The love-at-first-sight, falling-too-fast, uni au that will make your heart ache (in a good way)
featuring: museums, lie ins, flat parties, and wandering hands
But Stella was losing her mind, watching Niall glide through life seemingly unbothered by the fact that he’s yet to kiss her, yet to even try. Stella watched him from the other side of the futon, beer in his hand, unbothered.
Stella wanted Niall to be bothered- she wanted him to be really bothered. Not miles of space between them, the unspoken words no where near being spoken. It just wasn’t working.
“Hey,” Stella said, tone a bit sharper than she’d meant.
“Hey,” Niall chuckled, eyes drifting from the tv to look at her.
“Are you ever gonna kiss me?” Stella asked, sounding a bit more desperate than she hoped.
“Um no,” Niall answered, eyebrows furrowed. “You kiss before marriage?”
warnings: contains swearing, mentions of guns, and extreme violence
“Roz,” he murmured, stepping up to the side of her bed. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Look at ya. Ya look terrible.”
Rosalind let out a breath, fighting her laugh off. “Thanks.”
“I can’t believe this happened,” he mumbled, pulling a chair up beside the bed. “Who did it?”
“I don’t know,” Rosalind shook her head. “Lots of people want me dead.”
Rosalind spent the week, wracking her brain over ways to escape the situation with Mario. She couldn’t find a single way and it drove her insane, clenched fists and swear word insane.
She felt that way toward everything and everyone. When Luca came over to her apartment, Rosalind felt the urge to hit him, so she did, punching him in the nose. Luca stumbled back against her bedroom door, holding his nose. Rosalind swung again, this time for his stomach but Luca grabbed her fist, pushing her backwards.
“Fuck you!” Rosalind yelled, stumbling on her feet.
“Fuck you!” Luca yelled, wiping his bloody nose on the back of his hand. “What’s your problem? I come in to get you out of bed and clock me?”
“I didn’t ask you to come here,” Rosalind seethed, feeling the anger bubble up inside of her again. “And I’m sure as fuck not going out tonight to sit around with you pathetic fuckers.”
“You listen to me,” Luca snapped, stepping towards her, hand wrapping around her throat. “I don’t care if you’re my boss or not. You put your fucking hands on me again and you’ll be wearing cement fucking shoes.”
Luca let her go. Rosalind fell back on the floor, clutching her throat. She coughed, eyes squeezed shut. Luca shook his head, disappearing into the bathroom to grab a wash rag.
“Get dressed. We’re going to Al’s,” Luca told her, heading for the door. “I’ll be in the car.”
Rosalind picked herself up off the floor, wiping the tears from her eyes. It wasn’t that she respected Luca. They were blood, grew up together. She knew Luca would kill her, he meant his words, always.
Rosalind didn’t own her words. Hardly ever. Most times her words were just words, no actions behind them. It didn’t take a genius to figure that out.
It didn’t take Rosalind long to get ready. She pulled on clean clothes and brushed her teeth, deciding it was good enough. She adjusted her jeans, slipping her gun in the waistband. She put clutched her phone with her cigarettes and her lighter, stepping out of her apartment.
Luca was waiting for her, as he’d said. He was halfway through a cigarette, Ramones on the radio. Rosalind slid into the car wordlessly, shifting in her seat. “Ready?” Luca asked, looking over at her.
“Considering that I don’t want to fucking go,” Rosalind snapped. “No, I’m not ready.”
Luca let out a sigh, putting the car in reverse. “Rosalind, I’m only telling you this because it’s been brought to me by... others.”
“What?” She asked, eyes narrowing at him.
“It might be a good idea to talk to someone,” Luca suggested, choosing his words carefully. “Your anger seems to have gotten bad again and-“
“I don’t need to talk to anyone,” Rosalind cut him off, shaking her head. “And the fact that you would even suggest that is-“ she cut off with a shaky laugh.
