Mar 29, 2021
ummm so.... i’m very excited for yaz’s new outfit 👀👀👀
seen from Japan
seen from Maldives
seen from Malaysia
seen from Chile
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from T1
seen from T1
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from Chile
seen from New Zealand
seen from New Zealand
seen from T1
seen from New Zealand
seen from T1
seen from T1
seen from Netherlands
seen from Netherlands
ummm so.... i’m very excited for yaz’s new outfit 👀👀👀
No Need To Worry — B.B.
40s!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
Bucky Barnes Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Summary: After Bucky and the other soldiers were rescued, Bucky, Steve, and some of the other soldiers went to a bar to relax. Who would’ve thought that a few beers could turn into something more? (3rd Person POV)
Word Count: ≈5.1k (wha-😃)
Warnings: extreme fluff, cursing, it gets a little spicy but also doesn’t at the same time, sorta alludes to loss of virginities, alcohol consumption, Bucky gets upset at reader but nothing too crazy happens, sadness (If i missed anything, please tell me!)
A/N: This one-shot is for @startrekkingaroundasgard ‘s writing challenge. I had sooo much fun writing this. It was originally supposed to be smut, but I chickened out lmao. I hope you enjoy this regardless, though! (I added the picture prompt for the header thing— if you don’t want it there, just tell me and i’ll remove it)
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Steve Rogers had just gotten some-400 men out of the hands of German scientists. They were so relieved to have been saved after quite a few weeks of being Prisoners of War. After returning to America, Steve wanted to go back and take down HYDRA. So, he took on the responsibility to assemble a team to go with him.
“See,” Bucky said to Steve, who was walking over to the bar. He had just convinced a couple of guys to join him going back to Germany. All they needed were a couple beers and were drawn-in immediately. “They’re all idiots.”
“How about you?” Steve asked, “You ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?”
“Hell no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight… I’m following him,” Bucky replied, earning a small grin from Steve. “But, you’re keeping the outfit, right?”
“You know what? It’s kinda growing on me.”
“Well I think it looks remarkable, Captain Rogers,” a lady’s voice said, putting an arm around the two boys. Steve and Bucky turned their heads slightly and were met with a familiar face. “Hello, boys.”
“Y/N!” Steve exclaimed, standing up to give her a hug. “Surprised to see you here. Bars aren’t really your thing.”
“Well, they are when I know my two idiot friends just came back from a war. Speaking of,” she slapped Bucky’s shoulder, “don’t scare me like that, Barnes. Becky had me thinking you were dead.” He smiled sadly and stood up to hug her too.
“My bad, doll. Next time, I’ll make sure to write,” he wittily replied. She scoffed and sat down in between the two boys. “And, by the way, if you’re calling Steve ‘Captain’, then you get to call me ‘Sergeant’. Understood?”
“Yes, Sarge,” she replied while saluting him, making the two boys laugh. The soldiers Steve recruited had been singing quite loudly for the last few minutes, and it came as a surprise when the singing ceased. Steve, Y/N, and Bucky turned their heads to the doorway and saw the one and only Agent Peggy Carter. She was dressed in a beautiful red dress— something that no one would normally see her in. No wonder the boys stopped singing; they were in awe.
The boys stood up when she walked in, and Y/N stayed sitting in her chair, unsure of what she was supposed to do.
“Captain,” Peggy greeted.
“Agent Carter,” greeted Steve.
“Ma’am,” said Bucky. Peggy looked at the girl sitting at the bar, knowing who she was, and waved at her. Y/N waved back and gave her a nice little grin.
“Howard has some equipment for you to try. Tomorrow morning?” she asked Steve.
“Sounds good.” Steve was eyeing her, and both Y/N and Bucky picked up on it. Though, Bucky was more focused on Peggy himself to really give it a second thought.
“I see your top squad is prepping for duty.”
“You don’t like music?”
“I do, actually. I might, even when this is all over, go dancing.”
“Then what are we waiting for,” Bucky added.
“The right partner,” Peggy replied, not taking her eyes off of Steve. “0800, Captain.” And then she just walked off, not even glancing at the Sergeant besides her.
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll be there,” Steve replied, loud enough so she could hear. Bucky watched her as she left, shocked.
“I’m invisible,” he announced. “I-I’m turning into you. This is a horrible dream.” The boys walked back to the bar and sat next to Y/N.
“Oh, that’s not true, Sarge. I still see you. You and your greasy hair,” Y/N joked, rubbing the top of his head.
“Yeah, don’t take it so hard, maybe she’s got a friend,” Steve added, placing a friendly pat on his back. ‘I’m gonna go hang with the other guys for a minute. I’ll be back.” Steve walked away into the other section of the bar, leaving Bucky and Y/N alone with each other. Bucky seemed disappointed in the situation and was staring at his near-empty beer bottle.
“Ya know,” Y/N started, noticing his sad demeanor, “I knew Peggy in high school.”
“Okay, and?” Bucky asked, not getting the hint.
“We were very close friends. She was always top of her class, and I was… well, not quite there. We always hung out after school. When she joined the military, we promised to keep in touch, which we have. It’s just different,” she explained. After a brief moment, she grabbed the beer bottle and drank some of it. Bucky looked at her wildly (a good wildly) and just grinned-- teeth and all.
“Damn, I didn’t know you drank,” Bucky remarked, staring at her eyes.
“Hmm, I guess you don’t know me as well as you think you do, Barnes,” Y/N said, setting down the now empty bottle.
“Yeah, I guess not.” He positioned himself back in his chair to sit forward. He turned his head to look at her, processing the drink. She saw him staring at her in the corner of her eye and proceeded to turn to look at him.
“How long will y’all be gone?” she asked after shaking her head slightly.
“I’m not sure.”
“Hopefully not too long. I’ve missed you, James.”
“Really? You? Missing me? I find that hard to believe.”
“Well, it’s true. Plus, you’ve left me with your sister, and she’s a very social person. I’m not,” she said, giggling.
“What do you mean? You love people.”
“Not when it’s the very few boys that didn’t get drafted or enlist,” she responded, fidgeting with her fingers.
“Oh,” Bucky said, realizing what she’d been doing the last couple of months. “You’ve been going on dates.”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to, but your damn sister dragged me into it. Hey, can I have… whatever the hell this is?” Y/N asked the bartender, who just so happened to be walking by.
“Uh, yes, ma’am,” he said, going to grab another bottle.
“Lemme guess: you’ve taken to alcohol to cope with the dating?” Bucky asked, turning his body to face Y/N and placing his elbow on the counter-top to rest his head on his fist.
“Precisely,” she said. The bartender set down a beer for her after he opened it. She gladly accepted it, and took a small swig of it. It was small because Bucky took it out of her hands.
“Gimme that,” he said. He took a sip of it and set it down.
“Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t be drinking when you just drank my beer.”
“No. I was gonna say that you should slow down for a minute, OK?” He stared at her with this look in his eyes. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but would eventually figure it out.
“Trust me, Barnes, I’ve been taking it slow. This is slow,” she said, reaching for the bottle. Bucky quickly placed a light grip around her wrists, but it was tight enough so she couldn’t get out of his grip. “What the fuck, James?”
“I said no, Y/N.” His voice was stern. He was serious. However, Y/N being Y/N, she wanted to see how far she could take this. He slowly let go of her wrist and she moved her hand to the counter. She was eyeing the bottle. Bucky knew what was up. “Don’t do it, doll.” She didn’t listen. She grabbed the bottle as quick as she could, and actually got her hand on the bottle, but she wasn’t able to grab it.
Bucky had enough of it. He knew that she was messing around, but he was being serious. When she went for the beer, he stood up and grabbed her shoulders. He towered over her, trying to give himself more power over the situation. He was physically very close to Y/N. Bucky kept a lock of his gaze on her, staring straight into her. She looked up at him, startled by what he was doing, and saw the look he was giving her. Their eyes were stuck on each other’s for God knows how long. His eyes, as Y/N observed, went from stern to soft real fast. His pupils went huge.
“Bucky,” Y/N whispered, only loud enough for Bucky to hear.
“Hey,” he whispered back, keeping the stare on her. He released his grasp on her, but left his hands on her. They slowly went from her shoulders to her sides while saying, “I- uh… I don’t know-”
“It’s OK,” she reassured him, carefully placing one of her hands on his chest and the other ventured to the side of his face, resting on his left cheek. He wasn’t focused on her eye anymore, but her lips. Bucky’s eyes shot back and forth between the two. He was looking for a sign to go ahead with what he wanted to do— something that he didn’t realize he wanted to do for a while now.
“Kiss me, James.” Y/N was straightforward, and she wanted this as much as he did. Shooting his eyes back and forth a few more times, he slowly closed the small space between, landing a magical kiss on her lips. Immediately, Y/N kissed him back, both of them steadily melting into it. On any other given day, Y/N is not the type for public displays of affection— especially when it comes to kissing. However, right now in this moment, she felt as if the room was empty and it was only her and Bucky.
After quite a few seconds, Bucky reluctantly pulls away. He looked at Y/N with that look he gave her earlier, only now Y/N knew why. He pushed a stray piece of hair out of her face, letting his hand linger on the side of her head.
“Y/N?” he quietly asked.
“Yeah, Buck?” He opened his mouth to talk, but nothing came out.
“Is James Buchanan Barnes finally at a loss for words?” Y/N teased, making the two of them chuckle, their smiles not fading from their faces when they were done laughing.
“Do you want to, um-”
“Hey, Sarge!” Gabe said, snapping Y/N and Bucky out of their trance. “Oh, sorry, man. Didn’t mean to interrupt anything. The Captain wanted you to know that we were heading out. You coming? You can bring your girl with you, if you want.”
“Uh, I’ll catch up with you guys later. Y’all can go,” Bucky responded.
“OK. Goodnight, Barnes. Ma’am.” Gabe walked off, leaving the two alone once again.
“You didn’t deny it,” Y/N said, turning her attention back to Bucky.
“What do you mean?”
“He said, ''You can bring your girl,” she pointed out.
“I mean... he wasn’t wrong.”
“You could’ve gone with them. They are your team.”
“Yeah, well, I have other plans for tonight,” Bucky replied.
“Really? What’re your plans?” Bucky just smiled and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of her chair. He navigated her through the bar, trying to get to the exit. The bar was still packed, even though it was getting incredibly late. However, tomorrow would be Saturday, so getting wasted was the first thing that came to mind for most people. Eventually, Y/N and Bucky found their way out, and were now faced with the brisk air of Brooklyn.
“Bucky, what’re we doing?” Y/N asked. Bucky shifted themselves to where Bucky was behind Y/N, holding her tightly by her waist.
“I’m taking the pretty girl from the bar home,” he answered, delicately nipping at her neck. She deliberately let her head fall back onto Bucky’s shoulder, giving him more room. He tactfully dug his fingers into her sides, creating more and more tension between the two.
“Bucky…” She whispered his name once again, only this time she wasn’t pissed at him. This time, she wanted everything to do with him. “Take me home, James.” He stopped kissing her neck and repositioned his face to the side of hers-- his nose gently brushing against the soft skin of her cheek.
“Anything you want, doll,” he entrancingly whispered in her ear. He got a hold of her hand once again and walked with her down the street, making sure she was by his side at all times. His apartment was a few blocks away, so the walk would’ve been a little over twelve minutes, but was fixated on getting home. As an effect, the walk was under nine minutes.
They soon arrived at the front door of Bucky’s apartment. It was a small complex, but the apartment itself was the perfect size for Bucky, since it was really just him. He dug around in his pocket looking for his keys. Y/N was leaning against the doorway, amused with watching him fumble with his pants pockets.
“What are you smiling at?” Bucky asked, lips upturning slightly.
“You’re looking in the wrong places, Sarge,” she implied. Bucky’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. In an attempt to show him what she meant, she stood up straight and walked in front of him, placing her hands on his chest. Her right hand moved up to a pocket on his shirt and grabbed a set of keys out of there.
“How did you-”
“I watched you move them from your back pocket to this pocket while we were walking,” she answered, pointing her finger to his chest. Bucky took the keys out of her hand and placed them into the lock, looking at Y/N with a smile. He opened the door and let Y/N walk in first. He followed behind her and shut the door, locking it.
