phoenix;

stay strong through your pain. grow flowers from it. you have helped me grow flowers out of mine so bloom: beautifully, dangerously loudly. bloom softly. however you need; just bloom mary macdonald. gryffindor. sister. friend. chaser. phoenix.

[macdnald-old-blog]

mckmarly:

   At the sound of Mary’s ‘ interesting ‘ coming out, the blonde smiled to herself. This was yet another succesful train of questions. She usually did those, ask herself but get answers from others and make her excited for the topic more than she was supposed to be.  Mary was only one she could count on it, continuing to dream and not only.

  “ That’s one of the best answers I have ever got, Mar. I’m impressed.” she chuckled lightly. “ I’d honestly go with the Squid as well- not because it’s an obvious friend but I think the fierceness within it will make it the champin of all times.” at the other quick question, her excitement overflew and she happily clapped her hands. “ Peeves, of course. He can’t be hurt and he would find a way to make the Whomping Willow hurt in a way- you  know him…he’s a total trickster and I love it! What your choice would be then? Are you team Peeves?”

     She wished she knew a way to let Marlene know how much she appreciated this kind of small talk without actually saying it. That would, after all, be an odd thing to say, she supposed, and she didn’t want to admit out loud that she had needed a conversation like this. It was simply fun to fantasize about things that would ( most likely ) not happen and a little fun was highly needed.

    “Why thank you,” said Mary, letting out a soft laugh. “I just couldn’t bare seeing that creature hurt, y’know? Especially not by that rude tree.” A pause. “Oh, yes! She’s probably one of the fiercest creatures I’ve ever encountered.” Then, she shook her head. “I’d never be team Peeves. While I am not opposed to a little mischief here and there, he’s a little too much, if you ask me. But I do suppose he’d win, because of him bein’ a ghost and all. I’d love to see him annoy the Willow, though; it’d be highly entertaining.”

[macdnald-old-blog]

jamsfleamont:

A ghost of a smile had written itself onto his face, the mere atmosphere of Hogwarts and the complaints rising making him feel as if he was finally home. More often the one doing the complaining than the one on the sidelines, he half considered beginning to boast about how long it was going to take to get back to the dorm, not really knowing if he was joking or being entirely too serious. One of the things he was an arrogant arse about was Quidditch.

One of the best things about Hogwarts was the atmosphere when it came to Quidditch matches. Even those who you wouldn’t peg as caring at all about the sport would often come to matches to support their house or their friends who were in other houses. It felt like home, when he was around his fellow Quidditch players. It was good to see Mary, good to see her smiling and being herself. There was a charm to playing Quidditch, a charm to watching it, even, and it was rarely unrivalled unless it came to the charm surrounding the individual players. James knew it to be true.

There wasn’t anything bad he could think of when it came to his team. Some days, the bad outweighs the good but he always has an escape into what feels like a different world, a different reality than the one he lives in.

The only Gryffindor player he’d ever really resented and loved to annoy with his arrogance was one of his fellow Chasers that left the year before. “Welcome back to you, too, Mac.” The slow moving crowd wasn’t really as much of an annoyance as he felt it should be, clearing his throat as Mary began to talk again. “Tell me about it.” Merely the thought of the professor keeping everything about him under wraps when he was Headmaster of a school and had yet to say a word made him feel more anxious than he’d want to admit. “To be fair, I think we can already judge him based on the way Slytherin reacted to ‘im.” Not even bothering to hide the resentment in his voice, he shifts slightly. “Ay, Peeves does what he likes. That, I’m sure of. I’m sure he gets a kick out of hurling water balloons at us, even though he knows we ain’t ‘ickle firsties’ anymore. ‘Ow was your summer, anyhow?”

This was what she loved in her fellow Gryffindors: they were constants. While they all differed greatly, Mary had the feeling there was barely any bullshit among her housemates; no one pretended to be something they were not. There was a security in that, she found, it made her feel safe. They weren’t completely unchanging of course, and she didn’t expect them to be ( as she was hardly unchanging herself ) but there was something about Gryffindors -- in her eyes -- that was constant. A loyalty not only to others, but also to oneself.

This trueness she saw in James too, who had his flaws ( which Mary didn’t judge too hard, as she had plenty herself ), but who was a solid person either way. Someone with rough edges and lines, yes, but she thought that was better than having none at all. 

