Congrats on 600 ej! You know I’m a sucker for angst so 💔 “is it worth it” + “don’t lie to me”
So much love!!! 💚💚💚
Also requested: Hello! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!! 🌹🌹🌹❤❤❤🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘 May I ask for “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” + "Dont lie to me"+ Tarlos (preferably some hurt!TK?), please 1❤ AND Angst: “Were you ever going to tell me the truth?”- tarlos
Thank you, Holly and anons for the prompts 🖤
you take the pain whenever I'm in hell again
TK lay on their bed, eyes unfocused and slightly blurry as he stared at nothing in particular. He didn't move an inch- he was still in a way Carlos had never seen him before. He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried desperately to think of something to do to help him. It hurt more than he was willing to admit, to have TK so close, and still be unable to reach him.
He pushed off the wall, walking in slowly as to not startle him, and sat on the bed.
TK didn't so much as blink.
"Baby," Carlos muttered, leaning down to rest his cheek on TK's arm as he ran a hand through his hair.
TK's eyes closed, and the tight set of his shoulders loosened slightly. "Please, talk to me. I know something's going on- I know you're not okay."
TK shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Don't lie to me," he pleaded with him, "I know you're not. You haven't been fine since you came back from New York."
He shrugged.
"TK-"
"I'm tired," he interrupted him, "I just wanna sleep."
Carlos didn't push- knew he'd get nowhere if he did. So he just sighed, then rounded the bed and lay beside him, leaving only an inch of space between them.
It only took a few seconds for TK to turn around and burrow closer, hiding his face in the hollow of Carlos' neck. Carlos held him close, pressing a few quick kisses to both his cheeks, then his temple. "I love you," he whispered into the clammy skin.
"Love you," TK whispered back faintly.
Carlos held him tighter.
.
When he thought back to a few weeks ago, Carlos found that he should have seen this coming. There had been some cracks, here and there- TK had been quiet, distant, distracted most of the time. Carlos had barely seen him this past week, and his excuse had always been that he'd taken extra shifts. He'd pulled away from everyone else, too, if the texts Carlos had been getting from their friends were any indication.
Now, as he sat on the floor of their bathroom, a bottle of pills clutched in his hand, all he could think of was:
“I should’ve seen this coming.”
It wasn't labeled, and the pills inside taunted him. A million questions ran through his mind, and with each one, he felt his throat tighten in fear a little more- fear of what came next, and fear for the man he loved.
.
When the front door opened, the usual "hey, baby!" absent- as it had been for weeks- Carlos was still in the same position in the bathroom. He listened to TK move around their home, and waited for him to come through the door.
When he did, minutes later, Carlos saw confusion on his face. "Carlos, what are you-" then, as if in slow motion, his face slackened with shock. "How did you-"
"Did you really think I wouldn't find out?"
"It's not-" his jaw tightened and he looked away, "I haven't taken any."
"And that makes it better?"
Panic made its way into his expression, mixing steadily with the pain in those beautiful green eyes.
"Is it worth it?" He asked him, quietly. When there was no answer, he nodded and stood up. He faced him, and the foot of space between them might as well have been an ocean. "Is this worth all the pain and the fear that you-"
"Carlos-"
"No," he snapped, inching closer. "You've been a ghost in this house. I didn't say anything because I thought you were grieving. But it wasn't just that, was it?"
TK's breath hitched. "Carlos, please."
He closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. "Were you ever going to tell me?"
"I-" he started, only to fall quiet as he stared at Carlos, his whole body shaking.
It took all of his will power to stop himself from reaching out when all he wanted was to wrap the man he loved in his arms and forget this ever happened. He waited for him to continue, but he seemed incapable of uttering a single word. "You're gonna tell me everything," he started, voice shaking despite his effort to sound firm, "every single thing. You're gonna be honest with me, TK. Because if you don't? I'm gonna walk out of this apartment and you won't se-" he cut himself off, because despite everything, he didn't think he could ever let this man go. Desperately, he said, "tell me."