“God, it’s been awhile since I’ve been in here,” she remarked, taking a nice glance around the room. She took her sweater off and neatly set it down on the back of the couch. Bucky set his keys in a bowl which was sitting on a half-wall divide at the entrance.
“You can take your shoes off, if you’d like to. I’m sure those heels are annoying,” Bucky said, pointing at her heels.
“Yeah, they are. Guess who got me wearing them?” she teased, knowing that Bucky got who she was talking about. She walked over to the front door where Bucky still was. (There was a mat by the door where Bucky kept his shoes when he walked in.) He watched as she walked over. She stopped right in front of him, fixed on his blue eyes. She bent over and picked her leg up to reach for her shoe. When she got that one off, she got the other shoe. They slipped off pretty easily. She set them down on the mat and turned her attention back to Bucky. He kicked off his shoes while she was, and he maintained a glance on her.
“I, uh… I wanna talk,” Bucky said. He took ahold of her hand and walked her over to the couch. He let her sit down first and he followed behind. They sat looking at each other. Bucky played with his fingers in nervousness.
“Y/N,” he started. “I-I really like you. I have for a while, actually.” He felt his heart beating out of his chest, and he was quiet when he spoke. “I just don’t want to mess anything up with us. I mean, we’ve been friends for a while now— good friends, at that. And I’m not the best at relationships-“
“James,” Y/N interrupted, placing her hand on his fidgety ones, “you’re not gonna mess anything up.”
“Yeah?” He looked up at her.
“Yeah.” Bucky’s eyes shot to her lips, and he realized that she was doing the same thing with him.
“Can I kiss you?”
“Please,” she groaned, leaning in. Bucky started leaning in, too, but slowly-- and they,, once again, closed the space between them. This kiss was different from their first one. The first was sweet and soul-stirring. This second kiss was rougher and more heated. Bucky’s heart was beating like crazy. He was nervous but absolutely in love at the same time. He wasn’t necessarily sure where to put his hands, so he just put them on her waist again. Y/N’s hands fell on his shoulders, her right hand creeping up his neck in an attempt to pull him closer. She tilted her head to the side a bit, breaking the kiss for a split second to get a breath of air, and getting better access to Bucky's lips. Their breathing was getting heavier, they were both getting touchier, their bodies are the closest they’ve ever been. Everything was electric and anything they ever wondered was clicking.
Bucky tenderly pushed themselves down on the couch, leaving Bucky laying on Y/N. The kiss was gradually getting hotter and more intense as time went on. When Y/N started moving her hands to Bucky’s chest and played with the buttons on his shirt, he abruptly pulled away, leaving Y/N confused. Bucky had a hungry look on her, and they were both catching their breaths.
“Is everything OK, Buck?” Y/N asked, concerned that she might’ve done something wrong.
“Uh, yeah, I just…” he chuckled nervously, “have you ever, um…”
“No, I haven’t. Have you?”
“No,” he replied after a second. Their breathing was beginning to go back to normal. Y/N didn’t take her eyes off of the man— Bucky didn’t either, but he felt as if he physically couldn’t take his eyes off of her beautiful eyes, or any other perfect feature on her face.
“Do you not want to? It’s fine if you don’t.”
“I mean, it’s me, of course I wanna. But, do you want to? That’s what I’m more concerned about.”
“I do,” she answered. And, with that, Bucky wasted no time. He swiftly picked her up and carried her to his room, kicking the door closed behind him. That night, Y/N and Bucky gave themselves up to each other. They went all night, and had never felt as good as they did at that moment. They— eventually— fell asleep, somehow getting enough sleep.
——
The following morning, they both woke up nestled in the bed and each other. Bucky had his left arm draped over Y/N’s body, never wanting to let go. Half-awake, Bucky moved his head into the crook of her neck and peppered a few light kisses there.
“Y/N,” he mumbled in her neck. “Wake up, sleepyhead.” She shifted a bit and managed to turn her head to look at Bucky, half-asleep.
“G’morning,” she said, her eyes barely open. Bucky moved and propped himself up on his fist, continuing to stare into Y/N’s eyes. He didn’t know how lost he could get in those eyes.
“Sleep well?” He asked.
“Yeah, a little sore, though. Did you?”
“I did,” Bucky chuckled. After a few moments, he asked, “Do you want food?” Y/N tiredly nodded, and Bucky threw the thin sheets off of them, completely exposing their bodies. A rush of cold air hit Y/N’s body, making her gasp slightly. Bucky noticed and quickly moved the sheet back on her, placing a kiss on her temple and whispering a small, “sorry,” in her ear. Bucky picked his clothes off of the floor and put most of it back on— he threw his underwear and socks into his hamper and dug for new ones in his drawer. He needed his uniform for work and didn’t have time to wash it last night. Y/N sat up, holding the sheets over herself, as Bucky was putting his clothes on. As he was putting on his belt, he turned back because he heard the rustling, and smiled. Y/N was running her fingers through her hair, trying to make it look decent, and then rubbed her hand on her face to try and wake herself up.
“Ya know, you’re a really pretty woman,” Bucky complimented, lifting his pants up to fit him better. Y/N smiled nervously.
“Thank you,” she replied, not really knowing what to say.
“Do you need a change of clothes? I think I got something you can wear,” he offered, opening up another drawer to look for something.
“If you wouldn’t mind. I can wear the skirt I was wearing, though.” Bucky rummaged through the drawer, looking for a t-shirt. He found a grey t-shirt and held it up to her.
“Could this work?”
“Yeah, I think so,” she replied. Bucky walked closer to the bed and reached over to hand it to Y/N. She took the shirt from his hands and looked over to her right. She saw all of her clothes just sitting right there. She was about to just hop out of the bed, but thankfully Bucky had finished getting dressed.
“OK, I’ll give you some privacy and I’ll cook up something,” he said, making his way to the door. He put his hand on the handle before turning around and asking, “Do you need anything else?”
“No,” she replied. “I’m good, thank you.” With one last glance and her figure, he walked out and closed the door softly behind him. She sighed in content before standing up, keeping the sheet close to her body, and putting on her clothes. Thankfully, the shirt Bucky pulled out worked well enough with the skirt she chose the night before— a grey shirt with a black skirt. There was a mirror leaning on the wall, so Y/N went over to look at her outfit before she walked out of the room. She guessed that Bucky had meant to hang up the mirror or get rid of it, but never got to it. She straightened out her outfit and turned around to head out of the bedroom. She slowly opened the door and saw Bucky in the kitchen. He seemed very focused on what he was doing, as if he wanted it to be perfect. She walked out of the doorway and into the living space, leading to Bucky looking up to see her. He smiled when he saw her in his clothes.
“You look good, doll,” he complimented. “Shirt looks good on you.”
“Right, I’m gonna have to give this back to you,” she said, making a mental note to herself.
“No need. You can keep it. Looks better on you than it does on me, anyway.” Y/N smiled and nodded her slightly in understandment. She wasn’t going to say no to that. She scratched out the note in her head, and strolled over to the kitchen. Bucky was making eggs— which, by the way, made her day even better knowing that Bucky was so focused on making the eggs perfect. He was finished by then, and grabbed a plate from one of the cabinets, putting some eggs on it and handing it to Y/N with a big smile on his face.
“Thank you, Buck,” she said, taking her plate into her hand then opening a drawer to grab a fork for her and Bucky. She walked over to the kitchen table, and started eating the eggs. They were really good. Bucky soon joined Y/N at the table, both silently eating breakfast, not entirely sure of what to talk about.
“So,” Bucky started, awkwardly. “Should we talk about last night, or…?”
“I mean, I guess so. You said it last night— that you liked me. I like you, too. I don’t know what you wanna do with that.” Bucky looked up from his plate and into her glowing eyes. Her eyes seemed to sparkle more in the morning than he had noticed during any other time. He opened his mouth to say something, but there was a loud knock at the door, scaring the absolute shit out of the two.
“Jesus,” Bucky mumbled, getting up from his chair to answer the door. “Steve!” He exclaimed.
“Bucky! Good morning. I figured I’d give you a ride. Carter needs us this morning,” Steve said, eager to get back to work.
“Oh, shit, I completely forgot. Uh, yeah, just gimme a second. You can come in, there’s a couple eggs on the stove.” Bucky ran to his room for something, but Y/N didn’t know what. She was left dazed and confused. Steve walked in and glanced around, only to find one of his close friends just eating breakfast at his best friend’s house.
“Y/N?” He asked. Y/N’s head jerked up, just now realizing that Bucky invited Steve in— that idiot, she thought.
“Oh, hi, Steve… How are ya this morning?” She asked, trying to make the situation less awkward. Bucky ran back into the living space with a duffel bag full of stuff (probably his clothes).
“I’m ready to go… oh, right, Steve- er… Y/N stayed over last night,” Bucky stammered, trying to come up with some form of excuse without completely outing each other. Y/N smiled at the attempt.
“Yeah, I can see that.”
“It’s just, ya know, we’re leaving tomorrow and all that. We would have invited you, but you were off with those loud-ass dogs that are supposed to defend our country,” he explained. He wasn’t necessarily lying. That technically was a legitimate reason why they hung out last night, they just so happened to do a little bit more, though.
“Dogs? Really? That’s all you got?” Steve asked.
“Yeah, just howling all night. Fuckin’ annoying if you ask me.”
“OK,” Y/N chimed in, standing up and walking over to the shoe mat. “I think you boys need to head to work. It’s almost eight.” Steve’s eyes went wide and he started freaking out.
“C’mon, Bucky! We’ve gotta go, I’ll be in the car. Bye, see you later, Y/N.” He speed-walked all the way to the car. Y/N grabbed her heels and sat back down, putting them on. Bucky slid his shoes on and strolled over to Y/N, kneeling in front of her. She picked up her head just a bit and was met with Bucky’s steel blue eyes. Their faces were impossibly close.
“I have to go,” he announced, though she already knew that.
“OK… promise me you’ll come back?”
“I promise, doll,” he grabbed her hands and brought them up to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. She rested her forehead on his, their eyes closing.
“Yeah, you’ll come back and we will… be together. Right?”
“Anything you want. I’ll do you one better: I’m gonna marry you when I get back, darling.” Y/N smiled and a tear fell down her face. Bucky’s eyes were starting to water.
“I like the sound of that, Sergeant Barnes.” They both chuckled at the name. She moved her head to look at Bucky real good before pulling him into a tight hug. Bucky wrapped his arms around her, never wanting to let go. He took in how her hair felt, how she smelt— he didn’t want to leave a single detail out, he always wanted to remember everything about her so he could brag to his buddies about his girl. Y/N did the same, but mainly due to the fact that there was a huge chance that he wouldn’t even come back.
“You stay safe, you hear me, James?” She said, now looking him dead in the eyes. Her eyes were full to the brim with tears, and Bucky couldn’t stand the sight of that— breaking out in silent tears himself.
“There’s no need to worry about me, baby. I’ll be fine. You make sure no low-life tries to put his hands on you, alright. You’re my girl.” Y/N’s heart melted at the statement. She was James Barnes’ girl. That’s when the tears fell from her face.
In a moment like this, you wish for it to never end. But, moments like this can never last. Steve honked the horn of his car, making the couple chuckled once more.
“You better go before Peggy gets mad at you.” Without another word (but a whole lot of staring), Bucky stood up, grabbed his bag, and made his way to the door. He stopped in the doorway, looking at her beautiful eyes once more.
“I get it now. What you said about being Peggy’s friend last night at the bar. You were hitting on me, weren’t you?” Bucky asked. Y/N searched for the memory in her brain and remembered what he was talking about.
“Oh, right… yeah, I guess I was,” she said, smiling at the memory. That’s when Bucky knew he had to go or he’d never leave.
“Goodbye, Y/N Y/L/N.”
“Adíos, Sargent James “Bucky” Barnes,” she replied, saluting him. He smiled and walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind him. Now, Y/N was left alone with just her thoughts and anxieties. She sobbed for what felt like an eternity before forcing herself to clean up his apartment just a bit before taking off.