“You’re acting out of anger always,” Luca shook his head. “I mean, you punched me in the face, for what?”
“You pissed me off,” Rosalind mumbled, sitting back in her seat, turning her head to look out the window.
“Well even so, it’s the actions that follow the anger,” Luca explained. “A hot head isn’t a bad thing but when you get too hot you can say or do things you regret.”
“I’ll think about it,” Rosalind told him, though she knew she wouldn’t. “I haven’t had time to get to the gym. That’s where I work through it all.”
“I know,” Luca agreed.
Rosalind lit her own cigarette, taking a slow drag. She relaxed against the seat, feeling grateful Luca dragged her out of the apartment. She’d go and have a few drinks, let her hair down. Maybe she’d find someone new to take home.
As soon as they pulled into Al’s, though, Rosalind felt a surge of anxiety bubbling in her belly. The kind of existential dread she hadn’t felt in years. Rosalind shifted in her seat, looking out the window. “I don’t think I should go in there.”
“Don’t fuck around,” Luca muttered, turning the car off. “Get out of the car.”
Rosalind did, stepping out of the car. The gravel crunched under her boots. She felt another surge of the dread, as they walked toward the door of the bar.
Luca pulled the door open for her and Rosalind stepped in, a breath escaping her lips at the atmosphere. The loud music made her heart race even harder. Luca nodded toward their table in the back and nudged her to walk.
Rosalind pushed her way to their table, eyes darting around, unable to focus on a spot for too long. Finally, she slid into the booth, shoulders bumping into Maria’s. She exhaled, hands pushing through her hair.
The Ramones began to play out of the speakers. Rosalind’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked around. Her mind began to race, the possibility that something bad was going to happen.
“Everything alright?” Maria whispered into her ear, a warm hand on her thigh.
“I gotta get out of here,” Rosalind shook her head, standing up.
Rosalind pushed her way back through the crowd until she pushed the front doors open, stepping out into the fresh air. “Fuck,” she whispered, looking around. She was alone.
Rosalind leaned against the building, pulling out a cigarette. She’d barely gotten her lighter out when the car pulled up, sleek and black with tinted windows. Instinctively, Rosalind reached behind, fingers wrapping around her gun but it wasn’t quick enough. Two shots, both in the stomach.
Rosalind fell forward, gasping at the blinding pain, her gun falling onto the concrete beside her. The club doors opened and there was Maria, by her side, hand on her back.
“Roz,” she cried, pushing the hair from her eyes. “Fuck,” she mumbled, scrambling for her phone. “Fuck talk to me, Roz.”
But Rosalind was losing it, vision going dark, the pain was too much. It was blinding, searing through her body in a way that made it so easy to closer her eyes.
Just before Rosalind lost it, she could hear the voices of all her men. Luca, Jonny, Gio and Alonzo. In that moment, though, she pictured her alternate reality where Niall was pushing his fingers through her hair, lips on her neck, where she wasn’t bleeding out in front of a bar that Luca said was safe, where she wouldn’t be wondering if it was Niall who did this to her.
In the time after Rosalind lost consciousness, the ambulance arrived. The paramedics pushed everyone away, giving Rosalind the air she’d been longing for.
Rosalind was a fighter, unwilling to go out without a fight and just a little bit of drama. In the ambulance, her heart stopped twice, and her blood pressure dropped as the paramedics tried to stop her bleeding.
//
Rosalind’s eyes fluttered open as she took a gasping breath. The tube down her throat sent her into shock, chocking. She had to close her stinging eyes. Just as fast as the feeling hit her, it went away. She opened her eyes to the nurse, her intubation tube in her hands and a bright smile on her face.
“Ms. Civella, we are so glad to have you back,” the nurse murmured, adjusting her pillow. “Quite a scare you gave us.”
“Always the theatrics with this one,” Luca murmured from beside her. “You ever pull that heart stopping shit like that again, I’ll kill you myself.”
