Fic: Never You, Part 15 (Polin, Rated R)
Fandom: Bridgerton (TV show)
Spoilers: S3 released scenes.
Summary: They may have been friends once but his callous words decimated their relationship. Determined not to have anything to do with him, Penelope is ready to move on. But Colin isn’t giving up, not at all. Friends or not, they are connected for life - and he intends to remind her of that.
Excerpt:
“You would hate me for not wanting to court you. You would be that selfish?”
“Of course you would think that.”
“What else is this if not punishment?”
Masterlist (contains links to previous parts and my other stories)
A03 link if that’s more your jam
Colin entered Penelope’s chambers through the window, brushing leaf remnants off his trousers when he spotted her sitting by the dresser. He stilled immediately. She was in a blue nightgown, her breasts full and soft underneath the fabric, hair wet and piled atop her head. He swallowed, spellbound by the sensuous reflection of her in the mirror. Porcelain skin as smooth as silk, the red in her hair glowing like a beacon, she was a stunning goddess and ready to be worshipped.
Eyes locked with him, a shy smile graced her stunning face whilst she stood up, turning around to face him. He remained frozen in place, mouth agape. Her lush curves in the gown played havoc with his thoughts and all he could think about was ripping the fabric off her body so he could touch her, kiss her. Fuck her. Yet he felt paralyzed, his heart thundering in his chest and ready to explode at any moment. There were only a handful of steps that separated them. Just a few feet that needed to be crossed before he could claim her as his own – but he couldn’t move.
“Are you well, Colin?” she inquired, her brows furrowing with concern.
His throat felt dry, he couldn’t speak.
A worried expression settled over her features while she quickly sauntered closer, and he was mesmerized at the sight of her bountiful breasts bouncing in her gown. Hands aching to stroke her, he stretched his palms instinctively by his side. Then she was standing right in front of him, looking up at him with the bluest of eyes, smelling of roses, and he found himself trembling at her proximity. When she reached up to caress his face, he closed his eyes. One. Two. One. Two. He breathed her in, over and over, determined to calm the chaos that threatened to overwhelm him.
He grimaced when she touched the bruise on his lip.
“What happened?” she asked, her voice fraught with worry.
His vantage point allowed him to glance down her gown and he was struck by the urgent desire to nuzzle his face between her breasts. Oh, that lustful need never seemed to lessen, instead growing every fucking time he was close to her. He was dying to take her nipples into his mouth-
“Colin?”
He forced himself to snap out of it. “Benedict was a little too eager when I told him about our engagement. He meant to embrace me but his arm struck my face instead.” Perhaps he should have felt guilty for being dishonest with Pen, but it's not like he could tell her about his fight with Arthur earlier.
Her thumb lingered over the wounded spot with a tender touch. “Does it hurt?”
He bent forward, inching his face closer to hers. “If I say yes, will you kiss it better?”
Her lips parted with anticipation, a sensuous haze brimming in the depth of her eyes.
“Would you like me to?” she asked with a hint of tease in her voice, deliberately taunting him.
His breath grew shallow. He could practically feel the slow enthrall of desire coursing through her. “Do you not know how much I want that? How often I think of you, dream of you? You haunt my every moment, Penelope.” Lifting his hand to her cheek, he caressed her face with his thumb.
“I must ask Benedict to be more cautious with you. I can not have him endangering my intended husband.”
His heart fluttered in his chest. Husband. That’s who he was, now and forever, just like she was his wife. The wedding ceremony was merely a formality they had to go through, but in all the ways it mattered they already belonged to each other. And the thought of it made him so heady he could barely breathe.
“You have that look again,” she murmured.
As much as he wanted to respond, all thoughts left his brain as she guided his hand from her cheek, trailing down her neck, to rest upon her right breast. Eyes locked on her, his thumb brushed over her nipple, feeling the nub harden under his touch.
“As if you are caught in a trance, caged somewhere where I can not reach.”
It was her words that snapped him out of his daze. Cupping the back of her head with his other hand, he peered down at her. “There is no place in this world where you can not reach me. I am yours. Completely. As much as you are mine.” His lips closed over hers, his tongue stroking hers. Despite the desperate urgency to throw her on the bed and fuck her to his heart’s content, he deliberately took his time. He explored the contours of her mouth, holding her with a hesitant touch so as not to maul her gorgeous body the way his soul truly craved to. Until suddenly she pulled away, her breath labored, gazing up at him with passion-filled eyes.
“What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?”