For the next few months, she would be hanging out with Rebecca or some of her other girl friends. All of her friends had these serious relationships with their military boy. They never knew about Y/N’s hookup, though. She didn’t want to bring it up. No one had to know, it was their little secret. Well, she did end up telling Rebecca that they were together, just not in detail as to what actually happened. She was so excited. Her and Y/N would be sisters now. That’s all she needed to hear, really.
Y/N was left content. She frequently receives letters from Bucky, and a few from Steve. She even got photos of the guys, too. She wrote back, always happy to hear that they were doing just fine.
That was until she didn’t get a letter from either of the guys in weeks. It was an understatement to say that she was worried. She would re-read the previous letters to try and calm herself down—which worked sometimes.
Peggy Carter showed up at Y/N’s doorstep one day. When she opened the door she was happy to see her, until she read Peggy’s face. Something was off.
“Y/N, I’m so sorry, but-“ was all she had to say. Y/N was shaking her head, tears were already forming in her eyes, her hand shot over her mouth. She was in disbelief, grief, denial, all of it.
No he couldn’t be dead, that’s impossible, he promised to come back. Turns out, there wasn’t even a body. Of course, no one told Y/N this, especially Peggy, she knew how she would react.
So, for the longest time, Y/N’s questions were left unanswered and didn’t get answered for years and years on end.
Who would’ve known: it would take the same people who killed Bucky for Y/N to learn everything she needed to know about James Buchanan Barnes… or should I say the Winter Soldier?
———————————————————————7/8/21
Shy
Word count: 2165
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: Natasha x fem!reader
Warnings: I don’t think there are any but let me know if I need to add something
Request: heyy! can i please request a natashaxfem!reader fic where the reader is shy? i don’t care where you take it, i’m just in need of some fluff with soft nat 🥺 like maybe she finds her shyness to be adorable and cute even though the reader is extremely insecure? no worries if you don’t want to write it!
Summary: Reader is super shy and has a huge crush on Natasha although she can barely talk to her until they spend some time alone together.
A/n: This request was for @rail-me-romanoff so I hope you enjoy it because I had a ton of fun writing this one! Obviously I hope everybody else likes this as well and my requests are always open if anyone has any ideas. To anybody who has already requested something, don’t worry, I’m working on them. Also sorry if this fic has too much dialogue because I just realized it might have a lot.
You are just heading out of the training room when you bump into Natasha. You’re about to apologize when she speaks first.
“Y/n! I was just looking for you! A few of us are planning on watching a movie in a few minutes and I was wondering if you’d like to join us?” You blush at the thought of spending more time with Natasha, even if the rest of the team will be there.
“Um, sure, that would be great-what movie? You ask stammering the entire time.
“I don’t know the name,” she responds, “Tony said something about it being a really good horror movie.” You hesitate at the thought because you don’t like horror movies but you decide you want to because it is a perfect way to spend time with Natasha without having to actually talk to her.
“Ok, that sounds good.” You say nervously, before blushing and scurrying away from the training room. Natasha sighs. She doesn’t know what she did wrong because you were perfectly friendly around everyone else but always avoided her and ran away before you could have a proper conversation. She was determined for you to spend time with her, even if that meant her lying about movie plans that she now has to create. She quickly makes her way down to Tony’s lab and bursts in without knocking.
“There’s been a breach, call security.” Tony says sarcastically as she enters.
“Tony…” Natasha says while fixing him with her stare. He just gazes back at her, one of the only people that is not easily intimidated by her. “I need you to organize a team movie in less than half an hour, and it has to be horror. Also you have to pretend you came up with this idea days ago.”
“So you’re telling me that I have to gather the team to watch a horror movie in half an hour?” Tony asks and Natasha nods. “No can do.”
“Please Tony!” Natasha practically begs.
“First of all, that was weird, never do that again. Secondly, why do you care so much?” He asks, very curious and always looking for more gossip.
“I lied to Y/n and told her that some of us were going to watch a movie because I wanted her to stop avoiding me.” She responds. “But I need you to help me out here.”
“Ooohhhh, someone has a crush!” Tony sing-songs in a very obnoxious tone.
“I do not,” Natasha defends herself, “I merely wanted to make sure I get along with everyone on the team so missions run smoothly.”
“Sure,” Tony tells her as she starts to walk away, “whatever lets you sleep at night, but I know you have a heart in there Romanoff.” Natasha doesn’t reply and continues walking away, throwing up her middle finger on the way out.
“Why did I think he would be helpful?” She mutters to herself as she makes her way to her room. It doesn’t take her long to get there but by the time she does she already knows what she’s going to tell you so you didn’t know she was lying before.
You’re just finishing up giving yourself a quick pep talk in the mirror when you hear a knock on your door.
“Hey,” you say softy when you open the door, trying to force the butterflies in your stomach to go away.
“Hi,” she replies in a tone that sounds much more confident than yours, “you ready to head over to the living room?” You nod your head as an answer because you don’t trust your voice to speak and follow her as she walks down the hallway.
“Are you just going to walk behind me?” She asks when she notices that you are trailing behind her. You mumble no under your breath and blush while doing an awkward half jog/half walk thing to catch up to her. You continue the rest of the walk to the living room in silence, every so often looking over at Natasha and then quickly turning away when she thought she might see you.
“I forgot to mention but Tony is busy and the others decided not to watch either, so it’ll be just you and me.” She says just as you enter the deserted living room. Your whole body tenses up and you feel super nervous. You already were nervous about watching a movie with Natasha when the others were around, so you can’t imagine it without them.
She seems to pick up on your tense state and asks, “That’s ok with you right?”
“Um, of course, why wouldn’t it be?” You say, trying not to let her catch onto the self doubt that fills your head. You can barely say a few sentences to her but now you have to spend a whole movie together. You’re so caught up in your thoughts you don’t notice that she smiles slightly while letting out a small sigh of relief.
“Ok great,” she replies with a bigger smile that you notice this time, “you can sit down on the couch and I’ll be there in a minute, after I make some popcorn.” You sit down awkwardly and take a few breaths trying to calm yourself down. The fact that you are going to watch a horror movie is not helping because even though you are a badass superhero while on mission, horror movies scare you very easily. You decide to grab a blanket to wrap yourself up in when the movie gets too scary. In the kitchen you can hear the microwave beep and not long after Natasha comes over to the couch and sits beside you, with only a popcorn bowl distance between you.
“Are you still ok with watching a horror movie?” She asks you. You technically don’t want to watch a horror movie but you know Natasha likes them and you don’t want her to know how much of a wimp you are when it comes to them.
“Yes”
“Great, I was hoping you’d say that,” she says while smiling brightly at you. You turn your head away from her to hide your blush and she frowns. She gets up to put the movie on and glances back over to you, but you’re still avoiding her gaze. She doesn’t know what she did wrong because it seemed like you were starting to want to spend time with her but now you’re closed off again. You intrigue her for some reason she can’t quite put her finger on and she just wants to have you open up to her.
She sits back down on the couch just as the movie starts to play and you swear she’s sitting slightly closer than before. She doesn’t say anything so neither do you, both of your eyes locked to the screen. You can already tell within the first minute that the movie is going to be scary because it looks really well done and those are always the creepiest kind.
After half an hour, you know for sure that your suspicions are confirmed and this is the scariest movie you have ever watched. You try to appear calm but Natasha can tell with just one glance that you are terrified. She can’t help but smile at how cute you are; trying to put on a brave face but failing miserably and burrowing yourself deep into the blanket. You look over to her, noticing her eyes on you, and blush and her heart practically melts at the sight. As much as she hates it when Tony is right, his point from earlier about having a little crush on you was more spot on than she wanted. Especially with how cute you are while blushing around her. There is a jumpscare in the movie and you jump slightly. Not one to shy away from anything, Natasha takes her chance to get closer to you and moves the popcorn bowl out of the way before scooting over.
“Are you scared?” She asks you. You’re embarrassed that you are but there is no point in lying to her because she already knows.
“Just a little.”
“Only a little?” she teases, “you looked scared out of your mind.” Your face turns bright red and you move to turn away from her but she stops you by gently grabbing the side of your face.
“Don’t worry, I was just teasing, although it is true.” She says. “But in all seriousness we can turn the movie off if you want to.”
“It’s ok, I’ll just turn my head at the scary parts because I know you want to watch it.” You tell her, hating how weak your voice sounds.
“If you don’t want to watch I’m turning it off,” she says, getting up to do so, “besides as much as I wanted to watch this movie, I don’t think I could have focused on it much with someone as cute as you next to me.” She winks at you after she says the last part and you avoid looking into her eyes while burrowing even further into your blanket, like it would help you disappear and take you away from the embarrassment. It seemed like she was flirting with you but you didn’t understand why.
When she sits back down this time there is no popcorn bowl between you so she sits super close, close enough that you can accidentally lean against her if you so much as shift. Your whole body tenses up and you don’t know what to do because you are afraid to move and touch her. Natasha has no such thoughts and puts her arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her. Much to your embarrassment you let out an undignified squawk at the unexpected contact.
“Is this ok?” She asks, worried by the noise you made. You don’t fully trust your voice right now so you nod, blushing for what must be the thousandth time today.
“Good.” She states before pressing a light kiss to the top of your head. If you weren’t already absolutely in love with her, you would be now because she is being so sweet and your heart can barely take it. Gathering all your confidence you swing your feet from the ground onto the couch on the other side of Natasha’s legs so you can cuddle in a bit closer. Although that move made you so nervous you could barely breathe, your fears are calmed when Natasha helps to pull you in closer.
“You know,” she speaks again, “I used to think you hated me.”
“I don’t-” Natasha shushes you.
“I know now,” she says slowly, “that you were just shy around me. But why were you more shy around me than everyone else?”
“I-I, well, I don’t really know, just I don’t know.” You stumble over your words, not wanting to own up to your not very small crush on her. She laughs at your obvious embarrassment.
“It’s ok, I think I’ve figured it out.” she tells you and your heart pounds. “I think you had, and still have, a bit of a crush on me.” Once again you feel your whole body freeze but you start to relax again when you feel her hand slowly start to run through your hair. You force yourself to calm down by telling yourself that although this situation was embarrassing, she obviously wasn’t mad at you for liking her. Still wanting to stay on the safe side you decide to apologize.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she pauses to kiss the top of your head again, “I’m glad, I like holding you like this. And I want to be able to do this.” She slowly tilts your head up to face her and gently presses her lips against yours. You haven’t kissed many people but even if you had you were sure that this would still be the best kiss of your life. It was just so gentle and sweet and you were definitely way too in love, your only complaint was that it ended way too quickly. Even after she pulled back your lips are still only a few inches apart and you study her face, for once not feeling shy.
A wolf whistle diverts your attention and both of you turn to look over at Tony who is in the doorway.
“Get lost Stark.” Natasha practically growls.
He smirks, “I don’t know how seriously I can take you when you’re cuddling Y/n, who’s literally on top of you.” Natasha’s glare intensifies and you almost feel bad for Tony but can’t quite bring yourself to because you hated how he interrupted you.
“Ok, fine, I’m leaving,” he says before turning and walking away, “treat her well Romanoff.”
Natasha rolls her eyes with a small smile, “Of course I will,” she responds even though he is out of earshot, turning back to look you in the eye, “what do you say we go on a date?”
Unfaithful | Part Two
Series Summary: After dreaming of your perfect wedding since you were a little girl the big day is almost here. But after meeting the priest you start to question your relationship.
Pairing: Hot Priest x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 3243
Warnings: abusive behaviour, mentions of ‘bedroom activity’ 🙈
A/N: Please be warned there will be some themes of toxic/abusive relationship in this series. Also, spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)
Part One | Masterlist
- - - - -
I knew weddings took a lot of planning, but I never realised they took this much. Every single tiny detail requires a decision and more often than not that decision falls on the bride’s shoulders.
Purple or yellow flowers?
Napkins folded as swans or roses?
Which table can we sit Uncle David at where he won’t start a fight?
I try to get Dan involved in the decision making but his response is always the same.
“It’s up to you babe”
Speaking of Daniel, I still haven’t told him we have to meet with the Priest again today. I tried a few times to bring it up but his mood changes instantly. I’ve still got a slight bruise on my wrist from the aftermath of the first meeting, but I keep it covered. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me.
