Setting Your Subjects Up for Success: Class Notes
One of the things that I promised during the “Setting Your Subjects Up for Success” class I taught at NEEHU8 was that I’d be sharing around my outline so that people could fill in any gaps, didn’t have to frantically take notes, etc. So, for your perusal, here’s my outline for that class! I hope folks find this helpful. If you’ve got any questions (or want me to teach this class at your local hypno group!!) please do send them my way!
A huge thanks to @soundshypnotic for demo-bottoming, and everyone who let me bounce ideas off them for this class, and/or planted these ideas in my head in the first place, including but not limited to @ellaenchanting, @tennfan2, @soundshypnotic, and @zanythoughts!
EDITED 7/20/17 after presentation at Entranced 3 (with new, more demo-ful format and double plus good demo bottoming from @ellaenchanting).
EDITIED 2/28/19 after presentation at @nychpnokinkgroup with the excellent @ab0ut---blank
Goals of this class:
attune tops to some common failure modes, so can avoid/address
give tops strategies for helping their subjects succeed
reject the “difficult subject” myth
give newer/less confident subjects new ways to think about their capabilities in trance
0) Preamble/Disclaimers
I will send out notes!
Our role models are misleading (selection bias): these aren’t average subjects, they’re exceptional subjects
Listen to your scene partner over me
No such thing as a “difficult subject”
Our role models are misleading (selection bias): these aren’t average subjects, they’re exceptional subjects
Unrealistic expectations (from both subj. & tist:
Feels like X
Works perfectly the first time
Suggestions feel automatic
No one-size-fits-all approach, need to experiment, find best for each subject
Basically everyone can be hypnotized! Trance is a natural state!
Feeling comfortable with trance, responding automatically to triggers, is LEARNABLE! Skill that can be built with PRACTICE
1) Pretalk, Negotiation, Safety, Expectations
Goals of pretalk/negotiation:
Address misconceptions, set accurate expectations
If expect X and experience Y, feels like failure, even tho it’s a legit experience
Make sure subj. feels safe, secure, taken care of, has agency
Explain how trance/safety/agency work (add comfort, set expectations)
Make sure you’re only doing things everyone feels good about
Agency and Safety
Ask about specific concerns or hang-ups, address directly, tailor their experience! (Make them feel heard!)
(Bottoms, ask for what you need! Speak up with concerns/hangups!)
Explain that trance INCLUDES agency; set expectation of lucidity, communication
So that talking during trance jives w/ their understanding of trance
You WANT them to communicate discomfort! Combat desire to “please your top”
Establish yourself as caring about their comfort and consent (you know that you do, but they don’t):
No surprises, check in in advance about everything
Never negotiate up after beginning, just down
Expectations
What is hypnosis? → hyperfocused state, natural, lost in a book, etc. etc. (emphasize anyone can achieve)
Trick is setting these expectations in way that doesn’t presuppose not going very deep, not taking suggestions immediately, etc. but says that XYZ reactions are all totally okay!
LOWER THE STAKES!
#1: don’t even talk about “success” vs. “failure” (or put in big scare quotes) -- the point is that there is no such thing as a failure!
Initial “success” does not determine future success, b/c this is learnable, practicable, may take experimentation to find approach that works best for you (infinite possible approaches, keep experimenting and we’ll find ones that work well for you)
If bottom goes in w/ high stakes, stressed, more concerned about “succeeding”. If has freedom to not go super deep, etc. takes pressure off
“If you fail” isn’t useful language… more like, “we’ll try some stuff, see what does and doesn’t work well for you. Let’s experiment!”
What does trance feel like?
Probably not like what they think. Different for everyone. So don’t think just b/c you didn’t feel X you didn’t go into trance. Feel for any sort of “shift”, difference from waking state
Probs not gonna be blank and mindless--other thoughts come and go and that doesn’t mean you’re not in trance!
Black and white thinking: I was or wasn’t in trance
Very likely they were in a shallow trance -- still a win!
2) Induction and Trance
Goofus & Gallant demo (i.e. demo bad version, good version) and discuss what people noticed. Mention section headings below as main categories in which to look out for things.
Modality/choice of induction
If you don’t know their modalities, DON’T pick one and pray. DO give options--throw all different modalities into induction and see what gets best response
Cerbone Butterfly (as NOT an instant) is good to start: kinesthetic, auditory, and visual (and can throw in overload as well)
Relate to known experiences (meditation, daydream, etc)
Safety and Comfort
DON’T get D/s-y with language (“in my power”, “surrender”, etc.). DO keep it cooperative!
DO emphasize safety, control over mental state, can stop at any time, can express discomfort, etc.
DO check in frequently
Avoid failure cases -- cases where subj gets distracted from trance to get anxious about “oh god i’m doing it wrong”/”am i doing it?”
Avoid deadlines/prescriptivism
DON’T count to officially “in trance” - stressful
DO be vague/give options, let your subj fill in the blank
“Maybe it feels like x, or y, or z…”
DO use double binds! Can’t lose!
Maybe you can feel yourself relaxing more with each touch… or maybe you can’t even feel each little slip because it’s happening so gradually and naturally…
DON’T say “deeper”, “drop” etc. without defining them!
