#night time rant

[whosbex]

Hi super random rant at 11:04 at night abt my crush on Vander (yes I have daddy issues, like we don’t all have them).

So not many of my friends irl watch Arcane. I actually just got my bsf into it but she’s only on ep two plz pray for her. So I mostly talk abt it with classmates that I am very poorly acquainted with and I mentioned that my Arcane crush was Vander. And as all of us know by now he has quite the horrid fate in the show (I’m aware but in denial at the same time 🥲).

Anyway I like to mention that I love ALL versions of him to one of my irl friends that does watch the show and she was like

“???? If you’re a furry just say that.” And I was like

“no I’m not but I am a beauty and the beast girly.”

And she looked at me and was like “oh that makes sense.”

Cause let’s be real here. You expect me to be chill and down with a story about falling in love with the person and not their appearance told in the allegory of a prince in a beast’s body and not apply that to loving a man’s character who tries not to lose himself in a monster that was force upon him????

The whole story of beauty and the beast is that a prince learns to love someone for who they are and not the appearance. Loving the person, and their soul. He and Belle learn that through each other bringing him back to his true self. She learned to love him by knowing WHO he is not by WHAT he was. Showing him that you love a person from within.

So when I get double takes when I say I still like Vander even as Warwick I needa shed some light on the subject every. Damn. Time. Because why would someone like moi who values a story such as that be phased by my fictional crush turning into a monster????? If anything I’m grieving because my man is trying not to lose himself!

I find every version of Vander fine, even at his rock bottom and y’all can argue with the wall. I love his character. I love that he fights for the ones he loves, I love how he learns from his mistakes of trying to achieve change fueled by rage and resentment and earned wisdom from them. I love how he chose to protect and care over all.

THANK GOD NOTHING BAD HAPPENS!!😃

Anywho thank you for coming to my late night, fueled by sleep deprivation and allergies, Ted talk. Gn!

[cloudycleric]

you can talk ALL your shit about s3 okay but it is MY. BABY. GIRL. do you guys not realize how COOL SEASON 3 IS. OKAY. a SECRET russian LAB underneath a HUGE 80s NEON TO THE GODS MALL. a HUGE GOOP MONSTER THAT JUST KEEPS GROWING. okay a HOSPITAL. FIGHT SCENE.

BYLER MOVIE THEATER SCENE THEY WERE LITERALLY ABOUT TO KISS.

& the finale..

BIG ASS FUN FAIR. FIREWORKS. BIG ASS GOOP MONSTER EVEN BIGGER. THROWING

FIREWORKS

INSIDE THE MALL THE NEON MALL

TELL ME THIS ISNT THE COOLEST SHIT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN.

TELL ME THIS ISNT THE COOLEST SHIT YOUVE EVER SEEN

PLUS, BILLY DIES 🖕🔥

so FUCK YOU IF YOU DONT LIKE S3 IM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT STARCOURT FUCK OFF

[satanhastetanus]

I sure am tired of wasting my life following the rules of a society I was born into and never asked to be a part of, just to be able to exist semi-comfortably. Life isn't getting better, it just keeps getting weirder and I feel so out of place. There's a whole damn universe out there y'all and we are a part of it, but we aren't allowed to do what we want with our time on this planet. We are all worried about shit that does not matter at all in the grand scheme of things. I just want to be able to be alone, live how I want, learn what I can from the earth and die young.

I am pissed!!!! the only reason there is conflict in the world is bc people want to have power over other people and repress people who are different, but why??? why can't people just be chill and realize nothing actually matters?????? where is this sense of entitlement that people have coming from?? nothing matters and hate is pointless. what. the. fuck.

