The marauders as things my family have said during lockdown:
James: Come on, why aren’t you doing this workout with us?
Peter: ...I mean this bagel’s really good though
James: ha I’ve done more steps than Sirius today!
Remus: grandads probably done more steps than him today
Sirius: but... but he’s dead
Remus: exactly
Sirius: you need to get your head out those books, not good for you, all that reading
Remus: oh just because I actually know how to read
Peter: uh... what’re you doing?
Sirius: *sitting in under stairs cupboard eating dry cereal* what do you mean?
Euphemia: oh come on, just give your brother the money
Sirius: brother? Ha! I have no brother!
James: oh my god you landed on my property I don’t make the rules of monopoly!
Peter: you can’t have lunch it’s only eleven o’clock
James: yeah but this is just first lunch, I’ll have second lunch at twelve.
Peter: but you only had second breakfast half an hour ago
James: yes. I know that.
Sirius: how many cups of tea have you had today?
Remus: four
Sirius: oh that’s actually not so-
Remus: teen. Fourteen
Remus: how have we run out of milk?!
Sirius: *has had 7 iced lattes that day* I... I don’t know
Peter: how about we play a game!
Sirius: I’d rather slowly insert pins into my eyes
Remus: can be arranged
James: you’re up late
Sirius: yeah but I don’t have work today
James: but it’s Thursday
Sirius: what?! I thought it was Sunday!
Sirius: I didn’t realise there were chickpeas in hummus
Remus: What?! How?
Peter: do you smell burning?
Sirius: oh shit! The flapjacks have been in the oven for an hour!
Peter: how long were they supposed to have?
Sirius: about twenty minutes...
James: Do you reckon you can order ostrich eggs?
Remus: What the fuck do you want an ostrich egg for?
James: Big omelet
Peter: Chuck me that knife
Sirius: *throws knife*
Peter: Ah! What the fuck is wrong with you!
Sirius: you said chuck!
(It missed fear not, I’m okay)
Remus: The shopping arrived. Only one substitution.
Remus: They substituted the meat free balls for tennis balls. And so we’ll be having them with spaghetti tomorrow evening.
Peter: Least favourite thing about lockdown?
James: Being trapped in the house with Sirius
Sirius: Fuck you