I’m just happy to see the team taking accountability at this point. Because I’m tired of Esteban constantly having to take the hit for their failures. Now if only they could turn accountability into action.
..and really it's my own fault bc i knew from the get-go that they were never gonna be canon but a girl can still hope yk? i don't even wanna watch ts anymore bc wdym they don't kiss thats not fucking fai-
Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.
Excerpt:
“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”
“Of course you would think that.”
“What else is this if not punishment?”
Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)
A03 link if that’s more your jam
The next day Penelope waited in the drawing room, anxiously pacing the room. Her eyes scanned over the tea cakes and biscuits placed on the table, noting how delicious they looked. They were some of Colin’s favorites, and she had them prepared in the hopes they would appease him when he arrived. Because if he really was expecting to meet Mama and ask for her hand in marriage, he was in for a disappointment.
Her mind harkened back to his words from last night, still reeling her to the core. How could the sweet and kind Colin she grew up with, the same man she loved so intently, threaten to harm others? It was so beyond the pale she wanted to laugh. And for what purpose, to marry her? It would be one thing if he loved her, then she could understand his desperation, but his feelings for her were not love. It was sheer madness, yet she was supposed to risk her heart, her well-being, her very future and marry him?
The sound of the front door opening snapped her out of her reverie. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves, steeling herself. Soon Mr. Thomas entered the room, with Colin following behind him, holding a bouquet of flowers. Like always, her heart thudded in her chest when their eyes met. He looked so tall and divine, his curly coif aching to be brushed, the snug fit of his jacket and trousers drawing attention to his lean, sturdy build. He had shaved this morning, giving him the look of the perfect gentleman. Complete opposite of the rogue he was last night.
“Mister Bridgerton is here to see you, Miss.”
“Thank you, Mr. Thomas. Would you mind closing the door behind you?” Penelope asked.
Most of the household staff, save for Mrs. Varley who was devoted to Mama, were loyal to her and she could always count on them for discretion. Of course Colin didn’t know that, and why his eyebrow quirked up at how unfazed the butler was with her request to be left unchaperoned.
“Yes, Miss Penelope.” Mr. Thomas exited the room, leaving them alone.
Immediately something shifted in Colin, his eyes gleaming with mischief. While he sauntered closer, his gaze languidly drifted down the length of her body, then slowly back up, pausing on the swell of her breasts. She had purposely chosen an old, yellow dress that didn’t highlight her figure like Genevieve’s new creations did, hoping the unflattering color would give him second thoughts about the engagement. However, he seemed oblivious to the atrocious design, instead openly admiring her and causing a heated blush to spread across her face.
Bending down he gave her a kiss on the cheek, pausing right next to her. “You’re stunning.”
The beauty of his face made it impossible for her to think coherently but she reminded herself to snap out of it. “You must be delirious from a lack of sleep,” she replied, taking a step back.
He stepped forward. “And who is responsible for all of my sleepless nights?”
“Certainly not me.”
“Says the woman haunting my thoughts.”
She couldn’t stop herself from teasing him. “Perhaps you need a warm glass of milk before you go to bed.”
“Perhaps I need you instead. So that I can hold you and kiss you.” He inched closer. “And have you ride me until we’re both too exhausted to move.”
Her breath caught in her throat. The intensity in his eyes was so overwhelming she was forced to look away, glancing at the bouquet in his hand. Her mind ruminated over the strangeness of their situation. Last night he was threatening her with blackmail and today he was flirting shamelessly. How was she supposed to compose herself with him constantly altering his behavior in such a manner? She had to find a way to shift focus. “The flowers are lovely.”
“They were meant for your Mama.”
Careful not to make physical contact with him, she took the bouquet from his hands and breathed in their heavenly scent. Distance. That was what she needed. She walked over to the desk and placed them on top. “Unfortunately she doesn’t like white lilies, finds them too plain.”
“I intended to get her yellow ones and then I saw this arrangement in the window. I chose these because I knew you would love them.”
“You should try the tea cakes. They’re delicious.”
“You wouldn’t be attempting to distract me with sweets, would you?” His voice was playful, wanton as he came to a stop directly behind her. “That’s very diabolical of you.”
She turned around to face him. “Says the man blackmailing me into marriage.”
Instead of turning defensive like she expected, he reached past her to pluck a lily from the bouquet and tucked the flower in behind her ear. His fingers trailed down the length of her neck, before settling on the spot where her neck and shoulder met. It was an innocent gesture, a simple hand on bare skin, yet his touch brought with it an onslaught of erotic memories from last night. His mouth on her breasts, gently sucking on her nipples, his fingers thrusting inside her. Suddenly her knees felt like they were about to give way, and the glint in his eyes revealed he was fully aware of her predicament.
“Thank you for the reminder, Pen.” A smug smile masked his lips. “Where is Lady Featherington?”
Pen slid past him, desperate for some physical distance that would give her the reprieve needed to think and breathe. “I sent her to the modiste with my sisters for the afternoon.” She walked to a chair, taking a seat. “There are things we need to discuss.”
His brows snapped together. “You’re hoping to change my mind.”
