(sending one email shouldnt give me so much fucking anxiety but it does sdygcysdgduygdygysud i hate doing i.mmigration-related stuff)
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(sending one email shouldnt give me so much fucking anxiety but it does sdygcysdgduygdygysud i hate doing i.mmigration-related stuff)
☢❧♒
Y’all Know I Love Salt
☢ What fads/trends are you so over?
I’M NOT. ENTIRELY SURE HONESTLY ... I suppose off the top of my head is just the like. Hard to navigate themes that put aesthetic > functionality, yk?
Like as long as I can find ur links im happy. But not when its like a game of I Spy- IASDJFHG!!
❧ Have you ever been jealous of anyone?
Not gonna name names, but, yeah. KSDJFG I’m a human with insecurity issues and anxiety so me being easily jealous can happen, but I work and get over it. I’ve NEVER done anything mean or cruel out of my jealousy, though ... I just sorta try and keep it to myself and tell myself to ‘get over it’ LMAO
It’s hard not to get jealous a lot in the RPCs I’m in, considering I don’t very well feel as popular or ‘interesting’ enough like everyone else is, but, again, I deal and just get over it and remind myself about the friends I do have!
♒ Thoughts on the fandom you're currently rping in?
I’ll be honest - the RPC has a lot of fucking issues and has had a lot of issues. I’ve been here for roughly 3 years, since I’ve been toes in the RPC on my Alice blog and OC blog before I made Molly.
I know that I seem to be in the minority opinion on this, but, again, I have years on my belt and I have been treated with the upmost disrespect and cruelty before here and too many people just let it slip by and just let it happen while my assaulters got away with not even a slap on the wrist, but instead, got love and support when they were crying themselves victim after being the ones to harass me.
I try not to be bitter about it, but, you know that sort of thing sticks with you!
I’ve been tried to be ran out of the rpc and talked cruelly about by people to my own circle of friends. And this was all because I stated I didn’t like people shipping Vaggie with men and found it lesphobic to erase her sexuality like that. I never attacked anyone I never name dropped anyone but instead I got all of that
Anyway, going on a tangent I’m sorry. DKFJ
That IS old stuff but... It still happens. People still get shit for it.
That’s all a given, though, but there’s also just some other problems of again people not knowing how to write Alastor as a proper asexual, people seeming not to ever practice reblog karma (least it sure feels like to me), and people seeming to take peoples personal opinions too ... much like personal attacks
But!
I’m still here for a reason. ... Mostly Molly and the few friends I have BUT-- OSKDJF
The fandom isn’t all bad, and I have met a lot of great and wonderful people through it! But I unfortunately have so much fucking trauma and anxiety and now issues with myself cus of this place, too, and not entirely on tumblr but from discord servers I ran as well.
Feeling like that tommy wiseau youtube comment “this place is my psychological hell! hahah i love it here!”
OLASKDJF
but again no fr there’s plenty of problems here but you know it is what it is and my experiences aren’t universal, thankfully, SO!
Where are the cheat codes for the 'hope' ability I need it.
Okay I just, to vent here for a second, I just had a very long week at work in which I closed every single night since Monday (coming in at 2 and leaving anywhere between 10:30 and 12), and was required to be there each night despite us being overstaffed to the point of me being somewhat redundant for a lot of that time, and on my final night of work for this week I had the most boring, long, stressful shift I've had in a while, and THEN I could not get ahold of anyone in my family to pick me up for like forty minutes. On top of this no one in my family has made much effort to clean while I was at work and so if I want this place to be a decent enough environment to not make me want to tear all of my hair out of my head I have to do a bulk of the work myself tomorrow and/or harass my family into doing it. My life this week is genuinely so irritating and stressful as to drive me to despair. I mean I'm gonna make it better tomorrow but right now I'm mad!! And sad!! Fuck all the things!
Is there a cure for always wanting to scream.
My mind today is half 'everything hurts and I hate myself' and half 'Bird Mom would not want you to be sad!!'
I just. Having some hope for my future would be awesome right now but hope machine broke. Has been for a few weeks at least. I gotta try and get it running again before I can expect myself to feel capable of anything more than trudging along.
You ever just like realize how much anxiety you have...like today I'm like 'wow I REALLY have anxiety..'
Cause I'm so used to it but if I start to think 'you know maybe everything is okay???' it's the wildest thing..okay?? Sounds fake why would anything ever be okay lmao