Jul 15
a pair o' nat mancers for @sosolenoo and @crownleys 💚📚
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seen from Malaysia
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a pair o' nat mancers for @sosolenoo and @crownleys 💚📚
where is the link to the Gothic nat fic... i saw it in your tags and I kinda need it for a friend... totally hahaha...
Hello, friend! Here you are, hope you and your friend enjoy 😉 🥰
Sweet Dreams
Day off
Is it a true Pride month without lesbian sex?
Rating: Mature
Relationship: Nat/F!Detective (Eden Graham)
Tags: NSFW, fluff
Word count: 2200 words
Read on AO3 or under the cut
The timing was never right for the two of them to spend time together. Their short meetings, their dates, even their intimate moments had to be squeezed into a tight schedule between other responsibilities, and Nat deeply despised it, even if she couldn’t do anything to change it. When the stars finally aligned perfectly for Nat and Eden, and both had a day off, she felt happier than ever, because it meant they could enjoy time together without interruptions, without constantly checking the time.
Nat had a plan in mind, of course. She wanted this day to be the best one Eden ever had. And it was going to be a wonderful, day-long date, if it wasn’t for the fact that the moment Nat stepped foot into Eden’s apartment, they started kissing, as if trying to make up for all the lost time, and soon nothing else mattered. Clothes scattered across the floor marked their way to the bedroom, where they both forgot all about their plans. The hunger they had for each other, one that grew between them during the days when they didn’t have a chance to meet, was far from being satisfied, even after Nat spend good half of the morning between Eden’s legs, where her girlfriend was so wet, hot, and welcoming.
They held each other in a tight embrace, with Nat covering Eden’s body, their lips locked in a sloppy kiss. Nat’s fingers, still wet after they’ve been inside Eden, were now digging into her pale hip as Nat was pressing her down. She could never have enough of it – of Eden’s taste, of her feel, of her rapid heartbeat in the moments when she was about to fall apart. Nat was more than willing to give it all to Eden and even more. As much as she might want, as much as she would take.
Eden said something into a kiss, but with their tongues touching, it wasn’t exactly legible. Eden lightly pressed on Nat’s shoulder, asking her to pull away, and she did so, even if it was the last thing she wanted.
“Nat,” Eden let out breathily, her words followed by a bright smile. Nat couldn’t help but feel happiness swell in her chest as she looked at Eden in that moment. “One of us needs to breathe, remember?”
“I’m sorry,” Nat wasn’t sorry one bit, especially not when her mouth found a new purpose against Eden’s neck. “I feel like I’ll never have enough of you, so it’s hard for me to stop, even for a moment.”
Eden let out a soft humming sound, her body moving under Nat’s in an attempt to stay close. When Nat felt a hand in her hair, she felt pure bliss. Nothing could’ve been better than this moment, better than being with Eden like this, without any wayward thoughts to ruin the moment.
“Nat,” Eden called again, getting her attention. When Nat looked at her face, she saw hesitance, shyness.
“What is it? Do you want to take a break? Do you want me to stop?” all she wanted was for Eden to be comfortable and happy with her, no matter how she wanted it.
“Well, yes, but…” Eden stopped for a moment. Nat didn’t enjoy how nervous she looked, how she was avoiding her eyes. But before real worry could settle, Eden continued. “I don’t want to stop, but I would like us to switch. So I could take care of you, too.”
It took Nat a moment to process her words. Eden was forthcoming about her past experience and lack of experience with women. It was never a problem for Nat, she was more than happy to give if that was what Eden needed from her, without asking anything in return. With how brief their past intimate moments were, they didn’t exactly have time for discussions, they just happened, and Nat was happy as long as she left Eden satisfied. It never crossed her mind that Eden would want to change something in their arrangement.
“You don’t have to do this if that’s not what you want,” Nat said in a gentle tone, lightly touching a scar on Eden’s cheek. “What we do is not a transaction.”
Eden’s expression hardened, and she slowly exhaled before she put both of her hands on Nat’s face, not allowing her to look away.
“Natalie, what I want is for you to stop being so considerate and let me eat you out,” Eden’s tone was serious, determined, even. Nat always wanted to be touched by her, but in this moment, she wanted it more than anything else.
“With how passionate your request sounded, I don’t think I can deny it,” Nat gently kissed Eden, while part of her felt slightly tense. She knew that she wouldn’t be disappointed by the experience, but she also wanted Eden to enjoy it.
“You’ll have to give me pointers,” Eden said, her tone far less confident than it was a moment ago. Two of them untangle from each other to switch positions. Nat couldn’t hide how much she enjoyed Eden’s readiness to please her.
“I have a feeling you’re a natural,” Nat ran a hand over Eden’s back.
They kissed again, heat returning with force, until the sheet of Eden’s black hair slipped off her shoulder, falling onto Nat’s face and getting in the way.
“Sorry,” Eden pulled away, before she lifted herself on her arms and leaned to the bedside table to get an elastic. Nat thoroughly enjoyed the view of her girlfriend’s breasts right above her face, before she moved again. “Give me a moment.”
“Let me,” Nat asked, sitting on the bed and opening her palm. Eden gave her an elastic without hesitation and moved around, turning her back to Nat, sitting between her open legs.
This moment felt so calm and domestic, even if both of them were naked and about to have sex. Nat couldn’t stop smiling as she ran her hands through Eden’s long, silky hair, separating the strands so she could put them into a braid.
“I love your hair,” she said, leaving a light kiss on Eden’s shoulder. “It’s so soft.”
Eden let out a light laugh. “We’re both fully naked, and the part of me you want to compliment is my hair?”
“What’s wrong with that?” Nat asked, almost done with the task. “What part of me would you name if I asked which one is your favorite?”
“Your fingers,” Eden answered without a moment of hesitation. Nat couldn’t see her face, but she was more than sure there was blush on Eden’s cheeks.
“And what do you like about them?” Nat couldn’t help but tease. Eden’s hands landed on her legs, caressing lightly, almost calmingly, despite the situation.
“You know what I like,” she said with a laugh. “I like how they feel inside me.”
Nat couldn’t help but feel happy when she heard it. She wanted to do it again, wanted to make Eden moan her name. Nat’s hands went to reach for Eden’s breasts, teasing the soft flesh, until she felt a light slap against her wrist.
“No, not now. It’s your turn,” Eden reminded her, turning around to face Nat. “I want to know what it looks like when you can’t control yourself.”
Nat wasn’t about to tell Eden that this part was never going to happen, this conversation was too heavy for the moment they were sharing. Instead, she got onto her back and watched as Eden leaned over her chest with a dreamy expression on her face.
“You know, I kept wondering if your hyper-senses translate into how my touch feels,” Eden said, almost absently cupping Nat’s breast and rubbing her nipple with a thumb. “Do they?”
