On Hearing Voices: Phase 1: Fear -Neut
Today I want to talk about the very first phase of schizophrenia, which I've deduced to be: auditory hallucinations that scare you.
Some schizophrenics are fortunate in that, the voices do not scare them. These schizophrenics inadvertently get patched to PHASE TWO immediately, and even come to know PHASE THREE and etc. quicker than their fearful peers, in my opinion. But that's neither here nor there.
But MOST schizophrenics (and i'm talking without looking at any stats) are afraid. At least, for a little while. At least, in the beginning. Something scares them. That something is the voices.
They're afraid the voices are a cop. An alien. God or Jesus himself or Allah. and etc. They're afraid that the voices are an Angel or a Demon - well, you get the point. What these schizophrenics basically fear, is a fear of the unknown. And what happens after death, unbeknownst to all of us, is the great fear that binds schizophrenics to phase one.
Are the cops going to come beat me up and kill me? Are there terrorists in my mind using voice to skull technology? Will I be absolved somehow; relieved from this earth and removed? Is a Criminal syndicate in my mind? Are the russians communicating with me with malicious intent? Are aliens going to probe me and my family? But above all: Will the voices come to harm me? Will I die?
This, my friend, coupled with the "programmers" relentless assault on anything you hold dear, and attacks during the times when your mind thinks it is safe, is the jist phase one: Fear and approbation. Fear of the unknown, and fear of the hereafter and fear of death.
The voices are never polite. They tell you to kill yourself or your loved ones. They threaten to beat, harm or maim you. Some people have reported trauma so real from hearing voices, that they have forced orgasms to disguising pictures in their mind. This is a relentless assault, and you WILL be traumatized. Or you're very lucky. In which case, you're already in a subsequent phase.
I myself remember a time when my penis became erect and had an orgasm, without me touching it. Just from the use of my mind. This has happened to me several times. I suppose I was in a dream like state, having what might be considered a wet dream while awake.
Despite all this. Sometimes, there is approbation, or a certain fondness. This is a sort of 'stockholm syndrome' - a certain sympathy for those voices which oppress you. This comes naturally. And even as the voices reject all kind gestures and words, and remind you that they're there to kill you, harm you and your loved ones, or family, and etc. There comes a time (only for some schizophrenics, though; many don't make it out of phase one: and live afraid for life!), there comes a time that the voices become endearing, like chatting with a friend who wants to kill you, and despite their malicious attacks on your psyche, this relentless assault and abuse, in phase two: you put that all behind you. The threats don't seem real. You toughen up. Or you get angry. You won't take no more. Sometimes, you forgive and forget, maybe you're old now and over it. Or you actually sympathize with the "perpetrator" in your mind. Maybe you find their destructive threats somehow endearing. Welcome to phase two.
Stephen M. Miniotis "NeutralG" or "Neut", is a part-time undergraduate studying English Literature at the prestigious University Of Toronto. He is a diagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic who hears voices chatting with him all day long ,for which he recieves a 3-month injection cycle of medication. He has heard voices for decades. He hears voices to this day. According to him, he is no longer afraid of the voices, and has proceeded to a subsequent phase of introspection.
This article is a rough draft and will be subsequently edited for a book. It is published with permission. (c) 2023 Stephen M. Miniotis.