#neg--

[rneowth]

lately ive been noticing that ive pretty much lost any sense of self-confidence i ever had and trying to explain my side of things to ppl is nearly impossible without me having an absolute breakdown afterwards

i miss when i was just angry all the time and people were afraid of me instead.

[treeseat]

[aberratixns-blog]

why is everyone in this house in a bitch mood like

mom is usually in the mood to fucking shred anybody who breathes so thats normal but brother and dad are in the same thrall too and its weird

[spacecores]

miserable 2am whining sorry

i always wonder how different my life would be if i was the kid of my dad’s older brother who is very smart (tho tbh all my relatives on my dad’s side are smart he’s literally the token idiot) bc i have a cousin about two months older than me and quantitatively we were about the same and she had a loving supportive parent who gave her anything and everything while both of mine were unmitigated abusive assholes

when we were like,,, freshmen or sophomores in hs she was learning advanced spanish and french simultaneously and i was beginning to do really poorly in school because i had such awful undiagnosed depression and not knowing how to study bc i never had to before. and it was frustrating and still frustrates me. i was smart because i fucking earned it, had to teach myself goddamn everything with no support. she may have earned it too, struggled and worked hard but 1.) i don’t know because i hardly know my family bc who wants to hang out with their fuck up brother’s fuck up children and 2.) it must’ve been at least easier to at least have access to learning and growth opportunities not limited by money or parents who should never have had children

AND THE WORST PART?? my cousin has so much of a drive and probably still would’ve flourished and i’m not good enough to overcome my issues. and there are people who get dealt much worse and overcome theirs and i couldn’t i’m i’m such a fucking loser.

anyway i hate myself and everything i’ve ever done i hope no one on my dad’s side knows i’m a loser, carrying on the loser line my father started. i shouldn’t have children because clearly being a total loser is an inherited genetic trait

[korvidian]

I am honestly simultaneously so easily hurt and so used to being used and neglected and disliked that I’m 99% dead inside at any time tbh

[isaymv]

[isaymv]