(p.s. I don’t write smut so please don’t request it, thank you)
Baldurs Gate 3 Masterlist
Hunger - Astarion x spawn!reader (mini series) COMPLETE
Waking up in a dungeon full of vampires with no memory and a sudden hunger for blood… never should have accepted that drink from the pale elf in the tavern.
The Last Of US Masterlist
Help Her - Platonic Joel + Ellie x Reader (series) *on pause*
Since outbreak day in 2003, Y/N and her older brother Ben have survived the post-pandemic world together. But when they arrive in Boston and meet a couple of smugglers, things change.
Wizarding World Masterlist
The Monster of Wolf Woods - Remus Lupin x Reader (mini series) COMPLETE
A love of a muggle and a werewolf.
Marvel Masterlist
The Intern - Tony Stark x Reader (series) COMPLETE!
You move to New York to focus on your art but end up working as an intern at Stark Enterprises
Bloody Beetle - Steven Grant x Reader / Arthur Harrow x Reader (series) COMPLETE!
A night on the late shift with Steven ends badly when a creepy guy with a scales tattoo shows up searching for a beetle
Doctor Who Masterlist
Trust - Doctor x Reader (one shot)
When the Doctor betrays your trust and an old foe brings danger your way, there could be disastrous consequences
Home - Doctor x Daughter!Reader (mini series) COMPLETE!
After stealing an escape shuttle on the planet Messaline and travelling alone for many years, you finally find your father… only to discover he’s now your mother
Dracula BBC/Netflix Masterlist
Flesh & Blood - Dracula x Reader (series) COMPLETE
A mysterious stranger with ties to your past shows up in your small village
Familiar - Dracula x Familiar/Servant Reader (oneshot)
Reader is Dracula’s familiar. When your master’s oldest vampire friend comes to visit a feast takes dangerous turn and truths are revealed
Shadow & Bone / Six of Crows Masterlist
Who Hurt You? - Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader (oneshot)
Reader is Kaz Brekker’s younger sister. Jesper finds her injured and Kaz wants to know who’s responsible (requested)
Family - Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader (Oneshot)
Reader is Kaz Brekker’s younger sister. She’s also a heartrender who was separated from her brothers at the age of six. Ten years later she meets Kaz again as he plans to kidnap the sun summoner. (requested)
The Crow Club - Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader (Oneshot)
Reader gets a job at the Crow Club but big brother Kaz is over protective. (requested)
The Plan - Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader (oneshot)
Reader is the sun summoner who Kaz is sent to kidnap. (requested)
Useless - Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader (oneshot)
Reader is Kaz’s sister and has a medical condition. She gets injured on a job. (requested)
Valuable - Kaz Brekker x Reader (oneshot)
Kaz and the crows are paid to find the reader and her sister after they run away from their father (requested)
A Family of our Own - Kaz Brekker x Sister!Reader (oneshot)
when Kaz and the reader lose their families, they decide to create a new one. But both must suffer the trauma of their pasts (requested)
Beneath Your Beautiful - Aleksander/Darkling x Reader (oneshot)
Reader is the sun summoner, but doesn't believe they can live up to everyone’s expectations (requested)
Disappointment- Ivan x Daughter!Reader (oneshot)
Reader is Ivan’s daughter and he wants her to be a heartrender like him even though she’s actually a healer. (requested)
Fleabag Masterlist
Unfaithful - Hot Priest x Reader (series) COMPLETE
After dreaming of your perfect wedding since you were a little girl the big day is almost here. But after meeting the priest you start to question your relationship.
Miscellaneous Masterlist
James McAvoy
No Business Like Show Business - James x Reader (series)
You work backstage at a theatre and become close with the star of the show (who you may also have a slight crush on)
Enamoured - James x Reader (two part mini-series)
James meets reader at Michael’s birthday party and falls head over heels for her (requested)
If you want to be added to any tag lists please drop me a message/ask. Because this is a sideblog I'm unable to reply to comments, sorry. But all feedback is much appreciated ❤️
Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader, Sirius Black x reader (platonic)
Word Count: almost 4.5k... i may have got a bit carried away writing this one
Warnings: nightmare, panic attack, a lotta angst in this one, but a lotta comfort too
A/N: this was supposed to be a 2 part story but part two ended up being suuuuuper long so im extending it to a 3 part story... surprise!! Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
Part Two | Masterlist
- - - - -
Life is going well. Remus and I have been together for a few months now and even discussed moving in together, but Remus thought that it would be safer to keep our own separate places to live for now. He spends the majority of the time with me at my flat, sleeping over most nights too. But as the full moon approaches, he retreats to his cottage. He always returns to me the next morning and I always help comfort him in any way he needs, whether that means cleaning any wounds he’d managed to get or just holding him as he sleeps. I miss him while he’s away and I worry about him constantly, but I know he needs to do whatever he can to feel comfortable at that time. We’ve fallen into a routine that works for us.
I wake up with the sun shining through the small gap in the curtains of my bedroom window. Outside I can hear birds singing, and faint sounds of people happily greeting each other on the street below. I feel the familiar warmth of Remus’ body against my back; his arm draped over my body. I turn myself around carefully in his embrace so that I am face to face with him, looking at his sleeping face with a smile. He looks so peaceful. It’s hard to imagine that tonight that face will be gone, replaced with that of the wolf in the full moon. I study his face, every crease, every hair, every scar… I wonder what the story is behind each one. I won’t ask him, but I do hope that one day he’ll tell me. I can’t help but reach out, allowing myself to gently trace my finger along his cheek.
“Good morning” Remus’ voice comes out rough, still thick with sleepiness as he slowly opens his eyes to look at me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Not at all darling.” He reassures as his arm drapes over me, pulling me closer into his warmth. “I like waking up like this.”
I bury my face into his chest, hiding my huge grin. His hand finds my cheek, trying to guide my face up to look at his.
“I can feel you smiling.” he says, laughing gently. “Why are you hiding from me? Hmm?”
“Because!” I laugh, losing the battle and finally allowing him to see my face. “It’s embarrassing, you make me giggle like some lovesick schoolgirl.”
“Well, you shouldn’t be embarrassed my love, I think it’s adorable.” He kisses me. “You are adorable.”
I look at him, content and happy, and for a moment everything is perfect. But then I remember what day it is, and slowly the smile fades from my face.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Remus looks at me with concern.
“I hate full moon nights.”
“Oh, my love.” He pulls me in tight to his chest again. “I still can’t believe you learnt the moon cycle just for me… what did I do to deserve you?”
“I care about you Remus. And I hate it when you’re gone, I worry about you.”
“Look at me.” He lifts my chin gently. “You have nothing to worry about. It’s just another full moon. I’ll spend the night in my bunker, and I’ll be back before you wake in the morning. And if you need anything, Sirius is just a phone call away.”
I nod, giving him a weak smile before leaning in to kiss him one more time. We get out of bed and spend the day together until the sun starts to set. Then I stand at my front door, watching Remus retreat down the cobbled street towards the woods.
A pang of worry fills me when he finally disappears, but Remus is right, I know he is. He tells me the same thing every full moon and every morning after he is always there. A little scratched and bruised but safe.
Like he said, tonight is just another full moon.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I always struggle to sleep when the full moon is here. As much as I try to shut out the worries and repeat Remus’ reassuring words, I can’t seem to shut my brain off.
I’m sat up in bed reading, my eyes stinging with tiredness as the book slowly starts to slip from my hand, when a loud crash startles me. I listen, eyes wide and breath held, straining my ears for any other noise. For a moment it’s silent, then another even louder thump makes me jump from my bed. It sounded like it was inside my flat. I tiptoe to my bedroom door, pulling it open just enough to peer through into the dark corridor. I can hear a sort of scratching sound from somewhere in my flat. I take a deep breath and step outside my room, moving silently closer to the sound. The light from the full moon shines in through a window, illuminating my small kitchen and there stood with its back to me, staring at some now smashed plates on the floor… a huge grey wolf.
I freeze.
Do I run? Do I approach the wolf? This could be Remus, escaped from his bunker and come to me where he feels safe. If it is Remus, would he even recognise me? Or would the wolf take over? I don’t know what to do.
I let out a shaky breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding and the wolf’s ears twitch. He heard me. He turns his head, slowly, in my direction. His bright eyes lock onto mine.
“Remus?” my voice barely a whisper as the wolf begins to stalk towards me. “Remus is that you?”
There’s no expression on the wolf’s face as he continues advancing on me. Instinctively my feet start carrying me backwards, retreating as I raise my hands out in front of me as a sort of surrender, trying to show the wolf I’m not dangerous.
The wolf stops, looking at my outstretched hands, like its assessing me.
“Remus?” I try again, braving a small step forward.
Suddenly the wolf’s expression changes. His eyes focus, his teeth bared, a low snarl. For a split second it hunches back, then suddenly it springs forward, dashing at me.
I sprint back into my bedroom, slamming the door shut just in time for the wolf to throw itself against the other side. I quickly drag my chest of drawers in front of the door, praying they stay put with the force of the wolf trying to break through. My eyes dart around the room. My window is too small for me to escape through. The only option is to hide. The wardrobe? Not big enough. Behind the curtain? Too exposed. Under the bed? That could work.
I drop to the floor and shuffle underneath the wooden frame of my bed, curling my legs up making myself as small as possible. It only takes a few more seconds for the wolf to smash it’s way through the door. I clasp my hands over my mouth and try my best to control my breathing as the wolf prowls around my room. From under the bed, I can see its large feet padding across the floorboards. It stills and I can hear it sniffing, trying to find my scent. Then it moves around to the other side of my bed, out of my sightline. For a long, horribly tense moment there’s nothing. Then suddenly I feel it’s teeth clamp onto my ankle. I scream as it drags me out from under the bed, trying to grab hold of anything I can. But its no good. The wolf pulls me out into the middle of my room.
“Remus please!” I cry as the wolf stands over me, bringing its face close to mine. I can feel hot breath from it’s nose as it sniffs at me. “Please!”
The last thing I hear is a snarl as the wolf lunges at me.
With a scream my eyes shoot open, and I wave my arms around, fighting off an imaginary wolf. I sit up, realising I’m back in my bed.
It was just a dream. Or should I say nightmare.
It’s not unusual for me to have nightmares, especially on full moon nights. The anxiety of Remus going to the woods usually seeps through, and I dream that he’ll somehow escape the safety of his bunker. That he’ll wonder into the town and be attacked by villagers. Or that some brave villagers will go into the woods and find him.
But I’ve never had a nightmare like that before. Never that intense. And never that I was the one in danger.
I take a few breaths, trying to shake the dream away, and glance over at the clock on my bedside table.
6:37am.
It’s morning already? A sense of relief hits me as I realise the night is over. The sun is starting to rise, and Remus will be on his way back to me.
I get up and open the curtains, before heading to the kitchen to make a coffee. The kitchen is just as I left it. No smashed plates and no angry wolves. I take my cup of coffee with me and climb back into bed, sitting up against the headboard and watch the sunrise through the window.
By 7am the sun is high and the birds outside have started to sing.
But Remus isn’t here.
7:10. Nothing.