Still silent but with a resolute gaze, she began to unbutton his waistcoat with determination. The fiery desire in her eyes was magnetic as she threw the vest aside, burying her face in his chest. Could she feel his heart pounding, he wondered. Did she know how hard he was from simply breathing her in? Enclosing her in his arms, he dropped a tender kiss on the crown of her head.
“I have thought about this for so long, even before I knew what intimacy was.” Voice laden with seduction, she pressed her forehead against his chest. Smoothing her hands down the fabric of his shirt, she started untucking the material from his trousers. “I dreamt about touching you and kissing you.” A soft giggle escaped her, stirring his desire further at how charming she sounded. “I even dreamt you fed me cake in bed.”
He laughed, raising her chin to meet his stare. “I’ll remember that for our wedding night.”
Her crystal blue eyes roamed over his face, as if she was committing every inch of him to her memory. “Is it wrong that I have imagined this moment numerous times in my mind?”
He drew in a sharp breath. “I have done the same.”
She undid the buttons beneath the ruffled collar before trying to slide the material up. However she was tiny, barely reaching his shoulders even on her toes, so he offered his assistance and slid the shirt over his shoulder and threw it aside. The stark desire on her face set his heart fluttering, even more so when her fingers trailed up his arms, feather-light strokes working to drive him mad with lust, along his clavicles, smoothing their way over the hair on his chest, and then – his body trembled – her hands traced the lines and ridges of his stomach.
If he was a better man, he would be patient and let her explore every inch of him – but he was selfish and greedy and wanted her too fucking much to prolong his wishes. Grabbing her wrists, he secured her hands behind her. “I’ve dreamt about your sweet, beautiful pussy for so long and I’m dying, Pen, dying to know what you taste like. Will you let me?”
“Oh…” Cheeks flushed a bright pink, she gazed back up at him with the most endearing shyness on her face. “No one has… I haven’t…”
And that’s all it took for him to lose his mind, knowing she hadn’t experienced oral pleasure before and recognizing how privileged he was to share that with her. Heady with excitement, he kissed her in a rush of madness, desperate to satisfy her every want and need, moving from her mouth, trailing down her neck, her chest, kneeling in front of her to worship her like she deserved. But she had desires of her own, reaching down to grasp his face and kiss him again, this time their lips caught in a languid caress, with her in charge and her mouth slow and sensuous against him. They barely made it it to the bed, both of them lost in each other as they toppled onto the sheets. She giggled at his clumsiness and he laughed along with her, their laughter giving into shy smiles while they undressed each other.
He kissed every inch of her voluptuous form, in all the ways he had imagined, crawling down her body until he was kneeling on the floor and positioned between her legs, his hands gripping her outer thighs. The red curls on her mound glistened with wetness and he couldn’t look away from her beautiful cunt, seeing her so drenched with desire.
“Colin…” Her voice was filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure this is something you want to do?”
He pressed a smile into her skin, amazed by her sweet naiveté. “Darling, you’re mine. And I intend to have my way with you.”
It started with exploration on his part, tasting her, kissing her, little by little, letting Pen get used to him without stimulating her too much, working her with his mouth and enjoying the subtle tremors that ran through her. Seeing the pleasure flutter across her face, her back arched, breasts out, was enough to drive him mad. Especially when her moans grew raspy, her hands tangled in his hair whilst his tongue flicked over her clit using rhythmic strokes. She tasted so sweet, sweeter than he had imagined, and the scent of her arousal was intoxicating.
“Please… Colin… don’t stop…”
His Penelope, begging for more, and he loved it, loved her eager demands as he fucked her with his tongue, his fingers. However, her wildness was wreaking havoc within him. It was all too much, his self-control growing more tenuous at the sight of her writhing under his touch. She was so enthusiastic, so seductive, and he was determined to bring her to orgasm - but simply watching her climax would surely make him explode and that was the last thing he wanted.
Wiping his mouth with his forearm, he climbed up her body until he was perched above, staring into her cerulean eyes dazed with lust.
“I want to feel you inside me,” she said in a breathless whisper, bewitching him.
He penetrated inside her with a soft thrust, letting her feel and get used to the stretch of him. Then she shifted her hips, taking him in deeper - and the sensation was intense and exquisite and unlike anything he had ever experienced before. This wasn’t making love or rutting or fucking or any of those trivial words to describe man’s baser instincts. No, this was transcendence, and nothing – nothing – ever came close to being inside her.
Frantic with need, he started pulsing. It took every bit of resolve he had to keep his movements deliberately steady, to the point of biting down on his already bruised lip to exert restraint – but then she reached for his face, bringing him closer, her tongue swiping the blood from his lips. As if to say she wasn’t interested in slow and steady. Instead her gaze pleaded with him to go faster, to not hold back, and he finally let the beast within him loose, thrusting harder and harder while she clung to him.
