Your 'Girl'- Part 3
Part 2 Part 1
Pairing: Steve Harrington x reader
Summary: "I am a moth who has memorized the shape of the flame."
Warnings: Really sad angst, self doubt, self hatred, fluff, cycle of abuse (not physical), implied infidelity in established relationship, no use of y/n (Scenes from Stranger Things, Season 4)
"So, uhh... babe?"
"Hmm?"
"Could you... clarify what sort of... clues we're supposed to be looking for here?"
Dustin, who's walking ahead of you both, turns his head.
Your eyes meet.
You quickly avert your gaze to the ground, pressing you lips together to stop the snort of laughter threatening to slip out of you.
In front of you, Dustin swivels around fully, the light from the flashlights you were holding just enough to accentuate the exasperated look on his face.
"The world is full of obvious things, which nobody, by any chance, observes."
A beat passes as Steve and Dustin staring at each other, your lip quivering, before Dustin shakes his head and turns left, walking off to another part of the house.
"Great, that's just great," Steve mutters, flashlight momentarily dancing across the filthy walls as his arm flops to his side in defeat.
Your expression softens. You try not to be... mean to Steve, you really, really do, despite a part of you wondering why you even bother, but sometimes, your boyfriend doesn't make it easy for you.
"Sherlock Homes," you say, a corner of your mouth twitching.
Steve looks to you, brown eyes large and darker than usual in the dim, dreary room. "Hmm? What?"
"The quote... Dustin's quote. It's Sherlock Homes."
Steve rolls his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Someone should really teach the kid some humility."
Like someone needs to teach you loyalty?
The comeback crosses your mind almost automatically, no conscious effort required on your part, and you instantly feel yourself deflate as your insecurities resurface once more.
You turn your attention back to the dusty room, shining your flashlight around a web-laden ottoman, the playfulness in you extinguishing to mirror the atmosphere the room. Cause that's how things worked now. Somehow, every conversation even remotely connected to Steve always circled back to how everything between you two was wrong now. Every single moment with your boyfriend was just a reminder of your insecurities, of how- no matter what transpired between you- Steve would never fully be yours.
And you wonder if feeling like this was even worth it anymore.
If-
"Although, I suppose if he wasn't like this, I'd never have got the courage to ask you out."
Your attention snaps over to Steve and you pause what you were doing, the depressing thoughts suddenly flying from your head in your surprise.
Steve catches your gaze, a smile spreading over his lips. "You don't know the whole story, do you?"
"Uhh, no?"
He chuckles, leaning back against the fireplace so he faces you fully, head tilted to the side. A faraway look appears in his eyes, as if he's imagining himself back in the moment, nearly a year ago, when you two had first met each other.
"Well..." he starts, scratching his head, "Henderson was obviously aware that I kind of had a thing for you- the girl who worked at Waldenbooks, and- you know this part- he was always on my back about asking you out whenever you came to Scoops to get ice-cream. Said that if you came everyday and spoke to me for five minutes despite that ridiculous godamned outfit, you were practically willing me to do it-"
"I was-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know now. But at the time, I thought he was just being delusional.... I mean-" he pauses, eyes meeting your own widened ones, your brows nearly raised to the top of your forehead.
"You were... smart, intelligent, into books, and I was... me-"
"Wait, wait, hold on," you interrupt, placing your hands on your hip, a disbelieving frown forming on your forehead."Are you saying I was a nerd who was out of your league?"
Steve's eyes widen into saucers. "What? What- babe, no! God, no- are you crazy? No, not at all. The opposite, in fact. It's just...," Steve sighs, running a hand down his face. "Well you know how I was in high school, got a lot goin' for me, swim team, basketball, and- and I was popular and rich... Not that I wasn't a complete douchebag-" he quickly clarifies. "But... yeah, I didn't know you then, but you were always one of the studious ones. And now..." he pauses, as if realizing what this was sounding like.
"You do know you're not making this better for yourself, right?" You ask, eyes narrowed.
"I'm an idiot, I know that," he mumbles, shaking his head. "I meant, I had a life back then. It may not have been a very... conscientious or- or honest life of a good person, but atleast I had respect. And despite how much I hate the idea now, I always considered myself above... other normal people." Steve pauses then, his gaze settling back at a spot on the ground once more, like he was unable to look at you as he admitted the next part.
