What? Like it's Hard?
Chapter 6 | Series mlist
Top student. Perfect grades. Rich, sporty, artistic — you never came across something you couldn’t solve. And hell, life itself respected you for that. No, you weren’t cocky — far from it. Timid, even. You earned people’s respect through quiet effort, not loud confidence. But the moment you graduated and stepped foot into university, life decided to play a different game. It gave you what you’d secretly longed for all this time. A challenge. And did you pass it? Well… how about no?
pairing: nerdjo x nerdreader
warnings: none
wc: 4.6k
If not for what you needed to prepare for your presentation, you’d be dancing around all day. Why? Because today, this very special day, is the day that you’ll be saved from the torturous, embarrassing thoughts on the boy next door.
The mirror’s bored of you, the ground tired of you pacing around all day, and you? Were restless from night to day. But instead of listening to satoru’s ‘light caffeine’ advice, you decided to bathe yourself in that liquid. You were going to be one reason less connected to him afterall, why not all let go?
At least that’s what you try to tell yourself.
Right as you finished stuffing your notes into your bag, as if timed, the doorbell rang. An ugly truth, you didn’t need to open it to know who’s on the other side.
The door creaked as you slung your bag over your shoulder. “That excited to leave?” you raised a brow at him, stepping out.
He chuckled, “Its the big day, can’t let your short legs make us late huh?” he teased, earning an immediate kick in the knees.
“Shut up satoru, we both have our lines to focus on.” you eyed him. “Hell, did you even practice?”
He shrugged, “Depends.”
You halted your steps immediately, turning toward him with the most offended expression you could muster. “What do you mean depends?”
He shrugged again, “Depends on what practice you’re aiming at,”
Satoru was clearly messing with you. Normally you’d catch it instantly, but after all the late-night rehearsing and caffeine buzzing through your system, your brain obviously fried up a little bit. Still, he wasn’t entirely lying. He had practiced. Just… not only for the presentation.
You shook your head, “nevermind…” you dismissed him all of a sudden.
He raised a brow. Now look who got so much moodier today?
“You know what happens if you’re the reason for a bad grade Satoru.” you turned away from him and kept on walking at your own pace despite a little flutter in your heart.
Another kind of practice? You were fried, sure. But not fried to the point where you can’t depict what that could foreshadow.
It was just a day apart from the so known bus failure, yet you were feeling antsy again. As in the feeling you get when you know today wasn't just any other day. And to satoru, it really isn't any other day. Not for him.
⎯⎯⎯
The bus arrived swiftly as you two teased your way in as usual. The bus driver nodded as he muttered something about noise levels and lovey-dovey teenagers under his breath.
You sat your but down quickly, not wanting to stand for 10 minutes. And as unusual as how you started your day, he slid in right next to you.
“Choose another—“
“There’s none left.” He cut you off.
You blinked in disbelief.
Liar.
You weren’t blind to see at least another 10 seats available. When you shot him the look, he only shrugged.
“I’m giving you extra safety,” he said casually. “Who knows who might slide in next to you?”
That was… strange, because despite the times of forced proximity, Satoru was anything but the protective kind. But your brain — currently seventy percent caffeine and thirty percent exhaustion — decided not to dig deeper. So you pressed forward.
“Now be honest,” you said, turning toward him. “Did you study?”
He looked at you with a cheeky grin, “It’s all in here.” He tapped the side of his head a few times.
You stared at him flatly. “That thing’s full of poo.” Satoru gasped in mock offense. “Now be honest,” you continued. “Did you practice?”
He huffed dramatically, slouching deeper into the seat like a whining kid.
“Stop pressing,” he complained. “If you keep doing that, all my well-planned notes might fall right out of this small brain.”
You snorted. “Not wrong about the small part.” Pulling out your laptop, you turned slightly toward him. “Now I’m serious,” you said. “Show me your script.”
Satrou blinked. Not because he didn’t understand you, no. This was not you. This you was a you without sleep and a you that was fed with caffeine and caffeine only. Your ideas? Weird. Your way of speaking? Also weird. Your quick change of topics and moods? Never weirder. But with all those combined, to him, it was weirdly… cute.
He blinked again, as if generating a response required extra processing. “It’s a fifteen-minute bus ride,” he said slowly. “And you want me to show you everything I’ve got in here?”
“It takes ten seconds,” you replied immediately. “And I only need another five minutes to go through your genius lines, Einstein.”
If he wasn’t busy looking at how beautiful you look with sunlight on your features, he would’ve complied, but because he was distracted, very distracted, he decided to play another game. A mind game.
Satoru paused for a moment, then suddenly leaned closer.
You felt your breath hitch.
