#mssrpadfcct

[macdnald-old-blog]

✉️

      Sirius,

Fuck you.

You know what? I thought I’d seen people without any humanity left. I thought, looking in Mulciber’s or Snape’s or Bellatrix’ eyes, that I saw a complete lack of all the things that make humans good, that I’d seen the worst. 

Guess you proved me wrong.

Because there’s being cruel, and there’s being cruel and lying about it, and I cannot deal with the fact that I considered you a friend for so many years, that James and Lily and Peter and Remus considered you even more than that for so long, and that it was probably all a lie. When did you turn your back on them? Was it from the start? Were you always just a walking lie, a fucking act? Or did you actually love them and turn on them later on?

I don’t know if I want to know, because either answer will probably make me angry. Just thinking about you makes me angry, really. You are responsible for so many deaths, you’re responsible for so much crap, and I am disgusted by you. You’re vile, Sirius, and I hope, as you rot in that cell in Azkaban, that you’ll be eaten alive by your guilt and that you’ll wither away.

And you know what? I keep finding myself wishing things were like they were, and that includes you. It includes Alice and Lily and you and James and Remus and Peter and all the other Order members and loads of beers and laughs. I miss everyone who’s gone so much, and I keep betraying myself on missing you, too, when you’re the reason of all of them being gone.

I’m going away. I’m turning my back on this country and the shards this war has left it in. I can’t do it, going to coffeeshops and seeing a redhead and thinking it’s Lily. I can’t see a young couple with a kid without thinking it’s Harry with his parents. I can’t fucking do it, so I’m sending you this to let you know that I’m leaving because of what you’ve done.

Yeah, I am actually trying to make you feel guilty. Maybe I’m petty. Whatever. At least I’m not a lying, traitorous murderer.

     —- Mary.

[liittlegazelle-blog]

✉️

Black,Sirius,Siri,           

             I didn’t mean to leave you like I did. I mean, I did but I didn’t... I couldn’t take it any longer. Between the war and you with Remus and everyone dying. It was nearly too much to take. Mrs. Cole died and she was the only semblance of a mother I ever had. Ella passed away three months ago from a Death Eater attack and that’s when I knew I had to leave. Don’t for one minute think I didn’t want to stay for you because merlin, Siri.. I fought with myself for days to stay. To find a reason in your grey eyes, but the only thing I seen was Remus.

            I always told myself I would stay if I ever found a home.. However, how could I stay when the only home I ever knew was with you? How could I stay when the home I wanted, was with someone else. Tear drops begin spattering the paper. I didn’t mean to leave you, I wanted to be there for you. To continue to yell at you to do what you needed to do. To continue to yell at you to stop being a prat and follow your heart. Though, I shouldn’t have been telling you that when I should have tried to follow my own.

I should have told you. I guess now is the best time, I love you. Merlin, I’ve always loved you.

                            Yet, I knew I wasn’t him. I knew I would never be him.

Did I do something for our friendship to fizzle to nothing? Was it the way I always tried to make you laugh and smile? Like the day you found out Regulus was dead? He was always my favorite next to you. You know, he really did look up to you Siri. He always wanted to be you. Run away from the family, I think he truly got that in the end. Even if it wasn’t the way he planned. 

I learned a long time ago to stop holding out hope for you. I guess that’s why I’m writing this. To tell you I’m not coming home. To tell you I’m staying hidden. Voldemort has found out about me and has his army searching for me now. I’m not sure if I’ll be alive by the time you read this, but if I’m not.. 

I love you Sirius Black. You keep Remus safe or I’ll haunt you from the grave. I know you don’t want that. You guys taught me all my tricks and secrets. Just be safe, please Merlin. I can’t handle reading about another death. Or heaven forbid hearing about it from beyond the grave. Please live. Not for me but for Lily, James, Remus, and little Harry. 

                                                                  – / –

Two weeks later, Dorcas was found murdered in cold blood within her small apartment in France. September 15th, 1981. The day she was personally murdered by Voldemort. The letter was found within her things, stained with tears and blood. 

Three envelopes were next to it, addressed to James, Lily and Mary. God help those who read the letters.

[madam-noire-blog]

📝

Their first impression:

After a long procession of little pink bundles returning from St. Mungo’s, Bellatrix was thrilled to stand upon the stoop and watch something small and blue emerge from the gloom, proudly marched up the steps to Grimmauld Place like some sort of prize - she remembers clearly clambering at the elbows of poor Walburga until she relented, lowering the little bundle of wild hair (like her own), wide eyes (like her own), and demanding voice (like her own) even then to little Bella’s level. She remembers pushing aside the blanket, touching his cheek, and curling her own pudgy, childish finger around his, giving it a gentle tug. Sirius blubbered, spat, laughed - she loved him immediately. This would be her friend, she knew. And she would tell him all her secrets. 

