#needs more beans

[bothkindsofbeans]

9/06/17

What a week it has been since we last had contact. The day after the last entry, the day after I turned 31, my back must have thought it was 61 instead, because I fucked something up while picking up my bicycle to bring into my house. That's something I usually do several times a day without any problem, but that day I just did it really bad. I still worked the Donald Fagen show, which was probably also full of 61-year-olds. I went to Green Bay on Thursday to rickshaw, and then Walter Becker died on Sunday. That kinda bummed me out. I wonder what Donald is feeling about all this. Walter, passing so far away while Donald is touring alone. Did the thought of Donald Fagen playing Steely Dan songs break Walter's heart until it stopped beating? We'll never know. At least not until the autopsy results are in...

My back has been getting better, I've been doing stretches. These last couple days have been pretty alright. I moved like a million seats today without too much pain (yet). I was happy when it was all done, and I got to go get a burrito. We had The Matriarch again today, who again gave me a big old helping of rice. The two bean scoops were average. I'd have to say the pinto scoop was  significantly bigger than the black bean scoop, which is unusual these days when the Pinto beans are in the smaller pan. Smaller pan means smaller scoops. That's what scientists have been saying for decades. The veggies looked ok today. They at least looked fresh, but I wish they were bigger. I like to be able to tell what kind of vegetable I'm biting into, and when they're so tiny, I can hardly tell. She loaded me up with the habanero salsa, as she usually does, and almost skipped the corn salsa. I didn't let that happen. We moved through the whole process so quickly that we passed up Dancing Queen and the person in front of me who was just getting some shitty plain quesadilla. This time I watched as I presented both my rewards card and the gift card. The Matriarch did not swipe the rewards card. She didn't want me to get points in conjunction with my gift. I thought that was kind of cold, but who knows. Maybe that's policy. I don't know anything.

I've said it before. The Matriarch is good at constructing a well-rounded burrito such that the portions, while not extremely large like the ones Ashley provides, are all-together satisfying. I always want more beans, but I know I can never get enough, and I doubt I'm ever going to be overwhelmed by beans from The Matriarch, but I'm not always looking to be wowed. I'm just looking for a solid burrito. Isn't that all anyone wants? I feel like I got that today.

Weight: 642 grams (22.65 oz)

P.S. I'd like to wish a very happy birthday to friend of the blog, Molly. I've known Molly for more than half my life. She's one of the smartest people I know, and if you are ever thinking about taking English classes at UWM, she might end up schooling your ass. Happy Birthday, Molly. May your beans be both kinds and may your wrap be double, now and forever. 

[polka-dot-swirl]

Welp

Making a big pot of something yummy to bring for lunch for the week is a sure fire way for me to hate it Day 1.

[bothkindsofbeans]

11/09/17

This is a very special episode of Both Kinds of Beans for a couple reasons. The first is that this is the first time I have ever actually eaten my meal in the Grand Avenue Mall food court. The second is that this is a sponsored episode, and it is sponsored by my friend Sam (who you may recall from the 8/28/2017 entry with two Sams). Sam has been wanting to sponsor an episode, and today our lunch breaks aligned in such a way that we were able to spend the time together.

The reason I ate in the food court today is because former First Lady and loser of the 2016 United States Presidential election, Hillary Rodham Clinton, is touring around with her new book, and I guess even if you are a loser, you still get a Secret Service detail to protect you. We all had to leave the building while the security sweep happened.

I met Sam on the 3rd floor, and we got in line. I pointed out the two workers to her. The Matriarch made both our burritos, and The Game rang us up. Sam contemplated doing her burrito my way, but opted for the steak. That’s fine. I’m not here to make anybody eat a certain way, especially if they’re the one buying me a burrito. The rice scoop was large, but the beans were rather disappointing. This was definitely a half-and-half bean situation. The veggies looked pretty damn good. They were the best I have ever seen the small-diced veggies look ever. I got a punishment serving of habanero salsa, and a small scoop of guacamole.

We found a quiet spot to sit down, and I pulled the scale out of my backpack. I’m glad I remembered to grab it, because there was no going back to the office after I left. This was not a large burrito, nor was it a particularly good one. It’s not always about burrito size or quality, though. Sometimes it’s just about the company you have while eating that burrito. Sam is good company. She told me stories of her time spent working for various companies with offices in the mall. She apparently knows the Unkillable Laura from Laura’s Gourmet Popcorn. She told me about the now-defunct Journeys™ and how there were three employees there involved in some crazy sexy love-polygon with some of the mall security guards. We both have very fond memories of this mall, and it’s only a matter of time before there are major changes coming. Fortunately, Sam has some inside information, and she told me that they plan on moving the Qdoba down to the first floor when they finally renovate. That bit of information will definitely help me sleep tonight. Thank you, Sam!