7:20. Still nothing.
7:30 and I start to worry. Remus is usually always here by 7:30.
I get out of bed and take my now empty coffee cup back to the kitchen, then quickly change out of my pyjamas and pull on some trainers. I grab my phone from the desk and head outside.
The streets are quiet with only a few villagers already up and out. I make my way towards the woods, constantly scanning for any sign of Remus, hoping that he’s just late. Maybe he stopped at the bakery to get pastries, or the greengrocers for some fresh fruit?
I reach the edge of the forest and stop, the memory of the first time Remus and I stood here during our first date. The first kiss. I take a breath and enter the woods, mentally mapping out the route Remus had taken me on to visit his cottage and eventually reach the place I thought his cottage would be. But I see nothing.
Then I remember; the muggle repelling charm. It doesn’t matter how hard I look; I won’t be able to find it. Not without-
“Sirius!” I say to myself, taking out my phone and finding his number. I press call and listen to it ring. And ring. And ring. Until eventually it clicks to the prerecorded voicemail.
‘If you’re hearing this…” Remus’ voice says through the speaker. “…then Sirius has broken his promise-’
‘What promise have I broken now?!’ Sirius’ voice calls out in the background. They recorded this voicemail the day I first met Sirius in Remus’ cottage, the memory of watching them have this little argument makes me smile.
‘The one where you promised to answer this phone if it rings!’
‘Once again I find myself in trouble for something I haven’t even done.’
‘That’s why I said IF! Anyway, Y/N, try again. Hopefully he’ll pick up next time. Oh and, one more thing. I love you.’
I hang up and immediately try again, but I’m met with the same voicemail. I try three more times, each time getting more and more frustrated as tears threaten to come.
I wait for the beep of the voicemail recorder then leave a message.
“Sirius! Please if you figure out how to hear this message then call me back. I can’t find Remus. I think something’s wrong.”
I send him a quick text message too, telling him I need him, but as I press send my phone battery dies.
“Shit!” I hiss, throwing my phone to the floor in frustration. Of course, I’d been so wrapped up in full moon anxiety, I’d forgotten to put it on charge last night.
I slump down against the nearest tree. The tree’s rough bark is hard against my back. I sit there for a while feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, my head spinning with every worse case scenario of where Remus could be. Trapped? Injured? Dying? Captured by villagers? Or worse, the dark lord?
I remember my dream from last night. How real it felt, the fear coming back to me. A worry that I’d been trying to ignore, the possibility of Remus actually hurting someone one day… of hurting me. How can we build a life with someone I’m scared of.
No. No, I’m not scared of Remus, I could never be. But the wolf?
The anxiety boils and boils, a feeling of panic filling me. I bring my knees up to my chest, crossing my arms to hug myself as tears start to roll down my cheeks. I feel like I can’t breathe.
I’m so consumed in panic that I don’t hear the sound of footsteps coming towards me, or the voice calling my name.
It’s only when I feel someone wrap their arms around me that I realise I’m not alone.
“It’s okay, I’m here. I’ve got you. Just breathe. Breathe with me.” Sirius whispers calming words to me and just holds me for as long as it takes for my breathing to start to even out. Only then does he pull away and look at me. “I got your message.”
“Remus didn’t come home this morning, and I can’t find him or even his cottage because of some charm thing he puts on it. I’m really worried Sirius; he would never just disappear like this.”
“I know, we’ll find him.” He says with such assurance that I actually believe him. He helps me up off the ground then gets out his wand and recites some sort of spell. Slowly Remus’ cottage comes into view as the charm disappears. Sirius unlocks the front door and tells me to search inside while he goes around the back to check the bunker.
I search every room but find nothing. After a few minutes Sirius comes in.
“The bunker is empty and the door was open when I got there. Looks like the chain on the door may have snapped.”
“So he got out? He could be anywhere!”
“Did he take his wolfsbane potion before he left you yesterday?” Sirius asks, and I think before nodding. “That’s good. That means he still had his mind, and he’ll have been tired. He won’t have gone far, I doubt he even left the forest.”
He heads for the front door, and I go to follow, but he stops and looks at me.
“I’m coming with you.” I say simply. He looks like he wants to say something, but I speak again first. “Don’t try and stop me Sirius, I’m coming.”
He thinks for a second then gives a resigned nod. “Stay close.”
We head back outside and Sirius stops, picking something up.
“I believe this is yours.” He says, handing me my now mud covered phone before we set off deeper into the woods to search for Remus. We walk through the seemingly never ending maze of trees calling out his name, scanning the ground for footprints, the tree trunks for marks, any signs that he may have been here.
For a long time we find nothing.
But we keep going.
My throat stinging from shouting for Remus.
But we keep going.
Then I see it.
“There, look!”
Claw marks slashed into a tree and huge paw prints in the mud, a trail of them that lead off the path, through bushes and overgrown weeds. I feel a pang of fear run through my body as I stare at the deep cuts in the tree. Cuts made by Remus. Last night’s nightmare flashes in my mind, the moment the wolf had me pinned to the floor. A new fear creeps in. What if he hasn’t transformed back. What if we don’t find Remus; we find the wolf.
I shake the fear away as Sirius starts to follow the trail of pawprints. I can feel my legs getting scratched and stung by vines and stingers, but I ignore the pain and keep fighting through the thicket until finally…
“Remus!!” I cry, running over to where he is curled up on the ground. I reach down and touch his face. “He’s freezing!”
Sirius immediately removes his coat and helps Remus sit up. He groans in pain, trying to open his eyes.
“C’mon Moony, I know you’ve had a big night but it’s time to get up now.” Sirius drapes his coat around Remus’ shoulders, shaking him gently.
We each take one of Remus’s arms and help him stand, carefully manoeuvring him out of the weeds he’d been using as a bed. The walk back to the cottage is long and takes all my strength but together we manage it.
I clean some of the worst of Remus’ wounds and help him into some comfy pyjamas while Sirius makes some tea. Remus is totally out of it. He doesn’t speak or even really look at us, he just sits there in a daze. Whatever happened last night has taken every bit of strength he had and left him more exhausted than I’ve ever seen him. I help him into bed and pull the duvet and blankets up so they’re tucked under his chin, then sit on the bed next to him, stroking his hair.
Sirius comes in with two cups of tea, handing one to me before sitting on a chair near the bed and taking a long sip from his own cup. We sit in comfortable silence, the only sounds birdsong outside and Remus’ occasional soft snores.
“Uh,” Sirius breaks the silence. “Are you alright?” he asks cautiously and I nod. “Are you sure? Cause that panic attack you had earlier looked serious.”
“Yeah well, I was worried.” I try to sound casual, but I’m not very convincing.
“That was more than just worry, Y/N. That was true fear.” He says, taking a breath and changing his tone to be gentler. “Y/N… I promised Remus I would look out for you-”
“Just drop it!” I snap, instantly feeling guilty. “Please. I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”
Sirius nods, turning his gaze on Remus.
“He’ll be like this for a while, I should think.” Sirius says, looking back at me with kind eyes. “You should get some rest.”
“I can’t leave him-”
“I’m relieved that Remus found someone who really cares about him, but you need to care for yourself too. Go, get some sleep on the sofa. I’ll be here; I’ll watch him.”
I think about arguing back, but the ache in my body tells me Sirius is right. I give him a small nod and finish the last bit of tea, before getting up and heading into the living room. I sink easily into the comfortable sofa, wrapping a thick blanket around myself and with the knowledge that Remus is safe I fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
I must have been asleep for a few hours because when I wake, I can see it’s starting to get dark outside. I’m still alone in the living room but the lamp in the corner has been switched on, I guess by Sirius, and the fire has been lit giving a warm glow to the room. I keep the blanket wrapped around my shoulders as I get up from the sofa and head to the bedroom. Relief fills me as I see Remus now sat up in bed, drinking a cup of tea with Sirius. They both smile at me as I walk in, though I can see on Remus’ face he’s still quite sleepy.
“I hear you’ve been on quite the adventure today.” He says, raising an eyebrow slightly with a smirk and I feel like I’ve just had a glimpse of Professor Lupin.
“You’re one to talk.” I laugh, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. “Midnight stroll through the woods, was it?”
“Something like that.” His smile turns serious, taking my hand in his. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
“Don’t.” I squeeze his hand and shake my head. “Don’t apologise for something that isn’t your fault.”
“It is… my fault. I didn’t check the chain on the door properly. I made a mistake-”
“Exactly! It was a mistake, Remus, mistakes happen.”
“I made a mistake and it hurt you.”
“Hey, no, Remus. Look at me.” I cradle his face in my hands. “I’m not hurt. I’m okay.”
“Y/N you had a panic attack!” he says, taking my hands off his face. I look from him to Sirius, who looks back at me apologetically.
“I had to tell him. You were in such a bad way when I found you. It- it scared me.”
“I said I didn’t want to talk about it.” I pull my hands away, withdraw into myself. I stare down as I anxiously pick at the skin around my fingernail.
“I’ll give you two some space.” Sirius says sheepishly, before retreating to the living room.
“Please don’t be upset with Sirius, he was just doing what I asked him to.” Remus says gently.
“I’m not upset with Sirius, I’m upset with myself!” I say, and Remus looks at me confused. “I was really scared today, Remus, more scared than I’ve been in a long time- maybe ever. Scared that you were hurt, scared that we wouldn’t find you, scared that you would be-” I gasp, unable to finish that sentence. “And… for the first time since we met… I was scared of… you. I- I mean the wolf you.” The sadness that fills Remus’ eyes breaks my heart, but I know I have to tell him. “I had a dream last night. And I know dreams aren’t real, but it felt soreal and I think it just let it get in my head, with the stress of everything-”
“Y/N.” Remus interrupts my nervous rambling. “What was it? You can tell me.”
“I dreamt I was being hunted by a wolf. It was in my flat and it chased me, and I tried to hide but it found me and it… it attacked me.” I take a deep breath, watching Remus process my words. “I don’t even know if it was you, or just a random wolf. I mean, it wasn’t even real! It was just a stupid dream, and it’s ridiculous to let it make me feel like this-”
“It’s not ridiculous, Y/N, your feelings are valid. In fact, they’re completely normal. I’m a werewolf… that’s a lot to deal with, especially for someone who grew up thinking werewolves were just fairytale villains. You’ve embraced my world so openly, and I love that about you, but you’re also allowed to be frightened by it.” He reaches out to hold my hand, but pauses, searching my face for permission like he doesn’t want to scare me. I nod and place my hand in his. “But just know, that I would never hurt you. I would never put you in a position that could harm you... I made a mistake this time, but I won’t let that happen again.”
“I know.” I say quietly.
“But,” He releases my hand. “It’s unfair of me to ask you to stay. You are also allowed to walk away if this is too much. I wouldn’t blame you and I won’t stop you. Your safety and happiness is my priority, and if that means I have to let you go then so be it.”
“Don’t say that.” My voice barely a whisper, choked with emotion. “I can’t- I could never leave you Remus, I love you… I need you.”