Their current impression:

She looks at him with dead eyes now. No smiles, no laughter, to matched chaos behind wildly similar eyes and promised debauchery upon welcoming lips. Betrayal leaves more of an acute sting than she’d ever imagined; they were meant to be so much together, so great - but perhaps, she realizes now, it was all in her mind. Sirius and Bellatrix, two chaotic constellations who she thought were meant to grow supernova together. If it was so easy to leave her behind, perhaps they were never great to begin with. 

(but they were great - she KNOWS they were great)

What they like the most about your muse:

Currently, nothing.

What they dislike the most about your muse:

The fact that he has no sense of loyalty, the fact that he turned on his family, the fact that he’s spineless, a pretender, a betrayer. The fact that he chose them above the people with whom he could be great, the people who loved him. Everything he does, everything about him, has been tainted, turned sour - he can do no right in her eyes now.

What your muse is for them:

A painful reminder.

A general opinion of their relationship:

Listen, there are not many things that make me more emo than the idea that Sirius betrayed Bellatrix first. I genuinely think that she really loved him, that she thought that they could be partners in crime, that she saw so much potential in him, and so much of herself, that a little bit of her shriveled up when he left. Like, just imagine little Bella and little Sirius pulling pranks on Kreacher, or writing on the walls in Walburga’s lipstick; they could have been partners in crime, if Bella wasn’t so cuckoo bananas crazy. This is the first of two betrayals she has to deal with; of course Andromeda’s takes the biggest toll on her, but this is one that she just didn’t see coming. She feels genuinely wounded, and because of it she’s just angry, and sour. But at the same time, I can totally see her getting it into her delusional head that she could get him back, and convince him to return to the ‘right side’. I don’t think she’ll lose that blind, stupid hope for a while now - but that blind, stupid hope will definitely take shape in the form of blind, stupid anger. I think the idea of bouncing between trying to get him back and blindly despising him could be super fun to play with - and eventually turn into total and complete loathing... and the eventual ‘murder thing’.

If applicable, something they wish to reveal:

“I miss you.”

[severedprinces-blog]

✉️ ((this should be fun!))

Dear Sirius Black, 

You are one of the foulest wizards I have ever had the misfortune to meet. People forget that it’s not just Slytherins who can be touched by wickedness. I would tell you that your heart is as black as your name, but I should refrain from cliches. Then again, you don’t deserve original thoughts from me, so I won’t waste my energy any further than I need to. 

(Besides, you won’t even read this because I’ll be setting it aflame in a pitiful attempt at catharsis, so I’ll use cliches whenever the hell I want, so sue me.)

I hate you, Sirius. I hate you more than I have hated almost anyone, except your friend, James Potter, but this is none of his business. I hated you from the minute you called me Snivellus. A name which isn’t even original, just to clarify, and yet you continue to pin me with it. I’ve heard complete strangers call me Snivellus behind my back, so thanks so much for that. 

I could spend all day listing the reasons why I hate you but I feel as though my desire to continue living would slowly slip away, so I’ll jump straight to the point. Do you know why I hate you the most, Sirius Black? You don’t need to bully me, and you know it, and you still do it anyway. 

If it was that, I wouldn’t even mind so much, because that’s expected. People bully those weaker than them so that they can be seen as powerful. I know that, I’ve read about it. What’s overwhelmingly, uncontrollably frustrating is that you are already powerful. You are powerful, and you are handsome, and you are popular, and you gain absolutely nothing by pranking me and tormenting me. 

People aren’t going to like you more because you hex me for the hundredth time. The four hundred and second comment about my greasy hair is no more groundbreaking than the four hundred and first comment. You don’t harass me to gain popularity or approval. 

You do it because you think it’s amusing, and you think it’s a laugh.

Five years now, I’ve had to put up with you. So you listen here. I can be brilliant, and I am outstanding at magic, and I have a chance to be something important someday. I can remember that, when I’m on my own. But as soon as I catch sight of you, or hear you and your friends, I feel empty, and I feel dull, and I do feel anger and resentment and rage but I can’t bring any of those to the surface because it’s been too many years of dealing with your shite, not knowing if you’ll let me pass by with just an ignorant comment or if you’ll try to degrade me and humiliate me and tear me down for the thousandth time. 

So I freeze, and you see a victim, and I feel like a victim, and I absolutely hate it but it’s been too many years for me to have the strength to break out the pattern that we’ve carved. And I hate you because you remind me that I’m not strong enough to escape it, and to escape you. You remind me that I’m weak, and I knew that already, trust me, but I just can’t get away from it, not for even one second. 

So that’s it. That’s why I hate you the most. Though, while I’m at it, it’s absolutely reprehensible the way that you treat your brother Regulus. Regulus, who deserves so much more than to be shackled in family bondage with someone like you. You’re not even worth licking dirt off of his shoes, pardon the cliche, though I wouldn’t tell him that, because he for whatever reason doesn’t hate you with the intensity of twelve, maybe thirteen searing fires. Which is what you deserve. 

