Warnings: May contain !!!SPOILERS!!! for Nath’s route if you don’t already know what exactly Nathaniel is dealing with? So if you haven’t gotten to episodes like 15 or 16 it might give it away but I think at this point everyone knows.
Reading guide: Y/N= Your name, H/C = hair color, E/C= eye color, S/C= Skin color, etc.
Notes:This oneshot is based off of episode 1 for Nathaniel’s route! I really wanted to touch on his inner feelings and what he might be thinking underneath the whole tough guy front he tries to put up. I felt like there was a lot more to it than we actually saw.
Nathaniel makes his way down the street. He breathes out a long, stress-filled sigh. It had been a long week for him. Multiple meetings with his “boss”, who had him going all over town to finish deals, collect payments and recruit new “customers.” He was tired, and you could see it on his face. He had been told he wouldn’t be needed for the next few days, but that was always bound to change, so he didn’t count on it. He had just finished his last deal of the night, which unsurprisingly happened to be in a really shady part of town. Some months ago, he would have pissed his pants right then and there but after doing this so many times, he walked through these neighborhoods with confidence. The local thugs and buyers knew him and knew him well enough that the last thing they wanted was to get into a fight with him. He wasn’t invincible, but spending the past few years taking boxing classes and going to the gym definitely benefited him in this specific situation. He sighed again, a sleepy wave taking over his body. All he wanted was to get to his house, in the shower and right into bed with Blanche curled up by his side. Soon, he’s walking past the cafe windows. He’s caught up with the beautiful idea of sleep, when his thoughts are interrupted by a voice.
He stops and turns in the direction of the voice, and peers down the alleyway. He can’t see clearly due to the lack of lighting, but it’s no issue to make out the figures of a woman, and two men who are nearly double her size. He sucks his teeth, wondering to himself what girl in their right mind would decide to go down an alley alone at this time of night. He begins walking towards the figures, getting more agitated once he sees the two men refusing to leave the girl be. As he gets closer he recognizes the men, as the two goons he sells and does deals with occasionally, and rolls his eyes. Of course they’d be the ones he’d find in a situation like this.
“She told you to let go,” he states, firmly.
The two men turn around to face him, puzzled but challenging looks on their faces. The taller man takes a few steps forward and questions, “And who the hell are you?”
Nathaniel gets a bit closer, about to respond, before he inspects the woman to find…you.
He could almost swear that his heart stopped beating for a moment. You clearly haven’t noticed him yet, but as soon as he sees your fear filled (E/C) eyes, he knows. How could he forget them? The eyes that once looked at him with so much love, the ones he looked to when he was scared, when he felt weak? The eyes that kept him safe? He could no longer count the amount of times he had dreamed about you after you’d left. Less often now, but still every now and then. He’d go to sleep, and suddenly he was staring into your beautiful, bright orbs.
Only a few seconds go by while he’s trapped in his thoughts but it feels like eternity to him. His face contorts into something of sheer rage as he reveals himself to the two men.
“LET HER GO IMMEDIATELY!” He is surprised by the volume of his own voice, not realizing how enraged he had actually become. The two thugs back down as soon as they see his face in the moonlight, instantly feeling intimidated. They all knew what would happen if they crossed Nathaniel. Again, he wasn’t invincible, and he sure as hell wasn’t the boss, but neither one of them wanted to get on his bad side, for fear of ending up like the last guy who did. The shorter man puts his hands up in defense. “S-sorry man, we didn’t realize it was you!”
“Yeah, man. Chill, we’re leaving,” the taller one says as they walk backwards towards the end of the alley before fully turning and sprinting away. Nathaniel has a look of disgust on his face as he watches the two of them leave, but the look is instantly replaced by a look of worry as he stares at you, your arms hugged tightly against your body and looking down at your feet. Your breathing is shallow and you don’t seem to be fully aware of what's happening. He walks up to you, and speaks in a gentle but firm voice. “Are you okay, did they hurt you?”
“(Y/N), can you hear me? You must be in shock…”
You respond, telling him you’re fine before your face perks up in confusion. “Wait… You know my name?” You finally look up at him, trying to make out his features in the darkness.
“(Y/N)... It’s me!” He says, stepping closer to you. Your eyes widen at the realization.
“Nath?? Nathaniel?!” You exclaim. His eyes soften for a brief moment at the sound of his nickname. Sure, everyone called him that. But you had a sweeter tone with it, and would say it with love. But he pushes those memories to the back of his mind.
You seem to zone out after he says this, which causes him to worry, but he doesn’t let that show on his face. “Are you okay? You look kind of in shock…”
“N-no, I’m fine. You came at just the right time, I guess…” you say. His stomach clenches at the defeated tone in your voice.
“Yeah looked that way. I’m sorry those assholes were bothering you,” he feels anger rising up again at the thought of the two men bothering you, and he has to stop himself from thinking about the many ways he wants to rip their throats out. He knew the guys he dealt with were shady, and he shouldn’t have been surprised to see them harassing someone, but the fact that they were harassing you, made something click inside him.
‘“Well if it weren’t for you it probably would have turned out worse. So, thank you.” You look up at him, studying his face as if for the first time, your eyes travel up and down his body, noticing the drastic change in style from when you’d last seen him. You knew he always had a more edgy taste. He’d show that once he had gained freedom from his parents. But he looked just like your typical ‘bad boy’, and you were surprised.