“I’m trying to make you see sense.” She offered him a seat on the settee that was a respectable distance across from her. “Will you not sit?”
“I prefer not to waste more time arguing.”
“You won’t even have a proper conversation with me yet you want us to get married.” She cast him a pointed glance. “That should tell you something."
He regarded her in silence, mulling over her words. Finally he moved to take the seat she had offered, and proceeded to pat the empty spot next to him. “Join me.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“Are you worried you can’t keep your hands to yourself?”
“I’m worried you can’t!” she huffed.
“In that case you shouldn't have worn such an enticing dress."
"This is the ugliest dress I own."
"Then you must remove it immediately and come sit on my lap."
The roguish smile on his face was so endearing, her heart skipped a beat. Was this how he flirted with the ladies of the ton? No wonder he was so popular amongst them. But she had to remind herself his charm was dangerous; it made her yearn for dreams that weren’t meant for her. “Can you please stop flirting, Colin? I really need to speak with you.”
Her words seemed to have finally registered. Leaning forward, fingers interlocked in front of him, he focused his full attention on her. “Alright. I’m listening.”
“I don’t understand why you’re forcing this marriage between us. Why does it matter to you?”
Jaw clenched, he considered her words in silence before finally speaking. “Because the thought of not being with you every day is unbearable to me. It’s as simple as that.”
She waited for him to explain further; he didn’t. His eyes, intoxicating in their potency, remained locked on hers as if trying to beckon her closer. And she could feel herself giving in, being swayed towards him. It took all of her inner resolve to break the spell he cast upon her. “But it’s not, Colin. You don’t love me, remember?”
“But I care about you. I want you. You’re the most important person in my life. I will treat you with love, with kindness and respect every day of our lives together, I promise you that.” The emotions in his eyes intensified, transitioning his dark blue eyes to an even darker shade until they were almost black. “Doesn’t that mean something to you?”
“Of course it does.” She swallowed, biting her bottom lip from nervousness. “But what scares me is the future. What happens when you fall in love with someone else? What then? You’ll hate me for not being able to pursue the woman you love and I can not stand the thought of you being unhappy and resenting me for it. Have you considered what that would do to me?”
He shook his head stubbornly. “I don’t intend to fall in love with anyone.”
She scoffed, the resulting noise filled with bitterness. “It's not a conscious choice. It happens when it happens. Just like it did with you and Marina.”
The air was thick with tension while they regarded each other angrily. “Is that why you’re being so stubborn? Because you want to punish me for your cousin?”
“I don’t blame you for loving her. She was beautiful.”
“I don’t know what I felt for her. Maybe it was infatuation, maybe love, I don’t know, but it was a mistake.” Pensive, his gaze fell to the ground. “And I don’t plan to repeat it.”
“But you are, Colin. With me. You’re rushing me into an engagement just like you did with Marina-”
“That’s not what this is!”
A sharp breath caught in her throat when he stood up and marched towards her, his expression volatile. Dropping to his knees in front of her, he reached for her hands and secured them in a tight grip.
“Marina was what my boyish heart thought it wanted, someone who needed to be saved and give me a sense of purpose. I thought if I could get someone like her to marry me then the world, my family, would finally see me as a man. With you, I have nothing to prove. No one else matters except you and me. Us. Our happiness. And being married to you means holding on to that forever.”
The rational part of her brain recognized his words were meant to be complimentary, but the insecure part of her reacted to what he didn’t say. Was she not someone he was proud of? Someone he wanted to show off to everyone? Perhaps intoxication wasn’t the real reason he had disparaged her to his friends, maybe he truly was embarrassed of her. “Are you ashamed of me?”
“What?” Confusion marked his features. “Where is this coming from?”
“You wanted to show off Marina to everyone, but you don’t feel that way about me. Those are your words.”
“I’m the one convincing you to marry me! Why would I do that if I was ashamed?”
What he said made sense but she couldn’t help feeling self-conscious, remembering how the ton, her own family perceived her.
“You’re warm, and brilliant, and beautiful.” Colin dropped a tender kiss on her left cheek. “Your wit is brazenly sharp.” Right cheek. “Your kindness inspiring.” Tip of her nose. “I’ve always been proud to call you my friend, and I would be prouder to have you as my wife.”
Even though her heart ached at his words, she had difficulty believing him. Would he still feel the same if he were to ever find out about Whistledown? Probably not. He would despise her, abandon her like Eloise had.
“Look at me, please.”
Reluctantly she met his gaze and found herself breathless at the feelings shining in his wet eyes.
“I do not want to lose you, Penelope. I can not. I will not. That is why you must marry me.”
The ferocity of his words weakened her resolve, making her head spin.
“Do not keep fighting me on this,” he continued. “Because I will do whatever is necessary to make you mine.”
Her eyes searched his face, confused as to how he could go from being tender to malevolent so quickly. “That is not who you are, Colin. You’re not the kind of man who would cause others pain. You are better than that.”