He opens his arms, a silent invitation that I accept. I fall onto the bed beside him, allowing him to wrap himself around me and hold me like he’s scared I’ll disappear. We stay together like this in silence for a while, both processing the difficult conversation we’ve just had. Both trying to figure out how to move forward. Both as scared as each other.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I say quietly, turning my face to look at Remus. “I mean it, I want to build a life with you Remus, grow old with you. I’m here to stay… if you’ll have me.”
“Of course, my love. I want that more than anything.” His eyes glisten with tears he won’t allow to fall.
“My Remus.” I put my hand on his cheek, wiping my thumb under his eye to catch an escaped tear. “You’re not alone anymore, okay, I am here for you and I always will be. And sure, I don’t know how a human and a werewolf work, but we’ll figure it out. Together.”
“Together.”
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Hand in hand, we emerge from the bedroom to find Sirius in the kitchen stirring something in a pot on the stove.
“Are you two alright?” he asks, glancing between us.
Remus and I look at each other, nodding before Remus replies. “Yeah. We’re good.”
Sirius smiles, his shoulders releasing tension as he lets out a sigh.
“You know you two have got to stop making me worry. May I remind you I’m a fugitive on the run from the ministry, I have enough stress as it is.” He jokes but I sense there’s some truth to his words.
I release Remus’ hand and walk over to the kitchen, leaning against the counter near Sirius.
“Hey, uh, thank you for today. For being there, and for helping.” I pause, feeling sheepish. “And I’m sorry I snapped at you. You’re a really good friend Sirius. He’s lucky to have you… so am I.”
Sirius’ hand stills on the wooden spoon he’s holding. He looks at me, a new emotion in his eyes. Something I’ve not seen from him before.
“That means a lot.” He chokes, clearing his throat and shaking his head slightly, attempting to hide his emotion behind a smile. I give his shoulder a squeeze. “Anyway, I’ve made dinner. Thought you’d both be hungry after today’s adventures.”
I set the table as Sirius serves three bowls of stew. We sit together at the dinner table and eat, and talk, and laugh. The stress of the past 24 hours not forgotten, but it doesn’t feel so big anymore. At least for now.
Remus holds my hand under the table, giving it a gentle squeeze. A silent thank you, and a promise that we can get through anything.
Together.
*Thank you so much for reading. If you enjoyed, please leave a comment or reblog, you'll make me as happy as Sirius in the kitchen ;)
This is the end of the story I had planned out but there is potential for more in the future so watch this space... <3
Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader, Sirius Black x reader (platonic)
Word Count: 1.5k
Warnings: a tiny bit of angst from Remus
A/N: this was supposed to be a 2 part story but part two ended up being suuuuuper long so im extending it to a 3 part story... surprise!! Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
Part One
- - - - -
I dread the full moons.
Even though Remus has assured me he’s got plans in place to keep the wolf as controlled as possible and away from the village, I can’t help but worry about him every time. Imagining him out alone in those woods, painfully transforming into the thing that he hates. ‘The monster’ as Remus calls it, though monster is not a word I could ever associate with Remus Lupin. No one who knew him would.
“I want you to meet someone.” Remus says as we walk together through the woods. Remus takes out his wand and gives it a flick, and suddenly his cottage appears before my eyes. The first time he brought me here, he’d explained that he had used something called a ‘muggle repelling charm’ to hide his home and his werewolf bunker away from any villagers who were brave enough to enter the woods. I’d seen him remove this charm for me a few times now, but it still amazes me.
Remus unlocks the front door to his cottage and holds it open for me as I step inside. There sat on the sofa is a black hound.
“How did I not know you have a dog?!” I say excitedly, turning around to look at Remus as he pulls the door closed behind him and locks it.
“Not quite.” He says with a smirk as waves his wand towards the window. I watch amazed as the curtains pull themselves closed. “I wouldn’t suggest petting this one.”
“She can if she wants to. I don’t bite.” A male voice behind me says jokingly and I turn back to see a man sat where the dog was. He stands and approaches me with a smile. “So, this is the girl who tamed the wolf, eh?”
I look between him and Remus in shock.
“Y/N, meet Sirius Black. One of my oldest friends. We’ve known each other since school.” Remus explains.
“Oldest and only friend.” Sirius jokes, hitting Remus on the shoulder before embracing him in a genuine heartfelt hug. “It’s good to see you Moony.”
“You too Pads.” Remus replies, before Sirius turns his attention back to me.
“Y/N!” He says as he pulls me in for a hug too. I peer over his shoulder at Remus, who is smiling proudly at the scene in front of him.
“Nice to meet you Sirius.” I manage to say, despite how enthusiastically he is squeezing me.
The three of us sit and talked for hours, Sirius and Remus reminiscing about their school years as I listen and drink my tea. A part of me wishes I had been a witch so I could have attended this magical school with them. Although after learning of the existence of spiders that are bigger than humans that lived in the forest on the edge of the school grounds, maybe not.
It isn’t long before the tea works its way through my body and I dismiss myself to go to the toilet. As I’m walking back toward the living room, I hear the boys talking in hushed tones.
“Please Sirius, I just need to know that someone is looking out for her.”
“Someone already is Remus, you are!”
“But if something were to happen to me-”
“Like what?”
“Like… I don't know, anything. An accident during a full moon-”
“You're too careful for accidents Remus.”
“Or if the dark lord’s followers come looking for me.”
“We both know I’m more of a target than you.”
There’s a moment of tense silence between them before sound of the floorboard creaking under my foot causes both to turn and look at me. Remus sighs as he notices the worry on my face. “Y/N…”
“What’s going on Remus?” I ask, my heart racing.
“Nothing-”
“Are you in danger?”
“No Y/N…” he approaches me, taking my shoulders in his hands and bending slightly to look in my eyes. “You have nothing to worry about.”
“Then why are you asking Sirius to look after me?!”
“That’s not- I just-” he stumbles before taking a breath and leading me over to sit on the sofa next to Sirius. He sits on the chair opposite me. “Y/N, my condition makes life very complicated for me. Since leaving Hogwarts I have never felt safe anywhere, I have never felt at home anywhere. Until I met you. I just need to know that you are protected, just in case of the unlikely event that anything was to happen.”
“He’s not planning for anything; he’s just taking out insurance… I’m the insurance apparently.” Sirius adds, making me laugh slightly.
“You would tell me if something was going to happen, right?” I say, and Remus nods. “Promise me Remus.”
“I promise. We are safe.” He smiles, reaching over to hold my hand. “But as a precaution, just to put my mind at ease…” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a basic mobile phone which he hands to Sirius.
“What in the name of Merlin is this?” Sirius says, inspecting it with a frown.
“A phone- the muggle version of an owl.” Remus explains, and I have to stifle a laugh at the confused look on Sirius’ face. “It’s a way for Y/N to be able to contact you if she ever needs to.”
I spend some time briefly teaching Sirius how to use the phone, putting my mobile number in and pressing dial. Sirius watches in fascination as my phone’s ringtone starts playing. I then call him back from my phone so that his rings.
“Press the green button.” I say and he does. I hold my phone to my ear and gesture for him to do the same, which he does. “Hello!” I say cheerfully and he laughs.
“Muggle technology!”
After making Sirius promise to keep the phone with him and answer it if it ever rings, Remus hugs his friend goodbye.
“Pleasure to finally meet you Y/N.” Sirius says as he pulls me in for a hug before whispering “look after him.”
“I will.” I whisper back and smile at him as he steps away from me and disappears with a loud crack. “Magic…” I say breathlessly as I look at Remus who smiles back at me.
“Apparition. Not the most pleasant way to travel, but quick and useful.” He says, putting an arm around me as we sit together on the sofa.
“Thank you for introducing me to me to all of this. For letting me into your life.” I say, cuddling into his side. “I loved hearing about your school years.”
“I admit, it was nice to reminisce with Sirius.”
“Do you ever get to see any other school friends? What was it you called them… the marauders?”
“Uh…” he says, and I sense something change in him. “Sirius and I are the only ones left.”
I sit up to look at him, but he stares ahead. I follow his gaze to the photo sat above the fireplace. A young Remus and Sirius smiling with two other boys and a girl.
“We don't have to talk about it about if you don't want to.”
“No, I- I want to.” He looks at me and I see the pain behind his eyes. “They were important to me, and so are you. I want you to know about them.”
He tells me about James Potter, Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew. He explained how Peter had joined the dark lord’s side and betrayed James and Lily, getting them killed. Peter then faked his own death and framed Sirius for the murders. Sirius has only recently escaped from the prison he’d been kept in for years and is now in hiding, which is why he must spend a lot of time in his animagus form; the black hound that was waiting for us in the cottage.
“For twelve years I thought I was alone- I was alone. All my friends were gone, three of them dead and the other imprisoned for killing them. It was only after Sirius escaped that I learnt the truth, what Pettigrew had done. I just hope one day the rest of the wizarding world will know that Sirius is innocent. That he can start to rebuild his life again.”
“Oh, Remus I’m so sorry.” I whisper, taking his hand in mine. “I wish I’d known you then, I hate the thought of you being alone.”
“No, I’m glad you didn’t. I wasn’t someone that I would want you to know. I was so angry and afraid. I pushed away anyone who tried to help, including my own father. I’m ashamed of the person I was then.”
“You were hurting, Remus. What you went through, experiencing that amount of grief- you handled it the only way you knew how to at that time. And do you know what, maybe you could have handled it differently, but you should be so proud of yourself, because you didn’t let stop you from becoming the amazing person that you are now. That’s what really matters.”
For a moment he doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me with watery eyes, before gently squeezing my hand. He doesn’t need to speak; I can see in his eyes that my words are sinking in. He may not fully believe them, but he’s heard them. And for now, that’s enough.
me: ive got to get up stupid early tomorrow so I really need an early night tonight
also me: stays up till 1am because after having no motivation to write anything for almost 9 months I finally managed to write something and I was scared to stop...
Anyway, part two of Monster of Wolf Woods will be out either Sunday or Monday ✌️
edit: a tiny bit delayed but its here (posted at 12am Tuesday because what even is time management)
Summary: waking up in a dungeon full of vampires with no memory and a sudden hunger for blood… never should have accepted that drink from the pale elf in the tavern.
Pairing: Astarion x Reader
Word Count: 4.4k
Warnings: description of the reader's death (sorryyyyyyyy), angst to comfort with a sprinkling of some real fluffy fluff
Author Notes: okay so I took a whole lot of creative licence with the removing of the curse, cause we need some *drama* in here... my fellow dnd nerds, dont come at me... 'Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
Part Three | Masterlist
– – – – – –
I wasn’t prepared for how emotional we would be to see the sky again.
Astarion keeps a protective arm around me as we step out of the palace with Tav, Hapdim and Sebastian following behind. I take a deep breath of fresh air and look up at the stars twinkling in the dark sky. The moon is large, bright and breathtakingly beautiful.
Behind us I hear sniffling, and I look over my shoulder to see Sebastian wiping tears from under his eyes as Hapdim comforts him, though her eyes are also watering. I give him a smile, and he returns one to me.
“We’re free.” Sebastian says tearfully, coming to stand next to us. “Thank you Astarion.”
“Don’t. I deserve no kindness from you. You should hate me for what I did to you.” He hangs his head.
