but I guess I don't know right? just because i can't imagine someone could work like that, doesn't mean it can't be true. just because something means something to me, doesn't mean someone else thinks about it in a similar way. a dynamic that's precious to me can be shrug-worthy to the other person. physical intimacy too. it might not mean anything at all to the other person involved, no matter the trust and comfortableness and ease of it all. trust might not be a big deal to them. it's weird how people can experience the same things so differently. I think our dynamic is precious and I think it's a bummer I can't see him anymore. but according to his best friend, whether he and I are friends or not are both okay with him. well, I guess I am okay with not being friends too. maybe the two go together for him too. I might just not want to be alone in this, but maybe I should accept that I am. I am utterly alone in how I feel. that doesn't have to be a bad thing.