#mummyguilt

[littlelegsltd]

This little man is my boy Danny! He is nearly 7 now and he is my partner in crime. We are similar in so many ways and no matter what or where I always get cuddles even if his mates are there! Why am I sharing this? Because this wasn’t always the case. When he was born and in reflection even during pregnancy I had Pre and postnatal depression. Although I functioned as a good mother - I wasn’t actually present. I was so low I became suicidal. PND took a grip of me. For the first year together I was in survival mode and as much as I loved my boy - I didn’t enjoy our time like I had hoped. I felt miserable and guilty that I had broken him. It became a running joke that if I was holding him and anyone else was there he wanted to go to them. The worse was when he fell over at his friends first birthday and I tried to pick him up and he cried even more until Daddy arrived. It hurt like hell but I laughed it off to others. Then when he was about 16 months old it all changed - we literally fell in love and that was that! I got myself a mummy’s boy and wing man. Was it time? Was it that I had come out of the other side of PND? Whatever it was all that misery and guilt disappeared! Our relationship has gone from strength to strength - he recently told me I was his favourite and fortnite was his second favourite! Maternity leave can be really tough on some people - PND is debilitating and it can go hand in hand with overwhelming mummy guilt. I’m here to share my story to tell you that you can get through this. I thought this little monster hated me - I certainly know now how much he loves me because he tells me every single day 💙 #postnataldepression #pnd #mummysboy #survivor #mummyguilt #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #bekind #antenataldepression #pregnancy #maternityleave #love #family #parenting (at Little Legs Ltd) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEgGOaulGj2/?igshid=1mpbbbcp1mckf

[littlelegsltd]

Just before Christmas I read a post from a teacher who said after the holidays children talk about things they have done not the presents they received. Pondering on this I asked my daughter what her favourite thing about Christmas was and she said opening presents and eating lots of lovely food!! Of course she did - I had gone on a mission to ensure that they enjoyed both of these things. I did feel a little deflated and mummy guilt kicked in that I had created materialistic monsters though- damn mummy guilt! We took them to the bike park for some fresh air and to blow out the cobwebs and they played at the park for a little but but then spent most of their time playing in the leaves- rolling down the hill, getting muddy, filthy, wet and cold and we all laughed our heads off! Other kids from the bike park came to join in to make leaf angels. Kids really do love simple pleasures and it’s a pleasure to watch them enjoy it so much. There’s magic in Santa but as much magic in leaves and just being a kid! #makingmemories #gettingdirtyisfun #autumnleaves #dontgrowuptoofast #mummyguilt (at Victoria Embankment Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsAGSm5Bjv3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1kbgjsmg0loqh

[namenaturals]

#happysaturday beauties! Where our #workingmoms at? Are you neglecting #selfcare including #haircare (offcourse 🙄) because of #mummyguilt for having a job/career? The vivacious #lifecoach, #workingmother strategist & most importantly #namenaturals patron🤗😘 @linda_arrey has finally released her long awaited #memoirsofaworkingmother 🙌🏾🙌🏾 that examines the complexities surrounding #parentalguilt and provides strategies to break away from those feelings and be your best self for you and for your entire family. Pre-order a copy of this gem and thank us later. Don’t forget to also make your hair live it’s best life by giving it the #namenaturals treatment ✅ #usamade using the highest quality ingredients to nourish, repair and rejuvenate. #beautyandbooks #workingmomstruggles #womenempowerment #womensupportingwomen https://www.instagram.com/p/BneFJetg_Cu/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=mfexc1asykk8

[anotherbloggermum-blog]

D-Day

1st August 2017. The big day has arrived....... its back to work time.

So I nearly posted last night, I had so many thoughts, feelings and emotions going through my head in preparation for today and I thought that there was something dramatically poetic about capturing the 'before'. Perhaps then I would have some huggge relief about how much easier the reality was than I've built in my mind. (lol- on reflection how emo am I?!) But anyway.... I would nooooo way have had time to write my thoughts on a post-it note, let alone a blog! So let's just start with today.....