“Believe me, I spent all 170 years that I was trapped down there hating you. It’s how I passed the time, dreaming of all the ways I could hurt you if I ever saw you again. And then you turned up. And I realised you were just another plaything of Cazador. Like us, just with a different type of cage.” Sebastian places his hand on Astarion. “Cazador is dead. I think its time for hate to die too.”
Sebastian hugs Astarion. For a moment Astarion resists, like he thinks this is a trap, but eventually he accepts it and hugs him back. When they pull away Astarion has tears in his eyes, which he quickly wipes away.
“I truly am sorry.” Astarion whispers and Sebastian nods.
“Sorry to break this up…” Tav steps forward “…but the sun will be rising soon.”
“Right.” Astarion snaps out of it. “Tav, could you escort Sebastian and Hapdim? If you move quick, you should be able to catch up with the others before they reach the Underdark.”
“We’re not going with them?” I ask.
“I need to get you to Gale and Shadowheart so they can hopefully restore your memories. We have a camp set up in a room at Elfsong Tavern. You’ll have to stay indoors there but once the sun sets, I can take you to the Underdark with the everyone else.”
We say our goodbyes and split up, Astarion and I going one way while the others go another. The sun is just starting to rise by the time we reach the doors to the tavern and Astarion rushes me inside.
The inside of the tavern is a dimly lit room with dark wooden walls and floors. There’s a smell of stale beer and whatever is being cooked in the kitchen. I’m guessing sausages and bacon since its almost breakfast time. As Astarion leads me past through the ground floor towards the wooden stairs I look over at the bar and I stop for a moment.
“This is where you found me, isn’t it?” I ask and Astarion follows my gaze to the two stools.
“It is… you remember?”
“I have brief flashes. Not much.”
Astarion nods, a flash of guilt on his face, before he continues leading me upstairs and soon we reach the room him and his group have hired.
It’s probably the largest room in the tavern. On three sides of the room are sections with beds in. The centre of the room is a smaller section with chairs and sofas positions around a large fireplace.
Astarion announces our arrival as he leads me over to the far side of the room. Shadowheart is stood waiting with a man with shoulder length dark hair, dressed in a purple robe. He’s studying a book which he looks up from and smiles as he sees me.
“Ah, you must be Y/N! Our new friend with an unfortunate case of curse inflicted amnesia. Shadowheart has filled me in, but don’t worry, we’ll get you back to normal in no time. Shall we get started?”
Astarion looks at me and I nod. Gale gestures for me to lay down on a nearby bed and he and Shadowheart stand on either side of me. Astarion stands back, giving them space.
“You’re going to alright Y/N.” Shadowheart says gently, a reassuring smile on her face.
“This will probably feel strange, maybe even slightly overwhelming. But it wont hurt.” Gale explains, holding the book in one hand as he places the other on my head. Shadowheart gently places one of her hands on my chest above my heart.
Just like the first time Shadowheart touched me, I again feel a calming warmth come from her hand and radiate through me. The same with Gale. I allow my eyes to close as for a moment all I feel is peace. Gale begins reading the spell from his book and suddenly my head is flooded with memories. All at once, my life plays out in my mind like a movie.
I see my parents faces. All the things we did together. A happy family. I see the day that I came home to find our cottage on fire. Our neighbours holding me back as I tried to run inside. I see my parents’ coffins being lowered into the ground as a stranger leads me away to the orphanage. I see the other kids who bullied me for years, made my life hell, and the night as a teenager I decided to run away and live on the streets. I see all the nights I had to fight just to survive.
It’s feels too much. Panic starts to creep in as I feel like I can’t breathe. Gale was right, it is overwhelming. I want it to stop, but I know that it can’t. I need to know who I am.
Suddenly I feel a cold hand against mine. Astarion. The coolness of his skin grounds me, his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand calms me.
I see the night that I ended up in the Elfsong Tavern, moving unnoticed through the crowd as I pickpocketed anything I could. I remember realising the pale elf sat at the bar was summoning me over to join him. I remember the feeling that shot through me when he looked into my eyes, like something in us connected.
“Let me buy you a drink.”
“I don’t take drinks from strangers.” I tried to push down the feeling and walk past but he gently caught my arm.
“Pity. I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to tell the guards that we have a thief among us.” He pouts, eyeing my coat pocket where I’d stashed the things I’d taken.
“You been watching me?”
“Hard not to. You’re very watchable. So, about that drink…”
I take a seat on the stool next to him as he orders two drinks.
“My name’s Astarion, by the way. And yours is?”
“Y/N.”
“Well then Y/N.” he says as the drinks arrive. He hands one to me and leans in close. “Let’s drink to you darling.”
The longer we talked and the more we drank, the more I let my guard down. I don’t know if it was because he was charming, or because I wasn’t used to anyone noticing me, but I found myself genuinely enjoying this stranger’s company.
“I’m so glad you blackmailed me into having a drink with you, I’m actually really enjoying talking to you.” I laugh as I take another drink.
“Blackmail? Oh because of the whole you being a thief thing? I was never actually going to tell on you darling.” He says with a wickedly cheeky grin “I just told you a naughty little lie in the hopes you would stay. I knew when I saw you that I had to talk to you.”
“I can’t believe you would be so devious!” I giggle, as I bring my hand to my chest in a mock display of shock.
“You have no idea how devious I can be, darling.”
Somehow during this flirty exchange we’ve ended up with our faces only a few centimetres away from each other. There’s an unmistakable tension forming between us and neither one of us wants to break it.
So when he tells me he lives in a palace and invites me back, I barely hesitate before saying yes. After being poor my whole life, a part of me was just intrigued to see how the rich people of Baldur’s Gate lived. But a big part of me was really starting to like this handsome stranger.
When we reached the palace there was a noticeable shift in his demeanour. He led me through the grand building to his room. I remember thinking it was a bit strange how quickly he rushed me through the halls, like he didn’t want anyone to see us. But with how much I’d been drinking the thought didn’t stay with me for long. And to be honest I was looking forward to sleeping in a real bed for the first night in a long time.
I could feel the change in his personality once we got to his room. The cool, charming guy act was slipping slightly revealing an insecurity underneath.
“Are you okay?” I ask him as I sit on the end of his bed, watching as he lights some candles around the room.
“Or course darling! Why wouldn’t I be?” he puts on an over-the-top display as he saunters towards me, unbuttoning his shirt slowly. “I have the prettiest girl in all of Baldur’s Gate in my bed right now. I couldn’t be happier.”
He places a soft hand on my cheek and presses his lips onto mine. It’s romantic. But I feel something is missing. I push my doubts aside as he gently pushes me back onto his mattress and climbs on top of me. He looks down at me, a smile on his face that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“You really are beautiful, you know.” He says sincerely as he leans down to kiss me again.
“So are you.” I reply, catching him off guard for a second before he doubles down and kisses me even harder. His hands start to roam, exploring my body. But something inside me senses that something is wrong. He doesn’t want to do this. I don’t know how, but I can tell, he’s only doing this because he thinks I want him to.
I place my hands on his, but he fights to keep them moving. “Stop, please... Astarion… stop!”
“What?!” he snaps, a hint of fear on his face as he sits up again.
“What am I doing here?” I ask and he looks confused.
“Well, I think that’s rather obvious isn’t it.” he scoffs, looking down at the fact he’s still sat on top of me. “But if you still don’t know then I must be doing something wrong.”
“No, I mean, why did you bring me back here?” I ask again, and he looks at me blankly.
“Because I want to do what it is that I am trying to do with you.”
“You’re lying.”
“Wh- what?” he stutters.
“You’re lying to me. You don’t want to sleep with me.”
“I do, really, I do. That’s the problem. I care about you.”
“Listen, if you don’t want to do this, that’s perfectly okay Astarion.” I remove myself from underneath him and sit facing him on the bed. “We don’t have to do anything. In fact, I’d rather not if it’s going to make you uncomfortable. I really like you and I’m willing to wait until you’re ready.” Astarion looks at me like he’s about to burst into tears. “Come here.”
I pull him in for a hug and feel as he slowly melts into me, allowing himself to be fully embraced. We stay like this for a while until I feel him pull away. He wipes his face, removing any evidence that he had been crying.
“Are you alright? Tell me the truth this time.”
“I- I just-” he begins, quietly. “You’re not the first person I’ve brought back here. In fact, there’s been quite a few.” He looks ashamed. “But of all of them, you are the only one who’s ever cared about how I feel. People come here, and they use me for what they want, with no regard to whether it’s what I want. And I’ve just accepted that because it’s what I do. It’s my duty. To perform. To please. To provide…” he pauses, realisation washing over him. “I made a terrible mistake bringing you here.”
“It’s okay.”
“No! No, no, you don’t understand. I should have left you at the tavern. You would have been safe-”
The sound of footsteps in the corridor outside alerts us that someone is coming. Astarion face is pure panic.
“You need to leave. I need to get you out.”
We get up off the bed and I start to move towards the door, but he pulls me away.
“Not that way, he’s coming that way.”
“Who? Astarion you’re scaring me! What’s going on?!” I ask, starting to worry myself now as Astarion moves a curtain revealing a second door.
“No time- just go out that way. Run, as fast as you can, as far away as you can from this place. Please.” He opens the door and pushes me through it. “I’m sorry.”
He slams the door closed, leaving me in a dark stone corridor. I take a moment to breath before his words come back to me. ‘Run.’
So, I do. I run through down the corridor as fast as I can until I reach another door at the other end. I reach for the doorknob but before my shaky hand can grip it, I hear a voice telling me to stop. My body reacts without my permission.
“Turn around. Look at me.”
I do as he says and there he is. At the door to Astarion’s room is a tall, pale man with dark hair and red eyes.
“Come here.”
Even though every fibre of me wants to turn and run the other way, my feet carry me towards the man. His eyes burning into me. I stop in front of him, and he looks down at me.
“Leaving so soon?” he shakes his head and tuts. “But we were just getting to the main course.” He steps aside so the doorway is clear. “In you go.”
I walk back into the room and see Astarion stood near the bed. His face is pure fear as he watches me with tearful eyes.
“Be still.” Cazador says and my body freezes.
“Please, Cazador, I have never failed you before. I will never fail you again, just, spare her. Please-” Astarion begging is cut short when Cazador raises a finger to his lips.
“Don’t tell me you’ve developed feelings for this one?” Cazador laughs. “I thought I taught you better than that. And while I did find the escape attempt, rather amusing…” his voice turns dark “…you will suffer for that.”
“Please-”
“ENOUGH!” Cazador’s voice booms and if I weren’t frozen to the spot, I would have turned and ran again. “You are pathetic, Astarion. A complete and utter disappointment. I should end you here and now… But that would be too easy. No, instead I’m going to make you watch as I drain her life.”
“Cazador, please!”
“Sit!” He commands, and Astarion instantly goes and sits on the armchair near his bed. “You do not remove your eyes from hers until I say so, do you understand.” Astarion nods.
Cazador walks around to stand face to face with me.