"And now? Now I worked at Scoops Ahoy as a sailor who asked people to embark on an 'ocean of flavour' with him.... A joke- that's what I was. Embrassed. I was embarrassed. That's why I couldn't ask you out. Cause... cause you had your life figured out, you were doing great... and I- with all my former prestige- was a joke."
"Steve-" you start.
"And Henderson, the little shit," Steve laughs softly. "He caught onto my hesitation. And he said that I wasn't asking you out because of how smart you were. How you were into books, how you were intelligent, and how my hesitation meant one of two things."
Steve looks up at you then, his expression back to normal, a hint of humour on his features. "Either I was scared to ask out someone smarter than me after Nancy, or, I'd never truly gotten over the old highschool stereotype of the 'kind' of girls I could date. And both of those ideas were so, so wrong sounding to me, they just.... he just made me realize I was being stupid."
A corner of Steve's mouth turns up as he looks at you then, and he pushes off from the fireplace, walking towards you.
"Stupid as shit for not asking out the most wonderful possible girl, who was right there in front of me."
Steve reaches you then, and his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you against his chest. Pressed up against him like this, your faces were barely an inch apart, so close you could see yourself reflected in his pupils, along with that faint hazel tint around his irises that was invisible otherwise.
He exhales softly, his breath fanning your face, cool and gentle against your heated skin.
"Seems like it's been forever since it's been just the two of us, hasn't it?" He says, voice soft, eyes boring into yours.
"Yeah..." you mumble, wanting to look away from his gaze, but simultaneously unable to. It's as if the beauty you see in them holds you captive.
Steve lowers his head, pressing a kiss to the top of your forehead, warm and... and comforting.
"How about we go for a movie Saturday, yeah?" Steve says quietly against your forehead. "You know, just the two of us... hopefully all this Vecna shit is over by then."
You're quiet for a moment, imagining yourself sitting in the passenger side of Steve's car, singing along to whatever song was playing on the radio at the moment. Steve's hair effortlessly styled as usual, clad in that brown jacket he knew was your favourite, that he'd worn just so he could give it to you later that night after the movie when it got a little chilly. Sitting next to each other in the dark cinema, sharing popcorn and coke, taking turns drinking through the same straw, talking in low voices about the movie.
You imagine it all, because you've been through it all. You love going to the movies with Steve, love his company, love him.
At that moment, with his arms around your waist, his lips caressing your skin, body stiff as if anticipating your response with bated breath, you make a decision to forget. Atleast for a litte while.
And when you pull back to look up at Steve, the tiniest hint of a smile plays on your lips.
"Only if you agree to the film being Beauty and the Beast. I heard it's being re-released in the cinemas."
A relieved laugh escapes Steve's lips, and he shakes his head, though his eyes twinkle unmistakeably even in the dark.
"Anything for my girl." He says, pressing another kiss to your forehead, before you pull back from him, still smiling at each other.
"I'm... gonna go see what Dustin's doing," you say finally. "He's been alone for a while now."
"Yeah, probably for the best. I don't think I can get much work done with you here beside me, anyway."
He winks and you chuckle, giving him a last tiny wave of your fingers, before disappearing down the same path as Dustin.
You're gone for all of five minutes.
Once you see that Dustin's alright, you start to walk back to where you and Steve had been earlier, suddenly wanting to be close to him after the moment you just shared.
Wanted to talk to him, to look at him, at his beautiful face-
You turn a corner, about to call out his name or some smart response, when you stop dead in your tracks. All the air leaves your lungs in a dull rush... leaving behind cold, hard, familiar disappointment.
And anger. Anger at yourself. Anger for falling for pretty smiles and sweet words and intense gazes. Anger for ever putting yourself in this situation where you care so goddamned much. Enough to put yourself through this again and again and again, and still want to go back every single time.
Because as you walk away from Steve and Nancy whispering together, her hand loosely on his arm, faces inches apart, eyes focussed intently on each other, in front of the room where you'd been with Steve just a few minutes ago, you know.
You know, that despite the silent promise you make to yourself as you walk away, you'll be back.
You'll be back again, because you don't know how to stop.
And you hate him for it. But you love him too.
So you decide that it's easier just hating yourself instead.
A/N: Well, this was depressing.
Let me know what you think, and your thoughts and theories for the next part through asks or comments, I love hearing them! How 'bout Part 4 after Volume 2 is out? I feel the Steve craze is dying just a litttttle bit. (Or mayb I just can't find the right fucking time to post lol)
As always, gentle reminder that likes, comments, reblogs all make me realllly realllly happy
Update: Part 4 is out now!
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