Nat felt the heat in her lower stomach, and she wasn’t sure if what caused it was Eden’s touch or the way she looked at Nat, spoke to her.
“Yes,” Nat answered, watching a grin appear on Eden’s face.
“I expect to hear this word many more times today,” she laughed, lightly kissing Nat, before busying her mouth with Nat’s breasts.
If Eden didn’t know what to do, it surely didn’t feel like it. She was attentive, constantly looking up to check on Nat’s expression, and it was that questioning look of Eden’s blue eyes that was making Nat lose it. Being wanted this badly was a pleasure that nothing could replace.
Eden kept teasing her breasts, her tongue rubbing against Nat’s nipples, her lips sucking in and making her feel even more tension.
“Does it feel good?” Eden asked with concern, lifting her head. “You can tell me, I’m open to criticism.”
“Do my moans mean nothing to you?” Nat asked softly. “Though I would appreciate it if you continued with your original plan. After having you and what you just did…”
“You’re desperate for me to fuck you,” Nat blinked, not sure if she heard it right, because Eden never swore in front of her before. Her look seemed to dampen Eden’s mood. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m a little nervous, and I can’t think straight.”
“No, don’t apologize. I love to see you so eager,” Nat reassured Eden. She pulled at the end of her braid, making Eden lean closer to her face. “You can have me any way you want me.”
Their kiss grew needier, just like the two of them, and all Nat wanted was to feel anything, everything Eden would be willing to give her.
As soon as Eden pulled away, she moved down between Nat’s legs. She expected there to be hesitation, for Eden to start slowly, but Nat underestimated how long her girlfriend waited for that moment.
“Eden!” she let out, as soon as she felt firm, long strokes of Eden’s tongue against the wetness that collected between her legs after the long foreplay.
“Do you want me to do something different?” she asked with concern, lifting her head, and the view of her between Nat’s legs made her ache even more.
“Slow down a bit,” Nat gave her a reassuring smile. “I’m afraid I won’t last long if you continue like this.”
Eden looked almost giddy after hearing those words, and Nat would’ve commented on that, but she felt Eden’s warm tongue against her core once more.
Eden took her request to heart, continuing to tease Nat slowly with the tip of her tongue, but that didn’t make much of a change. She was too wound up, the situation made her too excited to feel anything but strong, hot pleasure building up faster than she ever felt before.
“Do you enjoy this?” Nat asked, feeling closer and closer to the edge. Even in this moment, she couldn’t help but make sure Eden felt good.
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking this?” Eden stayed in place to answer, and Nat felt her hot breath hit right against the wetness. “You taste very good, and you feel even better against my mouth. Does it answer your question?”
Nat could only nod, not sure if Eden saw, because she was back to teasing Nat even more intensely. Nat couldn’t stop loud moans dropping from her lips, especially when she felt a jolt of pleasure make her body tighten so much her thighs almost closed around Eden’s head. Eden didn’t seem to be bothered by it, she didn’t even pause as Nat felt the intensity of pleasure rushing through her.
There was no break, not even for a moment. Eden pressed her mouth against Nat’s sensitive nub, sucking on it, while her fingers pushed into Nat. She whimpered, not sure how Eden was able to hold back until that moment.
“Does this feel right?” Eden asked in a gentle tone, while her fingers slowly moved inside Nat’s walls. She could only look at Eden through half-lidded eyes, noticing the wetness around her mouth. “Should I do this?”
Nat moaned loudly enough to know that there was no way sound was contained by the walls of Eden’s apartment.
“Yes, that’s better,” she finally let out, earning a smile from Eden.
It felt heavenly, and not only because Eden’s mouth and fingers were moving in a perfect rhythm that made Nat’s whole body burn. Being this wanted by someone she loved so much, someone she wanted to have at her side until the end of time, was making her feel weak in a whole new way.
She heard the wet sounds of Eden’s mouth on her, felt the teasing friction of her fingers, and only wanted more. Anything Eden was willing to give, Nat would take with gratitude, meet with affection. They fit together perfectly in so many ways, and this moment was just another proof of that.
The wave of pleasure ripping through her body was stronger than her first orgasm, making Nat grip the sheets under her, ignoring the creaking of the tearing fabric. Eden slowed down, allowing Nat to feel every second of it, every hot, wonderful moment, until she felt nothing but complete emptiness in her thoughts and relaxation in her body.
“Am I right to assume it was good?” Eden moved to lie down at Nat’s side, looking at her with interest.
“Yes, you’d be right,” Nat nodded, turning to face Eden. “I have a feeling your neighbors won’t be too happy if we continue to spend our days like this.”
Eden laughed brightly, softly kissing Nat.
“I had a very good time, so I think that’s all that matters,” she said, hugging Nat with one arm.
Nat closed her eyes and pressed her face to the top of Eden’s head, feeling calmer than she had in a long time. They were together, and she was happier than ever as she held Eden in her arms.
If she could pick one day to never end, that would’ve been the one Nat would choose.
Living in the Moment
Rating: Teen and Up
Relationship: Ava/F!Detective(Eden Graham), Nat/F!Detective
Tags: angst, cheating
Word count: 3100 words
Read on AO3 or under the cut
Ava felt restless. It was far from new, and she always had to keep herself busy so unwanted thoughts wouldn’t bother her. But this task became increasingly hard ever since Eden temporarily moved into the warehouse.
Ava knew what feelings this event should’ve caused – she should’ve been happy for Nat, glad that it would be easier to keep an eye on Detective, nothing more. Instead, there was a flood of emotions she shouldn’t have felt, didn’t want to feel. She lost count of how many times she would walk into a room just to instantly feel a flare of pain at the sight of Eden and Nat together. There was another feeling behind that hurt, the one that left an acidic taste behind, but Ava preferred not to think about it. She already allowed herself to feel too much for Detective, she couldn’t let any other emotions get into the mix.
Eden and Nat were together, in every possible way, in ways Ava would’ve loved not to know of, but it was unavoidable. They were great together. Perfect together. She could never imagine competing with that, not that it was ever a part of Ava’s plan. All she wanted was to see both people she cared about happy, and if she had to get hurt by her own unrequited feelings to make it happen, she was happy to withstand any pain. But part of her, some small part, still longed for Eden.
Ava couldn’t blame Eden. Everything that was stirring inside her heart was not of Detective’s doing. She had given Ava no hope that there could ever be anything more between them than friendship. Then why would Ava’s chest fill with warmth whenever Eden would pick her? In the past weeks, there were many instances when Eden would pick Ava’s side in an argument, when she would choose to walk with her, spend time with her, just the two of them. As much as Ava tried, she couldn’t stop feeling hopeful when those instances would occur. Even if, surely, Eden didn’t mean anything by that.