Each time she returned to Hogwarts and she was surrounded by lions again, she found herself relieved. While there was plenty of critique to be made about the house system, she could not deny that she felt right at home with those who wore red-and-gold ties around their necks and bravery in their hearts. At home things were so often left unsaid, brushed under the carpet because it was easier not to discuss it --- Mary understood why her parents and siblings preferred that over open discussions and honesty, but was not good at dealing with the pretense herself. And so, naturally, she was glad to have an open and honest conversation about a subject that did, admittedly, trouble her.

“Yeah, same,” replied Mary, sharing James’ resentment in her voice. Even though Mary knew it was wrong, she distrusted the entire house of Slytherin. Her feelings towards the house were biased, but the people in it more than often proved her prejudices right rather than wrong. She had simply not seen reason to let go of them, especially not after fifth year. “Can’t be a good sign, eh?” She chuckled, however, at his words about Peeves. “Oh, he so does. Probably ‘cause we yell louder.” A shrug. “Not too interesting, really; just stayed at home mostly, which was nice. How was yours?”

[macdnald-old-blog]

severedprince: 

Severus hadn’t needed to take herbology again this year, but he’d wanted to, so he did. It wasn’t a particularly useful subject on its own - though he had to admit it did have some relations to both potions and charms - but Severus didn’t mind. Plants were fascinating, and plants were quiet (for the most part). 

Honestly, plants were much better company than most students were, with just a few exceptions. 

Besides, he liked Professor Sprout as well. Her clothing, like his, was always torn and dirty, and her hat battered, yet she never seemed to let anything get her down. If there was any professor that Severus felt true respect for besides Professor Slughorn, it was Sprout. Despite the fact that her cheerful demeanor was the exact opposite of his own relatively pessimistic attitude, he never minded spending extra time in the greenhouses, especially once the rowdier students in his class had vacated the echo chamber of the enclosure.

As long as he asked, Sprout always let him stay after class to pot a few plants or observe some of the other specimens they hadn’t yet gotten to. He’d never had a garden at home - only a small yard full of cracked bricks and decaying debris - so he appreciated the endless plant species found at Hogwarts. Sprout often came back to find him sitting cross-legged on the ground, breathing the earthy air and pruning a flutterby bush or observing a walking plant, having to remind him to pack up or else be late to his next class. 

Today was just the same - but herbology was his last class of the afternoon once a week this term, so he could stay longer than just a few extra minutes. Severus was there, sitting at the long table down the centre of the greenhouse, his notebook open and his long hair in his face as he idly sketched the moondew flower opening and closing repeatedly on the potted plant in front of him, when he heard the door to the greenhouse creak open. 

Assuming that it was simply the professor, he didn’t bother to look up - at least until he heard an angry curse from under their breath. Severus glanced towards the entrance, a disconcerted frown crossing his face as he realized who stood in the doorway, her eyes already seemingly filled with fury. 

“MacDonald,” he said in frosty acknowledgment. Facing Mary MacDonald was not at the top of his preferred list of daily activities - seeing her stirred up a cacophony of emotions and memories he didn’t particularly want to deal with - but he refused to let that run him out of the greenhouse. He pointedly turned back to his plant and his notebook staring intently at the flower, determined not to give MacDonald any more attention than was warranted by necessity. 

Mary could not remember the last time she had been in a room with just Severus Snape and to suddenly stand with him there, in the greenhouses, was enough to make a feeling of unease take over her entire being. The list of causes for this feeling was, if you asked her, endless. His treatment of Lily was, naturally, number one ( as she would always care more for her friends' feelings than for her own ), but the fact that he had been There was filling up multiple spaces as well. 

Mary stood frozen, looking at the dark black hair of Snape, all too aware that she would neither move towards him or back to the castle. She was still proud like a lion, even though she wasnt sure what she had to be proud of exactly, and would not let him scare her away. Still, she felt no desire to enter the greenhouse and be any closer to him.

She had grown up learning hate was a terrible thing, a sin even, and she had believed it. She supposed she did still, even if she had the feeling that she was constantly filled with hate --- some of that was directed at herself, too. When she looked at Severus Snape she felt hate and damned the people of her Church, because they had been naive, because while hate might be a bad thing she could not stop herself from hating people like him.

Whether that made her a bad person or a good one, she didn't know.

