gunner shepardson(nettspend) x fem!reader
summary: he texted you like nothing ever happened. you showed up anyway. now you’re backstage at his show again, standing in the space between what you were and whatever you are now. when he asks you to leave with him after, you say yes without fully thinking it through. by the time the internet catches you both in the same frame outside the venue, it’s already too late to pretend it meant nothing.
authors note: soooo i’m back again
i wrote this a while ago after i bought rolling loud & elc tickets soooo yeah.
i promise i’m going to make a part four to what stays, what burns it is literally just rotting in my drafts judging me at this point i just need to finish a few things and stop being lazy
um so about posting once a week…. don’t hold me to that. i love the idea of it though i really do
anywayyy enjoy this “little blurb” i wrote when i was on a nett rush lol.
feedback is always welcome and actually needed so don’t be shy
je vous adore, mes angels more than life
you and gunner were together for almost two years.
before shows, before people knew his name, before everything started moving too fast.
back when he was just some kid skipping class, always in trouble, making songs in his room that barely got any plays.
you were there for all of it.
you remember that room more than anything.
messy, loud, too small. clothes everywhere, ashtrays that never got emptied, holes in the wall he never fixed.
he used to pull you into him like you were the only thing keeping him in place, mumbling into your neck, half-tired—
you don’t really know when it started going wrong.
just… more people, more attention, more noise.
girls you didn’t know saying his name like they knew him. comments, posts, things you wish you never read.
you started feeling out of place in something you were there for first.
stopped going to sessions. stopped answering calls.
he just didn’t say it the way you needed him to.
told yourself it was for the best.
that he needed someone who could handle all of it.
that was the part you didn’t say out loud.
you still kept up with him.
just sometimes. late at night.
scrolling a little too far down his many different pages, past the new posts, past everything recent—
old pictures. videos. things you forgot were even there.
sometimes you’d see new girls around him and have to close the app for a minute.
like that would fix anything.
“are you and y/n still together?”
“nah… we don’t talk like that no more. it’s whatever”
you’d replay that part more than you should.
then one night, your phone buzzes.
you almost don’t open it.
you stare at it for a second before clicking.
another message comes in right after.
“ik we not tg but u should come 2 a show or sum”
“you was there since the start. it’d mean sum fr”
you read it more than once.
it feels weird seeing him type like that again. like nothing happened.
your fingers hover over the screen.
you set your phone down, like that’ll help.
a minute later, it lights up again.
“u don’t gotta stay long”
you exhale slowly, staring at the ceiling.
but your chest feels tight in that familiar way you’ve been trying to ignore for months.
and you hate that it still works.
you pick your phone back up.
stare at the messages one more time.
you send it before you can change your mind.
the reply comes almost instantly.
you sit there for a second, phone still in your hand.
you already know you’re going.
you just don’t want to admit it yet.
you don’t respond right away.
you just stare at the messages, thumb hovering like you’re about to say something else—like you should.
“aight,” he sends after a minute.
like he’s not expecting anything more.
like he already knows how this goes.
you type, stop, then type again before you can think too hard about it.
you hesitate, then type again
you stare at it for a second.
like none of this is weird.
another message right after.
“i’ll have someone at the front”
you don’t know why that makes your chest feel tight.
you stare at that a second longer than you should.
you tell yourself you’re not gonna make it a big deal.
you’ve been to like a hundred of them before.
but that’s not the point.
it shouldn’t feel like this.
your room is too quiet while you’re getting ready. every little thing feels louder than it should—drawers opening, your phone lighting up, music playing too low to actually distract you.
stand there for a second, staring at yourself like you’re trying to see what he’s gonna see.
you end up picking something simple. something easy.
something he’s probably seen before.
you don’t think too hard about that.
you grab your phone, hesitate for half a second then leave before you can talk yourself out of it.
same smell hits first. smoke, heat, something metallic in the air.
the sound is already there too—low bass shaking through the walls even before the set starts.
you follow the guy who finds you at the front without much question.
“he said to bring you backstage,” he says, like it’s normal.
you don’t ask anything else.
back here is quieter, but not in a comforting way.
more like everything is happening somewhere else and you’re just not part of it anymore.
people move fast past you, talking into headsets, adjusting wires, not really looking twice.
you’re led down a narrow hallway, past a curtain, and then—
just standing off to the side like he’s in between things.
hoodie half on, mic in his hand, mid-conversation with someone who immediately steps away when you walk in.
“…you actually came,” he says.
like he didn’t fully believe it would happen.
you shrug slightly. “you told me to.”
a faint smile pulls at his mouth.
“yeah, but i didn’t think you’d actually listen.”
“you say a lot of things,” you say, before you can overthink it.
that gets a small laugh out of him.
like neither of you knows what to do with the fact that you’re both standing here.
he nods toward the side of the stage.
“yeah, your guy?” you say. “he let me in at the front.”