At the time when it happened, Eden was healing after an attack, locked in the warehouse for a few weeks, and growing increasingly bored. The rest of the unit was on patrol, and Ava made a point not to stay inside. That was the only way for her to avoid Eden’s company, stop herself from seeking it. She tried to keep herself busy by washing her car, but it seemed that the meeting was unavoidable. If Ava wasn’t pulled to Eden, Eden was pulled to her. As pleasant as this thought was, it was also dangerous, but in moments like these, Ava couldn’t force herself to care about it.
“The weather is nice today,” Eden’s voice was as soft and melodic as usual, when she caught Ava off guard. She stood at the door of the warehouse, looking as beautiful as ever. The outfit was new – usually, Eden would attempt to cover as much of her skin as possible, but on that day she decided to wear a short-sleeved cream colored blouse and short brown skirt, leaving most of the scars on her right side open to the view. Ava tried her best not to let her eyes linger on thick white lines crossing Eden’s skin. Nat surely saw all of them, unwanted thought crossed her mind.
“It is,” Ava agreed, noticing a camera hanging on a strap pulled over Eden’s shoulder. “You do remember that you can’t leave the warehouse?”
Eden frowned. “I’m going to go mad if I stay inside for any longer. I’m all alone there most of the time. Is it that bad that I want to get away from here, from all of this, even if just for a short time?”
Ava knew what her answer should’ve been. She had to remind Detective that this was done for her safety, that she had already gone through too much and had to stay away from danger. That was the thing Ava needed to do. But it was just the two of them, she could be alone with Eden, and even a chance at that made her act irrationally.
“Would you care for a ride?” Ava offered, not sure why it felt so good to see Eden’s grin at her offer.
“I would love it,” Eden nodded, before Ava could change her mind and take back the reckless offer. They weren’t doing anything wrong. Ava tried to squish the guilt she was already starting to feel. She was just trying to keep Eden safe, exactly the way she was supposed to.
Before Eden sat in the car, she looked at it with a critical eye.
“I’m just trying to figure out how high safety standards were back when it was made,” she answered Ava’s silent question when she noticed her looking. It was understandable, after everything Eden went through. During one of their late-night talks, one which should’ve never happened, Eden told Ava a story of what actually unraveled the night of the accident, told everything about the guilt she still carried. When Eden cried in her arms, Ava wanted to give her comfort, but she also couldn’t help but feel smug. It was a horrible word for a horrible feeling, but it was the one Ava felt in that moment as she realized that she was the one Eden confined in, not Nat. She often wondered if Eden told her girlfriend the truth since that moment or if Ava was still the only one who knew about the accident and about the guilt Eden carried with her everywhere she went.
“I’ll keep you safe, I promise,” Ava hoped that Eden understood her words exactly the way she intended them. No matter when, no matter what the situation, Ava would always be there for her. Even if Eden would never be with her.
Eden let out a sigh at that, but sat in the car. Her body was still tense, and it only got worse once they hit the road. At some point, Eden’s anxiety, which she couldn’t hide, became so apparent that she put her hand on Ava’s forearm and squeezed tightly. This touch almost made Ava lose concentration, but she didn’t want to cause Eden even more stress.
“I’m sorry,” Eden said, her body slightly shaking. “I get nervous when I’m not the one driving.”
It was more than understandable after the experience she had, the one that left so many scars on her body and even more on her heart. Eden was about to pull her hand away, but it was the last thing Ava wanted. Feeling Eden’s touch, her warmth, was all that she wished for, even if she shouldn’t have.
“You don’t have to pull away if it brings you comfort,” Ava said, trying not to sound overly excited. “I don’t mind.”
She hoped she didn’t sound overly eager, and Eden’s soft smile was calming enough not to allow Ava to overthink it. Eden kept her hand on Ava’s arm for the rest of their drive, and she was trying to remember every moment of it, commit this purely friendly gesture to memory.
Eden was the one to pick a place for their stop. It was calm, peaceful, secluded. The lake was shining in the light right below the cliff they stopped at, and Eden looked calm for the first time in a while. She leaned against the tree and bent her knees. Her eyes closed for a moment, and all Ava could do was stare at her, unable to look away from the way sunlight kissed Eden’s skin.
“You should sit with me,” Eden said with a laugh, before she opened her eyes, but when she did, Ava felt like she was caught in the middle of committing a crime. Eden patted a patch of the grass on her right side, and Ava took the offer.
Eden always turned her right side to Ava, so whenever she would look at her, she’d see the scars crossing Eden’s face, the bite mark on her neck. They didn’t make her any less beautiful in Ava’s eyes, but she often wondered if that was Eden’s intention when choosing what side to show Ava – to make sure she could see all the unpleasant parts, parts Eden clearly found unattractive or even ugly. At times, when Ava’s thoughts would slip away from under her control, her mind would get filled with a fantasy about kissing those scars, running her lips against the rough skin, proving to Eden over and over that she always wanted to see, to have all of her. But those were dangerous thoughts, and Ava would never indulge in them.
“You look more at ease,” Ava said, trying to fill the silence between them. They sat too close to each other, but she wasn’t about to move and ruin the moment. “I’m glad to see it.”
Eden was playing with the camera in her hands, but in that moment, she stopped, giving Ava a quick glance.
“I can say the same about you. I guess we both act differently when we’re away from the others,” Eden’s tone was light, but there was quiet heaviness behind her words. Was it her intention to remind Ava that Nat was waiting for Eden at home? Or was it something else?
“It’s not the absence of others that makes me feel this way. It’s your presence that does.” Ava knew that she should’ve kept her lips sealed, that saying those words was dangerous, but it was as if Eden had some strange power over her. Ava wanted to admit everything to her, bare her soul in front of Detective because she knew Eden would never treat her with anything but gentleness and care. If only…
As her thoughts kept going, Ava barely noticed how she gave all of her attention to the thick scar on Eden’s thigh, how she moved her hand to touch it with the back of her palm. It was barely a touch, a brush of skin against skin, but as it was happening, Ava heard the sound of a camera, which almost startled her.
“Sorry,” Eden cleared her throat, pink appearing on her pale cheeks. “I was taking a photo of the lake. It looks beautiful.”
At least she wasn’t caught in the middle of an unwanted touch, Ava calmed herself.
When Eden turned to Ava again, with too little space between their faces for Ava’s comfort, she could see heaviness in the way Detective looked at her.
“Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve been a different person, if I made different choices, if it wasn’t for…” Eden absently touched the scar on her face, as if it was a sign of her moral failure and not a memory of a tragedy that happened to her.
“It wasn’t your fault, Eden. The choices you make shouldn’t be motivated by guilt you shouldn’t feel,” Ava was surprised to hear how passionate her tone sounded. Eden let out a soft chuckle.