Usually Enzo (my 1 year old..... I'll tell you more about him later) wakes up at about 6.30am -oh the joys of motherhood- so I was super organised and set my alarm for 6am. Thirty minutes of time to get up, washed and covered in enough make up to hide the last 12 months of early starts. Whilst on that note, has anyone ever considered that by the time you serrriously need to apply a decent amount of foundation and touch éclat, you barely have 5 minutes to yourself to even pee- let alone spend a good fifteen minutes contouring your cheekbones?! What's that about? Anyway....... this wasn't a problem this morning because today, my DS decided he would have a lie in! Not on Sunday- the day of rest, not yesterday- our last mummy-son day together, but today- the day we needed to be in the car on the way to nursery be 7.15am. In fairness it all worked out ok and we successfully left the house with the 3 million pre-packed bags that we needed for our days in tow, and arrived at nursery perfectly on time. Go me! (I'm not doing to dwell on how emotion I found dropping him off... I'm sure you'll be able to see that for yourself in just a mo!)

So the next challenge was for me: Mission 'Back to Being a Working Adult Capable of Holding Conversations that DO NOT Revolve Around Babies/ Poo/ Weaning etc'. (Oh- and not to mention NOT CRYING ABOUT ABANDONING MY SON AT NURSERY to my boss who was coming to meet me to welcome me back to work. Anyone fancy a guess at how this went?

I successful managed to exchange pleasantries with my boss without even a tremble in my voice. But then another colleague asked "Hows your Son?" and off I was! But it wasn't too tragic and I quickly redeemed myself and put my work hat back on. I attended a conference call, and then had a meeting with my bosses to plan my workload (I've gone back into a new role so there's a lot of planning to do). But after a couple of hours I checked my phone and realised I had a missed call from Enzo's nursery. Shit! they called an hour ago and I've only just realised. #motherhoodfail No1. I  convinced myself it was fine- probably just something administrative.... so I called them back. "Enzo has had a little accident"- just the words I needed to hear after already crying 3 times since I got out of bed. He'd fallen over and cut his lip open. Nothing too serious but enough to start my waterworks off again!

Why today? Why the first day of nursery when my Mum- guilt was already paramount? Why when I am an hour and a half away with no way of getting back any faster?

Thankfully everything was ok- Enzo enjoyed the rest of his day; he ate all his food, had a little sleep and they even took him to the farm to feed the piglets!

Here's hoping the rest of my working week runs a little more smoothly!!

[distinguishedharmonytree]

Mummy Guilt

All Mum’s get it… ‘Mummy guilt.’ Why must we strive to be perfect? Why don’t we give ourselves a break? Why must we be an ‘earth mother’? Why must we compare ourselves to other Mums?

I am guilty of having mummy guilt so much, too much. Sometimes there are so many things I want to do for my kids that I don’t end up doing any of them. So the guilt grows.

I often have my hands full and when the baby cries for my attention I often can’t attend to them as quickly as I did with my first child.

I want to make home cooked nutritious meals but do I miss out on quality play with my kids to spend ages cooking food from scratch?

I spend time playing with my kids, but then all the cleaning and laundry stacks up.

I want to get a cleaner to help with those chores so I can spend time with the kids. But is this wasting money that we could put towards a holiday or amazing toys?

Am I neglecting my toddler when I’m looking after my infant? Am I neglecting my infant when hanging out with my toddler? Am I being lazy when I put my toddler in front of a movie?

 I’ve gone back to work,  when my husband is home to watch the kids. So then hubby and I have so much less time to spend together.

When I am at home with the kids (which I love), I often feel like I’m not contributing to the world. I’d love to be doing things for the environment or animals.

I am often so tired after running around after the kids, that I snap and my hubby when he asks me something or asks something of me. Or I let the baby cry for a couple of minutes while I pluck up the energy to get up.

I try to use cloth nappies but I’ve started using disposables when I’m out and about. I’m being lazy as I hate carrying around pooey nappies.