Weight: 588 grams (20.75 oz)

Sam’s burrito: 626 grams (22.10 oz)

And just so we’re clear, I’m not “with Her,” and I don’t give a shit about “What Happened” in her words. There’s no ballot we can cast to set us free from the cesspool that is American electoral politics. The elites in control share none of our interests. Their laws are a tangle of webs, the bourgeoisie are the spiders, and we’re like the bugs and shit that they feed upon.

[bothkindsofbeans]

4/21/17

My back hurts, I am still hungry, and I wonder if it's ever going to get better. The new guy who I don't even want to name anymore (because what's the point?) was alone again today. He showed such promise in the beginning. I don't know where it all went wrong, but so many things have, so it's really hard to say where it all started. So few beans. So few beans. The veggies still look like shit. At least the lettuce looked good today. It was the only thing that did.

Weight: 508 grams (17.90 oz) 

[bothkindsofbeans]

2/08/17

Hey friends. I write to you today feeling like a tired and sore old man. It's another gray, overcast day. Work has been busy. I'm trying to cram in as many practices as I can with my band before All Messed Up (Friday 2/17 @ Linneman's!). I did get a decent deal on a refurbished GoPro. I figured it's a good thing to have just in case I encounter any aggro motorists, or hit & run drivers, or nazis, or sweet meteors, or that sort of stuff. Some folks suggested I wear it while I go get a burrito, and I thought about it, but I don't think I could do that. It's too weird. It's bad enough that I am on here pretty much judging the performance of (probably underpaid) service workers weekly without their knowledge. Wearing a camera for this would make me feel too dirty. It's kind of fucked up and a little voyeuristic. Nope.

Well, it's a good thing I wasn't terribly hungry today, because I got a new record for smallest burrito (since the introduction of the scale, I guess). It was the same guy as last time who I still have not named. I'll tell you his name probably isn't Kyle (statistically speaking, of all the names, you know?). Rice portion: tiny. Beans portion: tiny. Veggie portion: tiny (and the pan was only red peppers, which was a little odd. Where are the onions? Where are the other peppers?). This was a punishment burrito for sure. For its size, it had twice as much of the habanero salsa as it should have had, and it was wrapped in almost a shitty cone shape.

There was yet another newbie at the register who rang me up and didn't know how to work the rewards card.

I haven't given up hope. I'm going to hope that probably-not-Kyle will turn it around. You know, like how Ronnie did.

Weight: 478 grams (16.85 oz) 

[bothkindsofbeans]

9/22/16

The Qdoba seemed pretty busy for it being 3:30 on a Thursday. Ronnie and the Abbot looked like they had been going nonstop for a while. I waited my turn, Ronnie started my burrito, and from that first scoop of rice I knew I was doomed. I never thought Ronnie would do me wrong. I always thought of him as the guy who would help you out if you were in a pinch, because people were always calling out “Ronnie! More fajitas. Ronnie! More Rice!” and maybe that's where I went wrong. Maybe I should have just said I needed more. I'm sure he's reasonable. After the rice and beans disappointment, he handed it off to The Abbot, whose voice sounds like a song, and he put the fajita peppers on. Those looked good today, but the amount I got was proportional to the bed of rice beans upon which they lay (smaller than usual). I knew this was going to be the lightest one on record since we got the scale. In a moment of redemption, or maybe some kind of automation, or maybe a glitch in the matrix, or some combination, The Abbot gave me one small scoop of guacamole, then moved down the line where there was another pan of guacamole, and he took a small scoop from that one as well. The two scoops equaled a nice, healthy scoop in my book. Contact me about pre-ordering that book.

It was a good thing I stopped at the produce stand on the way to Qdoba to get some fruit to snack on. They had avocados three for a dollar. They weren't big, and they weren't ripe, but avocados are often an investment that will pay off later. I also saw my friend Jim the mailman there. Shout out to Mailman Jim and Mailman Mike, and all the hardworking men and women in the United States Postal Service. I wish you all the beans.

Weight: 612 grams (21.60 oz)