“I remember being the one saying those words to you. And yet, something tells me you didn’t listen,” Eden smiled, reminding Ava about a conversation they had days and days ago, when Ava opened up to Eden about what happened to her family. “Sometimes I feel that if I won’t have this guilt pushing me forward, I’ll have nothing, I’ll simply fall apart. And I won’t be able to handle that.”
Ava wanted to put her hands on Eden’s face, she wanted to tell her that she would be there for her, that she would be at her side no matter what. She couldn’t. Nat should’ve been the one telling Eden that, she was the one Eden chose. All Ava could do was let it happen, let them be happy. They both deserved it.
“You can’t keep making choices out of fear,” Ava knew that it was hypocritical of her to say those words when every day, every time she was with Eden, she was making choices that hurt her, but kept her new family together.
“I have to,” there was desperation in Eden’s tone as she said it. Ava didn’t notice when they leaned even closer, but she felt Eden so close that it was almost impossible to fight the temptation to cross the line. “The last time I forgot about fear and chose with my heart, Sanja died.”
For a moment, the meaning of Eden’s words didn’t register in Ava’s mind, but then it did, and it hit her like a blow. Eden chose with her heart when she chose to save Ava. She didn’t know what to do with this revelation, with this confession, because it left Ava completely off balance. She didn’t have to think about her answer for too long because Eden continued.
“I wish I could forget about fear, I wish I could be a different person, who makes different choices, but I can’t. I can’t hurt even more people by picking selfishly,” as Eden spoke those words, her eyes kept moving over Ava’s face, constantly dropping to her lips. How was she supposed to keep a cool head when Eden so clearly wanted the same thing Ava did? When she craved to feel a single moment of closeness with Eden so badly her whole body ached with need? “You understand it, don’t you? You know what will happen if we act selfishly.”
Ava knew. Of course, she did. The last thing she wanted was to see everything fall apart for the unit, for Nat. But it was impossible for her to focus on the consequences of her actions when Eden was so close, when all she wanted was to be even closer.
“I know,” she exhaled. “I only wish it would stop me from wanting it.”
When their eyes met again, there was a silent acknowledgment of what was happening, of what was about to happen. Neither one of them stopped it, even if both knew they should have.
When later Ava returned to that moment in her thoughts, she wished for many things to go differently, but when it happened, when they kissed, there were no thoughts, only pure need.
Even when their lips met, Ava tried her best to hold back, to not overwhelm Eden, but how could she stop herself from asking for more and more, when it was all she thought of for weeks? And Eden’s lips felt exactly the way she imagined they would, parting so eagerly to allow Ava’s tongue to slip into her mouth. Their hands were grasping at something, anything, in an attempt to get a feel of each other’s bodies. At some point, Eden moved to straddle Ava’s hips while their lips were still locked, and Ava almost lost it at the sensation of Eden’s weight on top of her.
If only they had more time, if they didn’t have to return back home… far away from it all, the two of them could pretend that the guilt, the coming pain didn’t exist, that they could keep kissing, touching, caressing forever. If it were a choice, Ava would’ve taken it. The way Eden sounded, the way she felt and tasted was beyond what any of her fantasies could offer, and she knew that the moment their kiss would end, she would miss it for the rest of her life.
They only separated for short moments, so Eden could catch a breath, before their lips would meet again, and Ava thought it would never end, she hoped it wouldn’t until Eden pulled away for one final time, and the heat between them suddenly stopped existing.
Eden looked as beautiful as ever – unfocused, her black hair slightly disheveled, with her lips bright pink after their kiss. Ava couldn’t stop herself, she put a hand on Eden’s chin and brushed her thumb against the swollen lower lip. Before the moment could end, Ava leaned closer to Eden to leave a trail of kisses over the scar on her cheek. The way she always wanted to do it, the way she needed to do it. Her lips moved down to Eden’s neck, kissing the bite mark, trying to erase a bad memory. Ava only stopped and pulled away when she heard Eden’s unsteady voice.
“This should make it easier, right?” Eden asked, not sounding nearly as sure as she should’ve. She knew it was a lie. Ava felt it was, because she wanted the moment to continue, not become the only one they had together. “We know what it feels like now, so we should stop wanting it.”
Even if their kiss was confirmation enough, Ava still enjoyed hearing that Eden wanted it just as badly as she did.
“We should,” Ava agreed, clearing her throat.
When Eden awkwardly stood up, Ava instantly grieved the loss of her warmth. She still felt drunk on their kiss, and she wasn’t sure what to do with herself when she couldn’t touch Eden anymore, when they couldn’t kiss again.
The walk back to the car was tense, the ride was too. The closer they were to the warehouse, the more guilt was taking over every other emotion. Nat was back home, waiting for Eden, not knowing what they had done, having no clue about the betrayal. Ava should’ve never let it happen, no matter how she felt in that moment.
When Eden got out of the car, she looked lost, conflicted, in pain. Those weren’t the emotions Ava ever wanted her to experience.
“It was my fault,” she said, hoping that taking the blame would make Eden feel better. “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
The kiss was her fault, Eden didn’t need more guilt weighing her down.
“Thank you for saying that, but it’s not true,” Eden smiled at her with a hint of sadness to the expression. “I wanted it as much as you did. Maybe, more.”
They looked at each other. A mistake, as their behavior at the cliff proven them, because tense silence settled between them one more. There were so many possibilities, so many paths, but they both had to pick the right one. And live on as if the moment between them never happened.
“I have to go,” Eden looked away. “Nat is probably waiting for me.”
The mention of her friend’s name didn’t sober up Ava in a way she hoped it would.
“You should,” Ava agreed, too afraid to say anything else.
She kept looking at Eden’s back, trying not to remember every second of what they shared, but it was impossible not to. And if that single kiss was all they could have, all there could ever be for the sake of everyone’s happiness, she was willing to take it and be content with it.
Ava hoped it would be enough for her.
‘it's not a good idea to look at me like that’ for eden x ava, please and if you’re still taking these 🥰 (~agentnatesewell)
Will there ever be anything but angst for LT? Highly unlikely
1k words of Ava in pain over research
Just like every other moment Ava ever had with Eden, this one felt like a bliss and like a curse at the same time. When Eden picked Ava to help her with the research, she felt bliss. Happiness flooded her the instant she realized that Eden had chosen her. But those feelings were quickly followed by guilt, which washed everything else away, leaving Ava’s chest hollow.
That didn’t stop her from taking the offer, from waiting for Eden. It also didn’t stop her from being too distracted by the woman in front of her to actually get any research done. Eden sat across the table from Ava, and that space between them should’ve been enough for her to stop the constant mill of thoughts, enough for Ava not to feel the charged air between them. But nothing was ever enough, was it?
