i'm one minor inconvenience away from packing my things and walking into the sunset and never returning. i hate my freakass school my bones ache just thinking about it. i hate waking up EARLY js to attend that freakass place i hate existing in that building. i hate my freakass classmates who act like NPCs in a broken simulation every word they say feels like background noise it's like half of them were assembled in a lab to annoy me specifically and why tf are u chewing like u are conducting a live percussion performance in my ear. i hate my freakass teachers who think giving us just one more task will unlock our final form i hope their pen runs out of link before they sign something important i hate my freakass opps they are like mosquitoes with wifi always hovering who have nothing better to do than exist loudly in my direction and bitch if u are gonna obsess over me at least do it with some accuracy please like there's no need to stick ur nonexistence ass into people's pussy to lie about me. i hate my freakass friends (not really) but lowk being around them feels like sitting at the edge of a group photo i wasn’t supposed to be in i always feel like an unpaid therapist at a circus where everyone else got the inside joke but me. i'm so painfully out of place it's embarrassing. i hate how this cursed institution steals my will to live AND the precious hours i could have dedicated that time to rewatching martin's edit and deluding myself even further and heeseung's hip thrust fancam that could have realigned my chakras but instead i'm surrounded by people whose idea of humour is quoting tiktok sounds from 3 months ago. i need to disappear into the woods and start a new life talking to my bird friends because i actually cannot do this anymore. it’s so hard to keep my grades up when i feel like a half deflated balloon held together by denial my grades are holding on by a single neuro. every test feels like a personal attack and my brain has officially logged off. the only thing keeping me remotely sane atp is my parasocial situationship with enhypen (joke) and my delusional devotion to cortis. i don’t need therapy i js need heeseung's vocals and whatever magic dust martin puts in his songs and my husband ni-ki to teleport me out of this cursed educational system.
on a serious note tho it's not the schoolwork that's causing me to struggle it's the environment and the people around me. being surrounded by certain classmates, fiends, and others who create tension or stress drains my energy and makes it difficult to focus. without that constant emotional drain i feel like i would be able to perform much better academically. i just need a healthier environment where my mental wellbeing isn’t being constantly impacted 😕