#nineteenth

[esotericswiftie]

actually i turned 19 a week ago (on the 19th🙏) but hbd to me😚🎂

(also sorry but the dear john bday cake is killing me…like yass, so me-coded, but also, your bday cake??? girl😭)

[d03]

mini for Nineteenth day of January. I painted a figur not using the colour white, i Light Green Blue instead as a highlight. 

[digipainthero]

It's my nineteenth birthday today

[hazel-core]

19.

When I wake up, I can't breathe. I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I am here, that I am alive, that 17 turned into 18 and 18 into 19, and 19 will turn into 20. Teenage will be over, and I will still be here.

19 feels like heart stopping excitement. I'm trying not to confuse anxiety anymore. I smile like an idiot when he texts me. I hug my mom and tell her I love her in the most open way I can. I can't stop laughing because my friends made a zoom call for me, and there are no words for gratitude - just our laughter. There are far too many whatsapp groups now, far too many readings, far too many people and too many things. I don't remember him, or them. I thought I'd never forget, and now even if I tried to remember, there is too much joy to make space for the pain.

19 feels like a gift to my mother. She is more relieved, than happy. I know she wants to cry, but she won't. I know she wants to tell me she is so happy I am here, but she won't. I know she wants to tell me her spirit lives inside me, that I am everything that she was never allowed to be, that I truly am (almost) my mother's daughter - but she won't. She doesn't need to. 19 says everything it needs to.

19 feels like a gift to my friends. I have not seen many of them for many months, but they are glad I am here. They are so glad I chose them. They are so glad they know I will keep choosing them, over and over.

19 feels like a gift to myself. Good fucking god, I dont know why I find him so cute. And good fucking god, my assignment isn't going to upload on time so I'm going to email my teacher 10 times. And good fucking god, I dance in my room till my legs can't hold me any longer just because of that one fucking Taylor Swift lyric. I feel everything I felt at 16, but with a little more caution, a little more tenderness, a little more forgiveness.

Good fucking god, nothing is okay. Nothing is ever okay. But it wasn't supposed to be. But it is manageable. If 19 is manageable, if 20 is manageable, if 21 is manageable, then 22 will have to be magical. Someday will be magical. Whoever said manageable wasn't fucking magical?

- Me <3

[julianairizzz]

I guess it's that time of the year when I grow up a year older.

A letter to the girl who only has a few more hours before officially turning nineteen,

잘 했어 jal haess-eo [you did great]

I am proud of where you are now, honestly. Looking back, it wasn't all rainbows and confetti, there were traumas and falling in the deep of huge waves and thunders. But most of all, I am proud of how you overcame it all. Of how you stood there in fear then stepping forward for braveness. How you entered that zoom meeting and spilled the truth, how you entered the room of virus and made it out safely with your Momma. How you took care and became the Ate you are. How you carried yourself in a prestigious school and started with your chin up. How you didn't give up despite it all.

Congratulations, Ila. You made it this far and you know that you didn't come this far to only come this far.

Keep the fire burning, keep your head up high. All will be alright in time, days will fly so fast you wouldn't notice it came by.

I'll just be right here, self. Watching you stare at the mountains and oceans you've conquered because you did not give up. One day, you'll be seeing what happens because you didn't give up and I'll watch it with you, self.

Happy nineteenth self, jal haess-eo.

Love, Ila

[vivianamors]

Ship at anchor in Port Jackson, Sydney, c. 1870 by State Library of New South Wales Via Flickr: Ship at anchor in Port Jackson, Sydney, c. 1870, attributed to Frederick Garling, watercolour, pencil, Jean Garling collection, State Library of New South Wales, collection.sl.nsw.gov.au/record/Yr8WOJbn/oD8wz2QzJpwEE

[every-sheska-sheska]

The Nineteenth Sheska.

Volume #3, Chapter 10, Page 74, Panel 3.

[stromcuzewon]

birthday boy 🎂🎁 #catsofinstagram #nineteenth