When he spoke her surname and turned away, she felt another burst of anger. If she were him, she would not be able to respond that way to her presence. Mary had never been someone to pretend, to hide her feelings. She was an open book, truly, someone who wore them on her sleeve ( much to her own annoyance ) and no matter how hard she tried, she could not act as if Severus Snape was air, which she knew would be a wise decision.

“That all you’re going to say?,” she wondered, tone sharp and eyebrows high. Her arms were crossed, but not necessarily to ooze power or confidence; it hid the way her fingers drummed against her side in a nervous manner.

She would be lying if she said his presence didn’t affect her. While this had not been a good day to start with ( her anxiety had been high, her concentration levels low ), she felt cornered by her own insecurities and fears -- no mater how rational or irrational -- simply by being in one room with someone who had only been there. She felt weak, truly; Snape hadn’t done anything ( which, of course, was part of the problem ) and she knew, somewhere, that he wouldn’t now. Still, she could not stop herself from feeling this unease crawling under her skin. 

“Am honestly impressed you remembered my name,” was added, this time her voice a bitter mutter. 

[mxrysmac-deactivated20210720]

a house is not a home;;mary&alice&lily

[macdnald-old-blog]

alicefrtescue:

alrightcvans:

Lily couldn’t help but smile as they both agreed to the library as quickly as she had suggested it. While she didn’t expect anything else, there was comfort in knowing that not everything had to change even when it felt like your whole world was falling down around you. When Lily had first been told of Dumbledore’s death, she thought that the wizarding world would never be the same. And yet, sitting here with Alice and Mary, she knew she was wrong. 

The only thing that could change the world as she knew it was losing hope that it would remain the light and joyful world that had given her a place in this world. 

“I could talk to her tomorrow,” Lily said, biting on her lip. “I mean to ask her about our summer assignment before it’s due anyways. I’ll throw in a mention about Professor Bulstrode as well.”  

If there was one person in the whole castle who Lily knew would be able to give them any information at all, it would be McGonagall. Although her face was generally stoic, Lily had learned to tune into her quirks. Sometimes, she could even tell when McGonagall was happy. And Lily could tell that her favorite professor was not entirely pleased with the new choice in headmaster. The thin lie she had pressed her lips into since the beginning of the feast told the entire story. 

“I think it might be some sort of potato,” Lily said, shaking her head. “But I’m honestly not sure, and I really don’t care. I tried it on accident and it’s changed my life for the better.”

@alicefrtescue​

She knew she’d have to get up soon– she knew she’d have to start on her rounds, but Merlin she didn’t want to; this was her last year, it was the beginning of the end for her.  Her friends, her sisters, had another year to look forward to together.  But next year she’d be gone, and she hated that.  She hated that they’d be together when she was far away– and she hated that the start of her final year was marred by the presence of this enigma.  And she hated the thought of all her friends together without her– she never questioned the strength of their friendship, but distance did funny things to relationships.  “Let’s just figure it out tomorrow?”  She suggested quietly, not able to stop a touch of sadness from seeping into her voice.  “I– I just want to enjoy tonight as well as we can?”  She didn’t elaborate, but she wouldn’t be surprised if they were able to deduce the reason for her sudden mood change. 

She nodded along, her head bouncing as they spoke of asking McGonagall.  If anyone knew she would, and she would never outright tell them, but they’d be able to figure it out from her body language; it was a good plan.  “Go for it, Lil.  It’s the best plan we have got so far.”

“Why haven’t we had this every meal?”  She smiled a bit, the nostalgia kicking in again; of course they would discover one of the castle’s best offerings when she only had a limited number of feasts to go.  “Or maybe our eyes passed over it because it looks like poo, literally.”

@macdnald​

Mary didn’t know what to make of Alice’s quiet suggestion, but she didn’t dwell on it too long; she did, after all, agree. She’d want to enjoy this evening as much as she could, because she had the feeling many things were just waiting to happen, things she did not want to happen. A bad feeling had overtaken Mary before she had even left to go back to school, and she didn’t want it to ruin her evening. Actually, no: she didn’t want it to ruin her friends’ evenings. She would not ruin their evening with her own pessimism, no way. “Of course, Al,” she said, nodding. “There’s plenty of things to enjoy, after all. There’s all this food, those cute first years, and ... oh, of course, there’s also seeing you guys again ---” A grin spread over her lips. “Which is the best part of it all.”