“When I say ‘deeper’ i mean…”
DO use permissive language (not authoritative); DON’T enforce a timeline (”right NOW”)
“At your own pace…”
Affirmation/not of subject’s success/not
DO notice how they’re reacting and tailor accordingly (“yes, and...”); DON’T plow ahead with your script/original plan if they aren’t responding well
During trance, affirmations of where they are/how they’re doing (rather than telling them to go to a specific place)
After trance:
DON’T ask: “did that work?” DO ask: “how did that feel? What felt better or worse?”
DO: Note signs of trance you saw (“What did you notice? Did it feel different than your normal waking state? Sounds like trance!”)
3) Suggestions and Triggers
Agency and safety
DO remind agency, safewords, bounds of all suggestions, etc.
DO bound your suggestion (“when I and only I… only in this room…”)
DO give an end condition (“...until I say ‘release.’”)
Avoid failures cases; start small, build successes → build confidence!
DON’T phrase suggestion that are disprovable/binary (e.g. can’t move”); DO leave room for shades of gray (“harder to move”)
DO: use language of “Imagine” rather than “feel X” or compulsion to X (e.g. “imagine what it would be like to try to move your arm and not be able to”)
(can experience the effect w/o worrying about dis/proving it)
DO phrase around desire to disprove (“you could move if you wanted to, but enjoy the idea that you can’t”)
Also acknowledges the “playing along” worry and circumvents--acknowledge that hypno is sorta playing along and that’s okay!
(like for inductions) DO leave room for fill-in-the-blank as far as what it feels like; describe in different ways and see which take
Expectations of what a suggestion feels like:
Not neces. automatic/compulsions. Can feel like “playing along”, can take concentration to maintain. Often feel like an “internal force” rather than an “external force”.
BDSM scenes also often feel like “playing along” and still feel good.
E.g. hand-stick: “some people experience super-glue, some people experience velcro, some people experience the goo that sticks credit cards to paper.” They’re all valid!
Also, dirty tricks (e.g. patter to keep focused on effect, finger steeple--see “choosing your effects” below)
Validation/not of subject’s success/not (i.e., if it doesn’t work the way you expected)
Focus on the bits that did work, praise that: evidence for future success! (Just think, if you practiced…)
E.g. they felt diffuse sexy sensations instead of specific ones - still good!
E.g. they felt goose-bumps but not exactly “cold” - still good!
DO get details of their experience--what worked more/less well, what made sense or didn’t -- useful for tailoring future play
Subject should feel that useful info came out of this
Remind: takes practice, maybe this wasn’t the right method/kind of suggestion, we can keep experimenting etc.
If they raise concerns about “just playing along”: this is how many people experience suggestions esp. at start of hypno. It’s really legit! Often takes concentration/constant buy-in to maintain effects
DON’T give them shit for not doing it “right”, or make it about you and your failures
Not covered in the demo, but still useful to discuss:
Picking your suggestions/effects
start small and build successes: break down complex events into simple ones
E.g. force choke = hand on neck; catch your breath; can’t breathe
E.g. mute trigger = can only say “x”
What makes suggestions easier to follow?
Known sensation/reaction (e.g. rope bottom, meditation, etc.)
Have them experience the real thing to anchor it
Natural reaction, pre-existing condition
Trance relaxation = heavy, immobile
Finger steeple stick
Cheating w/ arm drop via gravity
Simple
Pleasurable/enjoyable (e.g. having them feel a sensation that feels good!)
Patter and keeping them focused on your suggestion
Play to subject’s strengths, modalities
Appendix: Demos
Inductions
Goofus
half-assed negotiation, probably standing over them
Auditory only
Countdowns
“deeper”
snapping
“my power”
authoritative
“now”
after trance: “did that work?”
Gallant
modified Cerbone Butterfly + overload
cooperative language, “your brain”
safety suggestions
“at your own pace”
Praise, “wherever you are is right”
give options (“maybe it feels like x, or y, or z”)
double binds
permissive language
“when I say ‘deeper’ I mean...”
after trance:
“how did that feel?”
note signs of trance
“did you notice a shift?”
Triggers (hand-stick)
Goofus
no justification, just ‘stuck’
“impossible to move” (i.e. failure case, makes it very disprovable)
“feels like X” (don’t give them options)
don’t adjust to their experience, just plow forward
“when I wake you up, you’ll feel stuck...” (unclear timeframe, when are they supposed to feel it? Don’t let them experience it in trance first)
after trance: “did that work?”
Gallant
justification, build-up
“imagine...”
“when you try to move...” (what they DO experience when they try to move, rather than just telling them they can’t)
talk about the resistance they feel rather than about how impossible it is to move
“you could move if you wanted to, but enjoy the idea that you can’t” (phrase around desire to disprove)
give options (“maybe it feels like x, or y, or z”)
explicitly give end conditions (“release” trigger)
let them experience the effect in trance first.
after trance:
patter to keep them engaged with the suggestion/easier to follow
(even if they pick up their hand) “did you notice that it was harder to move your hand?”