I pull the sleeve of my jumper down over my wrist as I approach Daniel in the kitchen.
“You look nice, where you going today?” He asks as he makes himself a cup of tea.
“Actually…” I take a breath “we’ve got our second meeting with the Priest today”
“What do you mean? We’ve already met him once why do we need to go again?” He doesn’t look as me as he swirls the teabag around in his mug with a spoon.
“It’s just church policy, he has to meet with us a few times before the wedding”
“Well I’m not going”
“Dan-“
“I SAID NO!” He erupts, swiping his mug off the counter so it smashes and tea spills everywhere. He storms out of the kitchen, leaving me stood in the mess he’s made. I stare at it bewildered for a moment as it sinks in what he’s done and I feel my blood start to boil.
“Daniel!” I shout as I follow after him. I find him in the hallway taking his coat off the hook as he heads for the front door “where are you going?”
“Pub”
“Dan, the priest is expecting us in half an hour! Both of us!”
“Then I guess he’s doing to be disappointed. Or not. You two got along just fine the other day, it was almost as if I wasn’t even there”
“We both tried to include you in the conversation multiple times but you just… weren’t present”
“Well then today won’t be any different will it”
He walks out and slams the door behind him.
I stand alone in the hallway for a few minutes taking deep breaths to calm myself before taking out my phone and sending an email.
‘I’m really sorry father but I’m not feeling well so I need to reschedule today’s meeting. Sorry.’
— — — —
45 minutes later.
I clean when I’m stressed. And right now I’m the most stressed I’ve been in my life so I’ve decided to stress clean the whole house. Everything. Apart from the broken mug and spilled tea. Daniel can clean that shit up when he eventually gets back from his sulk.
I’m in the middle of vacuuming the living room when something catches my attention in the corner of my eye. My heart stops for a moment when I turn and see the Priest waving at me through the window.
I turn off the vacuum and open the front door, placing my hand over my chest.
“You startled me!”
“I guess now were even” he laughs awkwardly “I bought you these”
He pulls out a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back.
“Why?” I ask, not meaning to sound as ungrateful as I do, as he hands them to me.
“You said you were ill, I hoped these would cheer you up”
I don't quite know how to react so I end up just staring at him blankly. The truth is I’m speechless. He watches my face and the smile fades from his own.
“You don’t like them. Shit! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even come, I’ve overstepped my boundaries.” He rambles
“No! No! I love them I’m just-” I pause as I look down at the flowers in my hand “I think this is the nicest thing anyones ever done for me. No one ever buys me flowers”
“Well they should.”
For some reason I suddenly feel like a shy little school girl. I smile at him and he smiles back.
“Anyway I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Get well soon” he turns and begins walking down the driveway. I think for a moment.
“Father!” I call after him and he spins around to face me “would you like to come in?”
He nods and walks back to me, going past me into the house. I shut the door and gesture for him to go through into the kitchen, forgetting about Daniel’s mess.
“Oops” he says when he sees it “what happened there?”
“Daniel had an accident. He can be really clumsy sometimes” I laugh it off as I busy myself making us some tea.
“Can’t we all” he says, taking a seat at the dining table “will he be joining us?”
“No” I respond, a bit too quickly “he uh, he had to go out. I don't know when he’ll be back”
I carefully carry our cups of tea over to the dining table and take a seat opposite him.
“Never mind. Thank you” he smiles and takes a sip of tea “I actually wanted to talk to you about something without Daniel, if that’s okay?”
“Sure” I shrug, stirring some sugar into my tea.
“I hope you don't take this wrong way but-” he pauses, I can tell he’s nervous to say what he’s going to say next “Are you safe?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”
“It’s just… I saw what happened in the car park the other day”
“I don't know what you're talking about” I say casually as I remove the spoon from my tea and place it down on the table. The priest reaches over and goes to touch my wrist but I pull it away quickly, instinctively pulling my sleeve down over my hand as his eyes search my own.
“He hurt you, didn’t he?” He asks quietly and I shake my head “I saw the way you held your wrist as you walked away from him Y/N and I could see the bruises just now.”
I can’t bare the way he’s looking at me anymore so I cast my eyes down to the table, but he continues to stare at me.
“Y/N? Talk to me, that’s what I’m here for. If he’s abusive to you-”
“He’s not” I finally speak as I look up at him again “he’s not like that, he’s kind and caring and… he would never intentionally hurt me. I just caught him on a bad day”
“And what about today? With the tea?” He gestures to the shattered mug on the floor “That wasn’t an accident was it? Is that why you cancelled today?”
“No! It’s just the stress of planning a wedding is getting to us both. But we’re fine! Honestly”
I take a breath as I smile at him, but I can see he’s not totally convinced. He looks at me for a moment before speaking.
“Give me your phone” he holds his hand out across the table
“What? Why?”
“I’m giving you my number, no one emails anymore” he jokes “So you can contact me whenever you need a chat, okay? Any time. Well apart from Sunday mornings, cause you know, church.”
“Of course” I smile
“And preferably not late. I’ve been really enjoying going to bed at 9.30 recently” he winks and we both laugh “I’m kidding. Well not about going to bed at 9.30, I do actually do that. But you can call or text me anytime and I will always get back to you. I promise”
He gives me a really sincere smile and I feel a weird flutter in my stomach as I smile back.
— — — —
Almost two hours later the priest is only just getting ready to leave after we got carried away talking. We talked about all sorts. Our childhoods, our hobbies, our fears. He told me about his fear of foxes, and how they’ve apparently stalked him throughout his life. He even told me about his first ever wedding and the drama that surrounded the family. We’ve been talking for so long we didn’t realise its starting to get dark. He opens the front door and steps out just as Daniel comes walking toward the house, I see the anger in his face as he spots the priest.
“What the fuck is he doing here!” He yells as he stomps towards us
“Daniel!” I warn but he ignores me, squaring up to the priest. I try to get between them and smell the stench of booze on him “are you drunk?!”
“So what if I am? Huh? You got a problem with that?” his breath on my face makes me want to gag “cause you know, I got a problem with this asshole being in my house”
“We just had some wedding stuff to discuss but it’s all sorted now so I’m going” the priest tries to diffuse the situation “I’ll see you both soon”
“Like fuck you will” Daniel spits before going into the house.
I mouth “I’m sorry” to the priest and he just shakes his head and smiles at me before leaving.
Back in the house I ignore Daniel’s drunken ranting, going straight to the kitchen to clear away the left over cups of tea. Aggravated that I’m not paying him attention, Daniel follows me into the kitchen. He picks the flowers up from the counter.
“Did he give you these?” He asks but I ignore him, angering him more. He rips the flowers to shreds, dumping them on the floor.
I step over them and I place our mugs next to sink, grab a cloth and some cleaner before going back to wipe down the table. Suddenly a mug flies past me, just missing my face as it smashes against the wall. I slowly turn to look at Daniel and stare him out before I dropping the cloth on the table and walking out. I grab my handbag and throw my jacket around my shoulders as I walk out of the house, slamming the door behind me. Daniel doesn’t dare to follow me, he knows he pushed me too far.
I’ve been walking for about half an hour before I realise, I have no idea where I’m going. I’m just wondering aimlessly, letting my feet carry me wherever they want to go. Eventually I find myself standing outside the church. I place my hand on the wooden doors and pause, contemplating whether to go inside or carry on walking till I find a bar to drink at. To my surprise the doors gently swing open, but theres no one stood behind them. I take this as a sign that I should go in.
As I enter the silent church and walk down the aisle I can’t help but imagine myself here in a few weeks wearing my white dress. I reach the front and turn back to stare out at the empty pews, picturing my friends and family smiling back at me as I stand with the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with.
A thought that used to fill me with excitement, currently filling me with dread.
I grunt with frustration as I flop down to the floor, sitting on the step with my head in my hands. Frustration turns to anger, which turns to sadness and soon I can’t stop the tears rolling down my face. I sit there silently crying until…
“You can’t be in here!”
I look up and wipe my eyes as a very grumpy looking middle aged lady stomps towards me.
“Sorry”
“No ones allowed in at night”
“The door was open, I just presumed-”
“Well it shouldn’t have been and you need to leave” she ushers me back to the doors.
“Okay, I’m going. Sorry!”
“Y/N?” A familiar voice calls and I look back to see the priest emerging from his office “what are you doing here?”
“She’s just leaving Father, I’m sorry for the disturbance” the woman answers
“It’s alright Pam, she can stay”
The woman I now know is Pam looks from the priest to me, then back to the priest again before backing off slightly.
“Okay…” she says slowly, like she suspects something “I’ll just be upstairs if you need me. Goodnight Father”
“Good night Pam” he replies.
She gives me one last look before disappearing out a door. I look at the priest, who just rolls his eyes and laughs as he gestures for me to follow him.
I walk into his office and take a seat.
“So, that was Pam” he says, closing the office door and taking a seat opposite me.
“I gathered” I nod my head “She’s a bit…”
“Insane”
“I was gonna say intense, but yeah” I laugh, feeling self conscious as I notice he’s studying my face. My cheeks are probably still blotchy and eyes blood shot from crying. There’s a small silence before he finally speaks.
“Are you okay?”
I look at him, not sure how to answer.
“Did he hurt you?” He changes the question
“No” I shake my head “but he did break another mug. I’m gonna have to get insurance out on the ones we’ve got left at this rate” I joke but he continues to study my face, before finally jumping up out his chair.
“Do you want a drink? A proper drink. I’ve got some cans of G&T hidden away in here”
He opens a cupboard and grabs a Marks and Spencers plastic bag, pulling out two cans.
“Are you sure you're a priest?” I laugh as he hands me a can “I mean you drink, you swear.. what other rules do you break?”
“I could tell you, but I’d have to kill you”
“Murder too?” I say a bit too loud, flinching as I hear a banging above me
“Oh shit, Pam! She doesn’t like me being loud. Or having fun in general. Let’s go outside”
“What about the foxes?” I tease and he shakes his head at me as he opens the door and gestures me to walk out.
— — — —
We sit on a bench just outside the church overlooking the graveyard and talk for about half an hour before I realise something.
“You know what’s strange?” I say, suddenly changing the subject “This is only really our third time meeting. I haven’t known you for very long at all but when we talk I feel like I’ve known you for years!”
“That is strange” he humours me, taking a sip of his drink
“Our conversations remind me of how Daniel and I used to be. Back when we could talk to each other properly. These days I’m lucky if we don't end up in an argument”
“And you wanna marry this guy?”
“Of course I do” I reply, slightly taken aback by the forwardness of his question “We’ve known each other pretty much our whole lives. We’ve been together so long- I wouldn’t know what to do without him”
“That’s not a reason to stay with someone, especially if they don't make you happy anymore. Being in love with someone and being dependant on them are different things.” He pauses, studying me “Do you love Daniel?”
I stare at him, replaying the question in my mind over and over again.
“Y/N?”
I realise I don’t know the answer and a feeling of panic begins to bubble inside me. I jump up from the seat.
“I have to go”
I quickly begin walking down the path to the front of the church, followed by the Priest who calls after me. I don't stop walking.
“It’s really late, Dan’s probably wondering I am so…”
“Y/N, wait please!”
I stop and turn back to look at him.
“I’m sorry if that was too much, but these are things you need to think seriously about.”
“I know! I will.” I nod and flash him a quick smile “thanks for the drink”
I hold my can up in a ‘cheers’ before turning and continuing my walk back home.
— — — —
As I walk up the driveway of my house I can see Daniel through the window fast asleep on the sofa in front of the tv. I finish the last bit of my drink and hide the can in my handbag as I unlock the front door and sneak into the house. I hang my coat and bag up and slip my shoes off before quietly climbing the stairs and getting into bed.
Laying in bed my mind can’t help but wonder to the Priest. I feel bad for the way the conversation ended. I shouldn’t have freaked out and walked off like that. He just looking out for me.
I grab my phone and send a text.
‘Thanks for not letting Pam kick me out tonight, I really appreciate it. Good night’
I put my phone back on the beside table, not expecting a reply anytime soon because its so late. To my surprise it vibrates almost immediately. I pick it up and read:
‘No problem, here for you anytime! Sleep well x’
A small smile spreads on my face as my eyes fixate on the small ‘x’ at the end of his text. It probably means nothing but I cant help but feel a flutter in my stomach.