Mary had faith in McGonagall, more than she’d like to admit. Her Transfiguration professor was someone who demanded respect, and she was more than willing to give it to her. It was only logical to her that they would go to her if they were worried. “And she loves you, Lily, I’m sure she’ll hear you out.” 

Another glance was taken at the food that Mary was eaten and she wrinkled her nose. “Maybe we shouldn’t compare our food to poop, yeah? It kinda makes my appetite disappear quicker than you can say Snitch.” Then, she nodded. “It probably is potato, though, because potato is always good. Wish there was some kinda charm to figure out what this is exactly.”

@alrightcvans

[macdnald-old-blog]

There were few places at Hogwarts that didn’t cause mixed feelings to boil in Mary’s stomach. The hallways were all tainted, as was the Great Hall, ruined by memories of last year and the knowledge that the people who had been there still walked around the castle with nothing troubling them at all. Her dorm and the tree at the lake were places not yet ruined, ones where she felt more at home than she did in any other place.

The greenhouses also belonged to the ( short ) list of places that still felt peaceful to her. 

It was there, that Mary could dig her hands in fresh earth and observe plants so fantastical that she was still amazed by them. While Herbology was not her favourite class ( no teacher quite matched Minerva McGonagall, after all ), it was one she enjoyed wholeheartedly. It came natural to her, the getting dirty and working with plants. It reminded her of home, in all honesty. The lines of dirt under her nails reminded her of days spent playing in the fields, the greens surrounding her reminded her of lying in the grass on sunny days and the working with plants reminded her of her mother, who spent most of her free time tending to her flowers.

Naturally, when Mary was in distress and the dorm was too full with girls that were not Lily and the tree at the lake was already occupied by other students, the greenhouses was where she went. Ripping out weeds was a way for her to deal with emotional turmoil and she craved exactly that. Besides, it was a healthy coping mechanism, and one Professor Sprout benefited from, as well.

That day was one of distress and emotional turmoil, one of the dorm being too busy and the tree being occupied. And so, a visit to the greenhouses was necessary. 

When she entered Greenhouse five and eyes fell on the dark hair of Severus Snape. A, “You’ve got to be fuckin’ kidding me,” slipped past Mary’s lips, her voice exasperated as well as laced with poorly suppressed anger ( and a hint of fear ). She halted in the doorway, daring the Slytherin to look up and face her, jaws clenched with the hatred that suddenly filled her up.

@severedprince

[herfairfury]

Narcissa sighed, and watched the fight, hoping someone would decide to break it up. The corridor was pretty badly blocked up, and many people were pretty irritated at this huge queue. Everyone was itching to get to their dorms, but Narcissa somehow knew that they would be stuck here for ages yet.

She could tell that Mary was becoming even more irritated, and she knew that Mary probably wouldn’t admit that she was wrong as she had enough experience of Gryffindors to know that they tended to be incredibly stubborn. Narcissa could feel herself beginning to get irritated which was definitely not common to her. She could see the first years starting to get upset and irritated and felt furious on their behalf.

She turned to her fellow sixth year, and sighed softly. “Exactly. If they wanted to fight, they could’ve found a less inconvenient place. Unless they deliberately set it up that way. Hopefully someone will split them up, soon and take house points due to the inconvenience.”

[macdnald-old-blog]

Mary could not help but feel distrustful towards Slytherins. They made her feel on edge, and it was all based on stereotypes and prejudice and bad experiences. Mary knew her feelings about people wearing green and silver ties were a generalisation, that there was no way they could all be bad, but many had proven that they were.

She’d rather be safe than sorry.

Besides, Narcissa was the sister of Bellatrix Black, and she was all too aware what kind of morals she had. Mary knew the ideals of pureblood elitists were often part of people’s upbringing, and so felt very little to no desire to get to know Narcissa Black. Still, she would not be downright mean to the other unless she was to her, Mary in no mood for a fight and tended to be someone who only barked back ( this was new: she was trying hard to be less reckless ).

“That’d be a dick move, to deliberately start a fight in one of the busiest places in the castle,” muttered Mary, standing on tiptoes again to peer over the crowds. “I hope McGee catches them and gives them a week-long detention, that’d serve them right.” A pause. “God, I just want to get to my fuckin’ dorm.”

[severedprinces-blog]

severus & mary aesthetic

@macdnald

[mckmarly]

Marlene always been grateful to be back at Hogwarts - everything that it’s happening during summer at her home is just a fuss of events and clearly occupied her mind for such a long time. She was happy to have worries like homeworks and not getting caught during the night again.Walking around the grounds was everything to her. Being able to breath fresh air and take in every single future was breath taking.

