Its… so cold… Skyhold was never this cold… Where… am I?
What… why is there so much fog..? Its.. its everywhere! Choking… the fog is too thick, can’t see where they’re gonna attack from…
No, this isn’t Seheron…! But the fear of dread, the thought fallen comrades, of innocents killed in the horrible wars that we raged…
An evil laugh…? Where…?
No…. NO! The fog cannot take you!
KADAN!!
~
The Iron Bull woke up in a cold sweat, panting and breathing heavily, the blankets a twisted mess on the floor where they must have fallen off in the middle of his nightmare. He whipped his head wildly around the room, trying to figure out where he was.
It’s just my room back in Skyhold… thank fuck…
Without a thought, Bull felt the other side of his bed idly. Empty and cold. Reassuring… the Iron Bull would have kicked himself for being so foolish enough to be so weak enough as to have a nightmare around… whatever they were…
It was an interesting thought, though… in his dream, Bull had called him Kadan… To his knowledge, it was only a mutual agreement between the two – I scratch your back, you scratch mine kind of deal.
“Fuck this, fuck emotions, fuck stupid Nightmare demons getting inside my head…” Bull muttered angrily, groaning and stretching as he got out of bed, picking up the tangled blankets and trying to arrange them neatly back on the bed. Once that frustrating task was over, he found his eyepatch and put it on, then worked on getting dressed for the long and tiring day ahead of him… it was going to be a fun day! Ha.
~
“C’mon, again!”
Whack!
Bull grunted, but stayed standing. “Again!”
Whack!
Bull groaned this time, his anger getting the best of him! “Oh, come on! This is why the Qun doesn’t like women fighting! I should’ve asked Cullen!”
At that remark, Cassandra – the wielder of this beating stick – gave Bull a hard glare and whack! Bull landed on his ass, right in front of the Seeker!
“Ugh… good one!” Bull called out, slightly in pain, as he stood up. From what he could see, it seemed that Cassandra was done helping him for the day, but she had passed on the stick to the Inquisitor, the tiny Tyla Lavellan, who seemed to be looking at him with a face of confusion and amusement.
“Hey there, Bull… what are you doing?” Tyla asked, laughter seemingly in her voice.
“Qunari training exercise.” Bull explained, wiping some dirt off his pants. “Its supposed to help you master your fears… been a while since I’ve needed it, but that nightmare demon at Adament was… big…”
“I mean, that makes sense… but can you explain to me why I need to hit you with this stick?” Tyla wondered, idly gripping the stick she was given.
Bull shrugged his shoulders. “I could try, I guess. It would probably involve a lot of Qunlat and Qunari words, though. Just hit me with the stick, alright? I need to get over this demon crap…”
And other things… his mind tried to tell him, but Bull shook those thoughts away. Later…
Tyla looked him up and down, but finally gave in. “Alright…” She mumbled, swinging.
Whack!
“There we go!” Bull grunted. Another whack! “Oh yeah! Damn demon! Who’s stuck in the Fade now!?!”
“Are you sure this helping? We’re working out your fear of demons… with a stick?” Tyla asked, confused, but still holding on tightly to the stick.
Bull grumbled, “Less talking, more hitting!”
Tyla just rolled her eyes, but hit Bull, nonetheless. Whack!
“Piece of Fade piece of crap!”
Whack!
“And who killed you?!? The Iron fucking Bull!!” Bull roared out, causing workers and people alike nearby to be slightly startled – which turned out to be a bad thing, because as Tyla went to smack Bull once more across the chest he caught sight of one Dorian Pavus on the steps of Skyhold, seemingly looking down to where he and the Inquisitor were. All those thoughts from last night came pouring back…
He’s gone, he’s dead… it’s all my fault, I couldn’t protect him… My fear cost him his life…
My love… my Kadan…
Bull groaned heavily as he wound up on his ass for the second time that day, again in front of the Inquisitor.
“Bull! Are you okay? I didn’t think that I hit you that hard…” Tyla said as she gave him a hand, which he graciously accepted, and once he was on his feet again she looked at him with a face of confusion and concern.
Bull groaned once again, taking a moment to wipe off more dirt from his pants, his eye squinted in deep thought. “No, it wasn’t you Boss. Must’ve just been distracted by something is all. Don’t think that you beat the Iron Bull that easily!” Good! Play it off as a joke! Maybe she won’t question it further!