Maybe I need to stop over thinking and complaining and get on with it. Maybe I just need to try one thing at a time. Maybe I just need to chill out and not be so hard on myself. But I want to do my best for my kids, I’m their only Mum. I want to set a good example for them. I want to be like my Mum. I think I just need to do my best, give myself and break and accept that when will be, will be.

These days so much is expected of Mums. Mum’s of the previous generation, mostly didn’t work. We want to mother like our Mums and also work. These days we are expected to, or want the best of both worlds.  The grass is always greener, right? If you are reading this and you are a Mum, stop with the guilt! You are a SUPER MUM!! I will listen to my own words.

[iamrebekahcorlett]

Guilt... A pointless emotion

It’s a funny thing, in no shape or form am I in denial about Sophia’s autism. My personal mantra for this whole adventure is simply ‘it is what it is.’ I accept her differences wholeheartedly and focus on what she can do, not what she can’t.

However, when the note came home from school that class photos were tomorrow, I prayed for the unimaginable.

“Please god let Sophia look normal.”

Embarrassingly, I wanted to be able to have in my possession a snapshot of my daughter showing off her thick, wavy hair, deep brown eyes framed by long eyelashes and infectious smile. A beautiful image of my visually perfect daughter minus the flapping, rocking and screaming.

Effectively, I wanted to photoshop her of her autism.

After five years of having to keep silent while other mums around me competed for bragging rights on whose child was crawling, walking, talking etc first, I knew I could finally enter the race if I had a lovely photo in my wallet of Sophia looking happy and, well, normal. If only she would sit still for a second and flash that beautiful smile I know and love. For a moment I could be a normal mum. How pathetic and superficial is that? Very. I feel terribly guilty admitting this, but guilt is an emotion I am getting used to as a parent.

Here is a list of my current sources of guilt

1.Regularly having to put Sophia’s needs before those of my 3 year old son, and also my much ignored husband 2.Causing upset to close family and friends when I need to vent about problems we are having with Sophia 3.Causing upset to strangers when Sophia has a meltdown in public 4.Regularly turning down kind invites to fun events like kids birthday parties because I don’t want Sophia to make a scene 5.Not keeping in contact as well as I should with close friends who make the effort to keep us in their plans. One day I’m sure they will give up on me and I won’t blame them! 6. Am I doing enough for Sophia? Is the reason why she still isn’t talking because of something I am/am not doing? 7.Are those conspiracy theorists right? Did immunisations/diet/environmental factors cause her autism?

In the end, Sophia did smile for the camera. Her first class photo was absolutely gorgeous. Not a sign of autism to be seen. It was duly framed and hung on the wall in pride of place. Unfortunately, because of the hours of stressing by yours truly in the lead up to photo day, every time I look at it, the only emotion I feel is… well, you can add it to the above list.

Guilt. It’s a pointless emotion. No point feeling bad about something I have no control over. I prefer to acknowledge my emotion, and then move on. I can’t let it dictate who I am as a person nor as a mother. Guilt. It’s inevitable on this autistic adventure, but like I always say, ‘it is what it is.’

[momsterofmunster-blog]

First day of School

Well, day care. Yes, that's right. Babester at ripe old age of 8 months is having her first full day in day care. She's been to the creche at the gym and been babysat by various aunties and grandparents but today is her first day of school. I'm calling it school because it makes me feel better. It makes me feel less like I've abandoned her to strangers. She'll have fun at school. She'll learn something. She'll play with other kids and sign rhymes and otherwise exhaust her little mind.

Dropping her off this morning I was almost smothered by mummy guilt. I spent some time with her while she got used to the room but really, it was more about me getting used to the idea of leaving her there. They had everything a baby could possibly want and Babester was off like a rocket on four legs, exploring every corner. She laughed and smiled at the other children and didn't seem to care less when I finally took a deep, steadying breath, kissed her goodbye and raced out of the room with my dignity in tact.

She'll be fine. I'll be fine. The first time is the worst (I hope I hope I hope). I can't wait to pick her up this afternoon. And I've promised myself that I will give her undivided mummy time until she goes to bed; I don't care how many work deadlines I may have - she's far more important.

xx

Momster