Show me a word a word that rhymes with pavement.
Neglectful!Batfamily x Male!Reader x The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
Cw: Reader is called stupid (they aren't just average in a family of geniuses.) Reader can see the fourth wall, audience, and author.
Part 1, part 3, part 4, divider credits, divider credits 2.
• Okay weird writer disappeared for a bit, but they are back.
• You look at the strange wall and it's transparent now.
• You walk over to it and look down.
• Woah! People are chatting.
• Taglist, taglist, uh.... What?
• You didn't get it.
• Being chronically offline because you have mountains of homework and studying to do is not helping you here.
• Nendo? Saiki? Who are those? Average obession?
• Weird.
• With that you step away from the strange wall.
• Whatever you have a plane to catch.
• Well, technically you can be as late as you want.
• Perks of being a billionaire's kid!
• Okay why are your siblings and the people who break into your house following you?
• Is that BRUCE WAYNE?
• You don't fully think things through before running.
• Sadly your family might as well be Olympic athletes and you are, well, average.
• They got on the plane with you of course.
"So, why did you follow me?" You ask panting heavily as you try to catch your breath. "Because we set up a press interview in Japan! Exciting way to announce you're going to PK academy, right?" Dick says he pats you on your shoulder smiling as if you wanted that. As if that wasn't the reason you're practically begging to leave them.
• They don't get it.
• Sure you know they're not the biggest fans of the press, but for the family act it's important.
• Too bad you're not apart of that. You're just stupid.
• You think quick and come up with an excuse.
"Can't gotta walk my fish." You say as you pour yourself some coffee. Oh, that pissed you off. Your own response almost made you throw the coffee pot in anger because what kinda excuse is that? "You can't do that, idiot." Stephanie says amused as you sigh in annoyance.
• How did you even get that excuse out?
• You don't think things through fully.
• The thought was simple, what's an excuse?
• Walking a pet was an excuse.
• What's a pet?
• Fish.
• Too bad you can't walk a fish.
"Mine has legs because... I said so!" You say as you put down the pot annoyed. You act stupid around your family and you've conditioned yourself not to fully think around them. "Why did you all even need to come with? Or schedule a press tour? I don't like them." You ask them your annoyance pushing through and biting at your family even if you were annoyed at yourself.
• This leads to silence.
• You? Coherent? About something actually serious?
• You of course were getting more annoyed.
• Except for Damian.
• Damian was more silent because he was surprised by the family's reaction.
• You've snapped at him several times, and while you've never blamed him for anything, you have been a bit harsh at times.
• You weren't a genius when wording things to him, you were average, but it was the only time you were average.
• Of course using the distraction of your family the second the plane lands to leave.
• Of course Damian watched.
"Wait, where's (name)?" Tim asks looking around the plane. "He left the moment we landed." Damian says as he starts grabbing his bags. "I guess he's a bit too sensitive to join us for a press tour." Stephanie jokes as she and the rest of the family grabs their bags.
• A day later after avoiding your family entirely you're heading to PK Academy.
• 543 students.
• And one guy in your line collapses.
• You're standing by him when a guy with a crazy butt chin walks over and starts waving the green haired guy around like crazy.
• You watch as Crazy butt chin guy shakes him around a little more before punching the shit out of the green haired guy on the ground...
• Then Crazy butt chin kisses green hair guy.
• You're both shocked and amused.
"What are you doing, Nendo? Get him to the nurse already!" You hear a teacher say. Nendo? You've heard that name before! You look at that wall before turning your attention back Nendo, or Crazy butt chin guy, and watch him. "Oh, right! The nurse!" Nendo says as you get extremely amused. "Hey, Saiki! Go with him! I'm worried about him going alone." A teacher says to a pink haired guy. Another name you know! Okay, now you're interested. "I'll go with too! I need bleach!" You say raising your hand the teacher looks both concerned and confused before just waving you four off.
• Now your interested in these two guys! They seem fun!