The feeling a quickly taken over by dread as I hear footsteps up the stairs. I put my phone back on the table and roll over in bed, making out like I’m asleep. The mattress sinks as Daniel climbs into bed next to me and I feel his breath on the side of my face. At least he doesn’t smell of beer anymore.
“I’m sorry” he whispers as his arm snakes over my waist and he plants a kiss on my cheek “I’m really really sorry”
I turn my head slightly to look up at him, but I don't say anything.
“I shouldn’t have reacted like that. You know what I’m like when I drink”
“That’s no excuse Daniel”
“I know, I know! I’m sorry. I’m going to change, try harder for you. Okay?”
I nod my head, knowing full well its bullshit. He’s said this before, said he’ll be different but the next day he’s always back to his same old self.
“No more shouting. No more lashing out. No more hurting you. I promise.” He plants kisses on my skin with each sentence. “I’m going to be the perfect husband for you and im going to make it up to you. Starting now.”
He kisses down my jaw, to my neck and down my shoulder as he gently pulls me so I’m lying on my back. Then he kisses down my chest and slips under the duvet, kissing all the way down my body till he reaches that place only he has ever been.
I close my eyes, enjoying the pleasure that’s rippling through me as my breathing gets more ragged before I realise…
In my imagination its not my soon to be husband with his head between my legs…
It’s the dark haired, brown eyed man who’s supposed to be marrying us.
Oh my God, I fancy a priest.
part three
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_domestic_violence_hotlines)
Fallacy’s Deception
Masterlist
Loki x Fem!Reader (pre Thor 1)
A/N: This is my longest fic up to this point. Never wrote so much for a oneshot before. I really put a whole lot of work into it and I hope you will like it. I’m a bit anxious to post it tbh. I worry that I forgot something or that some sentences don’t make sense... Anyway. Enjoy reading!
And before I forget, thank you @onlyforloki for your assistance with the title :D
Summary: A mandatory trip with the royal guard brings you into an uncomfortable situation that seems to only get worse and worse.
word count: 9.016
[Read on AO3]
„But I don't want to!" you groaned, pulling the covers over your face.
„Oh well, but you have to." Sif huffed indifferently as she opened your curtains, letting the blinding sun intrude into your sleeping chamber.
„I don't have to do anything, Sif!" you grumbled under your covers, which were ripped away from you at once when Sif tugged them away viciously. You screeched as the light blinded your bleary eyes. Desperately you tried to cover your eyes with your hands.
„Yes, you do. It's a request directly from Thor and Loki. Which, may I remind you, are the sons of the all-father, which would make them the princes of the homeland you pledged your undying fidelity to." she lectured you. You narrowed your eyes, which had slowly adjusted to the brightness, at her. God, how you hated it when she was right.
„I can..., still don't like it though." you retorted child-like, gradually getting up eventually.
„Less sulking, more changing," she ordered as she tossed your clothes on top of you.
"Come on Y/N! Hurry up! We will be late because of you." Sif whisper-yelled as you trotted behind her through the corridors of the palace, sleep and reluctance still deep in your bones
"If you would have left me behind like I told you to, you wouldn't have to worry about that." your snarky response only earned you an annoyed glare Sifs threw over her shoulder. Determined to reach the throne room in time, she never slowed down her fast pace and long strides. You had difficulties keeping up with her.
"I just don't understand why they suddenly decided to introduce a bonding weekend for the royal guard" you huffed as you caught up with her at last, trying to appease your clearly annoyed friend by at least arriving on time at the throne room.
"And I especially don't understand why they have to force us to learn to ride on those bloody beasts," you complained.
„They're horses, Y/N. And it will be to our advantage when we expand our skill set." As always Sif pointed out the good intentions the royals must have had in their minds. Sometimes, her constant positivity was infuriating, but it was also a reason why you enjoyed her company. As glum and hopeless a situation would seem, Sif always would find something worth to keep fighting for. And if it was just a pretty flower sprouting in a seemingly unfit spot.
„I'm quite content with my skill set." you couldn't bite back the quip. Sif swiftly stopped in her tracks and grabbed you by your shoulders to meet your gaze sternly.
„Y/N, I love you, I really do. But right now you are grinding my gears. And for the love of the Norns, keep yourself together when we enter the throne room. We are Warriors. Horses will not eat us. And even if they would try to, we have fought against bigger and scarier 'beasts'."
"I know that they don't do that." you scoffed, "They just throw you off their back and trample you to death." Sif rolled her eyes at you and rubbed her fingers against her forehead.
"If it makes you happy, I will comply. I will put on my best facade and flatter the princes. I will be the perfect image of a warrior and a lady…" you half-heartedly gave in, "As long as you pledge that I do not have to touch one of these hairy creatures!" Sif sighed, relieved, and hugged you tightly as if she were trying to press all the remaining air out of your lungs. As you stood there, captive in her clutch, you patted her back awkwardly.
"I promise you. I will stay by your side for the whole three days," she assured and instantly dragged you towards the throne room.
You watched in awe as the giant doors glided open in front of you. Creeping up your spine with a cold grip, the familiar uneasiness arose in you. The intricate murals up high in the ceiling, every inch of the room covered in gold, topped off by the laughable size of the room opposite the furnishings. A single pompous throne, surrounded by big fire bowls, that you could reach over a flight of golden stairs. It was a frightening feeling to stand at the foot of those steps, looking up to Odin. You always felt like a little ant, about to be crushed by your ruler's boot. You were happy that you had never had to stand alone in front of him. So far you only stood in that spot to pledge your loyalty when you officially entered the guard and when you had been summoned for new instructions.
Still, after all these years you couldn't get used to the ostentatious and opulent halls of the palace. Especially since you had seen all the misery and poverty in the smaller villages outside of Asgard when you were stationed in Alfheim for a while. You really loved Asgard, and you were proud to be one of the warriors who protected the kingdom and its people but you began to dread being near the palace, or rather around Odin. If it wasn't for Thor and Sif, you had left the guard a while ago, not wanting to be anywhere near the palace any time soon again.
He was the main cause of your uneasiness. You feared the all-father. Behind his constant stoic expression, you could never tell what was going on behind that eye patch. Did he plan your imminent death because you had disappointed him somehow or was cheering sky-high inside, you couldn't tell.
"Your Highness." Sif and you greeted the all-father with a deep bow. After that the two of you greeted Frigga and Thor with a respectful nod, both of them smiling courteously at you. All this time you could feel harsh eyes bore into you, scanning and judging every breath you took. The third and last cause for that confined sensation in your chest.
You turned toward the younger prince and greeted him as befits. His reaction could only be described as cold and unwelcoming. His disdain was clear in his eyes as he scanned you disapprovingly, a scowl setting on his sharp features. Unsettled you averted your gaze to the floor, freezing in your steps. Only until Sif tugged on your wrist to return to the other warriors, could you break free from his spell. You tried to compose yourself as you stood in the small group of the royal guard. As Odin announced the particulars of the trip, you felt Loki's eyes on you again. You couldn't help but return his icy stare, but his eyes snapped away once your wandering eyes met. How peculiar the younger prince was, you mused.
You, on the other hand, sympathized with him. You knew all too well the anxiety of forcing yourself onto others, even if they didn't regard it as such. To your luck, you had Sif by your side who would always invite you and drag you along when you felt unsure if you should join the group.
Since you could remember he had always been like that. Silent and prudent, always watching from the sidelines. When you were kids, he'd never interact with any of you voluntarily. Only when Thor dragged him along would he join the group. The warrior three, never really having been sensible, didn't understand his, in their words, weird behaviour and mocked him frequently about it. It always resulted in Loki staying away for a bit longer.
On the occasions that Thor had given his brother that extra push, you always had the most fun. Loki's imagination was without borders or limitations. The pretend fights and scenarios the six of you crafted couldn't have been livelier. And the pranks you played on the guards were even more mischievous and cunning than any of the warriors three could've thought of.
On days when the gates of heaven opened and the world seemed to drown, you often found yourself in the royal library where Frigga read fairy tales to you while you doodled or curled up in front of a fireplace while drinking hot tea and eating the sweetest pastries.
The memories of your childhood were warm and comforting. You loved to think of them from time to time. But you wondered when or rather why everything had changed that much.
It must have begun when the combat training started in your early teen years. Thor, Sif, you and the warriors three began to train to become part of the Asgardian guard. In the beginning, Loki participated as well. You had always enjoyed watching him fight with such ease and grace, unlike any other. Sometimes, your teachers made you spare in teams of two, and if Sif wanted to train with one of the boys instead of you, you often times ended up with Loki.
Since both of you were more of the silent type, you often fought in complete silence. At first, it felt weird when both of you tried to force a conversation during training, awkward topics and misunderstanding making at least one of you blush and stutter heavily once in a while. The more the both of you trained together, the better you came to a mutual understanding of each other. You fought in silence most of the time, yet his presence made you feel safe and happy after a while. And it might have been your youthful hormones that made you fall for him, but at some point, you couldn't deny it any longer: you crushed on Loki hard.
You were devastated when one day he didn't show up to the training anymore. Thor explained that Loki would learn to master Frigga's magic from now on and would get an adjusted training plan because of it. You were happy for Loki, that he could learn such an extraordinary skill, but it broke your heart that you wouldn't see him as often anymore.
After a while, Loki began to use his new skills for his mischief. First Loki's mischief only hit his brother, harmless little pranks. Soon the warriors three weren't safe from his cunning plans. You didn't know if it was payback for the mockery back then or if it was just the side effect of hormonal teenagers.
Soon the tricks started to become more borderline. Once you had watched when Thor had picked up a pretty green snake in the field. He had called Sif and you over to look at the tiny serpent that slithered through his hands, when the reptile suddenly transformed into Loki, who jumped at his brother with a shriek and stabbed Thor. Sif and you ran up to him, shocked, but Thor just laughed, pained and waved both of your concerned faces off, explaining that this was Loki's way of showing his love and affection to him. Slightly disturbed you didn't try to question it; you probably would never get behind the strange dynamic between the brothers.
Until then you and Sif had been spared of Loki's pranks. It changed when, one day, Sif came into your chambers crying hysterically. You had never seen her that upset before. You weren't even able to comprehend what was going on when you suddenly got a glimpse of her hair or, better, what was left of it. Where once was beautiful, sleek black hair like silk flowing over her left shoulder was short, little loose threads now. You were busy comforting her all night long, trying to find a hairstyle that would cover up the unwanted haircut, so the other soldiers wouldn't add to her misery with added ridicule and mockery.
Now the only one left was you. You became almost paranoid at this point, always expecting Loki to get you in the most unexpected moment. You didn't even want to know what he had in store for you and the suspense of not knowing when and where was torturing you.
One night as you walked home, you saw a little green lizard on the bannisters. The sun had set hours ago and you got suspicious. By this time the lizards should've returned to their shelters, you thought. As a precaution, you stayed well clear of the bannisters, not ready to push your luck and get stabbed as soon as you tried to pick it up.
Instead of your normal route, you took a detour through the rose garden, halting in your step every once in a while to smell the sweet scent of the crimson and amber flowers around you. A soft rustle in the leaves made you perk up and you attentively listened into the still young night. You were about to continue your way home when a raven-haired cat jumped out of the bushes, startling you for a moment.
"Oh my!" you put a hand over your heart, "You surprised me, you little rascal." You leaned down and the cat happily strolled towards you. It nestled against your legs and purred loudly as you scratched it under its chin.
"Where do you come from? Don't you have a home you should be right now?" you asked curious as if the cat could provide an answer. You looked around, still petting the cat, as you looked for someone who could've been the owner, who searched for his missing cat. But no one was in the garden beside you. You pondered for a bit as you thought about leaving the cat. Though the days were already fairly warm, the nights were still quite chilly. You didn't have the heart to leave the cat outside overnight. You decided to take it in for the night and search for its owners in the morning.
"You know what, tonight you can sleep in my room." you established and straightened yourself. The cat meowed in protest when you scooped it up in your arms in the process, but couldn't free itself from your hold and quickly succumbed to your belly rubs.