“If I show you,” he leaned even closer, “You’ll stop worrying?”
Despite being extremely out of breath, you were somehow able to keep a straight face and a smooth voice. A win for you.
“Depends if it’s actually good.”
He backed away, looking at you with pouty lips, “Harsh meanie.”
But instead of pulling out a script, he simply leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms behind his head like he had zero concerns in the world.
“I do have zero concerns in the world,” you blinked. “And yes, you said that out loud.” he glanced at you, “But relax, I told you already,” his blue eyes flicked over to you again, “We’re getting an A.”
You stared at him. “You’re unbelievably confident for someone who refuses to prove anything.”
“That’s because,” he said lazily, “you’re doing the presentation with me.” he straightened up, “and besides, bold of you to think a genius like me will fail,” he smirked.
“If you tank this presentation…”
“…you’ll kick my other knee too?”
You didn’t answer. But the murderous look you gave him said enough.
⎯⎯⎯
You should’ve saved your voice on the bus earlier because holy genius, he wasn’t lying.
The lines he delivered could be described as nothing but holy. And weirdly enough, you found that weirdly… hot. You could tell all he did was prepare bullet points and memorise them; all the fancy explanations were improvisation. And somehow, by whatever magic he pulled, it worked.
And you? Yeah, you weren’t the only one captivated by his lines and confidence.
“So leukemia,” Satoru said smoothly, pacing a little in front of the screen, “a disease that kills millions every year—yet one that modern medicine has slowly begun pushing back against.” he stop pacing and faced the class, “So the job of finding out a complete cure,” he said with a dramatic pause, “will be left to someone far more qualified than us.” A ripple of small laughter went across the room. “Preferably people who didn’t finish this presentation at two in the morning.” More laughter.
You stood beside him, half-listening, half-staring. Because this was clearly not the same idiot who had been whining on the bus 15 minutes ago.
“Now, future-non-leukemia-researchers, any questions?” he paused, doing a quick skim of the room before continuing, “Then now,” he bowed slightly and you follow, “Thank you. And if you do have any other questions left that you didn’t ask today, please, do not ask us. We’re just some really busy folks.” He pulled a cheeky grin, then stepped away from the front of the class as you tagged along like a lost puppy.
Because what else would you do? You were in uttermost awe. Not only you, but the class was also impressed by his presentation. It’s Harvard, yes, the standards are high, yes, but to still breach those standards just by improvising? He might’ve made your cheeks burn a little bit. But what can you say? As a self-proclaimed sapiosexual, you were dangerously weak to intelligence. And to him? Satoru’s usual nature made it very, very easy for him to slip past your defenses.
As you stepped down from the front, the professor was already rapid firing praises at both of you. You just nodded, because you knew you did well, but the star that shines even brighter than the sun this morning was Satoru. He was the honored one here, that’s no lie.
⎯⎯⎯
Exactly one class and a weird look from Satoru later, you found yourself magically transported to a cafe. Yes, very true, after 1000 whines, exactly 28 complains, you were magically dragged to a cafe. So obviously with you agreeing to join him, Satoru think nothing less of this being magic.
“Why are we here again?” You gave Satoru a questioning look as he brought the drinks back to your little booth.
He just shrugged, “Celebrating our project successes, ex-partner.”
You scoffed, looking at the latte he places in front of you. “Is it–“
“Extra whipped cream less ice lattes? Yes it is,”
“Are you a stalker?”
“No,”
“Then how the freaking hell, do you know my usual order?” You raised a brow, clearly impressed.
“Didn’t I remind you just yesterday of taking less doze of these?” He paused for a brief moment, like gathering a heavy thought, before replying, “I guess I just tend to pay attention to things that I care about.”
“Stop with the april fools, I get it, you’re totally in love with me.” You dragged a sarcastic tone despite your heart turning cartwheels.
Today is april fools, but the way he said made it seem like it’s valentines. Because Satoru didn’t do honesty, he didn’t do the caring part of a relationship. But when it comes to you, like his forever same life motto, he found it reasonable.
“What’s with all the new moods I’m seeing today?” he sat down, taking a sip of his americano without ever breaking eye contact with you. “Caffeine already beginning to fry you?”
You groaned, “Very likely,” you shot him a look, “And yet here you are, giving me more.”
He scoffs, “What? So you want those strawberry matchas thats on the menu?” He jokes, expecting an obvious no. But who was he judging? It was the moody and caffeine you, you were nowhere near predictable.
With your pouty lips, you mumbled “Yeah…”
Satoru was not expecting the sarcasm mask to drop so fast in replace of what he could call his final destination view. Your pouty side. “Seriously?” He asked, a little grin appearing on his face.