This Saiki guy seems– oh that green haired guy– I want lunch.
• Saiki was confused.
• Your thoughts were quick, and hardly coherent since you nearly never finished a single thought.
• You acted before you thought, but it felt more like a learned behavior than an unconscious sorta thing.
• There was on thought you had though that caught his attention.
The media will be annoying if they find out I'm going to school here. I'll have to deal with being called stupid over and over again.
• Now that was interesting.
• Once you get to the nurse's office green hair guy starts making a fuss.
• Of course he starts going off about how he was faking it, and Nendo and you are confused.
• You're confused because there was probably an easier way to get out of that assembly and Nendo because he's weirdly kind, if a little dumber than you.
• Saiki didn't seem surprised at all, not confused. Fun, you can have him tutor you.
• Saki's face told you he didn't like that idea, but you haven't even told him yet!
• The gym teacher comes in real angry and you quickly move beside Saiki because he seems the most innocent in your opinion.
"He told me to fake an illness, so he could play hooky! I'm such a bonehead for listening to him!" Green hair says as you try not to laugh at whole thing. "Is that true, Nendo?" The gym teacher asks as Nendo looks up confused. "What?" Nendo asks as you lean against Saki's shoulder only to immediately fall over as he sidesteps you.
• Then the gym teacher turns to you and Saiki.
"Were those two in on this too, Takahashi?" The gym teacher asks green hair, or Takahashi, but green hair is a better name. Saiki looks at you weird. Strange. "What? Oh, sure. Them, too." Takahasi says as you grumble. You thought you were a team! You wanted out of that assembly too! "That's it! Three of you, to my office! Now!" The gym teacher says as you groan. "What? I just wanted bleach! Gym teacher please... I don't know your name bro, sorry." You say as you pat the poor gym teacher on his shoulder.
• Then Nendo says something "smart."
"He's got bonehead." Nendo says as you smirk. *You've got to be kidding me. He actually thinks "bonehead"is an illness?* Saiki thinks as he watches.
You look at the strange wall and see the weird writer. For some reason he's holding a sign that says (Name) can't hear Saiki's thoughts, but they're there for the reader! You have no idea what that means.
"That's it, right?" Nendo says as you nod along. It's not, but you're trying not to get in trouble on your first day. "Bonehead? What are you talking about?" The gym teacher asks as you turn to Saiki for help with improv. He's not gonna help by the looks of it. ""Bonehead"is caused by a virus that invades through the follicles. Oh, bonehead! I remember now." The gym teacher says as you watch in shock. That's not what you expected. "Yeah, it's real deadly killed my mom." You say with a smile, it's a complete lie, Joker killed your mom.
"Let's take your temperature. If you're sick, you should have a fever." Nendo says as you laugh at the expression on Takahashi's face. "Give me a break. I don't have a fever." Takahasi says confidently since he's not actually sick– "It's 92,8 degrees." Either the gym teacher or Nendo says you don't actually know you weren't paying great attention. "What?" Both you and Takahasi say as you check completely shocked.
• That was strange.
• Not Gotham Strange, but still strange.
• You watch as Takahasi is wheeled out, but while you're looking at the strange wall closely you notice Saiki somehow lighting a fire in his hand and melting down the thermometer.
• Not only that, but Nendo caught him too.
He really is strange– oh wait I wanna skip– don't leave me ambulance!
• Saiki is a little offended that you're not more worried about him, but he's also 100% certain you know Bonehead isn't a virus, so he's not surprised.
• The next day you actually had class!
• Lame.
• Of course you used this time to try and find a good seat. You sat sorta near Saiki mostly because no one sat there.
• People start talking about a venomous snake on the loose before class.
• You move on over to bother Saiki and he already looks displeased.
"What if we were like... bros and we had like... a beautiful bromance together." You say to Saiki with crocodile tears welling up in your eyes. "What are you even talking about?" Saiki asks you yet his mouth doesn't move. He's a ventriloquist, cool.