She looked at the delicate features of Eden’s face, at the thick black braid falling over her shoulder, at the scars cutting through pale skin. The one Ava couldn’t take her eyes off was the line crossing the right corner of Eden’s mouth. She couldn’t stop thinking about how that scar would’ve felt against her lips. Something Nat already experienced.
As always, the thought of her friend made Ava sit straighter, made her forget all about these terrible, unwanted thoughts. Eden was with Nat, they were together, they were happy. She had no right to ruin it, to cause pain to both of them. When this infatuation started, Ava tried to convince herself that her thoughts were harmless, unable to affect anything. She was terribly wrong. The more she allowed herself to indulge in thoughts about Eden, the more she wanted them to become a reality, and by the time she knew she had to stop herself, it was too late. Eden consumed too much of her mind, of her heart, to be torn out without leaving gushing wounds. And there Ava was, full of desires that could never be fulfilled.
Eden sighed as she went through the pages of the book in front of her, and Ava enjoyed the sound of it when she should’ve been working at the same task. But her thoughts went elsewhere before she could catch them, countless regrets reminding of their existence.
Ava hated to think of ‘what if’. It was a path that led to nothing but more pain and regret. She forbade herself from walking it until Eden came along, and she just couldn’t stop wondering. What would’ve happened if she hadn’t been rude and condescending during the first weeks of them knowing each other? If she allowed Eden to get closer. If they shared moments of connection and attraction. If she were the one who could call Eden hers. With bitterness, Ava would always realize that all these thoughts led to one – what if she wasn’t herself, but was Nat instead? Then she could’ve had what her friend had, without any regrets or guilt. She could’ve known what it was like to have Eden close, to touch her, to kiss her.
This line of thought would lead Ava to an even more cutting one – to memories about all the moments she saw Eden and Nat share in front of her, each one feeling like a punch. Memories of the moments Ava shouldn’t have known about, but was aware of, thanks to her vampire senses, somehow hit even harder. They had each other in all possible ways, they only needed each other. Then why did Ava keep living in this delusion? Why did she allow blind hope to live in her heart when it had nothing to stand on?
“It's not a good idea to look at me like that,” she heard Eden’s voice, her tone bright. When Ava looked at her, really looked at her, there was an open, disarming smile on her face. “I might get distracted.”
Under the table, Eden moved her foot forward, giving Ava a light nudge. This simple, innocent gesture made her heart beat faster.
“It better I look away then,” Ava said, after clearing her throat. “We can’t be distracted together.”
She locked her eyes on the paper in front of her, but couldn’t read the words. She wanted to say something, just so she could keep hearing Eden’s voice.
“Why did you pick me for this?” Ava dared to lift her eyes and meet Eden’s surprised look. “Nat is much better at research.”
Eden let out a sigh, something she often did when Ava mentioned her friend’s name when there were only the two of them.
“She might be better at this,” Eden agreed, her expression unreadable. “But most of the time, people won’t care what is better, only about what they want. And I wanted you.”
Ava felt a hot, fluttering sensation in her stomach at Eden's words. She held Eden’s gaze for a long, heavy moment. She wanted to read between the lines and see more in Eden’s statement, but what if she was wrong? What if she meant something else entirely? Ava couldn’t afford such a mistake. And even if she could, there was more than just her pride on the line.
“You might want to revisit this statement later,” she said the words she had to say. “Nat is a far better choice. In many ways.”
A light frown appeared on Eden’s face, and her lips pressed together tightly. She had to accept it. She was smart enough to understand it.
“You’re right,” Ava wanted Eden to agree with her, but then why did her words feel like a deep cut? “Sometimes I wish you weren’t.”
Silence settled over the room again. This time, Ava didn’t allow her thoughts to wander. She couldn’t, or it would’ve destroyed her.
44 for eden + nat and/or ava 💕
From these prompt
44. "in other circumstances, i would have more patience."
Next time I'll say I'll be making these short, slap me for lying
1,2k words of definitely not doing anything wrong
Eden didn’t know how or why it would happen, it just would. She’d wait for a moment when Nat wouldn’t be there, and each time she did it felt as if she was plotting a betrayal, which was the feeling that made zero sense, because she did nothing wrong. They did nothing wrong. But even though Eden tried to convince herself of that, she still felt her stomach clench as she would enter the library and walk to the small table with a chessboard on top of it.
It was never an ongoing game, all the pieces would be in their starting positions. They made sure to put them there even though they didn’t have enough time to finish. Eden felt silly every time she’d put her pawns back in place, as if erasing evidence of the crime they were committing by just spending time together. Who would fault them for playing a game? For spending time together? If Eden were to say those words out loud, they would make zero sense. But when she was in that moment, when she played with Ava, somehow, they did.
Eden sat on one of the antique chairs and looked around, over the tomes that filled every shelf that went up to the ceiling. The library felt like a safe enough place for the game, everything in it a sharp reminder of Nat, of their connection. When they first started to play, Eden was sure that this reminder would be enough to make her stop acting irrationally, but it wasn’t. Guilt might’ve been eating her from the inside, but that hollowing sensation didn’t stop her. At least she wasn’t the only one carrying it.
“Why do you always insist on playing black?” Ava didn’t pretend that she had no idea what was happening, and Eden was grateful for that. As she moved closer to Eden, she couldn’t help but smile. Ava seemed to feel more relaxed around her these days, and, as dangerous as it was, it still made something tense in Eden’s stomach.
“I prefer you to make the first move,” these words had little to do with chess and a lot to do with this strange tension between them. Eden cleared her throat and pointed a hand at the chair across from her. “Play with me.”
Eden only found her appreciation for chess after the accident. It was a perfect game for an overthinker, where all you had to do was see all the possible scenarios of how things could go wrong, something Eden was great at. She learned a few starting strategies, but it was the whole extent of her knowledge. She played the way her mind told her to play, and listening to it was always her preferred way of dealing with things. It felt almost ridiculous that her logical, reasonable hobby led her to these moments alone with Ava. Moments that should’ve never existed.
They barely talked when they played, throwing in a few comments on each other’s moves, but nothing else. That should’ve made these moments safe, should’ve made Eden see that this strange, wrong thing she felt was never there, but it did the opposite. In this silence, as she tried to think about what exactly Ava would do next, Eden felt as if they were more connected than ever before. And she didn’t want them to be.
“You’re not on form today,” Eden said with a light smile, taking one of Ava’s pawns. If they had enough time to finish the game, it usually ended in Ava’s favour. Eden never minded it, the win was never her main objective. “Keep acting impulsive, and I’ll win.”
She smiled widely, her tone teasing. Usually, even mention of a loss would’ve pushed Ava to act unhappy, but it didn’t work. She looked focused and slightly tense.
