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Tell us about the last thing that made you smile? For me, it was looking outside at the sunshine and noticing how warm it's getting now that it's almost spring.
My brother has been making dark jokes about car accidents, buses, injures, and brains pretty much all day and each one has me cracking up and grinning ear to ear.
The sun is highly underrated! Not only is it a key factor in everyone's ability to exist, but it also feels pleasant and gives us gorgeous scenery every day :D
Do you have any tips or pointers to know if you are a Lion Secondary please ?
When it came to my own experience, I basically live in my Primary (also Lion) so it was all about digging into myself until I got to an answer that felt right. Something that I'm not sure would properly work for a different Primary 😅
When I'm looking at other people I start by looking at the axes; Improvisational/Built, Fluid/Solid, Direct/Circumstantial, and asking which Secondary best fits how they do things. If I get multiple choices, I'll place money on a model being involved and start looking for what seems to be intuitive and what seems to be learned. If none of them seem to fit or the person doesn't seem to be doing anything, then they're probably at least a little burned. Not a fun place to be, but getting past that usually requires time and addressing whatever situation caused the burning in the first place.
Since Lion Secondary is both Solid and Direct I'd suggest first looking into how prone you are to change, and what that change looks like.
Solid Secondaries (Lions and Birds) are unlikely to change themselves, while Direct Secondaries (Lions and Badgers) are unlikely to change their course of action. And when Lion Secondaries do change it almost always is either a dramatic event, often dragged out by our Primary insisting enough is enough, or not really a change at all just a Lion Secondary diving into doing whatever (the Improvisational axis that we share we Snake Secondaries).
For example
A Bird Secondary will always default to whatever is in their toolkit, will frequently check in with the situation to see if they are still using the right tool, and relies on preparing beforehand rather than improvising.
A Badger Secondary will change themselves to be whatever they need, when they feel something needs to be done they will get it done, and relies on planned steady work rather improvising.
A Snake Secondary will change themselves to whatever they need, frequently check in with their situation, AND improvise solutions. LIKE MAGIC!
A Lion Secondary will be unlikely to change themselves or their course of action, all while improvising as things develop.
Hopefully this will help you some ^.^
What exactly is wrong with Bella’s childhood and Renee’s parenting ? Forgive me if it isn’t obvious to me. It’s been years since I read the books.
That's fair. It probably doesn't help that Bella sees her childhood as an overall good one and since she's the point of view the audience is encouraged to do the same.
Bella frequently worries if Phil is going to take care of Renee the way Bella did, if he's going to remember to handle the bills to file the taxes to cook the food and so on. No child should have been taken over these responsibilities for their parent much less as young as Bella implies that she did for Renee. There's also the fact that Bella doesn't connect with her peers at all. The only person from Phoenix that she misses is Renee. I've been functionally without friends multiple times and, especially in childhood, that's a very loud sign that the person in question is keeping everyone away, been targeted for bullying and/or ostracizing, or both. Any of which should be met with building up the affected person's support network and coping skills. Again we're limited by the books' perspective but, I am pretty sure that Renee didn't teach Bella coping skills or take Bella to therapy if Bella's later breakdown in New Moon is any indication.
Moving deeper into speculation, Bella's breakdown in New Moon makes me think that she had been dealing with Depression throughout the series and Edward leaving was the straw that broke her. She repeatedly demonstrates terrible self esteem, treating any compliment as a lie or a mistake, she treats her interactions with the people around her as almost completely transactional, and refuses to admit that anything might be wrong even when she is in shambles. The way she describes Edward breaking her, it sounds more like a person who had got her starting to believe at least a little in herself never thought that at all and Bella missing the feelings of acceptance rather than missing Edward as a person. Which feels more like a person with Depression being set back than a healthy person falling into the Depression deep end.
Why might this matter?