• Of course you continue to talk to Saiki about the first things that come to mind.
• You don't even notice the progressing conversation about the snake anymore.
"I guess it's up to us superheroes. Right, Saiki, (name)?" Edgy light blue hair says to you and Saiki. "Whatever." Saiki says as you on the other hand laugh. "Yeah, bro! Superheroes." You say as you flex. "Don't encourage him." Saiki mumbles.
• Kaido, or Edgy light blue hair, starts talking about the snake and honestly? Just sounds like a snake you'd find in Gotham after joker or some other assholes messed with it.
• Speaking of Gotham, you miss Harley.
• What? Your mom was dead, and Harley didn't call you stupid! You needed at least one mom figure... Even if she was unstable.
• You get snapped out of your thoughts pretty quickly.
"We must save humanity from..." Kaido is cut off by a rando.
"Hey, they caught the snake!" "Thank goodness!" "Where was it?" "In front of the gate." "Apparently it was nearly dead."
*No way! Could there be others with powers like our own out there?* Kaido thinks to himself as Saiki sighs.
"Why was it almost dead?" "They say some elementary school kids were messing with it." "Who knew the Murder Dragoram Snake was so weak?" "Guess the Dark Reunion isn't a threat after all." "Careful, now! This is a secret society we're talking about!"
• Geez, the randos were talking a lot.
"Watch yourself or you will be sorted. Go ahead, laugh while you can. It's the calm before the storm. They're coming for us. I tried to warn you..." Kaido says as you feel a little bad. He's a little immature, but no need to kick him when he can hear you. *He's going to the bathroom to cry. Guess I'll go too.* You watched Saiki get up and follow Kaido, so of course you follow expecting to find Saiki being a good friend–
• He went into a completely different stall and pretended not to hear Kaido cry...
• You're not judging just disappointed.
*You were judging.*
• You are so busy judging Saiki, that you don't notice Kaido leaving.
• Once you leave the bathroom you head into class only to immediately watch Kaido use lightning against a venomous snake.
• Which you proceed to pick up making sure to grab it's head gently enough not to hurt it more, but firmly enough that it won't really be able to bite anyone.
• You look at the weird writer and for some reason she's disappointed that the snake isn't white... that feels like a reference you don't know.
• With that you trap the snake and wait for the proper authorities to come.
• What a weird place this is... Almost weirder than Gotham.
"Watch your tone. Unless you wish to be hunted by the Judgment Knights of Thunder." Kaido says as you sigh standing next to Saiki. "Counselor's room. Now." The teacher says as you groan. *Now, he's even more delusional than before. That guy is hopeless.* Saiki thinks as you watch in disappointment.
• The next day while out running errands you run into Saiki, while he rarely seems surprised he seemed very surprised to see you.
• You actually hadn't noticed him due to paying attention to the weird wall.
• But if course you start chatting with him.
• About average stuff today since you're technically busy, but you can walk and chat with Saiki for a bit, especially since you're both going the same way.
• He's silent like usual.
• Loner.
*Why is he always judging me? Oh right, because I'm ignoring him.*
*"Those guys are from my class. What were their names? Oh, right. Saiki and Wayne. Kunio Saiki and (slightly wrong name) Wayne. They look so lonely walking without a pretty girl. Maybe I should call out to them and brighten their day."* Saiki hears Teruhashi think and immediately speeds up causing you to speed up.
"Hi, Saiki! Wayne! So, it is you!" Teruhashi says as you blink at her in confusion. *"There you both go! Now you have a memory to cherish forever! You both randomly ran into the prettiest girl in class. Not to mention she came running over to greet you both! I bet you're both head over heels in love with me! That's fine! I may be wayout of your league, but be my guest! Who would blame either of you? No one can resist my beauty!"* Teruhashi thinks to herself as Saiki bows to her respectfully and keeps moving. "Yeah, Hey, bye!" You say as you walk past her following Saiki.
