the one regret : what is the one thing that your muse regrets ? it could be inside or outside of portum's walls. there has to be something they wish they could've done differently. what is that one thing ?
cristian liloan has a great many regrets. xe carries them like a shroud across his shoulders—a cross to bear, if he bought into that christian bullshit. collected over centuries, bad memories like droplets filling a pool, they weigh on xem in quiet moments and whenever he is alone. most trivial or immutable, spur-of-the-moment decisions or choices-that-weren't. some, even cris is still not sure if he truly regrets, or if xe simply wonders what could have been. like putting himself in a position to be captured by pirates ... he lost family, but gained many things — friends, adventure, an eternal life, a chance to change the world for the better that xe never would have had as an ordinary mortal.
xyr greatest regret, however, is simple. it is that he allowed fear to control him, to keep xem from reconnecting with xyr family before it was too late. he did not want them to see what he had become, a monster preying upon humans, and thus missed the chance to ever see xyr parents or cousins again. he does not begrudge their descendants, appreciates the familial spirit they extend, but he misses his first family. wishes he could have told them about his grand adventures on the high seas, of thwarting the spanish navy time and time again. he knows his cousins would have appreciated the story, and xyr mother would have plied xem with pandesal while trying not to fret.