(And if you really thought your family was that bad, or that the purebloods were that bad, why the hell did you leave your brother with them? So either you cared so little for Regulus that you abandoned him to those people and that life, or you were just looking for excuses to leave so you could spend more time with your precious Potter.)

But returning to me - since, after all, this isn’t Regulus’ catharsis, it’s mine - you have shattered my daily life more times than I can care to count. Because of you, Lily might never speak to me again. And because of you, I’ve learned to take all the dark & abandoned corridors to my classes so that I don’t have to worry about running into you at school. Because of you, I’ve learned to differentiate the levels between verbal and physical abuse so that I can measure episodes up and say, oh, well that wasn’t that bad, it could have been worse. 

I’ve never been an optimistic person, and because of you, I never will be, because I know that no matter how far I’ve been kicked down, there will always be someone, probably you, ready to metaphorically grind my face into the dirt, just for a laugh. 

My hands are shaking as I write this. I think I might finally understand why my father breaks things. He’s always so angry. I usually hate the world but I’m never this outraged until I think of you.

I know it’s unkind, so Lily wouldn’t approve, but she’s not even talking to me, so I don’t give a fuck: I don't even believe in hell, but I hope it exists, and I hope you burn in it.

Yours, Severus Snape

[severedprinces-blog]

📝

Their first impression: Within two minutes of meeting Sirius Black on the Hogwarts Express, he’d already disparaged the Slytherin house and called Severus “Snivellus,” so suffice it to say, Severus was resentful of Sirius from the very beginning, thinking him a pompous bully.

Their current impression: The same, except multiplied ten times over.

What they like the most about your muse: Literally nothing (except for the fact that Severus is envious of Black’s beautiful hair, because, like, it’s similar to Severus’, but, you know, beautiful, which is totally unfair, why are cruel people graced with such good looks, he thinks angrily). 

What they dislike the most about your muse: Oh, there’s a laundry list of reasons he hates Sirius Black that’s easily fifty metres long, but the greatest reason is that Sirius will not let him alone. Even six years into their education at Hogwarts, Severus is still doggedly attacked by him and his friends. He’s an easy target, he gets that, but also, he assumed that Black and Potter would get tired of making him miserable eventually, which unfortunately did not seem to be the case. He’s over it.

What your muse is for them: A mortal enemy, especially after Severus’ confrontation with the Marauders last year ended with Severus’ humiliation finally overpowering him, leading to his repulsive insult towards Lily as she tried to defend him like she always had to do. Despite his own words clearly being the cause of their shattered friendship, Severus also blames Black as well, because if he had left him alone, Severus never would have said what he did.

A general opinion of their relationship: When James and Sirius used to prank Severus, he’d get upset, angry and frustrated to the point of tears. Probably did him no favors trying to escape the name “Snivellus,” but he was a child, and he didn’t know better. Now Severus is done with Black’s shit and presents Sirius with cold glares and stabbing words as an automatic response. He also does his best to play on what he perceives as Sirius’ weaknesses, i.e. Regulus, because even if such comments don’t rile Sirius, at least Severus is trying. (He also still cries a little bit but at least not in front of Sirius Black ever again.)

Something they wish to reveal: Severus would never in a million years tell Sirius anything.

[macdnald-old-blog]

📝

Their first impression: “I mostly remember him from his sorting — he was one of the first to go, and there was a lot of noise going on when he got sorted in Gryffindor. Had no clue why, of course, so I was mostly confused about him.”

Their current impression: “He’s an idiot, but I don’t know many in our house who aren’t. A loveable idiot, though, and a bit loud, but that’s what people say ‘bout me too, so y’know. Kindred spirits?”

What they like the most about your muse: “Can I say his hair? Or would that be superficial? Because holy hell, does that man has good hair.”

What they dislike the most about your muse: “That he’s quite good at being a total ass.”

What your muse is for them ( Friend, lover, rival ecc.): “A friend? Let’s hope so.”

A general opinion of their relationship: I feel like these two are capable of being such bros. Just drinking beers and chilling and laughing about dumb shit and then also saying some deep stuff and then pretending that didn’t happen bc FEELINGS ARE SCARY let’s just stay kids. Idk. I love them.

If applicable, something they wish to reveal: Mary thinks Sirius is incredibly strong for choosing to leave his home and she wants to let him know this but doesn’t know how to. 

[liittlegazelle-blog]

📝

Their first impression: “You were an arrogant, pompous prat. Much like the rest of the family who has the last name Black. Sorry not sorry.”Their current impression: “You’re still a prat, but a cute prat. Like a prat that I would snog but still punch afterwards.”What they like the most about your muse: “Your eyes. Don’t ask.”What they dislike the most about your muse: “Your attitude. You prat.”What your muse is for them ( Friend, lover, rival ecc.): “Anything you want or need.”A general opinion of their relationship: “We’re friends. Annnd, I dunno what else.”If applicable, something they wish to reveal: “You’re a prat.”