“What’s so special about you? Hm? What is it about you, that has broken my favoured spawn?” He asks, I say nothing. “You’re a quiet one… for now. I’ll find a way to make you sing.” He tilts his head, studying me, before turning me to face Astarion. “Do you like him? Do you have feelings for him? Answer me!”
“Y-Yes.” I stutter ad Cazador circles round behind me.
“How sweet. And do you know what he is?” he asks, I shake my head. “You didn’t tell her? Oh Astarion, how could you deceive this poor girl?” Cazador leans over my shoulder and brings his lips close to my ear. “He brought you here for me you know. So that I could drink your blood… we’re vampires!” he says proudly, moving to stand in front of me again. “I know, shocking isn’t it. But shhh, it’s a secret. Not that you’ll be alive for long enough to tell anyone. You see, I am going to kill you now.”
Cazador’s red eyes stare into mine as he closes in. His cold hand slides down my face and grips my chin harshly, as he tilts my head up and to the side. He brushes my hair away from my neck, moving both hands to grip my shoulders. I feel his tongue lick a stripe up my neck for a second before his teeth sink into my flesh. I hear Astarion cry out, begging Cazador to stop but his voice fades away as I start to drift. Once Cazador has finished drinking from me, he drops my almost dead body to the floor and forces my head to the side so that I am looking at Astarion.
“One last thing before you leave us, I’m going to make you forget lover boy over there.” He turns his attention back to Astarion. “Because of you, she’s going to die thinking nobody in the world cares about her. Do you understand now what happens when you betray me?” Astarion nods, tears streaming down his face. Cazador crouches down next to me, placing a cold hand on my head and speaking the words of a spell over me. I feel a haze come over me as my memories start to disappear. Cazador removes his hand and leans in closer.
“I’m not done with you. I’ll see you again soon.” He whispers loud enough for only me to hear, before getting up and walking to the door. “You will stay in that chair looking at her until I send someone to collect you. And then your next punishment will begin.” And then he leaves.
I lay on the ground, blood pouring from my neck, gasping as I try to breath. A strange pale elf sat in a chair staring at me. I wonder who he is, and why he isn’t helping me. I wonder why there isn’t anyone here to help me. I am alone. I am unloved.
These are the final thoughts in my mind as I finally give in and allow death to take me.
I gasp, opening my eyes and sitting up on the bed as Gale and Shadowheart back off slightly.
“I remember… I remember everything…” I whisper, finally looking up and meeting Astarion’s eye. I almost throw myself at him, pulling him as close as physically possible into a tight hug. And he allows it.
“We’ll leave you two alone.” I hear Gale say, followed by the sound of his and Shadowheart’s retreating footsteps.
“How do you feel?” Astarion asks as we pull away from our embrace and he takes hold of my hand.
“Mixed emotions, it’s complicated. I remember who I am, which is great. But that also means I remember what I’ve lost.” I think about my parents. “I remember that I really am alone in this world.”
“You’re not alone anymore.” Astarion squeezes my hand. “You never have to be alone ever again; I will always be here for you.”
“Thank you, Astarion. I remember what you did, trying to save me. And I’m sorry for what I said to you in the dungeon. I was never your victim, I know that now. Cazador was an abusive bully, and you stood up to him. That was a really brave thing to do.”
“I should have killed him years ago. All those people that I seduced, brought to their deaths for him… I can’t believe he turned them all, had them locked away all that time. At least they’re free now. We all are. Cazador can’t hurt anyone anymore.”
The sound of a group entering the doors to the room draws our attention. The first person to come in is the red Tiefling who has a huge grin on her face when she sees Astarion and I holding hands.
“Gale said we had a new guest.” She says as she approaches us. “Hello soldier! I’m Karlach.”
“Y/N.” I say with a smile, holding my hand out to shake hers but she pulls me up into a hug.
“Karlach!” Astarion protests.
“Sorry, I’m a hugger.” She says as she releases me. “I heard about what you been through with Cazador. I’m glad that bastard is dead. Anyway, you ever need anything you just let me know.”
“Thank you Karlach. It’s lovely to meet you.”
“She’s nice. I like her.” Karlach says and she nudges Astarion with her elbow.
The rest of the group come in and introduce themselves. They spend the day sat indoors with me, telling me tales of how they met and all the things they’ve been up to since. They tell me all about the tadpoles, the mindflayers and the elder brain. It creeps me out a little, the idea that at any moment any of them could transform but Tav explains that there’s this guardian emperor who’s been protecting them. I find it all fascinating.
Before we know it, the day is almost over, and the sun is starting to set. I feel a sadness creep in at the thought of saying goodbye to this group. And even though I know that when the elder brain is destroyed, Astarion will be joining me in the Underdark, the thought of being away from him hurts. But I push it down and soon Astarion and I set out into the night.
As we step out of the tavern, the light of the moon makes Astarion’s silver hair glisten. He turns to me.
“There’s something I’d like to show you, if that’s alright.” He seems nervous. I take his hand.
“Lead the way.”
We walk hand and hand through the city for a while until we reach the city graveyard. He leads me through the grounds until we reach an old gravestone that has clearly been left alone for years. Astarion crouches down in front of it, clearing the vines and dirt.
“Nearly two hundred years and I never came back.” He stands, wiping the dirt of his hands. “Not since the night I woke up down there. I had to punch a hole in the coffin and claw my way through six feet of dirt. Then when I finally broke the surface retching up dirt and congealed blood, Cazador was waiting. From that day on I was his. There’s almost nothing left of the person I was. Just a name on a rock. For nearly two centuries I stalked the streets like a ghost while the person I was lay here, dead and buried. Now I need to figure out who I am. What I want.”
“And what do you want?”
“You… I want you. I feel safe with you. Seen. And whatever the future holds for me, I don’t want to lose that.”
“You won’t. Whatever comes next…” I take both his hands in mine. “I’ve got you.”
“Thank you.” he says, and we kiss. It’s tender. Truthful.
“Well, I should probably fix this.” He takes out a dagger and kneels in front of his gravestone. He spends some time carving something and when he moves back, I see that he has written the current date on the stone.
I pick a flower from a nearby bush and kneel down next to Astarion, placing the flower on his grave. He says nothing but gives me a small smile. We sit in silence for a few minutes, before Astarion speaks again.
“I’ve been dead in the ground for long enough. It’s time to try living again.” He holds my hand. “With everything life has to offer.”
“Meaning…?” I smile.
He places his other hand on my cheek and once again kisses me, this time more passionate. This time, I can tell he wants this. He gently guides me till I’m lying on my back and crawls on top of me, smiling down at me.
“Are you okay with this?” he asks, and I nod.
“Are you?” I respond.
“Definitely.”
I pull his face closer to mine and we pick up where we left off the night that I died, only this time I know it’s real. There’s no deception, no ulterior motive. Just love.
After, we lay on the grass wrapped in each other’s arms and watch the stars. Here in this moment, it’s easy to forget everything else. What we’ve both been though, what comes next with the elder brain. None of it matters when we’re together.
But I know this moment will soon come to an end.
“I don’t want to go to the Underdark.” I say suddenly, sitting up and looking at him. “I know you said the city isn’t safe but want to stay with you, and your friends. For the first time since my parents died, I feel like I belong somewhere. Like I have a family again.”
“But you can’t walk in the sun. And once I get this tadpole out, I won’t be able to either.”
“Then I’ll stay in the tavern. And when the time comes, we’ll go to the Underdark together. Let me stay with you.”
“Sebastion and Hapdim are waiting for you, wont they worry when you don’t turn up.”
“I’ll write them a letter.” I pause as Astarion thinks. “Please.”
Astarion hesitates.
“Okay. But if you change your mind, if being stuck indoors at Elfsong becomes too much, I’m taking you to Sebastian.”
“Deal. Thank you!” I kiss him again and I can feel him smiling
“Karlach is going to be so excited you know. She spent all day trying to convince me to let you stay.” Astarion reveals and I laugh, laying back down with my head on his chest.
We stay together like this in the quiet of the night, until the sun starts to rise before heading back to the tavern.
I know this set up is only temporary. But for now, its perfect. Just me, the pale elf and our chosen family.
ahhhh i hate writings endings!! i really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. please like/comment/reblog :)
Summary: waking up in a dungeon full of vampires with no memory and a sudden hunger for blood… never should have accepted that drink from the pale elf in the tavern.
Pairing: Astarion x Reader, platonic Sebastian x reader
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: the angstiest part yet, reader is starving herself, mentions of torture and blood and death… Cazador is a walking trigger warning lets be honest.
Author Notes: Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
Part Two | Masterlist
-- -- -- -- -- --
“Who is he?” a person stood next to Astarion asks, nodding toward Sebastian.
“It’s not just him – I know so many of these faces.” He stares at me for a moment longer then forces his eyes away. “They’re my conquests. I pursued them, seduced them, then brought them here to Cazador. He told us he was feeding on them.” He sounds genuinely ashamed of his actions. “But he turned them to spawn. He turned every last one so he’d have souls for this cursed ritual!”
“How long?” Sebastion asks quietly. “How long have I been down here?”
“One hundred and seventy years. You were one of my first.”
“My family – my friends – they’re gone…” Sebastians tears turn to anger. “You took them from me. You took everything from me!”
“We’ll set you free.” The stranger says.
“Free? We’ll never be free while that monster lives.”
“That’s why we’re here. To destroy Cazador.”
“Whatever you do just do it quickly. I can’t go on waiting…” Sebastion starts to cry again.
“We’ll be back.” Astarion says and looks at me again. “You have my word.”
It’s only as Astarion leaves that I realise he is followed by not just the one stranger, but a small group of them. A couple of humans, a druid, a half elf, a githyanki and a red flaming Tiefling. They go in the same direction that Cazador has gone however long ago it was he was here tormenting us.
The crowd disperses once more, and I approach Sebastian.
“I knew I’d been here a long time. I didn’t think it was that long.” He almost whispers. “I always hoped that maybe, by some miracle, one day I would get out of here. That I could see my family again. But it’s too late. There’s no one out there for me now…”
“I’m so sorry Sebastian.” I place a hand on his shoulder.
“Maybe it’s for the best. They wouldn’t have been safe around me. Not like this. I’m better off alone.”
“You’re not alone Seb. We’re your family now.” Hapdim says, and I nod.
A small sad smile appears on Sebastian’s face.
I feel faint. I bring my hands to my head in an attempt to somehow stop the dungeon from spinning around me.
“Woah, are you alright?” Sebastian grips my arm as I sway towards him. “I got you. Lean on me.”
“I don’t feel well.” My words slurring together as Sebastian guides me to a quieter place. He sits me down, then sits next to me. I instantly lean against him, resting my head on his shoulder.
“You haven't eaten since you got here. Your body is struggling.” Hapdim says, crouching down in front of me.
“Am I dying? I feel like I’m dying.”
“If Cazador was going to let you die he’d do it when he was here to see it. You’re going nowhere.” Sebastian has his arm around me, and I feel my eyes growing heavy.
“She needs blood.” Hapdim says.
“There won’t be any more rats until tomorrow and we don’t know when Astarion will be back to release us. If he even does come back.” He replies. “What can we do?”
“We make her as comfortable as possible, and we wait.”
