Sep 8, 2023
The difference in tone of each stream from the last few days is really heavy on me, llike wow when you look back and think about everything that's happened in how short a period of time it's a lot to take in
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Iraq
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Australia
seen from Singapore
seen from France
seen from Japan
seen from Australia
seen from Japan
seen from Singapore
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Poland
seen from United States
The difference in tone of each stream from the last few days is really heavy on me, llike wow when you look back and think about everything that's happened in how short a period of time it's a lot to take in
okay but like when the commander says ‘i’ll never see him again” after reliving past memories????
ah yes, give me that delicious ✨angst✨ let me romance sabir as a sad, hollow shell of the commander he fell in love with
Mmm, yes... has someone ordered a five course meal of angst, sadness, bitterness, regret, and crippling guilt? Perfect-- I'll have those all right out for you.
Week 121, Day 841.
I survived last week relatively unscathed, albeit travelling 630 miles did take it out of me a bit, as expected. I would have liked this weekend to chill and process everything that has happened, but as adulting goes, we had a million and one chores to see to, which had piled up with us being away. In a way, such mundane and non-thought provoking activities like getting cat litter were actually quite welcome, preventing me from overthinking and making me feel normal. 🏡
The site visit in Wales went well in that our site equipment is up and running and collecting data! Yay. Now to analyse it! Less Yay. Photo: On the four waterfalls walk in the Brecon Beacons after my site visit this week. One of the benefits of doing my PhD is that most of my service reservoirs are located in beautiful places like this across the country. Source: Phone camera.
Not gonna lie, life is pretty stressful right now. A number of bad things have happened and I’ve had no time to process any of them. I am in a constant state of anxiety as my PhD is getting more and more intense and I’m struggling to keep up. I am fortunate in that I have an unwavering support system around me; I don’t think I would be coping as well as I am without the people (and cat) that prop me up. 🐈
At this stage, I am rather excited for the day my PhD is over and although I am also excited for the journey ahead, I am terrified that I won’t be smart, determined, or strong enough to complete it. I assume that it is normal to feel this way, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It is only through sheer hard work, discipline, and perseverance that I will be able to overcome the obstacles that lie ahead. I think as long as I get enough sleep and have an unlimited supply of tea and wine (which I do) then I will be okay. ...aaand as I say this, we have a power-cut at work. Sigh. 💡 Photo: A beautiful pub in Windsor. To be honest, any pub is beautiful to me right now. Source: Phone camera.
I realize how annoyed people were Deanna Troi existed in Star TNG. She did point out the obvious a lot but my god do they need a counselor on Star Trek Disco.
When you think about it the amount of weirdo things that happen on these trips those crew members probably need therapy. They’ve seen some things.
One day
I just want one day where there are no big feelings. Good or bad. I need a day without heartbreaking death, destruction, marches, hatred, and violence. I need a day without faith restoring protests, life altering choices, finalization paper signing, or uplifting speeches. Not because I don't want the good. I need the good to balance the bad, but I need to process. I need to deal with big emotions. Cause right now it's a roller coaster of good hills and strikingly low valleys. With loops and turns and upside downs, and no stopping. It's like being at Cedar Point and never having to wait in line for a roller coaster. Just continuous adrenaline. It's not good. I think this weekend I'm gonna take a break from internet and on-line and I'm hoping to take a little family field trip or two. Maybe a few days of quiet will be helpful. Maybe I can process. Maybe I can cry.
can everyone just leave me be in my grief and feeling. stop expecting me to be anything other than forlorn. i’ll go back to being able to offer a more pleasant and palatable affect soon but just give me time to be this so i can move through it. if no one is able to hold me in it right now, i need to be able to hold myself. and for that i need both my arms and i can extend nothing.