[hazyydreams]

Daily battles continue as I fight off the demons within me. Yearning to be this better, healthier version of me....yet, here I am still fighting every fuckin day! I want to be able to go to the gym and work out, eat healthy, save money, smile, laugh, have friends, be "normal" (whatever the fuck that is), but instead...i work, sleep, watch TV, spend money unnecessarily, eat junk, and continue to take Kratom like a fuckin idiot. My only friends are my girlfriend, best friend and 7y/o goddaughter. How sad is that?!? I don't have anyone I can call up on any random day to just shoot the shit with or go hang out with. I don't think I would even know how to do that.

I was with my ex for 10 1/2 years. I allowed her to become my whole life and she consumed everything about me. I lost friends as well as my sense of identity. Since she broke up with me, I've been trying so hard to relearn who I am, what I enjoy, and all of that...and holy shit has that been a challenge. I don't even know how to socialize anymore. The only way I knew how to do it before was with alcohol and I quit over 2 years ago, so without that, I'm super fuckin awkward. You'd think I had never been in social situations before sometimes for real. Sadly, because it's been so hard and because I grew to be so accustomed to being that person, I've allowed myself to slip back into somewhat of the same pattern unintentionally with my gf though she's not like my ex.

We have a much better relationship, but there are things about us that should change, but I just can't seem to speak up on it out of fear of her blaming me or fighting with me. Again, my own issues not hers. I need to stay focused and try my hardest to do the things I want, but how the fuck do I do it? Who really knows. I need to work harder on this in therapy with my therapist. She's been my savior.

[the-wolfs-raven]

The Difference Between a Toxic Environment and a Healthy One is Simple

When I lived with my ex I used to think “Oh, how I wish I had a dishwasher so that I could keep all of these dishes from piling up”.  And here’s the kicker:  I rarely cooked (something I enjoy doing) and he rarely ate at home.

Now I have my own place.  With a dishwasher.  I cook, and the girls and I (and often company) all eat together.

I haven’t used the dishwasher once, and my dishes never pile up.

It feels good.

And bad, at times, to know I stayed somewhere that was making me miserable for over half of a decade.

But you know what?

There’s always a way out.  There’s always something, even if it starts as nothing.

I work a part time job and I usually get 15-20 hours a week.

But for the last few months, we’ve been extremely short staffed.

Sure, work is rough, but I can get 40 hours whenever I’d like.

In all of the many jobs I’ve had, I’ve never had one work with me so well to accommodate children and an often irresponsible ex.

If you’re going through a rough time, if everything feels like going through the motions or even hopeless despair, there is always something.

Finding what you need isn’t easy.

Moving out on my own has been one of the most terrifying things.

Being responsible for so much.

But taking that step, even if it buries you for a while, is all you need to start.

Sure, sometimes we get lucky.

But struggles are the parents of society telling you that you can’t do something.  That you aren’t good enough.  Aren’t capable enough.  Aren’t healthy enough.  Aren’t “right” enough.

And its exactly the thing to rebel against.  To prove wrong.  We humans can adapt in ways that no other creature on Earth can, and sometimes we just have to figure out which way to evolve.  What works for someone else might not work for you.

But there is something that does.

Always.

I suppose I’m just up late with my thoughts.  But if I can provide even a smidge of inspiration, drive, something in someone else, then I feel my late night rant was well-aimed.

And, for what its worth, I have had nothing but good friends and good times here (save for the usual drama of one thing or another).  Y’all are awesome, and you deserve to find that healthy place that will let you live happily, even if you don’t have everything you wanted.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.  <3

In lieu of that, TL;DR:  People good, change good, happy good.

[fandoms-keep-me-alive]

I'm never enough. I'm either too much or not enough.

[morichele]

I wish I could just exist. Without the persistently aggressive fear of non-existence always looming over me.

[ashschange]

🤔

It's been a really stressful day, week,month,year ugh But tonight I'm feeling. Lost. I'm reading through my own Tumblr and I just don't know who I am anymore? What the hell am I doing ? I just don't know. I don't feel like it's normal to feel like this sooooo I'm hoping it goes away by forcing myself to sleep