You nodded, already eyeing other couples who had matchas on their table.
Satoru stared at you for a second. Then he laughed under his breath, already standing up. “You’re unbelievable.”
You didn’t even argue, just watched him walk back to the counter, fingers still loosely wrapped around your drink. Your heart hadn’t calmed down since earlier.
I guess I just tend to pay attention to things that I care about.
It was April Fools. It had to be a joke.
Right?
…Right?
You exhaled slowly, pressing your lips together, trying to ignore the way your chest felt too tight, too warm, too full.
This was exactly what you didn’t want. Now that the presentation was smoothly done, you were back to the main goal that you somehow, sometime, somewhat made with yourself. You were supposed to be getting over him. Not whatever this was.
Satoru came back a minute later, placing the strawberry matcha in front of you with a soft thunk.
“There,” he said, sliding back into his seat. “Princess treatment for today only.”
You glanced at the drink, then at him. Now that was new. You know you’ve thought that a thousand times, but new tricks or to you ‘moods’ he has pulled has never actually failed to slide you off the edge a bit.
“…Thanks.” you shot him a suspicious look, pouty side gone and again replaced by this judgy one, the one he was more used to dealing with. “You’re unusually nice today.”
“And you’re unusually weird today.”
You huffed, poking at the whipped cream with your straw. “You’ve said that like five times already.”
“And I’ll say it again,” he replied. “You’re weird.”
He was about to say avoidant, but if that was said, then he wouldn’t know how to handle the next mood you pull. The party was just last week, but it seems at though those ivory satin looks will be the death of him. And his white button-up will be the death of you.
There were many things unsaid between the two of you, you both know, but no one ever actually had enough courage to break the ice. But today, because he had many things prepared, and it was also april fools (perfect timing).
He cleared his throat, “This place is packed today. Didn’t know couples hangout on april fools.”
You gave him a second look, “You,” you emphasized, “Out of all people,” you dragged, “Will be the last person to not know.”
Satoru smirked, unfazed. “What? I’m observant, not invested.”
“Yeah right,” you muttered.
Silence settled for a moment — thin, fragile.
He didn’t fill it with jokes this time. Instead, he watched you. Finding the right time to do his “preparation”. And you felt it.
“…Why are you looking at me like that?” you asked, not meeting his eyes.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re about to say something annoying.”
A pause. “What if I am?”
“Then it better not be a dad joke,” you deadpan, clearly not sensing his internal mind melting by every second. “Actually… whatever it is, keep it in that dull skull of yours. I’m not in the mood today anyways,”
He leaned back slightly, studying you like he was trying to solve something instead of tease it (he was).
“…That’s the problem,” he said.
You frowned. “What is?”
“You haven’t been ‘in the mood’ for a while now.”
That made you straighten. Because that idiot is obviously gone. And the man who got your mind occupied for more than a week is back. This time though, with prepaeration.
“We literally just finished a presentation,” you deflected. “I’m tired.”
“Not that.”
You blinked. Heart racing a little faster, cheeks burning a little hotter. “Then what?”
Satoru exhaled, running a hand through his hair — a rare sign he was actually thinking instead of just saying whatever came to mind.
“I’ve been thinking for a while now, and please, let me finish.” He paused to take a breath, “You’ve been moody, mainly because of caffeine, but a part of me, a part of me hoped that it was because of me?” His eyes finally found yours, and you were already staring. A what the fuck are you plotting? expression taking over your face.
“Let me explain.” He took a second breath, “Since the party, we can’t lie that we’ve both felt different.” Your respiratory system shut down completely. “And since the party, you’ve been… pulling away from me?” He took the third breath, “Maybe it’s because you’re scared, you’re contemplating, you’re thinking. Just like I am. But to me, it feels like I’m the only one stepping forward on this. Even though the things unsaid are probably louder than the ones that are said themselves.”
Okay, now you’re really struggling to breathe. “But the insane thing I caught myself doing is that I’ll keep stepping. Keep trying to bring you with me, and I wouldn’t mind at all.”
Your heart now has also begun to work weirdly, its beat is so loud it could be damaging your eardrums at this point.
“And for all the things I’ve said that had made you think and spiral. I mean them, because I found it reasonable. And the thing I feel that’s most insane? Yeah, big surprise. The girl next door, I’m falling in love with you.”
His fourth breath. “I like you. All of you. All your moods. All your nagging. All your everything. And woman, I’m not joking when I say that.”
He finally huffed out a loud breath, the confident, arrogant boy nowhere to be found. Only this hopeless romantic who has become a tomato, praying so hard he wouldn’t get ghosted by his crush. Nothing different from a 12 year old.