My consciousness drifts in and out for a while. I have no way of telling how long, all I know is Sebastian and Hapdim remain. I can hear their voices beside me. It reminds me of when I first woke up here. Listening to them speak, without knowing who they were. That feels like so long ago now. How long have I been here?
I find myself back in my daydream, the one where I’m an artist. I leave my fairytale cottage and walk through the woods to the edge of a cliff that overlooks the sea, where I set up my easel and begin painting the view. A dragon flies overhead and out across the water, following a boat that sails into the distance. It’s a stunning sight and I paint as fast as I can to try to capture it.
“Darling?” a familiar voice calls out behind me.
“Let me just finish this.” I respond, still painting.
“You need to wake up now.”
“I’m almost done.”
“Open your eyes.”
“They’re already open…” I say confused, as I turn to see Astarion behind me.
“Come back to me.”
He puts his hand on my cheek and my eyes shoot open.
The beautiful daydream is long gone and I’m back in the dungeon.
I lift my heavy head from Sebastian’s shoulder. Hapdim is stood nervously next to a two people I recognise as part of the group who were at the gate with Astarion. Behind them the other prisoners are being ushered out of the dungeon through the open gate by the rest of the unknown group.
Astarion is crouching in front of me.
“Hello darling. I think it’s time we get out of here, don’t you?”
I realise Astarion still has his hand on my cheek, and I flinch away from him. He retracts his hand, I notice it’s stained with blood. Sensing my fear, he holds his hands up in surrender.
“It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe with me.”
“Safe with you? It’s because of you that I’m here! What Cazador did to me, to Sebastian, to so many others… it all started with YOU!” I snap, pushing him away as angry tears filling my eyes. He falls back from his crouched position onto his heels.
“You don’t remember?” He looks at me with hurt. “It didn’t work. I thought killing him would work, but you’re still scared of me.”
“What are you talking about? What didn’t work?”
“Cazador put a memory charm on you. I thought that him being dead would mean the charmed would be removed but alas, no. Even beyond the grave he’s still tormenting us.”
“Why would he do that?”
“He was punishing me for trying to help you escape. He realised, when I was begging him to spare you, that I-” he pauses, looking into my eyes “…have feelings for you."
Something in my heart reacts to his confession, for a moment the fear is replaced with some tenderness.
"He made you forget and then forced me to watch as he murdered you, so that I’d know you died thinking I didn’t care about you. I had no idea he was actually going to turn you and lock you away down here.”
“Is there any way to bring her memories back? Because currently she doesn’t even know who she is.” Hapdim says and Astarion looks at me with worry.
“Please, Astarion, if you know anything about who I am, please tell me?” I ask him with hope.
“Only your name… Y/N.”
The name stirs something in me. Recognition.
“Y/N. My name is Y/N!” a wave of emotion hits me as I finally have some part of my identity back. “I’m Y/N.”
Astarion gestures for the unknown woman to come closer. She kneels in front of me with a comforting smile.
“Hello Y/N, I’m Shadowheart. I’m just going to check you over.” she says, as Astarion gets up to give her space. He stands behind her, watching nervously as she places her hand gently on my head. I feel a calming warmth radiate from her. “It’s strange, that memory charm is only supposed to remove one event from a person’s mind but seems something went wrong. It removed her whole life.”
“Can you remove the curse?” Astarion asks Shadowheart as she stands.
“Technically yes, but it’s tricky. I’ll need Gale’s help.”
“You go on ahead and get things prepared. We’ll meet you at camp.”
Shadowheart nods and flashes me a quick smile before running out after the group that have now exited the dungeon. I rest my head back on Sebastian’s shoulder, feeling another wave of exhaustion come over me.
“Darling?” Astarion calls gently and I open my eyes. “You really need to feed.”
“No-”
“We need to leave the palace while it’s still dark, but you won’t make it anywhere in this state.”
“I don’t want to drink blood.”
“You can’t keep living like this.” Sebastian joins in.
“I won’t do it!”
“But why?” Astarion fails to hide the frustration in his voice.
“Because this is the only thing I have control over. It’s the only choice I get to make. I didn’t get a choice when you picked me as your victim!” I cry, Astarion flinches. “I didn’t get a choice when Cazador took my memories and turned me into this… I didn’t get a choice when he forced me to stay still while I had things carved into my skin. But now I get to choose. I refuse to be the monster that he made me… I refuse!”
“Listen to me.” Astarion says gently, crouching in front of me and taking my hands “You have another choice. Choose to take your life back from Cazador. He took your life from you and staying in this state, you’re letting him keep it. Choose to live. Become Y/N again.”
“But Y/N isn’t a murderer.” I argue.
“You don’t have to kill anyone. Tav here has been letting me feed on them for weeks and they are very much still alive.” Astarion says, gesturing to the person stood next to Hapdim. Tav gives a small, slightly awkward wave.
“But I thought we were forbidden from feeding on thinking creatures?” Hapdim says. “Isn’t that one of Cazador’s rules?”
“Ah, yes. That. Well, Cazador is gone now, and so are his rules.” Astarion takes a breath. “Please Y/N.”
I think about it for a moment, taking a deep steadying breath. Astarion has a point. If I keep on like this, it’s like I’m letting Cazador win. Letting him control me even after he’s gone.
“Okay.” I nod, relief washing over Astarion.
“Thank you darling.” He breathes a sigh and looks over his shoulder. “Tav… as the only non-vampire here… I don’t suppose…?”
“Of course.” Tav rolls their eyes jokingly. “Happy to help. How d’you wanna do this?”
Tav and Astarion both look to me expectantly and my heart races.
“I- I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“For a first time, the wrist is probably easier.” Astarion says casually, as if it’s totally normal to be talking about me biting someone and drinking their blood. “Is that alright with you Tav?”
Tav nods, coming to sit on the floor next to me.
“Uh, it’s probably best for you two to leave at this point.” Astarion says to Sebastian and Hapdim. “The bloodlust will be hard for you to control, especially after being trapped down here for all those years. Tav doesn’t want 3 hungry vampires hanging off them. You can wait upstairs.”
Sebastian looks to me for confirmation that I’m okay. I nod. He gives my hand a quick squeeze before getting up and leaving with Hapdim. Without Sebastian to lean against I feel my body start to drift. Astarion quickly takes his place, using his body to stop me falling.
The three of us sit for a moment, leaning against the wall behind us. Eventually Astarion asks if I’m ready and I reluctantly agree. Tav shifts slightly and hold their arm out for me. I reach out to take it, my hand shaking. As our skin touches, I notice how warm they are. A stark contrast to Sebastian and Astarion’s cool skin. I can feel their pulse. I can smell their blood. It makes me start to salivate. I lift their arm closer to my face, my anxiety increases with every second. Am I really going to do this?
Astarion place his hand underneath mine, helping me hold Tav’s arm steady in my shaky grip. “Choose to live.” He whispers as together we raise Tav’s arm to my lips.
With one final deep breath I open my mouth and sink my teeth in. If Tav feels any pain, they do a good job of hiding it. The warm liquid fills my mouth and for the briefest of moments I am repulsed. But then the taste hits my tongue and suddenly I’m taken over. No matter how much I drink, I can’t get enough. Its euphoric. I feel my senses come alive. My body filling with strength with every gulp. It’s almost pleasurable? Tav groans beside me. Are they enjoying this as much as I am? I can hear Astarion’s voice, but I don’t hear the words. I feel him starting to pull Tav’s arm away, and I fight to keep it in place. I don’t want this to end. But he’s more powerful than I am and he manages to pull us apart. In one swift move he pushes Tav away and gets himself up onto his knees in front of me. Both arms pin me to the wall as I fight to get him off. I feel frenzied. I want more blood.
“Tav, back away. Now!” he shouts and Tav obeys, getting to their feet and putting a distance between us. “Y/N, you’re okay. This feeling will pass. Just breathe with me.”
“I need MORE!” I shout, my voice sounded like I’ve never heard it before. It scares me.
“That’s the bloodlust talking, not Y/N. I need Y/N to come back now.”
He stays with me like this for a while, and as the bloodlust subsides something else hits me. A whole mixture of complicated emotions. Guilt over what I’ve just done. Disgust at how much I enjoyed it. Grief for the life I don’t even remember but can never go back to.
I start to sob.
Astarion loosens his grip on my shoulders and pulls me into him for a hug. I resist at first but I soon melt into him. My face pressed against his chest, I soak his shirt with my tears. And he lets me. He doesn’t pull away. He doesn’t try to talk to me. He just holds me until the tears stop and my breathing calms.
Summary: waking up in a dungeon full of vampires with no memory and a sudden hunger for blood… never should have accepted that drink from the pale elf in the tavern.
Pairing: Astarion x Reader, platonic Sebastian x reader
Word Count: 1.2k
Warnings: even more angst, reader is starving herself, blood, torture, death… Cazador is a walking trigger warning lets be honest.
Author Notes: Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
Part One | Series Masterlist
-- -- -- -- -- --
It’s amazing how time loses all meaning when you’re trapped in a windowless dungeon. I try to keep track of the days by how often the rats run by, but after a while I lose count.
My stomach aches with hunger, but no matter how bad it gets I just can’t bring myself to drink from a rat. Even Hapdim has given up trying to convince me. I think a part of me worries that if I give in and drink blood, then I really am what Cazador has made me. By not drinking, I have some sort of control left. Or at least that’s what I’ve tricked myself into believing.
I feel so weak.
I was hoping my memories would have returned by now, but I’m still no closer to finding out who I am. I wonder if my family or friends miss me, if I have any. A small hope lingers inside that if I do have people out there, they’ll be looking for me and someone will find us.
I spend most of my time sat in the darkness, waiting. Not just to be saved, but for literally anything to happen. Even if it was Cazador coming to drag me away for one of his twisted punishments that the others have told me so much about. At least then I’d have a chance to end this.
Sebastian checks on me a lot. Anytime he catches a rat, he offers some to me. But he never pushes when I refuse. He just sits near me and feeds himself. He tells me tales about his life before Astarion. I live through his memories.
Eventually I get my wish. Something happens.
The sound of doors opening somewhere gets everyone’s attention. Others rush to the still locked gates of our cell, but I remain sat down. I’m so empty that my body wouldn’t let me get up even if I wanted to.
The buzz of excitement dies in an instant and everyone backs away from the gate. Through the gap in the crowd, I see Cazador at the gate. He looks directly at me and again something stirs in me. I feel terrified and simultaneously drawn to him somehow.
“Ah, our new arrival. I almost forgot.” He smiles and sharp toothed grin. “Bring her to me.”
Some of the other prisoners immediately move and grab hold of me, dragging me and dropping me at the gate. He produces a small ornate dagger from his pocket and passes it through the bars to Wensleydale, who is standing closest.
“Mark her for me.” Cazador commands and Wensleydale’s red eyes flash brightly. He pushes me back and kneels next to me as he pulls my shirt up to reveal my stomach. The moment the blade makes contact with my skin, pain courses through my body. I scream, I arch my back, I kick my legs, I try to fight.
“Be still!” Cazador’s voice booms and my body reacts. Though I want to fight, I cannot. My body is frozen. A memory flashes in my head. This isn’t the first time he’s forced me not to move.