  “ The Whomping Willow seems even bigger than it was last year.” she stated outloud, for anyone who was around here - then, her head turned to a side in order to take a better look at the said being, her foot tapping on the ground with a shrug. “Don’t judge me, but  I had always wondered who would W I N in a fight?” Sure, she might talk to herself- but, it was alright to her. That was Marlene, carless on some matters.” The Whomping Willor or The Squid? That’d be the fight of the year indeed… “

[macdnald-old-blog]

    A castle filled with memories both good & bad surrounded Mary wherever she went and it was strange. It was contradictory and paradoxical, and she was constantly confused as she had no idea how she felt about being back. Sleeping in the same room as Lily was absolutely wonderful, but seeing the face of someone who should not be walking around the castle, was infuriating and terrifying. 

    As Mary was stuck in her continuous train of thought, a voice shattered the moment she had spent trying to understand her own feelings. Looking up, she connected the voice to Marlene McKinnon, who was asking a question that had Mary’s lips curling in a smile in no time. “Interesting question,” she said, falling silent for a moment in thought. “Honestly? The Squid. Because I’d throw away all my morals and help her by cheating, because there’s no way I’m going to see her hurt.” Mary shrugged, letting out a soft laugh. “Okay, but what about the Willow and Peeves?”

[macdnald-old-blog]

It seemed a bit odd, Mary thought, to throw a welcome back dance with all that had happened last year. It was an obvious attempt at bringing harmony and unity back to the hallways, of lifting people’s spirits, and while she didn’t hate that, she’d rather see some other actions being taken as well to help the student body move on. Of course, this didn’t mean she wasn’t going; Mary would not let the opportunity to dance with friends and wear a good outfit slip, not even if she felt a bit odd about it.

And so, she had stuck her body in a dress, had taken a few sips of gin from the bottle she’d brought from home and had painted her lips a bright pink. She wasn’t good at clothing, not as good as she would like to be. Her sister was the fashionable one, she usually too chaotic and busy to really pay much mind to what she wore. Still, as she looked at the bright red fabric hugging her body, she felt quite good and thanked Merlin for the fact that she’d gone shopping with Camila during break. 

Excitement was suddenly very much present in Mary’s body as she skipped down the steps of the stairs, as well as a determination to have some light-hearted fun. She tended to fall into gloomy moods those days, moods where all her thoughts seemed to link back to the things that happened last year, and this determination was, because of this, strong.

When she saw Remus sitting on one of the more comfortable chairs in the common room, quite obviously not ready for the dance, she immediately dashed over. With one raised eyebrow and lips curled in a smile of disbelief, she looked at her fellow Gryffindor. “Why are you not getting ready?” She crossed her arms. “Don’t tell me you’re skipping the dance,” she added, raising her eyebrow a little higher. “Because that’d be ridiculous.”

@looneyloopy-lupin

[macdnald-old-blog]

macdvnald:

iactuallyburncold:

Bold what applies to your muse.

PLACE IN SOCIETY

Financial: Wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

Medical: Fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged

Class or caste: Upper / middle / working / slave / Unsure

Education: Qualified / unqualified / studying

Criminal record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no

FAMILY

Married - happily / Married - unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated

Has a child or children / has no children / wants children

Close with sibling(s) / Not close with sibling(s) / Has no siblings

Orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents

TRAITS + TENDENCIES

Extroverted / Introverted / in between

Disorganised / Organised / in between

Close minded / Open minded  / in between

Calm / Anxious / in between

Disagreeable / Agreeable / in between

Cautious / Reckless / in between

Patient / impatient / in between

Outspoken / Reserved / in between

Leader / follower / in between

Empathetic / Unempathetic / in between

Optimistic / pessimistic / in between

Traditional / modern / in between

Hard working / lazy / in between

Cultured / un-cultured / in between / unknown

Loyal / disloyal / unknown

Faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS:

Monotheist / polytheist / atheist  / agnostic 

Belief in ghosts or spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in an afterlife:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in reincarnation:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Belief in aliens:  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

Philosophical: yes / no

OPINIONS

Pro-suicide / anti-suicide / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-euthanasia / anti-euthanasia / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-choice / anti-abortion /  doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-marriage / anti-marriage / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-death penalty / anti-death penalty / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-drug legislation / anti-drug legislation / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-murder / anti-murder / doesn’t know or on the fence