“No, no…” he begged when she tried to close her eyes. “Stay with me, Pen… look at me.”
And she did, mouth parted, their bodies moving in unison.
If being inside her was a spiritual experience, then coming in her was nirvana itself. His release washed over him like a breaking wave, leaving him breathless and drained, whilst at the same time Pen reached her climax. Ecstasy flickered over Pen’s face, her body trembling, and in his post coital-bliss all Colin could do was watch her, hold her, and remind himself she was his.
Nothing and no one would ever come between them.
***
Their bodies glistening with sweat, Colin buried his face in her chest. A small part of his mind prodded at him to move, he was probably too heavy for Penelope, but he was reluctant to leave her breasts. Her heartbeat had been pounding at first, rivaling his own, but slowly it grew to a steady, rhythmic beat, sounding like a harmonious melody to his ear. Her one hand languidly stroked his hair, the other rested on her side, interlocked with his.
He closed his eyes, breathing her in.
In the past Pen had been the one he turned to when he was out off sorts, the one who helped him weather the inevitable difficulties that came with life. Her friendship eased his worries and gave him a sense of balance – yet, now, she was the source of chaos, the one responsible for all the tumultuous emotions that left him feeling off kilter. But as reckless as he felt, he wouldn’t go back to how things were before. Because that overwhelming sense of thrill and excitement Penelope elicited in him, that rush of exhilaration - it was what made him feel more alive than he ever had before.
A languid sigh escaped her, drawing his attention back to her sinful body underneath him. Her thighs were slick with his cum, she smelled of sex and him. And her beautiful, voluptuous breasts – he unlinked his hand from hers and brought it to her right breast, cupping the flesh. He’d dreamt of slathering her tits with his cum many times, his wicked mind imagining her squeezing her breasts together as he fucked her cleavage with his cock. He had yet to bring his fantasies to life but there was plenty of time to do that. A lifetime, for both of them to explore each other in every way possible.
“Was it alright for you, Colin?”
It was the trepidation in her tone that brought him out of his reverie. He shifted up, laying his head down on a pillow to face her. “It was beyond anything I’ve ever dreamt of.” He cradled her face, fingers stroking her supple skin. “And you? Did you enjoy it?” His hand slid down her cheek, grazing her chin.
The blues of her eyes sparkled with mischief. “I’m not sure. Perhaps we need to do it again for me to be certain.”
“Yes, a wise idea.” He grinned, trailing his hand down her neck, her decolletage, the length of her body.
Her eyebrow quirked up in question. “Now? I didn’t know that was possible…” She bit down on her lip, the gesture not meant to be seductive but turning him on nonetheless. A soft blush crept across her cheeks as his erection brushed her thigh. “Oh, you’re already…”
“Hard? Yes, a condition I seem to suffer from whenever I’m around you.” His hand slid in between her legs, teasing her folds. “And you’re already so wet for me, aren’t you?” His own ragged breathing began to mimic her short, hushed breaths as his thumb stroked over her clit. “Your cunt is so eager and ready, sweetheart, ready for me, my fingers…” His fingers curved inside her and she expelled the most passionate of moans, her eyes half-lidded with pleasure. “My cock…”
“Need you now.”
Her words were a sultry demand, commanding his full attention. With everyone else she may have been a shy wallflower but with him she was different, her true self, revealing what she wanted without hesitation. And he understood how fortunate he was and utterly grateful for it. “What do you need?” Perched above her, he teased his cock along her entrance. “My cock inside you, Pen?” He taunted, studying her face closely as she opened her eyes to meet his gaze. “Would you like to be fucked, sweetheart? Is that what you want?”
“Yes!” she bit out defiantly, causing him to laugh. Then she swept her hand down his neck, his shoulder, brushing her fingers along the hair on his chest, dipping her hand lower and lower – until her fingers stroked his cock.
Just that little touch was enough to make him swipe the smug grin off his face. “Pen-”
“You can play with me but I can not reciprocate?” Her eyes gleamed with wicked satisfaction. “Do you really believe I would allow that?”
Biting down on his lip, he smiled. “I suppose not.”
“Then would you please make love to me, Mister Bridgerton?” Her leg curved around his thighs whilst her arm trailed down his back. “Or would you rather fuck me instead?”
Her wanton words sent thrills down his spine and he penetrated her slowly, inch by inch, so he could feel her muscles clench around him. The expression of sheer ecstasy on her face left him awestruck, amazed at how beautiful she looked in the throes of passion.