“In other circumstances, I would have more patience,” she said dryly. “But we’re on a time limit today.”
Eden frowned, not sure what it meant. “Why?”
Ava let out a sigh, her hand hovering in the air over the pieces, before she looked forward to meet Eden’s eyes.
“Nat was so eager to spend time with you today, I could tell she would try to finish her patrol early so she can have this evening with you.”
As always, just a mention of Nat’s name tore through the veil, and there they were, exposed, feeling cold, rushing into the warmth that was normally between them. Eden knew that she was a horrible person for thinking this way, that she should’ve been happy to see Nat. Instead, she thought that it wasn’t fair that she would have less time with Ava.
“And if she will return early and see us play chess, what then?” Eden’s tone was firm, bitterness sipping into it. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”
Eden slapped her hand against the table, feeling frustrated with herself. For being so greedy, for being unable to choose the right thing and stick to it. She felt Ava’s thumb running against her knuckles as she lightly held Eden’s hand. Eden almost lost her breath when she met her eyes.
“We both know that’s not true.”
A deeper understanding settles between them. The images of what might’ve been and never will be, because they both had to pick a different path. The right path. For a moment, Eden wanted to forget about what might happen, what would happen if she’d allow herself this one wrong choice. But, before she could fully indulge in the thought, Ava squeezed her hand a little tighter.
“Nat is home,” she sounded almost hurt. If they weren’t doing anything wrong, why did Eden feel a rush of blood? Why was her heart beating so fast? It’s not as if Nat would catch them with Ava’s mouth on Eden’s neck and her hand under Eden’s skirt, but it sure felt like it.
“I should leave,” Ava said in a heavy tone. “Thank you for the game.”
Eden’s hands moved before she thought about what she did. She put all the pieces in their places, trying not to miss a single one. The only thing she didn’t have a chance to do was leave the table.
“Eden,” Nat’s tone was soft and gentle as she entered the library and saw her. Surprise was written on her face when she noticed where Eden was sitting. “I didn’t know you played chess.”
Eden stood up from the chair, trying to make a space between herself and the board, as if it carried evidence of her bad decisions.
“I don’t,” she shook her head. Eden knew why she lied. She wanted to leave this game, these moments only between her and Ava. “I just wanted to take a look.”
Nat looked at her for a long moment before a smile returned to her face.
“I can teach you, if you’d like,” she offered.
“I don’t think I have the mind for it,” Eden shook her head. She stepped closer to Nat and took her hand, aiming to distract. “I’m sure there are far more entertaining ways we can spend the evening.”
“You’re so very right,” Nat said, the last words spoken against Eden’s lips as she leaned down for a kiss.
It was as if nothing happened. Nothing happened. It was just a game. And it felt as if no matter how Eden moved the pieces, she was always losing.
"you're the best thing about this place." for Eden if you're looking for prompt requests
I can't stop writing two sides to LT send help. First part takes place during Book 1, the second during Book 3
700 words
Eden stormed out of her office, feeling irritated and angry. Who knew that her job as a detective would not only start with a murder, but also with dealing with people who wanted to undermine her at every step? She felt inadequate in most situations, and having someone outright tell Eden she wasn’t good enough for her job was just another blow to her self-esteem.
“I apologize,” she heard a familiar soothing voice behind her. Eden turned around to see Nat looking at her with a soft expression. She wasn’t the one who caused it, she had nothing to apologize for, and Eden was pretty sure she knew it. “You shouldn’t take these words to heart. This is quite a tense situation, and some of us are not so good at working with new people.”
Eden let out a laugh. ‘Not so good’ was an understatement, and both she and Nat knew it. But a gentle look in those deep brown eyes was definitely making her feel slightly better about the situation. Eden knew that it was wrong, that she shouldn’t have thought about Nat in a way that was anything but professional, but how could she, when in this chaos, Nat was the only one providing her with any comfort?
“You’re not the one who needs to apologize, but thank you,” Eden nodded, letting out a small breath. “I swear, you’re the best thing about this place right now.”
Eden surprised herself with that choice of words, and it seemed she did the same to Nat, but the surprise on her face quickly disappeared, and a smile settled in its place.
“I’m glad to hear it,” Eden felt a light, weightless touch to her elbow that somehow set her body aflame. “If only we had more time to discuss your statement.”
Eden swallowed hard, not sure how to react, not even sure how to breathe. It was flirting, right? She was pretty sure it was. But before she could overthink it, they were rudely interrupted. The best moments in her life usually were.
Eden looked at the crowd of people gathered for the blood drive and smiled to herself, happy that the plan worked. She felt a presence to her right before she could take a look, but she knew who it was. It always felt as if there was an electric buzzing in the air when Ava was near her, and that sensation was difficult to ignore, no matter how hard Eden tried.
“Today was a success,” Ava said, keeping distance between them. Eden was grateful for it. Distance made it easier to ignore the pull she constantly felt when there was just the two of them.
“Did you doubt me?” Eden asked with a laugh, finally daring to look at her side, at Ava.
“Not for a moment. I know just how capable you are.”
The words were simple, professional even, but the way Ava said them or, maybe, the way she looked at Eden, made her whole body feel something. Something that shouldn’t have been there. Not if she wanted to keep making the right choices, not if she wanted everyone to be alright.
“You’re not going soft on me, are you? Next thing I know, you’ll tell me you love living in Wayhaven.” Eden turned away, looking forward, trying to hide the way she truly felt with a joke. It’s not as if this wrong, terrible desire was reciprocated. And even if it was, she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t do it to Nat, to everyone. She couldn’t ruin more lives just because her heart told her to.
“I won’t go that far,” Eden still couldn’t force herself to look at Ava, because she knew that once she’d meet those green eyes, she wouldn’t be able to look away. “Especially since you’re the best thing about this place.”
Eden felt her body freeze the way it always did at moments such as this. She slowly turned her head to Ava to see a familiar longing in her gaze. The same one Eden felt and was fighting so desperately against. Eden wondered what would’ve happened if she had given in. If she allowed herself not to worry about the consequences, about the hurt she would cause by choosing the wrong path.
But before she could overthink it, they were, luckily, interrupted. The best moments in her life usually were.
Capturing the Moment
Rating: Mature
Relationship: Nat/F!Detective(Eden Graham), Ava/F!Detective
Tags: angst, mention of a car crash, scars
Word count: 3000 words
Read on AO3 or under the cut
The first time Nat saw Eden with the camera was when detective was standing outside the warehouse, pointing it at the darkening sky above the tree line.
“Capturing the moment?” she asked, noticing the dreamy look on Eden’s face. It wasn’t unusual for a detective to get lost in thought, and Nat enjoyed the short moments when it happened, because it felt as if that was the only time Eden wasn’t hiding her true thoughts behind a smile.