You were also a tomato with wide eyes. Words choked in your throat, because jokes aside, you didn’t know Satoru had this in him.
But this, even though you’ve hoped for it for so long, felt so so wrong. This isn’t right. You’re not supposed to fall in love, not with a playboy atleast. Your brain nagged you nobut your heart fought for yes. But because as the person you are, you chose the more intelligent organ, the one you decided was more stable, more immune by what you’re experiencing.
“No,” you shook your head after what felt like years, a quiet, nervous laugh slipping out. “No, you don’t get to do that today. It’s literally april fools.”
“I know what day it is.”
“Then act like it,” you pushed, even though your voice was already wavering, your heart beginning to fight harder. “Because I’m not playing along, Satoru.”
“I’m not joking.” The words landed softly. Too soft. And that scared you more.
You looked at him again, really looked this time, and there was no grin, no smirk, no escape route in his expression.
Just him. Just the boy who spent all his efforts racing through exams, textbooks, and lectures just to find a way to wiggle through your heart.
“I pay attention to you,” he said, slower now. “Not because I’m bored. Not because it’s funny. But because I want to.”
Your throat went deadly dry. Heart slowly cracking.
“I remember your orders. I remember your schedule. I remember the way you get when you don’t sleep, or when you’re stressed, or when you’re trying too hard to pretend you’re not.” A pause. “I remember everything.”
Your fingers tightened around your cup, eyes widening impossibly wider.
“And yeah,” he let out a small breath, like a laugh at himself, “maybe I joke a lot. Maybe I don’t make it obvious.” His gaze softened. “But you like a little maybe, so I thought you’d notice anyway.”
You didn’t answer. Because you did notice and that, that was the problem. You do love his maybes, but no one else’s. It’s like he has you pinned down on a board, knowing exactly what you want and think. Truth be told, you found that about him extra attractive as if the way he’s talking and the way he looks right now isn’t captivating enough, he’s earning extra points for sure.
Out of all things you’d be expecting to happen today, it won’t be the cafe nor will it be the confession that basically slapped itself on the table and forced you to process it. But this annoying part of your mind still denies it, like april fools was too big of an excuse to not belive his confession despite his obvious honesty.
Satoru himself is still in disbelief that he managed to say all that. Yes it was a bit rushed compared to the ones he practiced in the mirror but he managed and that was all that mattered. Satoru probably earned the title of top yearner because since he decided to confess to you, he has stopped completely. As in all the girls who were lining up outside his house completely faded away. It has lessened, yes, but it never actually stopped. Now it has. That ivory satin night with your breathtaking looks, that was the moment he could’ve bent down on one knee. No, actually, he would’ve bent down when he saw your pouty hoodie study session with that messy bun on, no extra masks on display. Just you. Just the girl he fell in love with, reminding him day by day that all he did was reasonable.
Hell, if you were having breathing problems he was already being plugged into a life-support device. The silence was loud, too loud for his heart to handle. But as the person you were, you didn’t really let him wait any longer.
“I did notice but..” You it your lip, trying to find a way to not make this more awkward than it already is. And yes, when faced with a problem, the number 1 solution is to always flee. “Happy april fools?”
Satoru brows inched a little closer together, “You think I’ld do all that,” he said slowly, “just for a joke?”
Your fake smile faltered. If fleeing didn’t work, tring to stay silent didn’t work, then you had to pull your last resort, the one you despised — admitting. You hated it because it proves you’re vulnerable, and this out of all times is the part you can’t afford to be seen as vulnerable. Not when one decision would change everything and one thing said would hurt a thousand different ways.
“I just… don’t know what you’d do,” you admitted, “That’s the problem.”
His face softened slightly, “You don’t need to,” He reached for your hand, but not holding yet, just close. “I’ll be here to guide you, I promise, I swear,”
“But you don’t do this Satoru.” You inched your hand away, “Y’know, your reputation makes it hard for me to not doubt you.”
His brows furrowed once more, “What do you mean by this?”
“Loving. Honesty. All those things that make this feel real,” you said, the words slipping out before you could stop them. And once they did, there was no going back. “You have girls at your doorstep, begging the smartest and hottest guy on campus to give them a night. And I, your neighbor, fail to sleep through every one of those nights.” You swallowed, forcing yourself to keep going. “You say things, things that make my hurt stutter, things that make my belly go weird, but never, ever, ever have I had a clear signal. It’s like a cat and mouse game, Satoru. We’re both onto each other, but never have we actually caught one another.” You feel him tense, jaw ticking in place. “So yes, I don’t know what to do, Satoru.” you paused for a small moment, then added quietly, “And I’d rather not get hurt.”