• That's weird.
• She's weird, pretty, but weird.
*"That's it? What kind of reaction was that?"* Teruhashi thinks as she stares at you and Saiki in shock. *"Oh, Teruhashi!"* You both say in unison in her imagination. You had a much more American accent in Teruhashi's imagination than in reality. *"I know! Saiki was so surprised that he was lost for words! And Wayne is new to Japan, so he doesn't have the words to express his amazement at my beauty! That's the only logical explanation! Poor thing."* Teruhashi thinks as Saiki sighs.
"Saiki! Wayne! Hey, you shouldn't ignore people, you know!" Teruhashi says jumping in front of you both causing Saiki to quickly dodge her and you to sidestep. *"They didn't even nod! Did they not see me? Am I dead? Oh, I've got it this time! Saiki must think I'm an illusion! He's led such an unfortunate life that he can't bring himself to think I'm real! Wayne really can't understand me! My Japanese so perfect that his poor mind can't comprehend!"* Teruhashi thinks to herself. *Oh boy, is she sure getting (Name) wrong, he just thinks she's weird.* Saiki thinks to himself as he continues to hear you chat about mundane things.
• Okay now things were getting weird she's still following you both.
*"Well, you're in for a treat! I'm about to bestow upon you the happiest moment of your life!"* Teruhashi thinks as she runs up and tries to hug you and Saiki at once. "Saiki, where are you off to?" She says as you both dodge her. *"They dodged me! What's going on? Most people don't try to dodge illusions. Wait, is Saiki afraid of even touching such an ethereal being? I can't believe I mean so much to this guy! And Wayne must be waiting until we're dating! Wow, I didn't expect him to be so pure!"* Teruhashi thinks as Saiki and you both speed up your walking pace slightly.
*Great. Another annoying person to deal with.* Saiki thinks as you both quiet down. "Hey, Saiki! Wayne!" Teruhashi says following you both. *Back again? I guess she's not familiar with the concept of rejection. Well, it's true that ordinary people...* Saiki thinks as he sighs. *"Wow! Hi, Teruhashi." They'd probably react like that. Even Nendo... "Oh, Teruhashi." He wouldn't be immune. Everything she says about herself is actually quite true. And that's why she's so dangerous. Teruhashi is an attention magnet. She's the last person I'd want to be around.* Saiki thinks.
• You pick up pace even more. Except both Saiki and Teruhashi keep pace.
• This is not good.
• Then the next second Saiki is gone.
• You look around completely confused as Teruhashi yells out Saiki's name.
"Oh, Nendo!" Teruhashi says as you watch Nendo twist his neck unnaturally. "Hey, Teruhashi." Nendo says going back to normal looking a little shy. "Have you seen Saiki?" Teruhashi asks as you blink in confusion. "What? My pal? No, I haven't seen him." Nendo says as now you're getting more confused. *"Wait, so he disappeared? Was I the one seeing the illusion all along?"* Teruhashi thinks.
*"You're so in love with me that you see me everywhere you go, right? No way...Am I... No, that can't be true! Oh, no! What's this feeling inside of me? Am I actually in love with Saiki?"* Teruhashi thinks before looking around. *"Wait, where did Wayne go? Could be.... I'm in love with them both?"* Teruhashi thinks as she looks at the spot where you used to be. *Oh, wow. Teruhashi…* Saiki thinks at complete loss for words.
• Of course you used this opportunity to get away.
• You were there, but you used your opportunity to run as fast as fuck because Teruhashi was kinda weird.
A/N: Wow, this was longer than I thought I was expected it to be. I hope you like it because I had a lot of fun. This has more paragraphs than my usual work, so they might be shitty, my bad gang.
Divider credits: @suupersonic
Divider credits: @pepsipoet
Taglist: @sad-purple-one @fauna-the-bizzy-bee143 @pugs-1 @fourth-wall-irl @lunadi1una