When you entered your chambers you closed the heavy doors before setting down the cat. It leapt at the door and pawed at it a few times, looking up at you with an expectant look and meowing at you reproachfully.
"It's just one night, little rascal. You will survive, I promise. And tomorrow I will bring you to your owner." you cooed at it and started to pet it again. You could feel how the tense body slowly began to lean into your touch once again. You grinned at the cat victoriously and scooped it up once more.
"Let's go to bed, rascal." you booped his nose and walked over to your bed, lying down. The cat lay content next to you, enjoying the head scratches it received. You yawned as you nuzzled into your pillow and sleep crept over your eyes, letting them fall shut.
Loki planned to leave as soon as you would have been fast and deep asleep.
"Just another minute, be patient and don't..." a yawn escaped his feline mouth, "...and don't fall asleep."
-
"Loki?" you asked groggily but were awake in an instant as the realisation hit you, "What are you doing in my room? How did you even get in here?!" you squealed, covering yourself with your blanket, even though you were still dressed from the day before. Loki sprung from your bed, his eyes wide as he stared at you in shock.
In the early morning hours as the sun slowly sneaked over the hills and filled your room with its warm rays, Loki's eyes fluttered open gradually. He heard a soft rustle behind him. As he got aware of where he was, he tensed. In horror, he looked down at himself. No more raven fur adorned his body nor did he still have a tail. He must've fallen asleep yesterday and slipped out of the feline form. He cursed under his breath as he tried not to disturb your hopefully still slumbering form as he rose from your mattress bit by bit. He was about to set his second foot on the ground when his heart stopped beating for a moment.
"I- I-," he stammered, "I can explain."
"Explain what exact-" you yelled when it clicked, "You were the cat!" you huffed out shocked.
"GET OUT! You nasty snake! How could you! And I almost changed in front of you!" you squeaked angrily.
"Y/N, please let me-" he took a step towards you.
"NO! GET OUT!" you jumped from your bed, shoving him towards your door "I won't tell you again! I think you have done enough to embarrass me today!" you sniffed and shoved him out of your room.
Since that day you had returned to your old habits, only interacting when Thor had dragged him along to a sleepover or a trip through the highlands of Asgard. You never talked about that night again, not to anyone.
Years passed, and when you completed your training, you joined the armed forces and spent the first years far away from Asgard, stationed in Alfheim, to protect the people from the ongoing war. Those weren't your happiest times in the force, and you were delighted when you found out that you had to go back to Asgard to join the royal guard. It was rumoured that the order to draft you had come directly from Odin, though you never were brave enough to ask him why he had chosen you out of all the other skilled soldiers. You were just happy to be finally back home, surrounded by friends and family.
Sif, Thor and the warriors three welcomed you warmly when you returned. Loki, on the other hand, didn't seem to know you anymore, much to our chagrin. As weird and difficult as he had been, you had always hoped that you could stay friends. You had more in common than the prince would probably like to admit. But no one can force a soul that isn't willing.
That's when you stopped putting effort into your interactions anymore. In the end, you would have put more energy into this friendship just to be disappointed over and over again. You still cared deeply for him, first crushes never really dispersing, but it would be better for your own sanity that way. At least that was what you tried to tell yourself. And it had worked for the most part so far.
With your bag in your hand, you hesitated to enter the carriage. You were basically torturing your lips with your teeth at this point, on the brink of drawing blood, musing if it was too late to tell someone you were sick and run home, barricading yourself in your chambers. You had some books you wanted to read anyway, and this would be the perfect opportunity to indulge in their colourful fantasies.
*Present day*
Nervously chewing your lip, you stood in front of the suspension railway that would bring your group to your destination. Your stomach turned. You felt nervous. Not only would you be confronted by your biggest fear, but you would also have to face it in front of people you weren't particularly close to. Showing any weakness, especially such a silly fear, would get you ridiculed, that was for sure.
"Y/N! I see I'm not the last to arrive!" a loud voice boomed behind you and a hand clasped on your shoulder.
"Oh, hi Thor." you greeted him with a sad excuse of a smile.
"And here I thought I would be the last one." he chuckled, "Let's find a seat, shall we?" he guided you into the train where everyone had already found a seat.
As you looked over the crowd of guards it reminded you more of an excursion with teenagers than mighty warriors. Everyone was clad in their casual wear, a look you rarely got to see your co-workers in. It was strange to see them like that… it seemed so intimate and wrong in a way.
The atmosphere in the wagon was upbeat. Everyone was already chatting and babbling over each other. A truly overwhelming environment.
Thor pushed you towards the back of the train, where Sif already awaited the two of you.
"I thought you would bail." she shot you a sly grin as you sat down opposite her, which you returned with an eye roll. Thor sat down beside Sif. He reminded you of an overly excited golden retriever puppy with his big excited eyes and his bubbly demeanour.
"Aren't you excited?" Thor asked you grinning brightly.
"Excited? A trip to the mountains where I have to be around all of my colleagues and these freakish looking 'animals'....," you grumbled as you stuffed your bag under your seat. As you looked up again you felt Sifs glare and cleared your throat, "Yeah… of course." you tried to safe it bht Thor bursted out into laughter.
"They're called horses, but nevermind that... Aren't you excited that Loki is here, too? Once again the old team is unified!" Thor beamed and you raised your eyebrows at him quizzically.
As if one queue you heard piercing laughter. Your head snapped towards two rows behind you, where Loki sat surrounded by two young girls, Mette and Jǫrð. The latter almost sitting on his lap. You scowled when you saw Loki's almost bashful snicker. What did these two have that your friend group hadn't? For Norns' sake, what you hadn't? You always wanted him to be comfortable enough around you to be so carefree, but to no avail. And these two-faced healers had him wrapped around their fingers already. You tried to compose yourself again. He wasn't your friend anymore, so it was none of your business with whom he fraternised.
"Remind me again, my dear friend, why exactly did you invite the healers? I thought this trip was solely for the royal guard?" you tried your best not to sound bitter.
"With all these mighty men and the ferocious beasts we ride, injuries are predestined." he shuffled around in his seat uncomfortably.
"Did Frigga insist on them?" you cocked an eyebrow.
"Maybe." he sheepishly mumbled, fumbling with the hem of his shirt, "But you're changing the subject. I asked you something first!"
"I must've forgotten it already." you huffed sarcastically.
"I'm pretty sure Thor asked if you were happy to spend time with our gang again, like back in the old days. And I think he specifically asked if you were excited about spending time with Loki?" Sith repeated with a self-satisfied smirk.
"Loki is a part of this trip for sure, but I don't think he will be so keen on spending time with us. Like in the old days." you quipped. Thor let his gaze wander back and forth between the two of you as he watched the exchange amused.
"Touché... I just thought you'd be excited to have a chance to spend time with him again. I always thought you liked him." he deadpanned. Your mouth gaped in shock.
"Shut up Thor!" you hissed.
"I think you hit a nerve." Sif snickered.
"Just quit it!" you squeaked.
"Oh, come on Y/N. We have known each other for so long, I'm practically like a brother. And brothers do have to annoy their little sisters!" he guffawed.
"Well, I'm glad you're entertained by my misery." you clenched your jaw miffed and let your gaze wander outside the window.
"Hey, come on. You know I don't mean it that way." Thor tried to pour oil on troubled water, nudging your arm playfully, "Hey, Y/N, you have to believe me... It's just amusing that my little friend fell for my brother. I thought this would only happen in these soapy fairy tales mother always read to us as kids." he tried to lighten the mood.
"Thor, please... don't tell him." you looked at him with pleading eyes.
"Never." he nodded affirmatively.
"No, you have to swear it to me!" you demanded sternly.
"Ok, ok. Big brother word of honour." he held his right hand over his heart.
"How did you even know-"
"Y/N, it's pretty obvious if you always look at him with this love-sick gaze. Even when we were kids you didn't stop gushing about him and his fighting style." Sif chimed in again. She seemingly had planned to embarrass you fully today. You blushed heavily and sank down in your seat. Was this her payback for yesterday morning?
"Hey look, there he is. The man of the hour." Thor suddenly bellowed, grinning up to Loki who had made his way to your seat.
"Thor!" you glared at him warningly.
"Can we have a word Thor?" Loki didn't even acknowledge his brother's words, "Jǫrð and Mette have made some suggestions for trip activities, and I wanted to talk them over with you first."
"Oh, of course, brother." Thor rose from his seat, "Ladies, will you pardon me?" With that, he and Loki disappeared down the corridor.
When you arrived at the farmhouse the sun had already started to set. The sky was painted in beautiful hues of red and orange. When you stepped out of the carriage as one of the last ones, a soft summer breeze twirled around you. You took a deep breath, letting your senses indulge in the sweet alpine air.
"Don't hang behind", a velvet voice shook you out of your deep, relaxed state. Your eyes shot open to look at the trickster who stood beside you. He gave you a rather hasty smile before he walked away to the cabins where your group would stay for a few days. You watched him saunter away while your heart pounded out of your chest.
You kept all following interactions short and walked off alone not even bothering to eat dinner. You just wanted to get in your room and prepare mentally for the upcoming days. You were happy to share a room with Sif and two more warriors. You had let out a sigh of relief when you hadn't seen either Mette's or Jǫrð's names on the list of your grouping. That meant you didn't have to see them during any activities as well. The only time you had to endure their obnoxious chattering was during breakfast and dinner. You could survive that. What bummed you out a bit was that Loki wasn't in your group either. After the conversation on the train, you had hoped that all of the six of you would end up in the same group and, therefore, have the chance to reconnect again, only for old times' sake, of course.
The first day in your personal hell began with the joined breakfast. It was extremely loud in the dining hall and you were glad when you found the table Thor and Sif sat at. As you approached them, you recognized Loki's pristine locks, his face lowered to his plate. He sat to Thor's right, mumbling something under his breath, of which you only understood the last snippets.
"-surrounded by all these brutes?"
"You surely will have fun, just lighten up a bit, brother!" Thor nudged Loki's side before he became aware of your presence.
"Good morning sunshine." Thor greeted you with a grin, "How did you sleep?" You answered with a scoff as you sat down. Earning a chuckle from Loki who watched you closely.
"Not a morning person, dear?" he asked huskily. The nonchalant endearment throwing you off for a second. You tried to control your facial expressions and decided just to shrug as you didn't trust your voice just this instance
"Morning." someone suddenly sing-sang behind you. You turned around to be greeted by a pearly white smile from Loki's trip companion, "I think we weren't introduced properly yesterday. I'm Jǫrð and it's a blast to get to know you." she squealed excited, dripping with fictitiousness. Slightly overwhelmed you raised your eyebrows and nodded slowly while you battled to swallow the bread that got stuck in your throat.
"Nice to meet you too," you replied once you had wrestled the dry piece of bread down.
"It's a pleasure to meet you Jǫrð!" Thor interrupted, "You should take a note of how to greet in the morning." he joked. Jǫrð giggled and sat beside you. You scoffed to yourself noticing that Loki was still watching you. You covered your face in embarrassment and busied yourself with your remaining breakfast.
The rest of the breakfast you were silent while the others babbled excited over the day's events. You zoned out when they made plans for a picnic after the ride-out. You were embarrassed and hurt and had no desire to do anything at all today. Why in the world did you have to be here?
After what felt like centuries, you were split up into your groups. You had the luck to be in the first group to groom the horses and eventually ride out with them. The only good thing was that you were in the same group as Sif and Thor.
"Where's Loki?" Thor asked once the three of you were about to head to the stable to join your group.
"I guess he's in another group." you tried to sound as blithe as possible.
"Jǫrð too?" Thor raised his eyebrow.
"I suppose." you began to sound a bit annoyed and scolded yourself for it immediately. Thor just huffed and stomped away. Sif gave you an apologetic shrug before she hurried after him.
"Where are you guys going?" you yelled after them, "What are you up to?"
"Don't worry about it. We'll handle it." Thor shouted over his shoulder. What was he even talking about?
You waited for Sif and Thor in front of the barn. You hadn't seen them after they walked off after breakfast. You were biting your lip nervously again and staring at the ground when someone cleared their throat.
"Everything alright, dear?" Loki inclined his head.
"Erm… sure yeah. Have you seen Thor and Sif?" you asked sheepishly. You hated that his voice and presence still had such an effect on you.