Pro-cannibalism / anti-cannibalism / doesn’t know or on the fence

Left wing / right ring / middle / doesn’t know or on the fence 

SEXUALITY + ROMANTIC INCLINATION

Allosexual / Asexual

Alloromantic / Aromantic

Sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable

Romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favourable

Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

Potential sexual partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all 

Potential romantic partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all

ABILITIES

Combat skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Literacy skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Artistic skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

Technical skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS

Drinking alcohol: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Smoking: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Other narcotics: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Medicinal drugs: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Indulgent food: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Splurge spending: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

Gambling: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

[mairauders]

friendship posters: lily evans & mary macdonald

“having a soulmate is not always about love. you can find your soulmate in a friendship too.”

[macdnald-old-blog]

jamsfleamont:

James was tired, more than anything. Not necessarily because of what had happened earlier that night, what with the entire atmosphere of Hogwarts being dulled and somewhat oppressed, but, a combination of things left him rubbing his eyes as he tried not to think about those they lost.

Bulstrode was simply staring.

He had missed this place. Missed the cobbled floors, the uneven steps and staircases that moved to confuse you ( deliberately, he believed, ) along with the elves, who were more often than not happy with what they had and what they were doing. He had missed the others, most of all. Missed how Alice would sneak into the Gryffindor common room, how Mary would tell him to piss off during practice and five minutes later, be leaning against him as if nothing had ever happened, missed how everybody came together, on quiet nights and simply sat together in front of the fireplace.

He turned away from Bulstrode, having been on the side of the table that could easily catch his eye. He was ready to head up to the dorm, to unpack and get ready for the return of Quidditch.

James collided with the crowd as he attempted to leave, standing around as people tried to cram their way through the door, many unsuccessful and the people moving slowly. Everything went slow, and he watched people wrangle their way through the crowd, then deciding it was too much effort. It seemed that everyone wanted out, and he couldn’t really blame them. “Ay, Mary. He just wants to keep up the ‘quiet and mysterious’ act to get us all wondering what he’s thinking.” He raised an eyebrow, grinning at her in his signature James way. Humming as Mary talked, James shrugged. “Well, you never know whose at the helm of this crowd of students walking too slowly. Might be Peeves. Wreaking havoc, even now…”

And there was James Potter, replying to the words that she had allowed to slip past her lips. Complaining was like an indulgence to Mary; she craved it at most times, but only rarely allowed herself to do it. She, after all, did not like people who complained, but very much understood how satisfying it could be. And so, to have her Quidditch captain reply to her words with a raised eyebrow, was enough for her to snap out of it. 

It was good to see him again. It was, generally, good to be back again, to be surrounded with things so familiar and beautiful once again. Even with many things reminding her of last year, Hogwarts had an undeniable charm, a way of even making you feel at home when your head was filled to the brim with memories less than pretty. Seeing people like James again -- people who made Hogwarts home -- calmed Mary, reminded her of the good things she had come back to that day, rather than all the bad things she had been focusing on.

Because there were plenty of those. Memories of Mulciber, of Lily’s broken heart, of people dying haunted Mary, in a way that didn’t only make her feel weak, but also powerless.

A grin was flashed at her fellow Gryffindor, Mary nudging him with her shoulder. “Welcome back, Cap,” she said, turning her gaze away from him to peer over the slow-moving crowd again. Annoyance still sat at the pit of her stomach, but she felt herself relax slightly. “Well, I usually dislike those quiet and mysterious types,” pointed Mary out, shoulders shrugging. “They’re either boring or assholes --- but I’ll try not to judge our new Head until I’ve gotten a proper impression of him.” Mary let out a huff of air. “Y’know what, it wouldn’t surprise me if Peeves was wreaking havoc now. We all know how much he enjoys fuckin’ with first years on their first day back, and I bet he thinks of it as a way to lift the spirits.”

[macdnald-old-blog]

Hogwarts felt eerie. It was as if someone had taken what made Hogwarts Hogwarts and had hidden it in some far away dungeon, far away from the Great Hall. All that was left was the memory of a dead headmaster and numerous dead students.

Mary’s stomach was in knots.

