#nickis thoughts

[lemondrop-princess]

I just want to say sorry for not being on here as much as I normally am. And being on at times I normally am not on here.

My mental health was slowy declining over the last I'd say 2 months. Over the past like week I'd say my mental health was quickly declining. My mental health now is slowly improving. I've seen my psych doctor and he's given me a medication change. I started that change last night. I will be continuing that change for the next 4 weeks until I see him again. We will go from there based on how I'm doing. I'm assuming his #1 concern is me being "delusional" and waking the whole house up at 2:30AM freaking out convinced that Bill Clinton was coming to eat us. I'm still getting paranoid about different things. Only at night. Night time has never been a good time for me. My mental health gets much worse at night than it does during the day. But I am doing better than I was.

[lemondrop-princess]

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My 30th birthday is March 4th!

I made this just in case anyone wanted to get me a gift(s). If I had to pick I'd say I want the household stuff the most bc I'm planning to move out soon. I'm really just waiting for a subsidized apartment to open up in the complex that I like.

[lemondrop-princess]

I HATE loud cars. Unless your car needs repairs there is no reason your car should be vibrating my house!

[lemondrop-princess]

Does this not make Trump a hypocrite?

Trump kidnapped the President of Venezuela and his wife and brought them to the USA. Then he's going to make the President of Venezuela go to through the American justice system. Will the President of Venezuela not potentially be put in American jail/prison? From what it looks like no one agrees with what the US has done. So it's v unlikely so other country is going to allow the President of Venezuela to spend any time in their jail/prison.

What about what ICE is doing? According to Trump we need to get rid of the ppl who illegally entered the United Stated bc they are criminals. Trump says the President of Venezuela is a criminal. So shouldn't Trump want him out of America like the rest of the ppl he's trying so hard to deport?

[lemondrop-princess]

I'm literally going to crash out.

My Aunt T. HITS our yellow lab Bailey. I see and hear this - made a v loud thud noise. I immediately (within a second) stareted screaming at her for this. Aunt T. makes some bullshit excuses. First she didn't touch Bailey. When I didn't let up on Aunt T. then she "didn't hit her hard." Which is a lie. And ya know - I do not care how hard you hit Bailey! You don't fucking hit any dog! We've (my Mom and I) have had these fights with Aunt T. before. It "ended" when Aunt T. realized I wasn't letting up on her and she screamed at me to "Shut up!" When that didn't work (bc it never does) she put her hands over her ears and went "LALALALLALALALLALALALLALALALALLALALALLA..." V 68 year old woman of her. My Mom ended up taking all of our dogs outside bc they were getting scared from the yelling. I feel v bad about scaring the dogs but Aunt T. needed to be screamed at for hitting Bailey. After they went outside I tried just talking with Aunt T. Maybe reason would work? Never does with her so idk why I tried. I tried telling her "How would you feel if I just hit you when you did something I didn't like? Like you do to Bailey." She just screamed at me the moment I started talking. Did not stop screaming either. So I turned my music on full blast until she fucking left the livingroom. Slammed her bedroom door when she went in there.

[lemondrop-princess]

Sorry I wasn't around much the last few days. Christmas Eve and Christmas day are the worst mental health days of the year for me. Tbh I've been sleeping a bunch. I love you all v much. I hope you all had a good holiday!

[lemondrop-princess]

If (when) I start getting anon hate it is bc I Blazed my "FUCK ICE!" post. I have no regrets. It is what it is. I want to show my support to ppl on here. And if I will get anon hate so be it.

Ya know - Imma turn of anons until the the post is done being Blazed. Fuck those fuckheads. I don't wanna deal with them.

[lemondrop-princess]

I'm v scared tomorrow might be the worst day of my life. Which has almost happened a few times now. But my Mom is convinced something bad is going to happen.

I think my Dad gave me *secret* (bc no one else is suppose to know and he made sure no one else saw us) money today bc he's scared that I have to go alone with my Mom an hour away from home so she can have a stress test to make sure her heart is okay.

My Mom has heart problems. But she's been having chest pain for like the last 2 months. So her heart doctor wants to make sure she's all okay and that the pain is just anxiety bc she had a breast cancer scare that turned out to not be breast cancer but cysts and to check the stents he placed 15 years ago when she had a massive heart attack. I think he's worried that I'll be alone and the medical staff will find something that needs immediate attention on the stress test. I do not drive so if something is wrong with my Mom and she needs to stay in the hospital I'm stuck. Not really stuck bc someone will for sure come get me and more importantly want to be with my Mom. But also my Dad works in the city the stress test is in. So he will be kinda close by. Closer than all the other family members I can call. And I asked him today before we ended our time hanging out if something were to happen if I could call him bc he's the closest to me. My parents are no longer together and have nothing to do with each other unless there is a HUGE issue involving my sister or I. My Dad said yes without a second thought. So that's good. At least I have someone within a half hour range of me if I need someone for support. So I think that makes him feel better to know that I'll call him if anything happens.