Tyla still held a look of concern in her eyes, but shook her head suddenly to seemingly clear her head of any thoughts. “Alright, if you say so Bull… I’m glad I that I helped you in some way – but if you ever need anything you let me know, okay?”
Bull just gave her a half-assed smile and ruffled her hair, making Tyla swat at his arm in anger as he chuckled lightly. They exchanged goodbyes shortly after, Bull hoping that the Inquisitor would forget about his momentary lapse in focus and letting his fear take over.
The Iron Bull just hoped that whatever the fuck was going on inside his mind would hurry up and finish up – he didn’t have time to be questioning himself. Muttering lightly to himself, Bull picked up his axe from where he set it earlier this morning, and went on his merry way to find some Chargers to pick on.
Hey, if he can’t find a way to work out his emotions in a healthy way, what better way to vent than watching Krem try to fend off ALL the Chargers at once?!? Ha!
~
The cold… Bull had gotten used to the bone-chilling, unnatural cold that seemed to penetrate his entire being when he dreamed of the Fade.
Or, well, nightmare is the more correct term, isn’t it?
Either way, this one felt… different. Bull felt like he were awake, like he was back in the Fade, just like at Adament, but something seemed off… there wasn’t any fog, which was unusual because that was his greatest fear, wasn’t it?
Wasn’t it?
Bull walked around the sickly green and barren landscape of the Fade, nothing in sight for miles. He was getting concerned now – where was the damned demon controlling his fears?! He didn’t want to be stuck in this damned nightmare for any longer than he needed to be!
It felt like an eternity until something finally happened… Bull heard a laugh, no, THE laugh, that had been haunting him for weeks! Bull ran like he never had before!
If I can get there in time…! I CAN save him…!
Bull kept running and running, breathing and panting heavily, not caring if he dropped dead any second from running so hard – he just needed to get there in time!
But he was too late, like always. This time was the worst – he could see his Kadan. Usually they were surrounded by fog and then his Kadan would disappear with screams for help and then screams of death… Bull felt his soul leave his body at the sight.
Those stupid, pesky fearlings were surrounding Dorian, crawling up him and creating a physical barrier of spider demons between him and Bull. Dorian was crying out for help, but the evil laughter kept booming and drowning out his pleas. With a shout of rage, Bull took his axe from the scabbard on his back and began killing the demons with a blood-fueled rage. They kept biting and scratching at him as he hacked away, and he swore and cursed them out the entire time. He yelled in anger and fear, and a little bit of heartbreak in there too, as he beat the spiders down until the only sound he could hear was his own ragged breath as he took in the sight.
His entire body was covered in guts and that demon goo that all the bastards spit out when the died – his axe was in no better shape. The corpses of the spiders were carelessly thrown all over the ground, that demon goo covering every visible surface…but where was Dorian…?
Where the HELL was Dorian?!?
Bull began screaming like mad as that evil laughter returned… Bull was digging through piles of demon corpses until he caught sight of it.
Bull’s breath hitched as he pulled Dorian’s mangled body from under the piles of goo and viscera that was left over from the bloody battle. He was already going cold, his once sparkling eyes dead with terror and fear the last thing that the most beautiful person in the Iron Bull’s life will remember…
~
It was weird. This time Bull didn’t wake up shouting or yelling. Instead, his heart was beating fast, his breath hitching, and he felt… tears… running down his cheeks.
Strange… Thought the Iron Bull, as he quickly wiped them away.
Just then a soft noise made him snap back into focus. He whipped his head around wildly in the dark, until his eye settled on the round shape in the blankets next to him, snoring softly in his sleep. Bull softened, settling back down as he realized it was just Dorian – he tried to breath evenly and get his heart rate back in control after the fact, but his body just didn’t seem to want to do anything that Bull told it to.
Bull bit the inside of his cheek lightly, contemplating waking up the sleeping ‘Vint or to try and fall back asleep. His inner thoughts of fear won over, and Bull lightly kicked Dorian who made sounds of protest at the motion.
“Hey, your snoring woke me up – learn to be quieter, why don’t you?” Bull muttered as Dorian surfaced from his cocoon of blankets, his hair that adorable mix between ‘I’ve just been fucked’ and ‘sexy morning after’.
“Vishante kaffas, Bull… why couldn’t you just leave me be? I was having such a nice dream too…” Dorian mumbled out, looking to the Iron Bull as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Bull’s heart pounded with this unusual feeling as he stared at Dorian’s surprising beautiful face – well, it wasn’t like the ‘Vint wasn’t beautiful for a man, it was just that Bull seemed to be seeing him in a new light – and coughed lightly to try and dissuade his strange thoughts.