"Thor asked if I could take his place. He said he didn't feel so well, and Sif didn't want to leave him alone, just in case it gets worse. But they hope that it'll get better in a while, so they can join the other group in the afternoon." he explained.
"These traitors!" you thought to yourself.
"Oh no." you faked worried.
"Ah, don't worry. Sif told me it's just a headache. But you know Thor, he's a big baby sometimes. So, what do you think, let us go have some fun, shall we?" he smiled warmly at you, making it hard for you not to blush at his sudden change of heart. Maybe he, too, had changed over the years?
"You good?" Loki asked when he had watched you tip-toe around your horse for a bit. The others were already right in the middle of combing the horses and cleaning their hooves, while you had only picked up a brush to fidget with the bristles.
"Yeah. Of course… I just don't th-"
"Loki!" you were rudely interrupted by a shrill voice, "There you are! I searched for you everywhere!"
"Jǫrð… hi." he smiled at her with tightly pressed lips, "How did you find me?"
"Like I said, I looked everywhere. The only logical explanation was that you joined the other group. I thought you would join our teatime?"
"Well you see, my brother didn't feel good, so he and Lady Sif decided to switch places with me," he explained almost pained. Did he feel uncomfortable? You weren't sure.
"Lady Sif too? That means there's another spot free then. Perfect! Then I will join you." she beamed at him.
"Oh, eh, surely a splendid idea but I fear that we don't have another horse ready for a ride out." he tried to make an excuse.
"That doesn't bother me! We could ride together then! Even better." she swayed sweetly from side to side. You were baffled by the scene that played in front of you. Usually, Loki could talk himself out of any situation, but it looked like his silver tongue had turned into lead.
"Jǫrð, no worries, I think I don't feel fit to ride out today. You can have my horse." you chimed in. Jǫrð turned to you with a death glare.
"Oh, thank you, Y/N! How noble of you." her words were kind but dripped with venom. You smiled brightly at her and handed her the brush.
"Have fun." you scrunched your nose and triumphantly walked away.
"Won't you delight us with your presence for a bit longer?" Jǫrð asked you suddenly. You turned around and eyed her suspiciously but nodded, after all, you didn't want to be impolite. You had promised Sif to be on your best behaviour.
While the others busied themselves dilligently with their horses and cleaned their hoofs you stood in a safe distance from them. Every wheeze and scratch of them made you wince and tremble in fear. You didn't know how much longer you could bear to stay in this godforsaken stable. If it wouldn't have been rude to turn down Jǫrð instantly, you would be already seated by Thor and Sif, scolding them for breaking their promises and leaving you alone despite knowing of your predicament.
Since you could think you were afraid of horses. Their weird height and creepy eyes haunted you in your dreams and now you were supposed to ride on one of these things and even give them an all-around maintenance.
"Sure, you don't want to take a turn?" Fandral asked and held a brush towards you. You furiously shook your head, taking some steps back until your back hit the barn wall.
"Doesn't want to make her hands dirty but wants to ride afterwards." another guard you didn't really know, whispered while shaking his head. What was his problem? You didn't choose to be here; you were forced to tag along. As far as you were concerned, you would be in your bed right this moment, reading a book or doodling in peace.
"Take an example at Jǫrð! She is a fine young lady, yet she isn't vain to brush them before riding out!" Jǫrð giggled at the praise making you roll your eyes.
"Guys! She surely has a good reason why she doesn't want to get close to a horse." she snickered, "Or a you just afraid?" she challenged you directly. Your gut was right from the beginning to not like her. She truly was a two-faced snake. Sweet and chipper in front of anyone she wanted the approval of but mean and vicious to anybody else she didn't deem to be worthy of her presence.
"Come on Y/N, swing your ass here! They won't bite." Volstagg boomed and made his way to you.
"No thanks. I will admire them from far." you wanted to assure him, as he pushed you towards the brown horse he was grooming. It looked dangerous as it swayed restlessly from side to side. When it began to neigh, you jumped involuntarily. The man around you broke out into laughter, seeing your frightened expression.
"Ooh, you really are afraid of the big scary brown horse, aren't you?" Jǫrð joined in with a mocking voice, "Are you gonna cry now?"
"She's afraid of horses, she thinks that animals that can't vomit without dying shouldn't be trusted," Fandral explained slightly amused. Loki watched when you disappeared towards the hayloft.
"Screw you!" you hissed at her before you ran out, not ready to lose the last ounce of your dignity.
"What's wrong with her?" Loki asked confused after what he had witnessed.
"Just forget her Lo, she will get over herself in a bit." Jǫrð cooed at him, "Let's finish up our horses and then we can finally ride out." she groaned in fake annoyance.
"I can't believe she would make such a show out of it." she snickered when Loki wouldn't tear his eyes away from you.
You came to a halt in a hayloft, sniffing and on the brim to cry. Why were they so mean? You didn't even want to ride; they could've done it all by their selves if they wanted. You didn't discourage them in any way.
"Y/N?" Loki suddenly turned you around by your shoulders, "Hey, what's wrong."
"Nothing." you choked out.
"I can clearly see that something is bothering you. So why don't you just tell me," he stated earnestly.
"Like I said, it's nothing." you wanted to charge out of the hayloft again when, out of nowhere, a big black horse stood in front of you. It must've trotted behind Loki when he had followed you. You froze instantly, a loud whimper escaping your throat.
"Now come on when nothing bothers you. Let's go back to the others." Loki walked beside you, examining your face closely.
"I can't." you whispered with pure horror displaying on your face, "It's in my way."
"Sure, you can. It's not blocking the door entirely. You just have to walk around it." he motioned around the horse that calmly chewed on some hay.
"I can't." you sniffed helplessly.
"I'm right beside you." he pulled on your sleeve, "You just have to be gentle. They can sense fear."
"Well awesome." you huffed, not moving an inch.
"Y/N, calm down." his tone changed into a soft whisper, "You know what, we're going to touch it. You'll see, it won't do anything to you."
He stepped behind you, taking your right hand in his. You could feel his body pressing you in the direction of the horse. First, you struggled against his steady pressure, but he carefully pushed you forward with a steady hold on your hip, urging you to steadily get closer to the horse. He slowly reached out with your joined hands. You whimpered once you made contact with the soft fur of the horse, eyes tightly shut. Loki softly moved your hand up and down, so you were petting the horse. And it felt surprisingly good. The warm and soft hairs tickled your fingers as you combed through its fur. You slowly opened your eyes to see your hand still covered by Loki's. The horse stood in place peacefully, enjoying the pampering.
"See, not as bad as you thought." he breathed right next to your ear.
"Surprisingly not..." you whispered. Maybe horses weren't that bad at all especially when Loki would be there with you. You could feel his breath hitting your ear and it made you crazy to have him that close to you. You tried to wiggle out of the strong grip he still had on you.
"What's wrong?" he asked bewildered at the sudden change in your behaviour.
"N-nothing. You're just hot... I-I mean it's hot." your cheeks felt like they were burning. Loki raised an eyebrow, visibly amused. A shit-eating grin adorning his face in an instant.
"I certainly am hot. Thank you." he smiled smartly at you.
"You know what I meant. Just go. Doesn't Jǫrð already await your return impatiently?" you quipped, stepping back from him to gain some space. He looked at you rather confused.
"What?" you sneered harsher than you actually planned.
"If you want me to leave, ok. I will go. But never, ever insinuate that Jǫrð and I are something more than forced acquaintances." he growled. You scolded yourself mentally, you clearly had crossed a line. You knew Loki for so long, sometimes the lines between the prince and childhood friend blurred in your mind, though you weren't even sure if he had ever considered you a friend.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to offend you in such a blunt way." you apologized meekly, and your gaze fell to the ground embarrassed, "It just seemed that the two of you were close back on the train." you explained quickly.
"I really didn't have a say in that." his voice suddenly gentle and calm again just like mere moments ago, "She has the talent to push herself on people no matter if they like it or not." he scrunched his nose in disgust as he remembered how Jǫrð had practically sprawled herself over him on the train.
"I actually talked with Thor about some of her ideas beforehand, so he wouldn't blindly agree with them. I even asked him to put her into another group, but something must've gotten mixed up. So, I was even more delighted when Thor came to me earlier, so I would take his place." he explained further. Taken aback by his sudden openness, you gulped hard.
"If you don't mind, I would like to be ashamed about my behaviour by myself now." you quickly nodded at him courteously and tried to make a quick escape. Cold fingertips wrapped around your wrist tightly, stopping your hurried attempt, and forcing you to face him again instead.
"Why do you care anyway?" he asked with a smug smile.
"That's simple. I don't." you tried to sound as calm and collected as possible, trying to wring out of his grasp.
"Really?" he stepped closer again.
"Yes, I am," you answered shakily.
"Why can I sense a whim of jealousy then?" his head slightly turned downwards, and an almost predatory glance in his eyes appeared, rounded with a devious smirk on his lips.
"You must be mistaken." you huffed, finally freeing your wrist out of his grip.
"Are you sure? I saw your mimic this morning during breakfast. And don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at me on the train yesterday." he licked his lips tauntingly.
"I don't think I can find proper words to explain my behaviour without insulting you, my prince." you grimaced.
"You're not talking to the prince at the moment. You are talking to your friend."
"Friend?" you cocked your eyebrows in surprise.
"Yes... we were friends since childhood, weren't we?" Loki asked slightly puzzled.
"I don't know if one could call our relationship a friendship anymore. As friends, we barely interact. After all, this is the longest conversation I had with you in years, that isn't forced out of any circumstances." you clenched your jaw. All you ever wanted was to be considered his friend. But now that you heard it leave his lips, it infuriated you. How could he be so nonchalant about this after he treated you so coldly for the majority of your young adult lives?
"Of course. I don't know what I was thinking. As if you'd want to spend time with me... you were Thor's friend after all, ...not mine." Loki almost talked to himself and shook his head disappointed.
"I will free you of my insufferable presence now." he drawled and bowed in feigned politeness.
"I never said that your presence is insufferable." you caught his wrist in your grasp this time, staring at him challenging as he turned to look at you.
"Then what were you trying to say?" he freed himself from your touch, turning toward you once again, inching even closer. You had to look up to be able to meet his gaze.
"I'm trying to tell you that you were my friend! I liked spending time with you! But you just didn't want to get that into your thick skull!" you sneered at him, all courtesies thrown out of the window. His sudden anger was the drop that finally caused the barrel of bottled-up emotions to overflow.
"I really did like you and I liked spending time with you when we were younger! But now it's hard to even get the honour to be in your presence in the first place! And yet if one is fortunate enough to be in it, they will only get rewarded with a cold and distant glare full of disgust!
And you know what's the worst? I tried so hard to be close to you, to be your friend. But no matter how much time I would spend with you, you would still not believe that I would like to actually spend time with you because of you. Not out of pity or just because you're Thor's brother.
It hurts. It hurts to see someone you love so dearly, not realizing their own worth and shutting you out because of it. And the pathetic thing is that I fell for you when we were kids. I wasn't even able to do anything about it… it just happened. And as much as I try to convince myself otherwise you will stay on my mind forever. Even now you still have a vice-like grip around my heart. And I hate that!" you sniffed, the burden of the last decades finally lifting from your shoulders. All the agony and anger slowly subsided in you as you took deep breaths to calm down again. Loki gulped hard at your confession, staring you down during your whole monologue. This was it. The final conversation between you two, you were sure of it.
"I'm sorry." he barely spoke above a whisper.
"What?" you huffed perplexed.
"I said I'm sorry. Sorry for my behaviour towards you. And if I had known all this I wouldn't have kept up with Jǫrð's behaviour for that long." He was so close, closer than you ever dreamed about. He tugged a loose strand of hair behind your ear, following his movements with his eyes.
"I don't need your pity." you breathed.
"Why would I pity you?" he cooed.
"Why else would you try to be nice all of a sudden? After all, I'm just one of those brainless brutes you despise so much." you recited his words from the breakfast table.
"That's not what I think about you." his eyes held an unfamiliar tenderness, shadowed by so much guilt. Were those tears brimming in his ocean eyes?