Rosalind tried to smile but she felt so weak, eyes fluttering a bit. A hand slid into hers and she didn’t have to open her eyes to know it was maria’s ice cold fingers.
“Rosalind don’t worry we’re gonna get the guys that fuckin did this. I’ll use my bare hands to kill those fuckers,” Alonzo said, a heat to his voice that Rosalind loved to hear.
“Alright,” the nurse said, quieting the room. “Give her some quiet, would ya? She’s in lots of pain.”
Rosalind found it in her to open her eyes again. Her throat was too raw to talk. She wanted to scream though. She wanted to claw her way out of her body because it didn’t feel like hers anymore. It felt disgusting and gross with the stain of someone else’s sin.
The days moved slow, a blur of blinding pain and a room full of people that were hellbent on talking up a storm. Rosalind listened to it, though, not quite ready to talk back to them.
Only when the room emptied, did the nurse come in, her bright smile making Rosalind feel some type of way. She smoothed her blankets out and checked her vital signs. “Now it’s been nearly a week,” the nurse said. “Have you tried talking, yet? Are we sure the cat hasn’t got it?”
“W-we’re sure,” Rosalind mumbled, voice scratchy.
“Ah,” the nurse smiled, straightening up. “You’re secret’s safe for me just as long as I can share one with you.”
“Okay,” Rosalind nodded, looking up at her.
“There’s a man who’s been coming around,” She told Rosalind. “Dark hair, blue eyes and worry lines that look permanent.”
Rosalind hummed, nodding, “we’re not supposed to see each other.”
“Well I think you should see each other,” the nurse said. “Maybe tomorrow before your room fills up. It’ll be our secret.”
Rosalind gave her a smile, eyes falling to her bedsheets. Visions of their last encounter replayed in her mind and it wasn’t good, they words they’d said. Rosalind didn’t mean it.
She thinks if she really saw him, she’d tell him that. Rosalind would tell Niall that she’s sorry- really sorry this time and she’d give him anything he wanted.
That felt like alternate realities, though. Rosalind turned the television up, shifting only slightly. She learned that movements too quick clenched her stomach in a way that made her feel like vomiting.
The pain dulled with the drugs they’d given her. Just Tylenol, she said, adamant on not receiving anything that would fuck with her. It was painful and excruciating but Rosalind wanted it that way.
“Every day the pain gets better little by little,” the nurse told her and Rosalind didn’t believe it.
Mentally, Rosalind wasn’t okay. She replayed the events of that night over and over in her mind until tears pricked in her eyes. It didn’t make sense in her mind, the way she felt like something bad would happen. It shouldn’t have happened like that.
The police came nearly everyday, asking Rosalind new questions, the same questions, and questions that didn’t make sense to her. They were saying it was just a drive by but drive by’s have a reason. Someone wanted her dead, and she’d find them and kill them herself.
Nothing prepares Rosalind for what she felt laying eyes on Niall. It was early in the morning, Rosalind was barely awake when her door opened and shut quietly. Her eyelashes fluttered as she watched him. Her instinct was to cry but she didn’t.
“Roz,” he murmured, stepping up to the side of her bed. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Look at ya. Ya look terrible.”
Rosalind let out a breath, fighting her laugh off. “Thanks.”
“I can’t believe this happened,” he mumbled, pulling a chair up beside the bed. “Who did it?”
“I don’t know,” Rosalind shook her head. “Lots of people want me dead.”
Niall hummed, reaching out for her hand. “I wanted to come sooner. To see you. I just...” he trailed off. “Didn’t know if you wanted me to. If I should if we’d be caught if I did.”
“So many ifs,” Rosalind commented, letting her eyes take in the sight of him, for real. His tired eyes and disheveled hair.
In her alternate reality, it was Sunday morning. They were fighting over who would make breakfast this time. Niall thought it was her turn and Rosalind knew it was but she’d fight him on it until he offered to help her. And Rosalind knew they wouldn’t even make it out of bed before Niall peeled the layers from her skin to kiss her everywhere.