She realised she hadn’t looked forward to coming back. There were plenty of things she had missed – sharing most of her time alongside Lily and Alice, Quidditch practices and games of wizard’s chess ( which was so much better than regular chess ) – but with so many memories haunting her as she sat at the dinner table, she suddenly missed home. The absence of the excitement she usually felt whenever she returned had been replaced with an anxiety.

When the meal was over and Lily and Alice both tended to their duties as prefect and Head Girl, Mary was almost too eager to make her way to her dorm. At least that place was a part of Hogwarts not yet spoiled with bad memories, one that was her own entirely.

As she moved through the crowds, an impatience washed over her; it was more a restlessness, really, but as she wasn’t able to place it, that’s what she called it. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get to their dorms ( and she didn’t blame them ) and the crowd moved slowly, much to Mary’s annoyance. She tried to stay calm, truly, but soon she muttered, “After spending all summer waitin’ to find out who our new headmaster is and not even gettin’ to hear a word from him, I’m bloody done with waiting.” A sigh slipped past her lips, the brunette annoyed with her own irritation. “I mean, you’d think the people of Hogwarts knew by now that it’s bloody useless to walk this slowly when tryin’ to get out of the Great Hall.”

[macdnald-old-blog]

✉️

      Sirius,

Fuck you.

You know what? I thought I’d seen people without any humanity left. I thought, looking in Mulciber’s or Snape’s or Bellatrix’ eyes, that I saw a complete lack of all the things that make humans good, that I’d seen the worst. 

Guess you proved me wrong.

Because there’s being cruel, and there’s being cruel and lying about it, and I cannot deal with the fact that I considered you a friend for so many years, that James and Lily and Peter and Remus considered you even more than that for so long, and that it was probably all a lie. When did you turn your back on them? Was it from the start? Were you always just a walking lie, a fucking act? Or did you actually love them and turn on them later on?

I don’t know if I want to know, because either answer will probably make me angry. Just thinking about you makes me angry, really. You are responsible for so many deaths, you’re responsible for so much crap, and I am disgusted by you. You’re vile, Sirius, and I hope, as you rot in that cell in Azkaban, that you’ll be eaten alive by your guilt and that you’ll wither away.

And you know what? I keep finding myself wishing things were like they were, and that includes you. It includes Alice and Lily and you and James and Remus and Peter and all the other Order members and loads of beers and laughs. I miss everyone who’s gone so much, and I keep betraying myself on missing you, too, when you’re the reason of all of them being gone.

I’m going away. I’m turning my back on this country and the shards this war has left it in. I can’t do it, going to coffeeshops and seeing a redhead and thinking it’s Lily. I can’t see a young couple with a kid without thinking it’s Harry with his parents. I can’t fucking do it, so I’m sending you this to let you know that I’m leaving because of what you’ve done.

Yeah, I am actually trying to make you feel guilty. Maybe I’m petty. Whatever. At least I’m not a lying, traitorous murderer.

     —- Mary.

[macdnald-old-blog]

➵

Send me ➵ and I will bold all that applies to your muse

I would hurt you or use you. | you unsettle me. | I dislike you or you annoy me. | I would like to get to know you better. | I pity you. | you confuse me. | I feel indifferent towards you. | I would be friends with you. | I would fight by your side. | I would hug you or hold your hand. | I would kiss you. | I would sleep with you. | I would lie for you. | I would protect you. | I would fall in love with you. | I would kill for you | I respect you. | you are my family. | I don’t know you.

[macdnald-old-blog]

➵

Send me ➵ and I will bold all that applies to your muse

I would hurt you or use you. | you unsettle me. | I dislike you or you annoy me. | I would like to get to know you better. | I pity you. | you confuse me. | I feel indifferent towards you. | I would be friends with you. | I would fight by your side. | I would hug you or hold your hand. | I would kiss you. | I would sleep with you. | I would lie for you. | I would protect you. | I would fall in love with you. | I would kill for you | I respect you. | you are my family. | I don’t know you.

[macdnald-old-blog]

➵

Send me ➵ and I will bold all that applies to your muse

I would hurt you or use you. | you unsettle me. | I dislike you or you annoy me. | I would like to get to know you better. | I pity you. | you confuse me. | I feel indifferent towards you. | I would be friends with you. | I would fight by your side. | I would hug you or hold your hand. | I would kiss you. | I would sleep with you. | I would lie for you. | I would protect you. | I would fall in love with you. | I would kill for you | I respect you. | you are my family. | I don’t know you.