TK was breaking, Carlos could tell. Eyes filled with tears, he slumped against the wall of the bathroom and slid down until he was seated on the cold tile. "Remember when I was late to the flight? The day after my mom-" he cut himself off, looking pained, then continued. "I- I almost took some Fentanyl from the rig."
"Jesus, TK," he whispered, shocked at what this had come to.
"If it hadn't been for Nancy coming in, I probably would have taken it. That's how it started." He sniffled, hands going up to wipe at the tears in his eyes before they could fall.
"And these?" He rattled the bottle.
"I didn't take any," he rushed to assure him, "I swear, Carlos. I just- I was just so- I didn't know what to do. I bought those in a moment of weakness, and ever since then, I've fought to keep myself from touching them."
Carlos stepped closer, almost touching him, and TK hesitated before he lifted his hand and rested it on his chest, clutching his shirt in a tight fist.
"I've wanted to throw them away for days," he whispered hoarsely, shaky and hurting, "but I was afraid."
Carlos hesitated, but finally allowed himself to touch him, resting his hands on TK's arms. "Of what?"
"Of holding this bottle in my hand and- changing my mind, and not being able to go through with it. I was afraid that I'd be too weak to get rid of it."
Carlos used his grip to pull him into him, crushing him to his body as he held on a little too tightly. TK's breath left him in a rush, and though there was a moment where it seemed like every muscle in his body was locked up tight, in the next, he let go.
He'd never really seen TK cry, really cry, before. He'd seen him shed a few tears, seen him numb and in shock, but he'd never seen him cry.
Until tonight.
Body shaking with barely restrained sobs, TK hid his face in Carlos' neck, muffling his cries against the skin. Carlos held him through it, murmuring what he hoped were comforting words. Minutes later- five, ten, or maybe twenty- TK pulled away slowly. "I'm sorry."
Carlos immediately shook his head.
"Don't apologize, just-" he swallowed, "don't push me away. Don't hide from me."
"I didn't want you to see this part of me."
"Too bad," he shot back, a small smile on his lips, “because I do. I want all of you."
He let out a shaky breath. "You might not like what you see."
"Impossible," he muttered. "I love every part of you."
His boyfriend's hands framed his face, and he pulled him closer. "Thank you."
"I love you."
"I love you more."
Impossible.
.
"So," Carlos muttered, tightening his arms around his boyfriend, "how do you wanna do this?"
"Do what?"
Carlos pulled the bottle out of his pocket and held it in his hand between them. TK jerked away as if burned, but Carlos reeled him back in, pressing a kiss to his temple. "You're the strongest person I know," he whispered, just before he put the orange bottle in TK's hand.
TK seemed to stop breathing altogether as he stared down at it, then he stood up, Carlos following behind, and opened it shakily. He looked back at Carlos, who nodded encouragingly, and emptied it all in the toilet. He swallowed and when Carlos came to stand beside him, he all but fell into his arms.
"It's gonna get easier," Carlos whispered.
He nodded.
"TK, you-"
"I'm gonna go to a meeting tomorrow. I'll talk to my therapist, too."
Relief washed over him as he tightened his arms around the man he loved. "That's good, sweetheart. That's so good."
"I'm sorry about all this."
He shook his head. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."
"I hope so."
He kissed him, hard and bruising, and looked him in the eye. "It's gonna be okay. We're gonna be just fine."
TK's eyes roamed his face, and the doubtful expression began to soften into a smile. "Okay."
9️⃣0️⃣s BOP 🥂what a night of love and laughter w my fav girls💞never fail to have a bad night w mimi, was beautiful to be all matching w my loves✨90s babies foreverrrrr
I will start a diary here. I really hope it will help me heal addiction. Today I had the worst nightmare in my life. If it had been real I couldn't be here. However that made me realize how lucky I AM for being here so I'm thankful and I WILL take this chance and step today to change for the better no matter what.