And then he started pumping inside her and every rational thought in his mind was soon driven away by the only one that mattered – Penelope.
***
Penelope was snuggled next to him, at times dozing off, other times humming and drawing lazy circles on his chest while he simply held her in his embrace. His heart yearned at the deep connection between them. Soon this would be their reality every day, waking up next to each other, spending their lives together, and it filled him with warmth and excitement at the thought of their impending future.
Yet his insecurities still nagged at him. Now that he had experienced true intimacy with Penelope and understood how rare it was, there was no way in hell he would ever let anyone take her from him. But what if Debling tried to work his way back into her heart? What if the bastard was able to convince her Colin was the wrong choice? Colin had spent the last few weeks doing everything within his power to get her to marry him, but what if all that dissipated because of Debling? Panic surged through Colin instantly, making his chest ache with a strange tightness.
“It will be dawn soon.”
Her voice brought him back to reality. “I know.”
“We can not risk having Mama or anyone else find you here.”
“Pen?” She looked up at him, eyes shining from the soft glow of the candle that cascaded across her face. His insides ached just from looking at her. “Would you have really married Arthur?”
There was no immediate response as she contemplated his question. After what felt like an eternity, she finally spoke. “Yes.”
His heart sank, despite her words not being a surprise. “Even though you loved me?”
She sat up, pulling the sheets up to her chest. Instantly he missed the physical closeness between them. “But I’ve always loved you for as long as I can remember, and you were an unattainable dream as far as I was concerned. I couldn’t live like that anymore, it hurt too much. I needed a change, a life of my own, and Arthur gave me that chance.”
Jealousy surged through him. Arthur had been her knight in shining armour when he couldn’t be, because he’d been too fucking blind to what was right in front of him.
“I don’t understand why you’re angry.” Frustration glimmered in Penelope’s eyes. “You didn’t want me. You were fulfilling your dreams of travel and enjoying dalliances with other women. Did you really expect me to spend my life pining after you?”
“No, of course not.” He sat up, shifting to sit behind her so her back was nestled against his chest. “I just don’t know how you did it. I don’t understand it.” He held her hands in his own, squeezing her palms. His chin was tucked into the crown of her head, his body folding around hers. As if she was created by the universe to fit with him, the missing part that made him feel whole and perfect. But that didn’t mean it was the same for her. Because Penelope was perfect all on her own, she didn’t need him. Not like he needed her. “My feelings for you consume me. You’re all I think about, the only one who matters. The thought of not being with you…” He shook his head. “I can’t even fathom being with anyone else. It makes me ill.”
“Perhaps your feelings for me are stronger than you think.”
Her tone was meant to be teasing, probably to diffuse the tension in the air, but it elicited a different reaction in him. He directed her to turn around, so he could look into her eyes. “Or your feelings are not as strong as mine.”
A bevy of emotions flitted across her face. As hard as he tried to decipher them, he couldn’t, not even when she reached up to palm his face, her soft hand cradling his cheek so tenderly. “You underestimate my love for you.”
“Because you don’t need me, you would be fine without me. You could live your life as expected, you could even marry someone else and be happy. But I would not, could not do that.” He pressed a kiss on the flesh of her palm, his voice quivering when he spoke next. “My life would be nothing without you in it. I would be nothing.” He studied her closely. “A lonely, broken man grieving the woman he longs for.”
Silence hung in the air between them. He wanted her to refute his words, assure him she would be equally hopeless and lost without him. She didn’t.
After what felt like an eternity, she gave him a placating smile. “The sun is rising and everyone will be up soon. If my mother catches you in here, we will both be dead.”
He nodded his head, understanding the meaning behind her words. Penelope had no intention of continuing this conversation.
He left the bed and dressed quickly, watching her while she did the same. When they were both ready, she moved closer and reached up on her toes to give him a kiss.
He held her tightly in his arms, afraid to let go. “Mother and I will visit later this afternoon to discuss the wedding plans.”
The smile she graced him with was wonderfully hopeful. “I look forward to it.”
Rays of sunlight were beginning to filter through the curtains, scattering across the room. It was high time he made his escape, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave quite yet. Clutching her face, he peered at her closely. “I will never let you go, Pen. No matter what."
A line appeared between her brows. “I’m glad to hear it.”
Desperate as he was to believe her, a part of him knew instinctively Penelope was holding something back. And the forced distance between them was beginning to claw at his heart and mind, eroding every bit of his inner self.
She nudged him to leave. “Everyone will be getting up soon, Colin. You must make haste.”
Reluctantly he opened the window and climbed out, feeling a heavy weariness in his soul.
