The Rise and Fall of a SecUnit
So I did it. I wrote about Murderbot. Because it's great. Watch it please
Humans.
They were truly the stupidest, strangest, and most annoying species in the entire galaxy.
Okay, they were capable of doing incredible things, like The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon, what a masterpiece, or me, even though they couldn't figure out I'd hacked my command module.
Honestly, a species that creates the object of its own destruction didn't deserve much respect. But just because I really like that show, I want to see the end.
Oh, and yeah, maybe not all humans were so terrible. For example, if you took the team of degenerates I was supposed to protect, Mensah was far superior to Gurathin. And Y/N was better than the entire crew.
Ah, Dr. Y/L/N, robotics specialist… I had trouble with her at first, without being able to understand why, since she was the only one who acted with any intelligence, listening to my advice, not forcing me to speak to her, look her in the eye, or sit down, and always making the right decisions.
I had made a list to try to determine why my sensors classified her as a threat, because even though she was the best placed to discover that I had hacked my module, she didn't seem to be paying attention to me.
No, she was focused on her mission, typing her reports quickly and accurately, recording her notes with her sweet voice, moving gracefully through the habitat, leaving her sweet scent behind…
It had taken me several days to understand that she was my Captain Hossein and that I was Nav Bot 337 Alt 66. Totally in love, and desperate not to have her attention.
Damn, was it possible for me to be in love ? I resented her as much for her indifference as for having made me discover this fact. I really didn't need that.
So I tried to make a list of all the reasons not to be in love with Y/N. But aside from the fact that she didn't see me as a potential partner, I hadn't been able to find any other data to complete this file.
It had gotten worse when the team discovered my secret and she was the only one to react logically.
"It's not our problem, but the Company's, which treats its units like slaves. So far, SecUnit hasn't done anything to endanger us, quite the opposite, and so at this point there's no reason not to trust them."
If I'd had a heart, it would have been pounding at that moment. I would have even kissed her if I could have moved, and if the others hadn't risked mistaking it as an attack. I think I knew it was true love when she was the only one who didn't yell at me about Leebeebee. I even got a thank you, with a little smile. So cute.
Then, as usual, that stupid Gurathin, even with a bullet in his knee, opened his big mouth.
"Why is it looking you in the eyes ?"
"Excuse me ?"
"I know from experience that SecUnit doesn't like eye contact. It said so itself when it was being hacked by the combat override module. But it looks at you often, and directly in the eyes when you talk to it."
"Now that you mention that, it's true it looks at Y/N a lot," Bharadwaj continued, approaching. "Why are you looking at her ? Do you want to kill her first because she knows how to unplug you ?"
"I have no intention of hurting Doctor Y/L/N." It was true.
"Yeah, my ass. I looked at your hard drive, there are tons of screenshots of her, almost as many as downloads of silly TV shows."
"We can talk about it !" Mensah interjected, raising her hands, placing herself in the center of the hopper. "SecUnit, can you explain why you have tons of pictures of Y/N ?"
"… I'd rather not talk about it."
"But we must, we can talk about it."
Seriously, why did they keep saying that while snapping their fingers ? If I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to fucking talk about it.
There are much more romantic declarations than being forced to confess my feelings in front of a group of assholes, who will laugh and call me a liar, making my poor Y/N uncomfortable in the process.
I was more envisioning that big moment after a great rescue, when I'd figured out who was trying to kill the team.
They'd have had the audacity to target her, so I'd have leapt in front of her to protect her, shooting the villain directly in the head. And while I'd have been on the ground, her pressing my wound and crying, I'd have recited the poem I'd written for her.
But that was a bit of a compromise. Fortunately, even if it messed up my brilliant scenario a bit, Y/N came to my rescue.
"We have more pressing matters to deal with, I think. Like finding a way to get off this planet alive."
Go ahead, my sweet, almost-captain, tell them. Honestly, she should take Mensah's place. In fact, she doesn't need a team at all. I could have her bride style mode, and we'd run away from this mess together.
"We'll figure out those photo issues later."
Oh, please, no, Y/N, forget all that. Maybe I was checking to make sure you slept well at night, that you didn't fall in the shower, and that you had enough water while working, but it's not weird at all, no need to know.
Really, it's not even weird. I have no sexual interests, I'm not a Pleasurebot, I don't have the physical ability for that kind of thing, and even if I did, I find it disgusting. I've seen Pin-Lee, Ratthi, and Arada together. No, thank you.
I wouldn't mind a kiss or holding hands if Y/N asked. Why not, to show our connection without having to use words. Her hands are clean and super soft. I know because she's the one who fixed me after the hopper accident.
But if we don't touch at all, that's fine with me too. A simple intellectual harmony. A symbiosis. It would be so great to be able to make love like in The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon, just by touching fingers, much simpler.
"SecUnit ? Are you with us ?" Y/N asked, placing her hand on my shoulder. As if necessary. I always listen when she speaks to me. Not when it's Gurathin, like now, so no, I wasn't with them before her intervention.
"I was checking…"
"The perimeter, we know." Mensah sighed. "And what does that give ? Because we really need to get to the nursery quickly."
"I can't guarantee the habitat is safe. I advise you not to go back there."
"I'll take note. Let's land at a safe distance."
Stupid humans. Gurathin obviously needed medical assistance, but it was either him or the whole team at this point, and frankly, he wasn't worth putting yourself in danger.
Completely ignoring me, they stepped off the ship, heading towards certain death. Except for Y/N, who looked at me for a moment, as if waiting for me to follow. Then she sighed sadly, turning her back on me.
Damn, this was like Season 15, Episode 36. I couldn't just let her go. She jumped slightly when I grabbed her arm before she could leave the hopper.
"Don't go," I said, echoing the beautiful words of Nav Bot 337 Alt 66, as Captain Hossein was about to risk his life for a primitive civilization, disobeying orders. "I can't lose you. You're… important."
"Oh. That's sweet, TechUn…"
"Murderbot."
"Huh ?"
"My name is Murderbot."
"Okay," Y/N agreed, not questioning me, with her beautiful smile, her eyes fixed on mine. "Thanks, Murderbot. But I have to go. I can't leave them, they're my teammates, and my friends."
Damn. That was such a cool line, what could I say against that ? So I watched her leave like a moron on standby. Now was the perfect time to get the hell out of here. Take the ship, find a dessert spot, and finish watching my shows in peace.
Except, you guessed it, did I do that ? Of course not. I couldn't just stand by and do nothing. If anything happened to her, I'd destroy the planet just like Nav Bot seemed to destroy the ship in a spoiler I saw after the captain was murdered.
So I followed my Y/N into danger, praying for the opportunity to carry out my brilliant plan by saving her life, and saving her friends along the way if possible, to earn her well-deserved affection.
It was that or we'd all die anyway. We'd see.
