I JUST DIDN’T REALIZE
I made a post on Facebook and it described some of my high school experiences. I’m 35 now so we’re talking late 90′s early 2000′s. It brought back some memories. Memories not entirely associated with that post.
I was reminded of those days. I may have been poly all this time and never knew it. I’ve been poly for almost three years now. At first I didn’t know if I could do it. Do I have it in me to be polyamorous? Now the answer is an outstanding yes. Almost 20 years ago I couldn’t answer that. I didn’t even know poly was a thing.
So here’s my story.
I would wager the was 1999. I’m a little fuzzy on the exact year. I was in a creative writing class. It’s there I met a girl. I had a girlfriend at that time. WE started talking, sharing writings. Be it short stories or poetry. As this happened we began to learn more about each other. As this occurred I began to develop feelings for her. I never remotely tried to act upon them. I even kind of fell for her. We ended up in several classes over the course of the remainder of high school. The feelings never went away.
Fast forward to my junior year. This girl I had met previously. We were in marching band together but never really talked. That is until she saw me carrying around art I had printed out from anime like Magic Knight Rayearth and Sailor Moon (yeah I was that guy). I used the art to draw inspiration for my writings at the time. She saw those and we started talking. Over time I learned she had a passion for video games. Not only that but the same kind of video games I liked. And once again I found myself falling for her. I never acted upon it. I still had the very same girlfriend as the year prior.
One day it hit me. I asked myself what is wrong with me? How could I do this to my girlfriend? I had found myself falling in love with two girls other than my girlfriend. I even chalked it up to being a horny teenage male. That all men want as many notches in the bedpost as possible. I mean I even found myself fantasizing about them. It all felt so natural.
It all felt so natural... I couldn’t make the correlation that it is possible to love more than one and not lose any love for the one that was there first. I didn’t think it was possible. I now know if it is not only possible but real. To this day those two don’t know how I felt. One is married with a child. The other disappeared. I have not found her to reconnect. I don’t know what became of her or if she is even alive. I have not found her on social media anywhere.
I just didn’t realize I had poly in me. Now I know. But even if I could go back and do it all over again it still is unlikely that those feelings could be acted upon. But I wanted to share. Something from a more innocent time. Something I now know is possible.
