#nathansmmrs

[kurisutiina]

My bad, I wanted to vaguely or covertly ask if you've read/ watched "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". Though I suspect I've completely confused you. My apologies :P

My answer to you was a reference back about it. :D I love Douglas Adams!! I've read the whole series, listened to the radio drama and played the text game!

[kurisutiina]

42

What good's the answer without the question?

[hates-great]

Happy birthday! Haha, or I remember you calling it "proof your parents had sex". Anyhow, have a good one, and hopefully we all will see your art in video games everywhere! K bye.

I STILL USE THAT ACTUALLY 

thank you!!! I HOPE YOU DO TOO

[hates-great]

2. are you tall or short? Haha, BTW I'm 6'3 1/2 now!

YOU KNEW ME IN HIGH SCHOOL I HAVEN'T GROWN MUCH SINCE THEN

i'm short i'm only 5'2 :(

[nathansmmrs]

Life isn't for everyone, it's for those with high hopes, and low expectations.

[nathansmmrs]

I have nothing to say, nothing to do, what may I, might I say to you, I could bring up the past and look to the future, I could forget our past for a moment, bite my tongue of the moments, what is wrong with me, why can I live without you, why can I not see you clearly, I remember your presence but not your appearance. Do I really need you, even as friends you treated me unfairly, I didn't mind, I would of stayed your friend forever, but you wanted more, I obliged even knowing I was still drained, I tried to use you as a charge, though I found you more draining. Now can we be friends again, I really don't have that many, and even less I trust. Can I trust you, you've let me down, but I've forgiven you. I'm not sure if you have though, I gave you everything, even though I had so little to give, and yet I denied you a future. My future, I want to obtain my own goal, I don't need another controlling figure, my dad is enough, but not even my dad, can control me. I am in control, and yet I am powerless. What will I do without you, what will you do without me, I was fine before, and I'll be fine in the future, never look back to emotion, only as reference.

[nathansmmrs]

Single child

To be a only child, must be nice. Not fall into corruption and peer pressure. Not to say it’s always that way, but I have. I lasted until my junior year (11th grade) of highschool before I lost it. I had always been a “straight edge” kind of mindset internally. Not once did I judge anyone besides my direct family, but even than it was questions or jokes. Why do you smoke “because I can quit anytime” quit now than “not now I still need it”, would be a constant exchange with my brother. Nicotine or any addiction only takes 30 days to become a set in addiction. Luckily I never got into smoking, it just never made sense to me. Although I did get into drinking, but it was never habit forming. Mostly because I never drink consistently, I drink maybe once every two months if that. Also I only drink when it’s necessary to blend in (most the time I’m the dd designated driver). Yeah, it’s hard to sing karaoke sober, but watching my friends make a fool of themselves, priceless. Now I say that it’s my sister and brother’s influence that got me to drink because they’re very stereotypical. In the way that they only associate outings as getting drunk or any social event for that matter. (-To be continued-)

[nathansmmrs]

Self identity

My life is a constant realization I could be better, but I choose to be average. It must be a control issue, I have no control over anything except how far I go. I must be really messed up in the head if that's true. Hopefully it's not, but making excuses is also a sign of superiority complex, "yeah I'm totally smarter than you, if I applied myself/ I could've thought of that". Maybe, maybe not. I just think I'm exhausted from being forced into a box and intoxicated with my parent's beliefs, and than told I'm stupid by my brother/ sister if I agree and feed their opinions. What I'm getting at is I'm forming my own opinions but pretentiously pretending to accept my families. This variable degree of mental abuse pushes my self identity down so far it's almost nonexistent. The struggle to keep my identity is even more challenging... Maybe that's why I write so much, so I have something physical to relay my true thoughts and feelings. Sigh, doesn't help me much socially though. Well I can fake ideals but I'd never obtain real friends.