Cazador tuts. “I said be still. I did not say be silent. I want the whole palace to hear you sing.”
Suddenly my mouth can open and my screaming resumes. It keeps on until Wensleydale finally stands up and hands Cazador back his knife. I lay there panting.
Cazador crouches down, peering through the bars. He takes a moment to inspect whatever has been done to me before making eye contact with me.
“Good girl.” He almost purrs before standing and walking away. I hear the sound of a door bang shut and instantly Wensleydale is at my side.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I couldn’t stop- he made me- I’m so sorry-” he sobs and tries to touch me, but Sebastians pulls him away.
“Leave her alone, give her space.” He says, putting an arm around me as he helps me up and leads me back to my spot in the dark.
I wince as he helps me sit, pain shooting through the skin of my stomach. I try to lift my shirt, but Sebastian places his hand on mine to stop me.
“It’s better if you don’t look. Trust me.”
“What did he do to me?”
“He carved a rune. All of us have one but we don’t know why or what it means. It will heal, but it will leave a scar. There is a small mercy in it not being on your face.”
I look at him and then look around the dungeon. Hapdim is trying to comfort a still sobbing Wensleydale. Some are looking at me with concern, while others are trying to peer through the bars to see where Cazador went.
“I don’t understand.” I say quietly. “We’re all vampires. And I have blood all over me. Why is no one trying to bite me right now?”
“We are forbidden to drink from a thinking creature. One of Cazador’s rules that we have no choice but to follow. Another one being we cannot disobey an order.” He glances at Wensleydale. “He had no choice.”
“I know, it’s not his fault. Cazador’s power is terrifying.” I sigh. “That is the second time he has had complete control over my body.”
“The second? You remembered something?”
“When he commanded me to be still, I had a flashback from the night he took my life. He ordered me not to move then too, right before he bit me.”
“Astarion wasn’t holding you?” he seems genuinely surprised. “Then where was he?”
“I- I don’t know… asleep maybe? Why does it matter?”
“Because no one else in here has a story like that. We all have basically the same one. Vampire seduces us. Vampire takes us to bed. Vampire holds us down while even more evil vampire drains our blood.”
“Well, I was almost out the door by the time Cazador got there. I was reaching for the door handle, and he stopped me.”
“You were escaping?”
“Yeah, I think I was.”
“That’s never happened before.” Sebastian looks at me in amazement. “Gods, I wish you had your memories! If we can figure out how you almost got away, we might have a chance of finally escaping this dungeon.”
-- -- -- -- -- --
Since I can’t remember anything about my life before waking up here, I’ve decided to imagine myself a new one. I spend most of my time sat in the dark, head leant back against the wall, eyes closed. Creating images in my head of what my life could have been. Maybe I was an artist, who painted beautiful landscapes and portraits of the nobles. Or maybe I was a noble myself, walking around all day in gorgeous hand-crafted dresses, being waited on by staff. I could have been a pirate. Sailing the seas, causing trouble with my band of misfits.
I’m deep in a daydream when Hapdim shakes me back to reality.
“There’s someone here.”
I get up and head toward the crowd just in time to see Sebastian throw himself at the gate, reaching angrily through the bars. He slides to the floor. He looks broken. I look from him to the pale elf standing on the other side of the gate. His silver hair shining. His red eyes full of remorse, look up and find me. I feel my breath catch in my throat.
Summary: waking up in a dungeon full of vampires with no memory and a sudden hunger for blood… never should have accepted that drink from the pale elf in the tavern.
Summary: waking up in a dungeon full of vampires with no memory and a sudden hunger for blood... never should have accepted that drink from the pale elf in the tavern.
Pairing: Astarion x Reader (though he isn't in this chapter), platonic Sebastian x reader
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: this whole series is gonna be suuuuper angsty so strap in guys. mentions of blood, torture, death... Cazador is a walking trigger warning lets be honest.
Author Notes: Okay so this Astarion 'one shot' ended up being waaaaay longer than I planned so its going to be a mini series instead. Huzzah! I have *almost* finished by first BG3 playthrough (I literally just have to defeat the elder brain) and I also play dnd so I've tried to put some of that nerdy knowledge to use here. That being said, I have taken creative licence so don't come for me if vampire/spawn lore isn't accurate... Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
-- -- -- -- --
Unfamiliar voices surround me as the cold of the stone floor tingles at my back.
‘He got another one.’
‘Bet he tricked her same way he tricked us.’
‘Wonder how long before she wakes.’
I want to tell them that I am awake. I want to move. I want to open my eyes.
But my eyes are fixed shut, no matter how much I will them to open. I just don’t have the strength.
I feel empty.
Like the life has been drained from my body. But also literally empty, like I haven’t eaten for a week. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this hungry before in my life. Hunger to the point of pain.
But still, I can’t move.
So I lay there lifelessly, clinging to the small hope that soon whatever has happened to me will wear off and I will be able to move again.
That I will be okay.
I have no idea how long I’ve been like this. Drifting in and out of consciousness with only the still unseen voices for company. I don’t know who they are, these people that seem to be always with me.
I felt one touch me. Just once. A hand on my shoulder. A voice that sounded kind.
‘When are you going to wake up?’ she had said quietly to me but was quickly told keep away by another voice that sounded less kind.
‘No don’t touch her! She might be an angry one. A lot of them wake up angry until they get some blood.’
Blood.
Why does hearing that word make my stomach ache so much.
I take a deep involuntary intake of breath through my nose and it’s like my senses come alive.
I can smell it.
Blood.
And my mouth starts to water as my stomach continues to ache.
I hear a low, guttural groan and realise the sound came from me.
‘She’s waking up!’
‘About bloody time.’
‘Stand back, give her space.’
For the first time in a long time, I manage to open my eyes. I turn my head in the direction of the voices to see a small crowd of strangers staring back at me inquisitively.
I try to sit up, but my arms have no strength. One of the strangers starts to walk toward me but is held back.
“Keep your distance.” A man says.
“If she was going to attack us she would have done it by now.” The young lady says as she shakes herself free and crouches down in front of me with a cautious smile. She helps me sit up and I finally take in my surroundings.
Dark stone walls make up 3 sides of the room, the other side being a tall golden gate that doesn’t appear to have a handle.
“What is this place?” I ask, my voice croaky from not being used for a while. I glance up at the lady closest to me. She has some sort of markings carved into her face. It looks quite fresh. I look over to the crowd of others sharing this space and notice they too have similar markings. “Who are you?”
“We’re like you. Prisoners.” The lady replies sadly.
“Victims.” A man in the crowd says “His playthings. Forever waiting here for his next punishment.”
I feel my eyes go wide as he closes in on me. I shuffle backwards away from him until my back hits the wall and I can go no further. I pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself.
“Stop it, can’t you see you’re scaring her!”
“She should be scared. He’ll break her soon, just like he broke all of us!”
“That’s enough Sebastian!” the lady warns before turning her attention back to me with a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry. He’s been here a long time, longer than most of us. It takes its toll. Today seems to be one of his bad days.” She comes to sit on the floor next to me, leaning her back against the stone wall. “My name’s Hapdim.” She pauses. “Can you tell me your name?”
I think for a moment, and it dawns on me that I don’t.
“It’s alright.” She says, seeing the look on my face.
“I don’t know who I am… I- I don’t remember… why can’t I remember?” I can feel panic rising.
“I didn’t either at first. It can take some time after you wake for your memories to come back. And you we’re out for so long… do you remember anything? Anything at all? About your life, or where you were before- how you got here?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I try to focus on something, anything. But its like something in my mind is blocking me. I open my eyes and look at Hapdim, feeling tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. I shake my head. She gives me a reassuring smile.
“It’ll come to you, give it time.”
“That bastard really did a number on this one didn’t he.” Sebastian scoffs and Hapdim glares at him.
“Who?” I ask.
“Don’t-” Hapdim warns but Sebastian ignores her.
“Cazador.”
Something inside me responds to that name. My head pounds as brief glimpses of memories flash in my mind.
A door. My shaky hand reaching for the doorknob. A voice asking, no… commanding me to stop. To turn around. To look at him. A tall pale man with dark hair. Red eyes staring into mine as he closes in. Hunter vs prey. His cold hand reaches out to me. Touches my face. Slides down to and firmly grips my chin. Tilts my head up and to the side. Brushes my hair away from my neck and grips my shoulder. His tongue on my neck. The last thing I hear is someone else crying out, begging for him to stop right before he sinks his teeth in.
My eyes shoot open and I gasp for air.
“You’re okay, you’re fine. Just breathe.” Hapdim’s grips my arm attempting to ground me as my hand finds the small bite mark on my neck.
“Cazador did this? He’s a vampire?” I ask breathlessly. Everyone in Baldur’s Gate knew of Cazador Szarr, the powerful and wealthy lord who lived in Szarr Palace.
Hapdim nods solemnly, tilting her head to show me her matching bite mark scar on her own neck. I look to the others; they all have them too.
“How is he getting away with this?” I say, getting to my feet “How is he kidnapping people without anyone in Baldur’s Gate noticing?!”
“It isn’t just Cazador. He has help.” Sebastian says grimly. “His favoured vampires that do his dirty work for him. Seducing people, bringing them to the palace for him. They have no idea that once they step inside, they will never leave.”
“Is- is that how you came to be here?”
“It’s how we all got here... You included.” He says and I shake my head. “You don’t remember yet, but you will. Enjoy the amnesia while it lasts. It’s much less painful than knowing the truth.”
He skulks away into the crowd, leaving his words to sink in. Hapdim places a gentle hand on my shoulder.
“RATS!!” the voice of a young girl shouting sends the dungeon into chaos. People throwing themselves against the bars, reaching through to grab something.
“What’s happening?!” I ask as Hapdim moves past me.
“Wait here.” She says before joining the crowd. A few chaotic moments later and the crowd starts to disperse. Hapdim returns with a rat in her hand. “You must be hungry.”
“I am not eating a rat!” I exclaim in disgust.
“You don’t have to eat it, you just have to drink from it.” She gestures to the others who have now began biting into and sucking blood from the rats they caught.
“I’m not doing that! I’d rather die.”
“Not an option I’m afraid.” Hapdim replies. “You won’t starve to death. You’ll just starve. When Cazador took your life, he took your death too. You won’t die unless he decides you will.”
“If she don’t want it, I do.” A younger man appears, eyes fixed on the rat.
“Back off Wensleydale. Get your own food.” Hapdim warns.
“But I didn’t catch one, they ran by the gates too fast.”
“Then you’ll have to try again tomorrow won’t you.” Hapdim turns her back on Wensleydale as he moves away to start begging off others. “Rats only run through here once a day, so it’s either feed now or wait till tomorrow.”
I look around the room, the blood-stained faces of Cazador’s victims feeding on rats like animals. “How have you all just accepted this?”
“What are we supposed to do?” another man responds, handing his rat corpse to Wensleydale who instantly starts trying to get any last drops of blood out.
“I don’t know, fight back? Escape somehow?!”
“And go where exactly? We can’t go outside. The sun burns us.” He pulls up his sleeve to show a burn scar.