Silence.
“I meant what I said.”
Your stomach dropped. You wanted him. You knew that, and he did too. But to risk it? You’re not confident enough yet. A big– No huge, part of you believes every word he said. Every moment he gave hints, you prayed he meant it. But still, there was always this one, one terrifying and horribly annoying part of you that refuses to let up. To give in to what your heart has to say. It hurts. You’re struggling. But the confession is left unanswered. Sitting in the middle of you both, heavy, weighing on both your shoulders at once.
The night at the party, the times he flirted with you, the way he looked at you. It all felt too real. Too real to be actually real. Fuck it doesn’t even make sense, but who were you to say when your thoughts itself has no meaning? Your brain was already frying, yet here you were, trying to solve what could become the hardest question of your life. To agree to your so-called crush, whom you don’t yet trust or to play it safe and yearn.
“I’m not saying no,” You finally look at him, “Neither am I saying yes. But Satoru, I need time, I don’t yet have it in me to… risk myself like that.”
His throat tightened.
That word, risk, landed hard on him. And suddenly, all the girls, all the reputation felt more like an embarrassment. He had no motive to hurt you. Never. Yet you’re talking to him like he’s a weapon, beneficial yet harmful. And that, out of all things, hurt him the most. Since when did he start taking love seriously? Since when did he start caring? But it doesn’t matter, not when you, the person who stepped in and changed every line in his life decided that you’d rather be sad because you’re lonely than because of him. And that realization punched him in the gut.
“I’m not rushing you,” He finally spoke, heart threatening to break. “And I’ll give you space,” One piece fell off. “And I’ll act like today didn’t happen,” Another piece broke off. “Just… please, don’t leave me unanswered…” His heart fully shattered.
Now there you were, sitting across from him, heart breaking just the same, all the moments that kept you occupied for days replaced by this agonizing thought. Just like that, you two sat in silence, no eye contact, no exchange, just trying to hold on onto the final moments of a friendship neither one of you are willing to ruin because of a relationship.
Yes you did like a little maybe, but after today you feel like certainty is always the way to go. And it really makes you wonder, How Long does it Take a Heart to Heal?
⎯⎯⎯
You sat home that night in your Pjs, replaying everything that happened.
I like you. All of you. All your moods. All your nagging. All your everything.
The girl next door, I’m falling in love with you.
The words replayed. Over and over. You sat on your bed, staring at nothing, your heart still refusing to settle. You pressed your lips together. Because the worst part wasn’t that you didn’t believe him. It was that you did, and that terrified you.
You fell back onto your bed, staring up at the ceiling, thoughts spiralling, looping, refusing to rest. Because now there was no going back to before. No pretending you didn’t know. No ignoring the way your heart reacted to him. And no clear answer to what came next.
Your fingers tightened around your pillow, suddenly reaching for your phone, fingers automatically finding his name on your contacts. The last message, ‘sleep well, no extra caffeine’ made your heart sink deeper. You hated how he cared so much. Actually, you loved that he cared so much. But hated that you just can’t accept it. Your fingers hover across the message, then the call button, then typed ‘I think I like you too’ but then deleted it. 2 weeks to 3 months, that’s how long it takes a heart to heal. And you aren’t sure if you can even survive another day.
Just one wall apart, Satoru sat on the edge of his bed, water dripping from his hair as he came out of his 1 hour shower where he spent his time thinking so deeply about what other reasonables was he going to do to wiggle even closer to your heart.
I’d rather not get hurt.
Satoru let out a quiet breath, elbows resting on his knees, phone loose in his hand. He could text you. He could call. He could even walk over. Hell, it was just one wall apart. But for the first time, Satoru didn’t move, because this wasn’t something he could joke his way through.
Not with you.
His thumb hovered over your name, but not pressing. Just hoping that the way things changed today will disappear and he can find another approach to break through your tough walls. But he suddenly remembered your words.
“…Time and distance, huh,” he murmured. A small, tired smile tugged at his lips. “Guess I can do that.”
Even if it killed him a little, even if it broke him more than he could explain, he would do anything but not respect your choices. The man he is, top ideal, that was no lie.
He leaned back against his bed, staring up at the same ceiling you were just on the other side of. So close, yet not close enough. And for the first time since everything started… neither of you pressed your hands on the wall.
a/n: after 3 months... your girl has finally been revived, but still managed to post this 2 days late... it was actually supposed to be posted on April fools, but look who forgot, and since the teaser comes out a day before... I had to post it today. Thanks for waiting so long!! Hope yall enjoy!!
tags: @cynosure-gaze @happyyya
dividers: @cursed-carmine