“Not when it comes to you. I have no qualms about hurting others if it means holding on to you.” His voice was calm, his tone assured. “I went to visit your solicitor this morning. We had a conversation about him looking over the paperwork for my new investment in Will’s club. Of course I asked him for references and he was happy to provide me with a list of his top clients.”
She studied him to see if there was any trepidation on his face about ruining an innocent man. There was none. Colin’s gaze was steady. “You’ll contact his clients if I don’t marry you.”
“Yes.”
Last night the darkness in him had been bewildering, first taking her by surprise and then anger. He was so different than the Colin who always wanted to play hero and help others. This was a side of him she didn’t know or understand, and while it still shocked her, there was also a part of her intrigued by this new facet.
A magnetic force drew them together, his hand encircling the nape of her neck. Her pulse quickened, desire coursing through her veins from the way he stalked her, watching her keenly, his thumb caressing her bottom lip. Caught in his trap, she was his prey, trembling against him whilst still unable to look away.
The same hand that stroked her lip trailed down the length of her neck, then tracing the curve of her breasts. Her breath hitched when his gaze followed the movement of his fingers, devouring her with his eyes. “You occupy my every thought, Penelope. There is no escaping you.” His other hand curled around the waves in her hair. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” He swallowed, using both hands to lower the sleeves of her dress, her stays, until they lay pooled around her waist, freeing her breasts. Goosebumps appeared on her skin, not only from the cool breeze but also the hot vigor with which Colin admired her bosom. “How can you be so beautiful?” he asked breathlessly, mesmerized, before sinking his face into her breasts.
The sound of his satisfied groan elicited an affectionate laugh from her. She raked her fingers through his hair lovingly, stroking the locks for a few minutes before she inched back to look at him. The besotted expression on his face had her feeling coquettish. “I’m glad you shaved.” Removing the lily from behind her ear, she used it to caress his cheeks. “Your beard left quite a few scratches on me last night.”
His forehead furrowed with concern. “Did I hurt you?”
“I enjoyed it.”
His eyes darkened at the unexpected remark. “Who’s the one flirting now, Pen?”
The flower in her hand landed on the ground. Loosening his cravat, she untied the knot and threw the fabric on the floor. “You’re always sharing your wicked thoughts with me. Am I not allowed to do the same?”
His lips parted with anticipation. “And what wicked thoughts would you like to share?"
She took his hand from her breasts and brought it to her lips, slipping his middle finger inside her mouth to suck the digit. Passion burned in his eyes, his expression caught between chaos and ecstasy at what she was doing to him. “What it would be like to kiss you, all of you, and taste you. And I would very much like to feel you inside of me, Colin.”
Her words ignited a fire, sparking an explosion between them.
One second she was seated on the chair, the next he had pulled her to the ground so she was straddling him, her body wrapped around his. His mouth ravished hers, demanding and urgent, and she reciprocated with equal fervor even as a part of her struggled to regain control over the situation. Her heart, her body, every inch of her soul craved him, his touch, aching to feel his naked skin on hers – but she couldn’t, not yet.
She dragged her mouth away from his, desperate for air, desperate to think, heaving, but the momentary respite dissipated as soon he started kissing her breasts, groping them, driving her crazy. “Colin…” she groaned, lolling her head back as he sucked on her skin, his fingers playing with her right nipple.
He didn’t respond, lost in pleasuring her.
“Colin…” she tried again, cupping his face this time so he was forced to look at her.
Panting for air, his eyes bore into her while he tried to catch his breath.
She smoothed her thumb over his cheek. “We can do this without getting married.”
Silence ensued, the sounds of their labored breaths syncing together in unison.
“What do you mean?”
In an effort to cajole him, she brushed his hair. “We don’t have to be married to be intimate with each other.”
He stilled immediately, the color draining from his face. “I’m proposing marriage to you and you’re offering to fuck me instead?”
“It would make things easier, Colin.”
He picked her up and placed her on the ground next to him in one fell swoop, turning away after. As if he could no longer stand to look at her.
“Colin.” She reached for his arm, trying to reason with him. “All I’m saying is-”
When he faced her again, he looked crestfallen. Anguish dimmed his wet eyes, breaking her heart. He was struggling not to lose his composure. “Is the thought of marriage to me so abhorrent to you?” The hurt in his voice was devastating, twisting her insides. “You would rather be my mistress than my wife?”
If he was simply furious, she could cope with it, but he was wounded and suffering because of her, and it filled her with so much guilt she didn’t know what to do. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to deny his words, she couldn’t risk her future by marrying him. “Yes. Because I don’t trust you.”
Tension marked his movements while he got dressed, slipping on the waistcoat and jacket, picking up his cravat from the floor. Instead of storming out, however, he offered his hand to assist her in standing up albeit with contempt in his eyes. She stood up and started fixing her dress back in place only to have him wave her hands away so he could do it for her.
Lips set in a hard line, he finally spoke. “You may not wish to marry me but you will be my wife. I will give you till the end of week to get accustomed to the idea. If you still cannot, be prepared to bid farewell to your solicitor and your maid.”
That was when he stormed out, leaving her watching after him.
To be continued...
A/N - As always, feedback is loved and cherished :)