“Did you hear me?” Niall asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
“No,” Rosalind mumbled, rolling her head to look at him.
“I said Sean has a letter for you. Should he bring it here or the shop?”
“The shop,” Rosalind answered, not wanting to talk about business when her mind was full of things to say to him. “Luca’s acting right now. Till I’m better.”
“How long?” Niall asked.
“A month. Maybe more. Soon as the wounds heal I get to do PT,” she said, shrugging lamely. “Lots of waiting around.”
“When can you go home?”
“Soon,” she murmured, looking up at him. “You gonna come see me at home?”
Niall let out a hum, shrugging his shoulders. “Dunno if we’re like friends again.”
“I...” Niall trailed off, swallowing hard. “I don’t want to fight with you like we did before.”
“I feel like you want more from me than I can give you,” Rosalind admitted, letting the words roll off her tongue despite how sour they were.
“What just an ounce of kindness is out of your range?” Niall asked, eyebrows raising. There wasn’t heat in his voice but Rosalind wished there was.
“If I’m nice to you, you’re going to fall in love with me,” Rosalind told him, voice quiet. “And I can’t have you falling in love with me. I’d have to kill you.”
The irony almost swallowed Niall whole. He nodded his head slowly, not having it in him to argue with her words. Though, he was almost sure he was already in love with her, and he was one hundred percent sure he’d die of it anyways.
Rosalind wasn’t in love with him, but she didn’t know what love was. She can’t recall a time in her life where she’s ever been in love but it always took her a while longer to catch on.
“Well I’ll come visit you, then,” Niall finally decided. “As friends. No funny business, of course.”
“Until I’m better,” Rosalind clarified, eyes shifting away from him. “If I’d known my last orgasm was my last orgasm I would’ve made it count for something.”
“If only you’d know,” he agreed, shifting in his seat, checking his watch. “I should go.”
Rosalind nodded, watching him stand up. Niall slid the chair back away from the bed, straightening up. “Call me when you come home. I’ll come over.”
“Okay,” she murmured, the apology she wanted to give him on the tip of her tongue as she looked at him looking at her. “I’m sorry,” she told him.
“It’s okay,” he shook his head. “I’m sorry too.”
“I’m going to talk to someone,” Rosalind told him, fingers twisting into the sheets, eyes darting away from him. “About my anger.”
“Wow,” Niall murmured, almost astonished. “That’s good, Roz. Something to be proud of.”
But it felt like Rosalind’s weak spot. Saying she gets too angry, can’t even control herself let alone the people that work for her. Rosalind nodded her head, though, looking up at him.
Niall’s feet were glued to the floor, just staring at Rosalind. He couldn’t tear himself from her just yet. Rosalind’s tongue was heavy in her mouth with the weight of everything she wanted to say to him.
Niall leaned toward her, brushing the hair from her eyes. Rosalind’s eyes fluttered at his touch, just the pads of his fingertips had her longing for more. “Hey Roz,” Niall said, voice crackling. He cleared his throat, not awaiting her response when he asked, “can I... can I kiss ya just-“ he sighed. “I missed you so much.”
Rosalind nodded, looking up at him. Niall leaned down, tilting her chin up. He licked his lips, exhaling out of his nose before catching her lips in a gentle kiss. Rosalind whimpered against his lips, eyes slipping shut.
The kiss was short lived, Niall pulling away to brush his thumb over her bottom lip. “Feel better, Roz, okay?”
“Okay,” Roz mumbled, nodding.
“If there’s anything you want me to.... take care of,” Niall told her, heading toward the door. “Let me know.”
Rosalind nodded, watching him leave. The absence in the room beside her felt like it’d eat her alive. She closed her eyes, shifting in bed. She wished she told him everything when she and the chance.
