The big dream for most mums is to be able to stay at home with their baby, until they're around 2 years of age. Then, you can put them in nursery, as you work part time, get some funding from the Government, as us parents know, nurseries in the UK cost an arm and a leg if you want your child to be there full time. For an average person with an average job, working full time, you'd be left with around £300 a month after paying for nursery fees. Here's the catch - I need a job. Whether I spend what I earn on nursery or not, I need that small amount leftover, because we simply cannot afford life with one income. Yeah, it sucks big time. Do I want to stay at home with Theia for as long as I can? Absolutely! Unfortunately, there is no way this could possibly be affordable at the moment and that's the case for a lot of families.
However, I have always loved working. We all get those days when we 'cba' to even get our backsides out of bed, but overall, I used to get a massive kick from a good day at work. The last week at work, before I took my maternity leave, I was daydreaming of the lie ins, relaxed days, staying up all night to watch series, no responsibility, nowhere to be. Just me and the baby. One month into maternity, I was wishing I had a light job on the side, to take my mind off everything. I made close relationships with other people at work, wherever I went, so it was like getting paid for hanging out with friends. I had a career I really wanted to succeed in, a goal set in my mind. A career, which I had to shove aside, because I chose to have a baby, a career which I chose over university, and now? I am left with very little to my name.
It is incredibly easy to measure your own success with other people's measures. We do it to ourselves and we have it done to us by others. My girls have done so well! Finished university, some just finishing their studies and some doing their thing, trying out different careers. One of my lovely ladies is starting a fantastic job in March in her field of work. Three of my besties are flying to America tomorrow for an entire month. Am I jealous? To hell, I am. I am so jealous, that I want to bury myself for the whole time they're away and not hear anything about it. At the same time, I love them and I want them to have the time of their life. It's just that nasty gut feeling, tugging my heartstrings and whispering 'you could've gone with them'. I love my baby wholeheartedly, I don't think I need to justify that, but it is dangerously easy to get caught up in the 'what if' scenarios in our heads.
I just want to say a big WELL DONE! Well done to those mums, who sacrificed their career to become stay at home mums. It takes a lot of strength, patience and creativity to be able to be with your kids 24/7, without a place to escape. Well done to those mums, who have gone back to work full time, I know how much you want to be with your baby, but you have to work two jobs, second one being motherhood, when you get in, knackered, but have to cook a meal, clean and tend to your baby, forgetting about your own needs. Well done to all the dads, who work extra hard, to allow their partners to stay at home or cut down the hours to be with their babe. As much pressure as we carry, father's face their own difficulties that parenthood granted, let's not forget about them. You're all heroes.
Truthfully, I may have been stripped down from my freedom, but just because things aren't easy, doesn't mean they're impossible. I just have to put in that extra bit of effort. I was reminded the other day, that I am qualified and trained in a profession. There are plenty of opportunities, outside of working till 11 p.m in a fast paced restaurant. For now, until I figure out who I want to be, I will get a job, that I know a few things about, because I don't want to put the last three years I spent studying it, to waste. It's sad, that at the tender age of 23, I am facing such dilemmas and complications, when technically, I'm still a kid myself. However, I am excited for new opportunities. I cannot wait to go back to work. Is it a sin, that I want to be a full time working mum? Nope!