“Something like that,” she grinned, turning to Nat, setting sun bathing them in pink light. She pulled up a camera in her hand. “This isn’t too modern for you, is it?”
There was a light teasing in Eden’s tone, something Nat didn’t hear often from the woman, and also something that made her excited. At that point, Eden would react to her flirting with shyness and, as sweet as it was, at times Nat really wanted to see Eden make a step toward her, show that attraction wasn’t one-sided.
“Photography was invented a long time ago,” Nat noted, trying to stick with the light tone of their conversation. “I didn’t know you were interested in it, though.”
“I picked it up a few years ago. At the time, it felt important to make sure I could see things the way they were in case of any major change,” despite a smile on her face, Eden’s tone dipped into sadness. It wasn’t hard to decipher what exactly she meant by that. Two deep scars on her face were there for everyone to see – one line crossing from her chin, over the right corner of her mouth, and almost reaching her light blue eye; the other ran from the middle of her right cheek to the temple, two lines crossing. She knew that there were more scars to be found, but Eden rarely left herself uncovered to let any of them show.
“Is nature a favourite subject of yours?” Nat asked. As much as she wanted to know about Eden’s past, she didn’t want to push too hard. They had time, all the time in the world to learn about each other’s past, and it was clear that Eden wasn’t the one to open up easily. It was fine with Nat. She could wait. She could put in the effort. Eden was worth it.
“Not really. People interest me much more than nature. I…” her pale cheeks bloomed with pink blush. “You won’t be mad if I say I took a photo of you?”
“Without permission? And just what did you plan to do with it?” Nat made sure to keep her tone playful, and Eden lightly shook her head but laughed, clearly enjoying it.
“Don’t tell the others, but I like catching people off guard. Most of us act so differently when we think there’s no one looking at us in that moment. Some of us are only truly ourselves when there’s no one around to take a close, judgmental look.”
Their lighthearted conversation was quickly turning heavier, but Nat didn’t mind that. She liked Eden, who was hiding behind the welcoming smile, and she was eager to see more of her.
“I would love to see the way you see me,” Nat said, running a hand over Eden’s arm, up to her elbow, making her freeze in place. “If you want to show me, of course.”
Eden swallowed hard and gave Nat a light nod.
Months later, she fulfilled her promise. A lot has changed between them since that evening, and Nat, of course, would say those changes were for the better. They were together, a couple, and just a thought about it left Nat smiling. Yes, Eden still didn’t open up easily, but she tried. And Nat tried as well. After all, it would’ve been unfair of her to ask Eden for more when she herself was still unable to reveal the whole truth about her past.
“I need to organize these,” Eden sighed, offering Nat the next small stack of photos to go through. “I don’t have nearly enough time for it now. There are still so many I haven’t had a chance to develop. Who would’ve thought that getting a job at the Agency would come at a price of losing a hobby?”
They were sitting on the floor of Eden’s bedroom, and Nat thoroughly enjoyed the sensation of her girlfriend’s thigh pressing against her. Eden sat at Nat’s right side, so whenever she would look at her, she’d see the smooth, untouched skin on the left side of her face and neck, not the scars she carried, left by a car crash and Murphy’s attack. Nat still wondered if Eden chose this position on purpose or if she did it just on an instincts. At times, she wanted to ask, but it didn’t feel right to say anything, possibly leading to a confrontation, not when their relationships were so new and tender. Nat acted this way about many things when it came to Eden, she realized. She tried to focus on the photos in her hands to make the thought go away.
“That was a great evening,” Nat smiled, looking at the photo of her and Eden, sitting behind the kitchen table of the warehouse, leaning closer to each other. Those weren’t the kind Eden preferred, not candid. They posed for them in a short moment a timer would give them, and laugh about it later. But Eden still wanted to make them, she still wanted to capture them together, and that was the only thing that mattered to Nat.
“Yes, I think so too,” Eden pressed the side of her head to Nat’s shoulder, a comforting touch making her whole body flutter. “I enjoy each evening we get to spend together.”
Nat’s smile turned wider, but she couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t the full extent of Eden’s feelings. Nat would chase those thoughts away, but at times it felt as if Eden was talking to her in phrases that were right for the moment, right for their relationship, but they just sounded wrong coming from Eden. Not entirely true. But Nat would always convince herself that she was just imagining things.
“You know the feeling is mutual,” Nat smiled, leaning closer to Eden for a kiss, but before she could feel a familiar soft warmth of her lips, a loud, irritating sound of a timer interrupted them.
“Dinner is almost ready!” Eden said, getting up to her feet. “I just need five minutes.”
“Go. The quicker you’ll be done, the quicker I’ll have you back with me,” Nat nodded, watching Eden leave the room. At times, it felt as if the love between them wasn’t as easy as Nat believed it should’ve been, but how could she complain at all when she had it? When it was everything she wanted? This strong connection she never had with anyone else, one that made her want to spend every waking hour with Eden.
Nat was about to return to going through the photos Eden left behind when she noticed an envelope sticking from under one of the albums lying on the floor. She didn’t know what possessed her to pull it out, but it felt wrong to do so. Yes, Eden clearly wasn’t hiding it, but she also didn’t allow Nat to go through it. She couldn’t stop herself anyway. She wanted to know more about Eden, wanted to find a way into her mind, and if the way there was through looking at the photos she made, Nat was willing to take that path.
The photos inside were of a bigger format, developed on matte photo paper, and those were exactly the kind Eden preferred – all about catching people off-guard. Including her.
At first, Nat was going through them with a light smile on her lips, as she looked through the moments Eden captured of Unit Bravo spending time together. Eden wasn’t a part of them, of course, but she was still invisibly present, everything that was on photos being seen through her eyes.
But when Nat moved on to individual portraits, a frown settled on her face. If she didn’t know that Eden had an eye for it, she clearly saw it now.
Farah was smiling in her photo, but the corners of her mouth already dropped, showing something too close to insecurity.
Morgan was sitting in a dark corner, smoke from the cigarette almost obscuring what clearly was an expression of pain on her face, one she was usually so good at hiding.
Nat’s photo was next, and she wasn’t sure how to feel about a look full of worry she was throwing at Eden in the moment when she was caught by her. It felt uncomfortable, Nat felt exposed, and she could see just why Eden put these photos away from her eyes. Why didn’t she want Nat to remember about her worries, when it had already caused a fight between them in the past? But the sinking feeling in her stomach only got worse when she moved on to the next photo.
On it was Ava, standing next to the window. Eden caught the light falling through it beautifully, making it seem as if there was an ethereal glow in the room. And Nat would’ve loved to ignore everything else, but how talented her girlfriend was, if it wasn’t for what exactly was captured in the photo. If it wasn’t for a look Ava was throwing at a person holding the camera. A look full of longing.