“Uh, yeah, sorry ‘bout that…” Bull grunted, closing his eyes and sighing. Should he tell Dorian about his dreams? Would that change anything about their ‘arrangement’?
“Hmph.” Dorian grumbled, giving Bull a look of irritation and went to swaddle himself in the blankets, when Bull reached out for his arm.
“Wait, sorry. There’s something else I need to tell you…” Bull spurted out suddenly, catching Dorian unawares as he stared at the Qunari with an inquisitive look. “Uhm…”
Dorian looked at Bull expectantly. “Well? Are you going to say anything, or can I get back to sleeping?”
Shit, how the fuck am I supposed to deal with these stupid feelings?! What the fuck, The Iron Bull?! Did you just forget your entire training as a legit-ass Ben Hassrath spy?!?
“Bull, what do you need? You’re starting to freak me out…”
Fuck, guess we’re just gonna go for it… “I’ve been having nightmares of when we were stuck in the Fade with that shitty Nightmare demon, and every night it shows me a different way that you die some kind of gruesome death.” Bull spit out in one long breath, looking to Dorian with a face of panic. Dorian just kind of.. stared at Bull for a few uncomfortable seconds.
“Venhedis, Bull… well, I was not expecting that…” Dorian replied, looking to Bull with concern lacing his features.
“Fuck, sorry. I’ve been having these fucking nightmares for two fucking weeks and I swear I’m going insane and I feel like shit thinking that there was nothing I could do to save you from death. I mean, that fucking bastard of a demon would just laugh as I cried over your dead body every single fucking night – ”
Dorian cut off Bull. “Vishante kaffas, Bull! That’s horrible! Why are you having such vivid and horrid dreams like this, and why am I the subject of your terrible nightmares like this?!”
“Well, at first I thought it was just my fear of demons manifesting as a fear of not being able to save my teammates, since you were there with everyone else, but then I realized I –” Bull cut himself off before he literally just declared his love for the man sitting not two feet away. Bull looked away in plain embarrassment, another stupid emotion he wasn’t used to dealing with.
“What? What did you realize?” Dorian pressed, making Bull all the more uncomfortable but all the more wanting to confess everything.
Well, here goes nothing I guess! “… That you are Kadan…” Bull whispered meekly, looking away once again, this time feeling a slight rush of heat to his cheeks.
Dorian tilted his head in confusion. “Is that some kind of Qunari insult or something, Bull? If you didn’t want to tell me the truth, at least have the curtesy not to insult me… kaffas…”
“No, its…” Bull paused, taking a breath and looking to the gorgeous man beside him. “It is a Qunari word, yes, but… it means my heart, a term of endearment for your most intimate partners in Qunari culture...”
“…Oh.” Dorian replied shortly, looking away suddenly. Bull furrowed his brows, hoping he didn’t just ruin the one good thing the two of them had going on.
“I… apologize, Dorian. I’m sorry that this upset you so… I understand if you want to stop what we have, and just forget everything I said – ”
Dorian once again cut off Bull, but this time with a ferocious and intense kiss which started Bull, but who immediately sunk into the good feeling.
“Fuck, kaffas, no, Bull. There is no way in hell that I want this to end. I’m… not too good with emotions and feelings, and frankly relationships in general, but all I know that this… feels way too good to be wrong. I’ll admit, I don’t want it to be just sex, but I never knew you felt this way either… To me, you would be Amatus… like your Kadan, a very passionate term of endearment…” Dorian explained, a blush clear on his cheeks as he looked to Bull with a slight smile.
Bull smiled big and wide and pulled Dorian into another passionate kiss, this one full of all the intimate feelings each man felt for the other spilling into their actions.
“My Kadan…”
“My Amatus…”
In the rising sunlight, the two men embraced as a whole, now feeling the entire weight of everything lifted off their shoulders as their feelings were in the air and were reciprocated. As if they were reborn as one, their newfound love for each other fueled their passion – all death and nightmares discarded as those fears disintegrated as the Nightmare demon once did – for the deep love they each felt could save them from any other nightmares their shared lives would ever throw at them.
Since alex hirsch voiced bill cipher and patrick mchale vouced hexagron Would it be snarky or what if rebecca sugar, justin roiland, etc voiced some of the others