“my guy?” he repeats, like that’s funny.
he shakes his head a little. “i told him to just let you through, not act like you need an escort or some shit.”
you glance at him. “it kind of felt like that.”
another small smile from him.
but it fades quicker this time.
his gaze lingers on you a second too long.
like he’s reconsidering the rest of the sentence.
instead he just nods toward the stage again, like he can reset it that way.
“you can stay back here if you want.”
you look past him—the curtain, the lights leaking through, the sound building on the other side.
“i’ll just watch you from back here.”
you regret it as soon as you say it.
like he’s about to say something else.
something that sits right at the edge of his mouth but doesn’t quite come out.
“i was gonna—” he starts.
“yo, gunner, we need you up now.”
someone calls from behind him.
another voice immediately after.
he exhales through his nose, glancing over his shoulder.
he looks back at you fast, like he forgot for half a second where he was.
“we’ll talk after,” he says, already turning.
just something he assumes.
and just like that, he’s pulled back into the noise.
you’re left standing there, watching him disappear through the curtain.
like he never really stepped out of it.
you can hear it instantly—crowd noise exploding, bass still lingering in the walls, people shouting his name like it’s not over yet.
backstage, half-hidden, watching through the gap where the curtain doesn’t fully close.
he goes out like nothing happened.
like the moment in the hallway didn’t exist.
you notice it immediately.
he performs, yeah. fully in it, voice steady, moving across the stage like he owns it.
but his eyes keep coming back.
like he’s making sure you’re still there.
you don’t move much. just lean against the wall, arms loosely crossed, trying not to overthink the fact that he keeps looking in your direction between lines.
it happens more than once.
quick glances. then longer ones.
like he forgets himself, then remembers where he is.
at one point he misses a word again.
you don’t know why that part sticks.
too loud, like it always does.
you stay where you are, half-hidden backstage, watching the last bit of movement on stage—him still up there, still finishing like nothing’s different.
you can tell by the way he keeps glancing back.
like he’s not fully thinking about it, but he still does it anyway.
backstage turns into motion immediately.
crew rushing in, voices overlapping, someone brushing past you without really seeing you there.
you stay out of the way until someone points you toward a hallway.
his dressing room is quieter than everything else.
you knock lightly anyway.
there’s a pause where neither of you moves.
he’s still in part of his outfit from stage, hoodie half off, hair a mess like he ran his hands through it too many times.
he gestures loosely toward the couch.
not too far from him, but not close either.
it feels weird how natural that still is.
for a second, it’s like no time passed at all.
then it hits again that it did.
“you good?” he asks finally.
you almost laugh a little at that. “yeah. you?”
“same,” he says, but it’s automatic.
“you still in the same place?” he asks.
you shake your head. “no, i moved a while ago.”
he nods like he’s processing that.
then, like it’s not a big deal—
“you tryna come with me after this?”
he doesn’t push it. doesn’t over-explain it.
you shouldn’t overthink it.
not because it’s complicated.
you can feel how easy it would be to say no.
but that doesn’t really exist anymore, does it.
“yeah,” you say finally. “i can.”
he nods like that’s all he needed.
outside, it’s colder than it should be.
the air hits different after being inside all night.
you walk beside him without talking about it.
just falling into step like you used to without noticing.
people are still outside the venue.
you’re almost past the main crowd when your phone buzzes.
a notification pops up before you even realize you’re still looking.
“rapper nettspend seen leaving venue rn w some girl?? who is she??”
attached: a blurry side-angle photo. him walking out. you slightly behind him.
not even clear enough to really see your face.
the replies are already moving fast.
@waitwaitwhatt: wait that’s actually crazy 😭 who is that
↳ @nicelarp: it lowkey looks like his ex??
↳ @l0vesickbxtch: STOP i thought they weren’t together anymore
↳ @user4729: he literally said that in an interview tho 💀
↳ @i37: “we don’t talk anymore” and now this is insane
↳ @lodeddraco:y’all always assume every girl is the ex be fr
another tweet under it gets quoted:
“why do i feel like i’ve seen her before??”
↳ @chitlinslover: NO SAME like this is giving old era
↳ @dylxn: wasn’t there like a rumor about her back in 2023??
↳ @xx348: y’all are making lore out of a blurry photo 😭
↳ @secratte still tho… why is he always seen w someone after shows
“bro pulled up w HER again?? be serious”
↳ @ethanpp3: “HER again” like we all know who you mean 💀
↳ @angelicjess: y’all are acting like he can’t walk out with people anymore
↳ @user17388: it’s giving soft launch / hard confusion
“this is messy omg”
↳ @robbielordi: messy?? or just y’all projecting 😭
↳ @bigred🥩: idk but the timing is crazy
↳ @userr: he literally just performed a song about moving on like 10 mins ago
the thread keeps stacking.
names, guesses, arguments, people correcting each other, people insisting they “know who it is.”
you don’t scroll for long.