Depression has two key factors in its development Biological and Environmental. Putting aside the biological factors, if only because people are only just starting to include Depression when sharing the family medical history and even then anything beyond parents and siblings is still spotty. A lot of the environmental factors that contribute to developing depression are things Renee should have been managing or responding to. Isolation from peers, Bella seems to have this in spades and Renee (limited by the story's perspective) never seemed to address that. Drastic upheaval, moving to Forks is one. A little bit more understandable seeing how Charlie was there and Bella was expressing interest in it but Renee still should have done her best to be able to visit Bella/be there for Bella at least for a bit in the beginning. A bigger instance seems to be how Bella describes Renee's flightiness and bouncing around, but there we're limited by Bella's perspective.
Like, I don't think Renee was a monster or the worst parent ever. But I don't think she should have been the one raising Bella. Or if she absolutely had to raise Bella she should have gotten the help she needed to do it well.
Kouga's inhuman side, you say? 👀 👀 👀 👀
There's a lot to work with there. Do you have any AU preferences -- canon divergent, modern with demons, something different entirely?
And. I mean. Speaking of Kouga's inhuman side, what is your opinion on smut?
Yes, I am a simple woman of simple tastes 😅 I love the idea of Koga having to grapple with his instincts or straight up going feral.
My only real preference AU wise is that there is still a fantastical element (full human AUs are not for me). Anything else is just more cake to me.
My opinion on smut is whatever level is comfortable for you to write ^.^ Good luck!
Do you have any tips for someone who is a Lion Primary but feels like they should be a Badger or Bird please ? I feel like I’m too impulsive, too lead by gut instinct. Bird should be who I am, careful and thorough, or even Badger, loyal to a fault and forgiving, but I’m not and it’s exhausting to not be good enough.
First, my complete sympathies on feeling not good enough. It's an absolutely miserable feeling and getting away from it is hard beyond words.
Second, something that I had to learn in therapy, kick should to the curb. Should is a liar who is never satisfied. One who will consistently demand more without providing the support to reach those higher and higher standards. Instead take the time to consider what's the bare minimum. Not what do you think you need to become wildly successful or to be the best version of yourself as possible, but what are the handful of things that are non-negotiable. Once you figure that out, use that as your bed rock. It will be your foundation while everything else will be tested and adjusted as you move forward. Supported by your foundation and flexible enough to give yourself room to breathe.
Third, be kind to yourself. Despite what some may claim, anger and sorrow rarely offer any help at all while kindness and understand give you room to get better. Whenever a negative thought or emotion comes in, acknowledge it, then consider if keeping it will help or harm, and when it's help is done let it go.
None of this is easy. Their will be days where none of it is possible. Where the negative is overwhelming, where all your progress seems undone, but continue to try continue to work on healing and it will get better.
Sending virtual hugs in hope things’ll get better regarding the job search and life in general 🌹🌹🌹
Thank you!
Can I ask you to sort me please ? My ideal fantasy is a beautiful house or apartment, a cuddly cat, an okay job who lets me have plenty of time off, and no financial problems. I don’t have to deal with my dysfunctional family or their expectations of me and I’ve healed from my trauma and unrealistic expectations of myself. I’m free to live my life as I want, try whatever I want in whatever way I want, I can pick up any hobby or interest without fear of failure, and explore myself. I am free.
Sure ^.^
Most of what I'm getting here is a Burned Secondary longing to heal and move forward. The desire to pick up hobbies and explore could point to a Bird Secondary underneath the charing, or it could be more of an expression of your desire to rediscover whatever Secondary is underneath Burning.
I hope this helps!
Bonus!
What is your opinion on Renee Swan ?
Mixed.
I can understand and respect her choice to get away from an environment that was toxic for her. Doing so is never easy, but she did so anyway.
She should not have been Bella's Primary guardian though. No child should ever feel like they're the responsible one between them and their parent. Even if the problems Renee had with Forks went deeper than we ever found out in the books, even if they went deep enough that leaving Bella there would have been endangerment, Renee needed to step up or bring Bella to an adult who could step up. Whether by joining a support group for single moms, going to extended family, starting therapy, or something else entirely. Bella deserved the chance to have a proper childhood and because of Renee's choices she never got that.