“You’ve been outside?” I ask, a hint of hope that if he found a way out so could I. But he shakes his head.
“It’s one of Cazador’s games. Strap you a chair. Open a window. See how long it takes for you to start screaming.” The man’s voice breaks as he looks down, pulling his sleeve to cover his burned arm again.
I say nothing. I can’t.
“Are you going to feed or not?” Hapdim holds the rat out to me.
“You have it.” I say quietly as I turn and walk away from her. Away from the crowd. Away from the light that spills through the bars from the corridor.
I sit in the shadows, thinking over everything I’ve learned since waking up here.
I try again to remember my name. Who I am. How I got here. Anything really.
But it’s all still gone.
Someone clears their throat in the darkness near me. I turn to see Sebastian making his way towards me.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were here.” I say, wiping my face. “I’ll leave you alone-”
“Stay, it’s fine.” He says, a gentleness in his voice I haven’t heard yet. He sits near me. “I am sorry for how I have spoken to you since you woke. It was unnecessarily cruel of me. as Hapdim said, today is one of my bad days. Not that any day in here is particularly good.”
“It’s okay.”
“Every time someone new arrives, it brings it all back. Not just being bitten by Cazador, but everything that led up to that moment. And it makes me feel… stupid.”
“What do you mean?”
“I really thought he liked me. But he was just pretending. Just playing along to get me here.”
“Who...? Cazador?”
“Astarion.”
Something inside me stirs at that name, a flicker of recognition. Pale skin. Red eyes. Pointed ears. A beautiful face, framed by curls of silver hair.
“You know him.” Sebastian states, noticing the look on my face. “He got you too, didn’t he.”
“I- I think so. I don’t remember much, just his face.”
“That face.” He lets out a short laugh. “That’s how he gets you. Lures you in with his beauty and traps you with his charm. I wish I’d never stepped foot in that gods-forsaken tavern.”
“Is that where you met him?” I ask, hoping Sebastian’s story might bring my own memories back. “If you don’t mind talking about it, that is.”
“Yes. And I’d wager it’s where you did too. Most who were brought here by him met him in one tavern or another. He gets you just drunk enough so you can’t make good decisions. Easier for him that way.”
Another image flashes into my mind. The pale elf handing me a drink. Leaning in, closing the gap between us. His velvet voice in my ear; ‘Let’s drink to you, darling.’
“What happened next?” I ask, partly to Sebastian but partly also to myself. What did we do after we drank? I need to know.
“He told me he lived in the palace and that I should come home with him…”
‘You know, I don’t usually tell people who I’ve just met this but, I live in Szarr palace. I’d love to take you there, show you around. My room is especially exquisite.’
“I stupidly agreed, of course. I’d never so much as been kissed before and now here I was, a beautiful man wanting to take me to bed. How was I supposed to say no.” Sebastian looks down, playing with his hands nervously. This is hard for him to talk about. “He kissed me so passionately, I can almost still feel it.”
A soft hand on my cheek. His lips pressed to mine. Sinking into the softness of his mattress.
“I fell asleep when we finished. Wrapped in his arms, I felt so safe. I had no idea the trap I had just fallen into.” Sebastians eyes suddenly snap to mine. “And then Cazador arrived.”
‘I’m sorry.’
“He held me down as Cazador took my life. Didn’t take his eyes off mine.”
I take a shaky breath as I reach across to gently squeeze Sebastians hand. He looks shocked at the sudden contact, but he doesn’t pull away.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. It can’t have been easy to relive that.”
“Did it help? Do you remember now?”
“Bits, yes.” I nod. “Similar to you. He gave me drinks, took me back to his bed and we kissed.”
“Nothing else?”
“That’s all I got for now.” I shrug. But then the final memory flashes again. “Actually, there is one more thing. Did he ever apologise to you?”
Sebastian laughs. “Apologise?! That monster? Absolutely not. Why do you ask?”
I think about telling him but decide against it.
“No reason. Just wondered if he might feel regret.”
“He’d need a heart for that. And I’m damn well sure he hasn’t got one.”
A/N: this is the start of a two part (possibly more if people like it) story to please the David Thewlis hyperfixation my brain currently has. Hope you enjoy! as always spelling and grammar are not my strongest skills so please be kind :)
- - - - -
I’d never paid much attention to the moon, other than the occasional glance up to admire it’s beauty on a dark night. I’d never stopped to consider the danger that lurked beneath it. That is until I met Remus.
I work in a small independent book shop in the middle of a small independent village. No one really knows this village exists aside from the people who live here and there are only around 300 or so of us. I was working in the bookshop the day I met Remus. It’s not very often you meet new people in this village when so he walked into the shop I felt my heart jump with excitement. His gentle nature, kind smile and enthusiasm for books caught my attention and I quickly developed a crush on him. I kicked myself for not asking for his number as I watched him leaving the shop, thinking I’d blown my opportunity and that I’d never see him again.
To my surprise (and relief) he came back the following day. And the day after that. And the day after that.
He came back to the shop every single day for almost a week, each time buying a new book before talking to me for at least an hour about the book he’d purchased the previous day. It was like we’d started our own little book club.
“Well lovely chatting you as always. I’ll see you tomorrow.” he said on the Saturday as he turned to leave the shop.
“Actually we’re closed on Sundays.” I replied regretfully, half considering opening up the shop just for him.
“Oh” he responded disappointed, thinking for a moment “Well I guess you’ll have to let me take you out somewhere else then.”
“Like, a date…?” I tested, feeling butterflies as I waited for his answer.
“If that’s okay with you.” He suddenly sounded nervous. “You don't have to of course, if you’d rather not-”
“Remus” I said gently, interrupting him before he had a chance to fully spiral. “I thought you’d never ask.”
“You- you want to?” The hope in his eyes melted my heart.
“I’ve wanted to since the day you first walked in.”
The next day we met up outside the closed bookshop. He brought flasks of coffee and together we walked through the village and shared stories about our lives with each other. He told me about how he spent the past year working as a teacher at some private boarding school but recently moved back to the area after having enough of dealing with ‘rich overbearing parents’. I told him how I’d moved to this village 6 months ago after splitting with my ex, opening up to him about the awful way I’d been treated which explained why I wanted a fresh start in the middle of nowhere.
We’d become so distracted in our conversation that I didn’t even realise how far we’d walked until we arrived at the edge of the forest.
“Everything alright dear?” He asked, noticing my hesitation to follow him.
“This is the entrance to wolf woods.” I say and he nods. “Did you mean to bring us here?”
The forest wasn’t really called wolf woods, that’s just the nickname given to it by the locals because if you listen into the night when the moon is full you can almost hear the sounds of a wolf howling. No one had ever actually seen a wolf, but the villagers still would never get near just in case.
“I must admit I got so caught up listening to your story I lost track of where we were going. I didn’t mean to bring you so close to the forest. I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“Oh no, I’m not scared!” I say with a smile and he looks at me confused.
“But the wolf lives here.”
“I’ve read a lot about them and I think they’re beautiful and misunderstood creatures. I’m more concerned that if there is a wolf living in these woods then two humans walking into its home might startle it and make it feel unsafe.” When I looked at Remus I swear I saw a tear in his eye. “Are you okay?”
“I’ve never heard mugg-” he corrected himself “person talk so kindly about a monster before.”
“I don't believe they’re monsters. But even if they were, everyone deserves kindness…” I say, taking a step to close the gap between us.” …everyone deserves love.”
Remus suddenly leant down and kissed me, taking my breath away, before pulling away flustered.
“Sorry, I don't know what came over me-” he starts breathlessly but I grab his face and pull him in for another kiss, this one lasting longer as we both melted into each other.
That was the first of many kisses I shared with Remus as we started seeing each other. As the months went by I noticed a trend in his behaviour. Once a month he’d be gone for a couple of days on what he jokingly referred to as a ‘super secret work trip’ but would never actually go into detail about. When I tried to ask him more about these trips or even what he did for work the conversation would always go elsewhere. He would often come back from these trips with cuts and bruises that he’d try to hide from me. His energy would be low and though he’d try to put on a happy face I could tell he was down.
After one particularly bad trip where he came back using a cane to help him walk I sat him down on the sofa in my living room and pulled up a chair to sit in front of him as I asked him for the truth. He gave me a sad smile, and started to explain everything. I sat and listened, occasionally asking a question to help me understand, while he told me about magic and wizards and muggles and Hogwarts. It amazed me to find out this whole other world existed right under my nose. It also terrified me a little to learn of someone he referred to as ‘the dark lord’, but Remus assured me that we’d be safe.
“So… you're a wizard?” I asked and he nodded. I smiled. “That’s pretty cool.”
“There’s more.” His face turned serious as he took my hand. He breathed deep and I could tell he was afraid of what he had to say next. “There is a wolf that lives in the forest. But he’s not beautiful like the wolves you’ve read about in your nature books. This one really is a monster. And I’m really hoping that you meant it when you said everyone deserves love because-” he stopped, trying to calm himself with another deep breath. “Y/N…”
“It’s okay.” I said, squeezing his hand tighter as he started to cry.
“It’s not okay, it’s not!” He cries and I placed one hand on his cheek, wiping tears away with my thumb as they rolled down past his scars. “I can’t-”
“You can Remus. Nothing that you say will change the way I feel about you.” I gently guided his face so I can look into his eyes. “Look at me. You can tell me.”
He removed my hand from his face, placing it with my other hand in his.
“I’m a werewolf.” He says, looking down to fix his gaze on where our hands are intwined. “When I was a child a vicious werewolf broke into our family home and attacked me while I was sleeping and ever since then I have been cursed to transform into something I hate every full moon. There’s a bunker near my cottage in the forest that I lock myself in but the wolf is loud and sometimes the villagers hear me. Thankfully no one has ever been brave enough to go searching the woods and hopefully they never will. For years I’ve been planting ideas in the muggle’s heads. The right words said to the right people at the right time and before you know it the whole village has been warned to stay clear of the dangerous creature in the forest. They have no idea its really me. I am the monster of wolf woods.”
My hands slip from Remus’ as he leans back in his chair, letting out a breath as he watches me with worry in his eyes, trying to work out what I’m thinking. Silently I stand up from my seat and Remus’ worry turns to panic.
“I understand completely if this is too much, if you don't want to see me-” he starts babbling but I cut him off as I sit down on the sofa next to him, putting my arm around him to pull him into a tight hug. I feel how much he is shaking and he starts to cry with relief.
“I can’t lie, that was a lot to take in. But it doesn’t change anything. You’re still Remus, the gentle natured book nerd with a kind smile who came into my shop and stole my heart all those months ago.” I say, leaning away to look in his face. “My Remus.”
“I don't deserve you.” He whispers with a sad smile.
“Yes you do.” I smile back at him as I kiss him on the nose, causing us both to start giggling.
“Thank you.” he says once we’ve composed ourselves. “My Y/N. I really do love you.”
sp apparently my current hyperfixation is David Thewlis, more specifically Remus Lupin... I have a fic idea, I just need to get it out in some sort of logical story...
(I am also rewatching the last of us to continue the 'Help Her' story)