No, Nat was reading it wrong. It was something else. She couldn’t be seeing what she was seeing. It didn’t make any sense. In an attempt to bury these thoughts and bitterness that were rising inside of her, she moved on to the next photo. One that, somehow, made her doubt her reality even more.
At first, it seemed that it was the kind of photo that should’ve put her mind at ease, but there was more than one thing that bothered Nat about it. Who could’ve thought that a simple image of a lake, shot from a cliff above, would cause her such anguish?
The existence of it in itself wasn’t worrisome, but the fact that Eden kept it in the same pile as the other, exposing, raw images, made Nat believe that it meant a lot to Eden. Nat had no clue where or when it was taken, but she could tell that it happened recently – the grass was lush and green, and everything about it was pointing to it being shot just this summer. While it was a photo of a landscape, Eden’s legs got into a shot, her bent knee visible just at the bottom of it. She wore a short skirt, something she rarely did with her habit of trying to cover as much skin as possible, and Nat could see a long scar running over the side of her thigh. And, just as clearly, she could see a hand in that same shot, the back of it barely touching Eden’s scar, as if caught in the middle of a caressing motion.
As Nat kept staring at it, she felt as if something was squeezing her throat. Horrible, violent emotions were coming to the surface as she tried to process what exactly she saw. It wasn’t a landscape photo, it was a moment of intimacy that Eden wanted to capture. A moment between her and Ava. One could say that there was nothing wrong about such a touch, that it might’ve as well been an accident, but Eden kept that moment, she wanted to remember it. She wanted to keep returning to the photo of Ava touching her scar, something Nat wasn’t allowed to do. Eden didn’t outright forbid it to her, but every time Nat tried to touch or kiss those thick white lines on her face or body, Eden would either freeze or ask her to move on. Apparently, it was only Nat’s touch she couldn’t stand.
Familiar, saving strategy kicked in almost instantly. Nat tried to calm herself by repeating the same thought over and over, until all her doubts would go away. They were friends, just good friends. She should’ve been grateful that Eden and Ava got along so well, that two people she cared about were close. But it wasn’t helping. Bitterness was making her ask questions Nat didn’t have answers to. Could Eden be closer to a friend than to a lover? Why didn’t she tell Nat about spending time with Ava? Why did she want to remember this touch?
Following these questions, a thought that cut Nat even deeper went through her mind. Did Ava know Eden better than Nat did? Did Eden open up to her about her past, about the car crash, the way she didn’t to Nat? And if she did, where did it leave Nat?
She knew that she had two options of how to proceed – either confront Eden and ask all those questions out loud, while risking losing her, or… Nat knew that it was the wrong choice. But it was also the only choice she could make if she wanted to keep Eden. And she wanted to keep her, so badly it hurt to even think of anything separating them. Anyone separating them. Still feeling not even a sting, but an agony those photos caused her, Nat put them back into the envelope and pushed it where she found it.
“The dinner is ready, are you going to join me, or…” Eden’s voice sounded upbeat until she entered the bedroom and saw Nat’s expression. “Is everything alright? You don’t look well.”
Nat looked up at Eden, who looked back with worry. She just wanted to forget about what she saw. She only wanted to think about what she had. And, no matter what was happening while she wasn’t around, she still could have Eden in every meaningful way.
“I’m alright,” Nat spoke a lie easily. “I just realized how much I missed you. How much I missed us.”
Nat stood up and took Eden’s hand, pulling her closer. She didn’t hesitate to press to Nat, even if worry was still present in her light blue eyes. Eden’s hand reached to her face, the tips of her fingers gently caressing Nat’s cheek. There were only a few instances when Nat truly felt as if Eden belonged to her and no one else, but after what she saw, Nat couldn’t convince herself that she had Eden fully, even when they were intimate. She could find a way to make herself believe.
And when she leaned to Eden and kissed her, Nat truly felt as if the woman in her arms belonged to no one but her. Eden answered every kiss and touch with such eagerness that it wasn’t hard to believe she never wanted anyone but Nat. The way Eden’s lips would part for her, the way her breath would catch, the way she’d reach to Nat, pressing them closer together. That shared warmth, that soft kiss, should’ve washed every worry Nat had away, but it didn’t. She pulled away to look into Eden’s eyes, see the heat in them she expected to find.
“I need you, Eden,” Nat said, dipping her hands under the fabric of a loose t-shirt she was wearing, running her hands over Eden’s skin, feeling a rough patch of scar under her fingers.
“I need you too,” she answered under her breath, and Nat could feel that those words were true.
She kept kissing away every sound, every worry, every doubt she had. She erased those bitter thoughts when she undressed Eden, when she caressed her body and felt her react with want. Nat needed it, she needed to know she was the one Eden had on her mind.
Once she undressed her and Eden lay on the bed, strikingly naked and so entirely perfect, Nat knew what she truly needed. She moved on top of Eden, their bare skin touching, making them both want to feel the connection even deeper. As if on instinct, Eden moved her head to the right side, hiding the scars as much as she could. Nat didn’t want that, she didn’t want perfection. She wanted all of Eden. But she wasn’t strong enough to raise the topic and risk losing her, so Nat had to take what was given to her.
“I want you to do something for me,” Nat said, while watching Eden shudder as she rubbed her hard nipple with a thumb. “While I kiss you, while I touch you, while I make you come undone, I want you to say my name. Can you do it for me?”
Eden nodded readily. Everything about the way Eden looked at Nat was singing about how much her body needed release only she could give her.
It was like music, truly. When Nat put her mouth on Eden’s breasts and felt her arch and shiver at even the lightest touch. When Nat made Eden spread her legs to see exactly how much she wanted it. When she pushed Eden to the edge with her tongue and her fingers, when Nat heard beautiful sounds while Eden fell apart. Eden must’ve repeated Nat’s name a thousand times, making it sound like a chant, full of affection and gratitude for the way Nat made her feel.
When she went to lie on Eden’s side, Nat couldn’t help but reach for the scar on her thigh, the one Ava touched in the photo. Eden was still far too relaxed to notice or react, and Nat allowed herself to make the same motion she saw on the damned picture.
“Are you happy to be here, with me?” Nat asked, leaving a kiss on an exposed pale shoulder.
“Of course I am,” Eden smiled at her sweetly, pressing closer to Nat’s body, as if trying to leave no space between them. “You are always the right choice to make.”
Nat knew that Eden’s words should’ve made her happy, but instead, she only felt hollow. She was the right choice. Not one made out of love. And if being with Nat was a choice, she could only wonder what option Eden didn’t choose. And if there was a chance, Eden would change her mind about how right a choice Nat was.