Being childfree (#NaBloPoMo Day 6)
I’m trying to keep these blog posts positive, but I’m afraid that the following topic will bring out the negative in me because there are some painful feelings regarding this topic that I need to resolve.
I’m unsure about a lot of the decisions I’ve made in my life, but the decision to not have children is not one of them. Why do I want to be childfree? There are so many reasons and I could go on at length about each of them...So where do I begin? Well, for one, I truly value my alone time and time to “do nothing” and zone out. Also, I simply can’t stand the jarring sound of young childrens’ loud crying and screaming. It seriously bothers me. And I’m just not very good with children. I feel very awkward around them and don’t know how to be around them. I *refuse* to coo and make baby talk. Yet, oddly enough, I am the total opposite around animals, especially cats, whether it’s my own or other people’s. There are some people who get excited over babies. That’s how I am with cats.
The crazy thing is, I am at an age when ALL of my friends and peers are having babies (or least it seems like all of them). This year alone, four of my friends had babies, in addition to the number of acquaintances. And now another one will be expecting in April. And I can tell you from experience that once friends have babies, they cross a threshold that cannot be crossed back again. The friendship is no longer the same because their children become their whole life and main preoccupation. And of course, it’s *good* that people are committed to making sure their children are taken care of and have the best life possible and of *course* I’m happy knowing that my friends are living the life they want to live. And yet...I feel alienated, left behind. Parents bond with other parents because they understand what it’s like. I become the person who just “doesn’t understand” what it’s like to be a parent. I can see how some people are driven to have their own children...just so they can fit in! But I don’t ever want to understand what it’s like to be a parent. From what I hear other’s say about it, it’s just not something that I want to go through.
I want to be understanding about my friends’ situations, but sometimes I feel that the best way to be understanding is to stay out of their way because I would be of no help to them. And to be honest, I *don’t* want to be of help because I simply have a hard time dealing with young children.