m glad. You two are great for each other, you know.
Knox felt his stomach do flips at that text, a huge smile spreading across his face
Thanks, Neil, but I didn’t mean it like that. No romance here
Hey, I didn’t say anything about romance. Someone has a guilty conscience
Seriously though, you two obviously like each other, why not just make a move?
Knox sighed, contemplating it himself for a moment. As much as he tried to deny it, he loved Charlie, and he had been told by all of his friends that Charlie definitely felt the same, what’s stopping him?
You and Todd make it look so easy
It is, carpe diem, seize the day Knox.
It’ll happen if it’s meant to. We probably won’t be with the group much tomorrow, someone needs to take care of him and it isn’t going to be himself.
No worries. You gotta take care of your boy, I get it ;)
Knox chuckled, the vibration in his chest making Charlie grumble and press even closer to Knox, whose heart melted as he watched the peaceful boy pull himself closer to his chest and felt him tangle their legs together in his sleep. He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep, keeping an arm secured around Charlie the entire time.
The next morning, Knox woke up to the feeling of a weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and looked down, and what he saw made his heart prac turn to liquid. Charlie was almost fully on top of Knox, his arms wrapped around his waist and his face buried in the crook of his neck. He could feel his hot breath against his sensitive skin, making him shiver just enough to cause Charlie to stir. He heard him grumble something out before pressing his face further against his neck.
Charlie hesitated for a moment. He rolled off of Knox and laid on his back, rubbing his face with his hands. There wasn’t any point in lying to Knox anymore.
“Better than last night I guess…”
“Hey-“ Knox grabbed one of Charlie’s hands, pulling it away from his face and holding it in his own so he could see Charlie”-Is there anything I can do?”
Knox kept his voice soft as he spoke. Charlie looked over at him, his eyes slightly glossy and he softly shook his head, subconsciously moving closer to the other boy.
“No, I just-the company is nice...having you here is nice.”
“Then I’ll stay for as long as you need me.”
Charlie let out a dry laugh, squeezing Knox’s hand.
“You might be here for a while then.”
“That’s fine by me. I’m a man of his word, Charlie. Besides...being with you is nice, I didn’t plan on leaving anytime soon”
Knox’s voice grew softer and quieter as he spoke, his nerves getting the best of him as his eyes met Charlie’s. They both had a mutual understanding of what the other meant, obvious by the look in each other’s eyes, but Charlie wanted to say it anyway, he needed to say it.
Knox smiled, blinking slowly at him and pulling him closer into another hug. Knox kissed the top of Charlie’s head. Charlie wrapped his arms around Knox’s waist, savoring the warmth and the contact and letting out a soft sigh.