“You’ve changed quite a bit. I had a hard time recognizing you at first,” you say, still analyzing his face. He notices your eyes dart to the scar on his lip, he’s silently amused at what must be going through your head at that moment. He knew you tended to go with the more crazy, illogical ideas.
“Yeah, but you’ve changed too!”
“Maybe but, not as much I think,” you reply.
He’s amused by your sudden fixation on his transformation over the years, but something tells him you aren’t all the way there. “Seriously, you just got attacked and you’re trying to play a game of ‘who’s changed more’?” He asks, raising a brow.
He can see that what just happened is bothering you still, and diverts to another subject.
“You know, it’s cool you’re back in town. I’m surprised, I wasn’t expecting to see you again.”
He says this coolly, but there’s a hesitant tone in his voice. He sees you, he can clearly make out your entire form, but it doesn’t seem real even still. In the back of his mind he keeps thinking that somehow this is a dream, he’s going to wake up and be back in his apartment like it always goes. But the chill breeze on his cheeks let’s him know that this moment is, in fact, real. Your voice brings him back down to earth.
“Yeah, I’m really happy to see that most of the old gang is still around after all these years,” you say.
“Ahh, the gang… There’s definitely one, and unsurprisingly you’d be the one who managed to run into the only scumbags around.” He says ‘scumbags’ with a little more force than he means to, but you don’t pick up on it thankfully.
“Well, I’m glad you were there… seriously…” He can see your mind starting to drift off again.
‘Hey, why don’t we focus on something else?”,he suggests. But you don’t seem to hear him. “(Y/N), should I call the paramedics?” He tries not to let the worry show in his tone.
“N-no, I think I’m just feeling a bit dizzy, that’s all.”
“Do you want me to walk you home?”
“No, no… I’ll be fine, but thanks. I should be able to manage the rest of the way alone.”
He grins at this, a small laugh escaping from his lips. He had always loved that about you, even when you were scared you still tried to put up a strong front. He knew that you were still freaked out, but he didn’t try to persuade you to change your answer. He’d let you have your confidence.
“What a warrior!”, he says while laughing still. “But seriously, if there is ever a next time, run for your life, or scream for help. It’d be a shame for you to get your nose busted before your first week of class even starts.”
“Oh, come on! I was totally gonna beat their asses!” He laughs in response to this. “ Maybe you’d like a demonstration, Nathaniel?”
His heart flutters at the sound of his name on your lips again, but he quickly regains his composure. “Ooooh, she said my whole first name. I’d better run before the trouble starts,” he says, but then continues. “But seriously, next time run. Don’t try to go looking for a fight.”
You nod your head, and the two of you continue on with your conversation. He asks how you’ve been doing, how long you’d been back. He’s relieved to hear that it’s only been a few days, but still a part of him is disappointed that you didn’t try to get back in touch with him. He understood, but still, wishful thinking he guessed. He learns that you’d enrolled in an art program at the university and a small smile appears on his face. You’d always had a liking for art, even though you weren’t particularly artistic yourself. He remembered you talking about the possibility of that being your focus in school, but shortly after that conversation the two of you decided to part ways.
Your small talk comes to an end, and he walks off briskly in the direction he came in. He can tell you’re standing there for a moment before he finally hears your footsteps begin to trail off towards the end of the alley way. He desperately wants to keep walking, but something holds him back. He looks over his shoulder to see you disappear around the corner of a building. He tries to force himself to keep going, taking a few steps further down the street, but curses himself when he’s turning around to follow you. He knew he wasn’t going to let you actually walk home alone, but he definitely tried.
He follows you from a distance, far enough that you don’t hear him, but close enough to be at your side if needed. His eyes watch you closely, and his heart aches at the sudden urge to hold you close. For so long, for so many years you had been his safe haven. You were always there to help him, and at times you were probably the only one to be there for him. Every moment. He had no idea what he would have done throughout high school if you hadn’t been there by his side. He often finds himself wondering, if he would be in the predicament he was in now if you had been around to help him. More times than he could count, he found himself wishing you had stayed, wishing he had found some way to save your relationship. Over time, those wounds grew smaller, but tonight it was as if they had been freshly reopened. He couldn’t recall the nights he had spent having a panic attack, or those first few months when he was constantly paranoid and on edge. It was like his world collapsed as soon as you’d left it, and while he knew it was unhealthy to feel that way, to put that responsibility on you, his feelings didn’t change about it. He had a slight resentment for his friends distancing themselves from him, but he didn’t blame them. He probably would have too if he were anyone else. But you were here and you didn’t know. You didn’t know about the situation he had gotten himself in, you didn’t know about the questionable people he was constantly around and you didn’t know that he was a literal criminal whether he liked to refer to it that way or not. You didn’t know and you didn’t judge him, and as small as that was, it meant the world to him.
You soon made your way through the gates, and he watched as you walked across the campus grounds. He followed you up until you got to the dormitory building and released a breath that he didn’t know he was holding. He stayed there for a bit, just staring at those doors. He hated that all he wanted to do was run in after you, take you into his arms and never let go. He hated that after all these years you still had this effect on him, he hated how small you made him feel.
He turns on his heels finally and makes his way back to his apartment slower than he initially was. The image of your face runs through his mind over and over again. The light smell of your perfume still wafting through his nose, which he noticed was the same perfume you used before you left. Your hair was still the same length, your eyes still had that same sparkle and his name on your lips still sounded just as sweet. While everything and everyone was changing around him, you were still the same and he loved that. And for such a fleeting moment, he could swear that everything was okay. Because you were here.
And you made everything okay.
