#negativity cw

[inevitably-johnlocked]

whining below cut. sorry i just really need to get this out to SOMEONE since I don't really have anyone to talk to.

i'm in so much pain and i can't wait until this bloody tooth gets pulled on friday. i haven't been able to eat on the right side of my mouth for a year all because my implant failed (2 years later) due to bone degradation (I'm one of the unlucky 1% of failed implants, apparently) and possibly the metal plate of my implant may be broken but the specialist won't be able to tell until i get the surgery done. I have to get it taken out and the whole area bone-grafted and redone. it took six months to see the specialist, and then another month before i could get the surgery. the metal base of my implant is currently just sitting above a hollow space in my jaw, and in turn the tooth is just loosely sitting there in the space. In turn, it's loose and it hurts so much and pain killers aren't doing anything anymore because it's inflamed. AND I grind my teeth at night so I wake up with a jaw that hurts SO much.

I just want to pull this whole tooth out on my own omgggg.

I can't eat solid food anymore because any movement of my tongue jostles the implant and accidentally chewing too hard chomps down on the implant and sending immense pain through my whole right side of my face.

I'm just so upset because this initial implant cost me about 10K WITH insurance and a year and a half from start to finish, and now I have to spend another 10K and another year to fix it.

why is dentistry (AND EYES OMG) NOT COVERED UNDER OHIP UGHHHH.

sorry, I shouldn't whine about this. i know i've got it good since my insurance is REALLY good because of my job (it's covering half of my surgery on friday. it will still cost me 2000$) but then I have to wait until 2027 for my insurance to reset to finish phase 2 of the implant.

Anyway, sorry. I try to keep my personal troubles away from y'all, i just... feel really bloody alone and i'm crying every night. my weekend is going to fucking suck but holy shit i just want this tooth gone.

[ma1nmenu]

love the fake wokeness of tumblr rpc. so many posts about wanting more female muses but whether it is on this blog or my now archived smaller multimuse my female muses were the ones that got the least attention, even when I did a ton of reaching out first.

the same can be said about all the people who want more bipoc in dc but then don't interact with my dc characters who have bipoc faceclaims.

[vicefifths]

chat do i keep writing lohen or do i hang up my kof coat and hide on another blog be honest 🥲 i think i’m struggling a bit with the influx of new dupes following the patch release. nothing against the writers, it’s more to do with my own self confidence and how i feel when i come on here now.

[rosyviews]

i think i am going to slowly start moving over to a new blog over the next few days, fyi! url will be available to mutuals only... however i AM going to be slow with giving the url out (will elaborate in readmore below but see cw/for ts tags), and there may be some time of being on this blog AND the new one ... but like this if you're interested in the url (mutuals only) & i will get it to you over the next week or so!

i mentioned this briefly in another post, but i am irl dealing with a considerable amount of stress, and i bring this up because i am struggling with being on the dash mainly due to some of the chaos & such going on with it... this feels so shitty & i am really struggling with doing this but i think it's the only way to kind of keep some sort of sanity atm? so the people i will likely give the url to first are mutuals who i don't write w on discord ... n & then kind of just slowly go through as i get acclimated with irl shit ... but if you like this post asking for it and i don't give it to you right away pls don't think it means u will never get it!!!

[deathsmaidens]

well, i didn't think this day would come, but recent developments have finally pushed me towards this conclusion.

for the sake of everyone involved, please do not follow me if you interact with zor/kaya.

this isn't gonna be a callout or whatever, it's just me doing my due diligence to curate my own space & make sure the dash remains a fun & enjoyable space for all of us. if we are mutuals & this concerns you, please read the entire post.

i absolutely hate that i have to do this, but it's necessary for the sake of my own comfort & i honestly should have already done this back when this whole shitshow (for me personally) began a year ago, which has also been part of the reason why i was on such a long hiatus.

i am not going to air dirty laundry in public, there's absolutely no need for that. if you want any details in order to come to your own conclusions, please feel free to contact me privately !! if you do so, i will share my side of the story.

as of right now, i haven't (soft-)blocked any of my mutuals and don't plan on doing so. i have xkit & tumblr savior set up to filter everything of course, though extensions aren't always reliable & i also want to avoid any personal conflicts.

i will only start to do so if i see you frequently interacting with renata (due to not properly tagging your posts or a lot of ooc posts directed towards her) & if she is already one of your main writing partners, please block me. i really don't want to tell anyone who they can/can't interact with, because we're all adults here and can make our own decisions. therefore, i'm leaving the choice in your hands to decide what you are more comfortable with.

if we're mutuals on both tumblr & discord, this doesn't mean that i'll remove you from discord ! i sure as fuck don't wanna break up any friendships over this, because this whole thing already has cost me enough of my nerves. just because we're not mutuals on tumblr, it doesn't mean that i'm not open to still talk to you.

[villain-he]

one thing I will say that's low-key disheartening is when I first made this character way back they were definitely more male-coded and the amount of people that wanted to ship was absolutely insane. I always had a tough time with it, because he started out as such a hard character to genuinely ship with or attempt to ship. and now that I feel like they're actually more fleshed out for that type of thing and they're more genderfluid coded, I've noticed that number is less than half. and that makes me feel like shit, actually.

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

i bring a stuck in the cycle between ‘i have repeatedly made the choice to live despite everything and there’s bravery to be found there whether or not it’s celebrated’ and ‘i am too much of a coward to take responsibility for my own death and too spoiled and selfish and weak to recover’ vibe that would really stifle the mood of a party if indeed there was a party to which i was invited

[constellationcursed]

((Not-so-friendly PSA that if you use AI to ‘write’ (or for ANYTHING on your blog), you WILL be hardblocked on all blogs regardless of which of my blogs it is on. I do not want that shit anywhere near my blogs, myself, and especially not my OCs. Do NOT try to block evade, either — if I have hardblocked you for any reason, do not do this. You’re allowed to curate your space, and I’m allowed to curate mine. This does not apply to any of my lovely mutuals (🫶) or anyone in this RPC I’ve been working with, but. Needed to be said apparently.))