"Really? Then why are you always giving the impression that that's exactly what you think? Even yesterday, you looked at me as if I make you sick!" you gulped, weary.
"I don't mean to be like that. I just can't…" he sighed defeated.
"Can't what?" you huffed, battling with your inner turmoil.
"I'm not good with this!" he motioned in-between of you, "The whole relation thing. I never was. It's not easy for me to show for who I care. I don't know how to show that I like people. Especially if I care deeply about them." you couldn't help the involuntary scoff that escapes your mouth. Loki was taken aback at your reaction, his eyebrows creased in confusion.
"Are you trying to tell me, that you care deeply for me?" Loki nodded eagerly as if his life depended on It.
"I do. I always have." his voice broke.
"Stop your games. Don't toy with my heart like that..." you sniffed, taking a step back, "I can still remember the time you turned into a cat to ridicule me when we were younger! I haven't forgotten your twisted ways."
"I never had the intent to-" he tried to defend himself, but you cut him off.
"But you did! You turned into a cat, probably tried to spy on me while changing and slept in my bed that night, risking me to become a laughingstock! How is that a sign of care?" you asked demandingly.
"To be fair, I never planned on staying in your room! You have to believe me in this. You took me there voluntarily!"
"Because I thought you were a CAT! What else could you have had in mind? You didn't want to stab me, I'm sure of that. Else you would've done it the moment I picked you up!" you accused him.
"I turned into a cat because I wanted to be close to you!" he blurted out in fury. When he saw the shock in your eyes, he cleared his throat and apologized, before he began to explain more calmly.
"I wanted to apologize for that night. I really did. I missed spending time with you and wanted to sort things out. But every time we were together as a group I chickened out. I was afraid that the Warriors three would make fun of me if I tried to become closer to you. And I feared you wouldn't want to endure such teasing nor accept my apology. That's why I started to… to watch you from afar… and when I learned to conceal myself as a reptile, from close up.
But you got weary of reptiles because of my pranks… so I learned to shift into other forms so that I could finally spend more time with you again. And that night, I swear, I wanted to leave as soon as you fell asleep. But while I waited, I must've fallen asleep in your arms..." Loki's confession lets your stomach churn. You felt a lump in your throat, making It hard to swallow, as tears were burning in your eyes, blurring your vision more and more. Loki had stopped talking for a while now. His head hung low as he fumbled with the hem of his sleeve, awaiting your reaction as if he were about to receive his final verdict.
"Ok." you forced out after a while. Loki's head raised slowly, his eyes searching yours questioningly.
"Ok?" he repeated unsure.
"Go ahead."
"I believe you..." you nodded to emphasise your words,
"But I still have one more question."
"If you really care so much for me as you say, then where were you the last couple of years? Where were you when I came back from Alfheim? When I came back, I was so happy to finally see all of my friends again, just to be greeted with the fact that my dearest friend had forgotten me completely. As if I had died, ceased to exist."
"Who do you think brought you back to Asgard?" he stated with a shaky smile.
"You?" your jaw dropped, "But why didn't you talk to me when I came back? I thought you had forgotten me for good."
"I hadn't. I was just too afraid to talk to you again. I didn't think I was worth your kindness anymore. I thought you might have forgotten about me when you were in Alfheim all these years. I never received a sign of life from you. I only got news when I eavesdropped on Sif and Thor talking about your letters. When I heard that you were unhappy in your assigned position, I thought that I could at least do you one last favour as amends for my behaviour that night in your chambers."
"Oh, Loki. We're both fools, aren't we." you rubbed away a stray tear that had managed to escape.
"So what do we do now?" he chuckled sadly.
"I don't know. What do you want?" you asked nervously.
"I want to figure this out between us." he immediately answered, "If you like that of course."
"I do." you smiled at him, "Under one condition."
"Tell me." he stepped closer, taking your hands in his.
"We have to spend more time together again and you have to indulge in my pestering presence." you teased and huffed out a laugh.
"I think I can survive that for a while." he grinned.
"Good."
"Good," he repeated. A comfortable silence fell over the both of you while you just gazed into each other's eyes.
"I missed you." you hiccupped after a while, finally letting your emotions take over. You buried your head against his chest as warm tears rolled down your cheeks. You felt Loki's arms slowly embracing you, too. Securing you tightly against his body. He gently rested his head on top of yours as he hummed in agreement.
"What do you think about if we ditched the whole riding lesson for something more fun?" he mumbled into the crown of your hair.
"I would happily welcome it," you mumbled back into his chest.
"Then let's ride out to a field. I know a beautiful place not far away near a riverside." he pulled away a bit to see your reaction.
"Riding? On a… horse?" you gulped hard.
"Riding together." he corrected you with a comforting smile.
"Do you trust me?" he rasped when he saw the hesitance in your gaze. You looked deep into his eyes before you nodded in response.
"Then come with me," he exclaimed with child-like glee, pulling you towards the horse that had walked deeper into the hayloft a while ago.
Once he had guided the horse outside of the barn, he helped you up onto the saddle with ease. You were about to jump off again, suddenly not so confident anymore, when he swung himself onto the saddle behind you. He snaked an arm around your waist and held you tight against his chest.
"I got you." he purred into your ear, making you shiver and goosebumps running over your skin.
"Ready?" you nodded hesitantly and closed your eyes tightly when the horse started to stir forward. You felt the thunder of the hooves hitting the ground with every trot. When the horse started to gallop, you held onto the brim of the saddle with such force, that your fingers turned white. Loki's hold on you tightened more.
"Open your eyes." he requested.
Your eyes slowly and hesitantly opened. The warm summer breeze was twirling around your nose, coaxing your senses with the sweet fragrances of the flowers you had smelled once before when you had arrived. You let your gaze wander over the scenery of mountains that slowly grew bigger as you rode towards them over the vibrant green meadow.
"It's wonderful." you gushed timidly. You felt a grin form on Loki's lips, as his cheek rested against yours. He surprised you when he swiftly pecked your cheek. You were glad he couldn't see your face right now. Judging from the burning feeling they must have turned crimson red.
Your grip on the saddle gradually loosened and you snuggled against Loki's chest even closer. For once your future seemed to shine just as bright as the sun above your heads.
Edited 15.03.25
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Stability
SPOILERS FOR 1X06
Stability. That’s all he wanted when she found him.
Valki ~ 1.3k ~ AO3
Stability.
That’s all he wanted when she found him.
Sylvie had betrayed him. Mobius didn’t remember him. Hunter B-15 didn’t either, and Renslayer had vanished. The timeline was branching off into countless realities, Nexus events springing up all across space and time, the multiverse crashing violently together, Variants meeting and fighting and teaming up, and somewhere in all the chaos was an evil dictator and his Variants readying their war that would destroy it all.
He didn’t even know how long it had all taken, how long it had been since New York, how long he had had to process his failure and the deaths of his family and the destruction of his home, how long it had taken him to realize the throne meant nothing and he was only desperate for love, for someone to care about, for someone to care about him.
He did know that he still hadn’t recovered from Thanos, that his stamina was shot and every fight exacerbated the aches and pains, that he could still hear echoes of the scepter’s whispers in the back of his mind in quiet moments, and yet he was plunged straight into more fighting with a sorcerer called Strange and a witch called Maximoff, all the while battling bone-deep exhaustion and their expectations built on events he both had and hadn’t lived through and wondering what had happened to Sylvie and if Mobius would ever remember him.
So when she found him, when a shining white and gold suit of armor and gleaming sword straight from Asgardian legend sliced through the fog of battle to save his life, worn and wielded by the first vaguely familiar face he had encountered since his arrest, who also happened to be his first hint that perhaps Asgard wasn’t as dead and gone as he had believed, of course it was all he could do not to crumple to the ground under the weight of pure, unadulterated relief.
“Valkyrie?” he rasped, the magic he was still learning to use flickering weakly around his hand.
She spun to stare at him, eyes wide in disbelief, tears wavering in their depths. “Loki,” she whispered, her voice cracking, hope scarcely daring to peek out of the break.
Her hand hovered in midair, torn between reaching for him and holding back.
Evidently, she decided the vulnerability was worth the risk, because less than a second later she was sweeping him into a hug, one that was all at once bone-crushing and tender, grief-stricken and joyous, her tears slipping free to stain his cheek as her fingers curled into his hair, clung to the fabric of his shirt, the fierce warrior stretching onto her tiptoes to reach him.
He only knew her from a snippet of footage, from the gentle teasing on Mobius’s face when he asked about her, the genuine regret in his voice when he said it was a shame they would never meet, but despite that – or perhaps because of that – he knew she was safe. Somehow, instinctively, he knew he wouldn’t regret trusting her, that she was a precious shred of reality in a multiverse gone mad, that she wouldn’t stab him in the back, and so…
He melted into the hug.
He stood startled just long enough to blink, and then he was leaning down to meet her, finding comfort in her warmth, security in the worn, sturdy armor, shelter in the sword still poised to keep the world at bay. He let his magic fade, his racing heart slow, and despite the battle raging on, for the first time in too long, the world grew calm.
Finally, he could breathe.
-----
Strange ruined it, naturally, with an unwelcome reminder of the pesky battle still to be won, but the hug was enough. Even as they broke apart – yet stayed together to fight – the myriad of challenges still ahead seemed manageable suddenly, a perfectly surmountable series of tasks with a friend by his side, a friend who could be more, a friend…
A friend who welcomed him back and offered him a tangible path home.
Her breath hitched, her smile wavering, when he finally had the chance to explain how he’d gotten there, that he knew of her but had never met her, and had certainly never fallen in love with her, but she still took his hand and assured him that it didn’t matter, that she was just glad he was home, that Thor would be thrilled beyond measure to see him again, that anything and everything else could be worked out in time.
“Wait,” Loki cut her off, his world, his hope teetering on a precipice, an edge he had been clinging to since he read the words Entire Civilization Annihilated so callously typed out on one insignificant paper filed away amongst thousands of others, everything he had cared about a mere footnote in the cursed Sacred Timeline. “Thor- Thor’s alive?”
Valkyrie blinked, brows furrowing. “Of course he is. Did they tell you otherwise?”
“Not… in so many words,” he realized. “I just assumed…”
“What, that a couple apocalypses could stop your brother?” she teased, squeezing his hand. “No, Loki, he’s alive. Just off-world.”
He gave in to the exhaustion. He gave in to the weeks, months, days, whatever of not knowing, of jumping from one fight to another, of processing years of growth and trauma in the few free seconds he’d had. He gave in, and he didn’t hold back the tears, the tears made up of every emotion he’d ever felt and more, and she wrapped him up in her arms and held him until he had cried himself to sleep.
He woke in her bed the next morning, curled up beneath the blankets while she sat atop them, reading what he recognized as one of his favorite books, and for the first time in forever, he felt truly rested.
-----
Everything went more smoothly after that. There were a few bumps as they adjusted to this new life, him to her presence, her to this new version of him, but they had each other, and Thor and his people had survived, and when everything finally settled, he had a home to settle down in. He hadn’t lost as much as the TVA had led him to believe, and he had gained more than he could have imagined when he escaped with the Tesseract.
Together with Strange and Maximoff, they dealt with the multiverse, setting everything right while preserving free will. The true end of Kang was a problem for another day – and with more assistance – but for now, he was satisfactorily defeated. They reunited with Sylvie and Mobius and B-15, tracked down Renslayer, and set about rebuilding broken bridges and new lives out of the ashes of the old.
Thor came racing home the second they called, greeting Loki with another bone-crushing hug. This one he didn’t hesitate to return, relishing this second chance with his brother, this chance he had seen the footage of but thought he would never be able to embrace himself. They returned home together, home to a New Asgard brimming with new opportunities for the both of them – opportunities they could finally share.
And throughout it all, Valkyrie was there. They got to know each other again, beyond what he had assumed and she had once known, and gradually, Valkyrie became Val, the distance between them faded until holding hands was natural, and he no longer wanted to imagine life without her. They fought together, talked together, laughed together, rested together, and she was brave and funny and kind and fiery and beautiful and intelligent and everything he had never thought he deserved, and, well…
It didn’t take long for a love both new and familiar to grow from those seeds, and their first kiss of their second chance tasted all the sweeter for it.
With Val at his side, he never wanted for stability again.