The diary of a PhD student.

Hello & welcome, I am a PhD student in water engineering and it is my job to do some awesome science. I have created this blog in order to have a place to share my research, experiences, and outlet some steam throughout my PhD. You can contact me at [email protected]

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Final Diary Entry

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while. 

I was meaning to write this final post around January, just after my graduation but life got in the way, as it so often does. That’s right, I graduated! Wore the cap, donned the robes, and drank the champagne! 🎓🥂

Just before graduation, I was out in Russia; finally went back after 4.5 years. I am really glad I made the decision to go as I spent the entire time out there looking after my very poorly dad. Sadly, it was the last time I saw him as he subsequently died at the end of March, a few days after which I went back to Russia to deal with what was left behind. I was off work for 5 weeks and am now doing my best to get back on my feet, to navigate this new reality without him in my life. So, all in all, it’s been a bit rubbish, hence the delay in writing, but alas, we move.

I think a big part of the resilience and strength I found within myself over the last few months has come from my PhD, and which I will carry through to whatever other challenges life throws my way. 

I am a Dr, I am still here, I love my job, I am writing journal paper 4/6, I am getting married in 5 months. In the words of Rupi Kaur:

“And here you are, living, despite it all.”

This is officially my last post. 

To all you lovely people, thank you for reading. I leave you with this... You are the only one in charge of your own fate. Take the precious time you have on this planet and utilise it to the fullest. Do not let anyone or anything dictate how you choose to live your life. Work hard. Be kind. And on your worst days, remember, the sun will rise, and you can try again. 

xxx

Photo: I did a thing. Source: University of Sheffield photo people. 

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Week 260, Day 1812.

An update on my life.

I did it. I really did it. It is official. A hardcopy of the thesis has been printed and certificate of award received. I still can’t get my head around the fact that I am genuinely done (minus the journal papers I still need to write, but we won’t focus on those right now...). I don’t think reality will set in until my graduation, which should take place in January.

Post-PhD life is like breathing in crisp, fresh, early-autumn air. I feel like I can breathe again, deeply, despite the challenges of a new job and an ongoing painful reality of not being able see my family, cause ya know, Russia. 

I am now an Operations Manager at my company (!!!), which although REALLY overwhelming (I have A LOT to learn), is also extremely exciting and feels like the right fit. I am so glad to be back in industry.

Anyway, at one point there will be a last post on this blog, probably just after my graduation. I will however keep it live and my intention is to turn it into a book someday.

Thank you all for being here with me. ✨

Dr Doronina

Photos: Thesis and certificate. I did it. I really did it. Source: Phone camera.

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Week 250, Day 1743.

“Is there a doctor in the house?!”

YES, YES THERE IS. 

I received the outcome of my corrections yesterday, you can officially call me Dr Doronina!!!

I have cried about 10 times, and, in fact, I couldn’t stop crying. My other half and I went out to celebrate and I just cried into my prosecco. This has been the hardest challenge I have ever undertaken. It has taken me 250 weeks (1742 days to be precise) to get this degree. I wrote a whole book. There is a reason only 2% of the population of the UK hold a PhD, it is brutal. I am so so so tired but also so so so proud of myself.

I feel invincible. ✨

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Week 249, Day 1741.

Okay, so, update on my life...

I submitted my corrections on Monday!!! What a strange feeling that was... I’ve had a niggling sense of elation ever since, but I’m not allowing myself to fall into that feeling completely because I’m still not quite done as I’m yet to hear back from my examiner on whether I’m allowed to move on with my life or not. But, I did it, I got over that last hurdle as best I could, now it’s just a waiting game. Whatever will be will be. 🎉

I celebrated with sushi, a bottle of rose, and Studio Ghibli films. Happiest self-care evening for a long time. I did have to sell a gold chain (literally) to be able to afford the sushi and wine, but that somehow made it even more rewarding. Post-funding-ending-but-still-in-the-process-of-finishing-the-PhD life is not easy, financially or mentally. However, with moving into a full time role in my company and with my corrections being submitted hopefully life will get a little less strenuous when it comes to finances and mental health. 💸

Whilst I await the examiners verdict, I intend to rest as best I can. I mean, yesterday was my first PhD-free Saturday since 2017, I am not taking it for granted. Despite having a full time job, conferences, and paper writing, right now, it feels like nothing could ever be as challenging as doing a PhD. 🌿

On that note, I need to go put together a conference presentation. 

Thank you for being on this journey with me guys. I’ll check in soon. ❤

 Illustration: Big mood. Source: @rubyetc​

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Week 247, Day 1724.

Mini update my end...

I am still doing my corrections, although I only have four left, which I intend to get done by the end of the month! 🎉

On the 1st June, I had my first workaversary at my company, which is crazy! When I started, I was still 6 months away from submitting my thesis, and now I'm in the final stages of my corrections, absolutely mental. 

I am due to give two conference presentations next month, one at the annual STREAM conference and the other at the annual CCWI WDSA 2022 conference in Valencia (hype)! ☀

So things are gradually moving forward. :)

Hope you’re all doing well. I leave you with a photo from our trip to the coast last weekend. 🌊

Ciao. 

Photo: Alnmouth beach. Source: Phone camera.

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Week 242/243, Day 1698.

As you can probably tell, I am slowly stepping away from writing on here. As I go through my corrections, the PhD journey is dwindling more and more, which is a really wonderful, albeit slightly melancholy, feeling. I mean, I still have four papers to publish, and plenty of conferences to present at, but the battle to obtaining the actual degree is getting easier to fight. Hence, I haven’t been on here much. I will continue posting until the day I officially receive my degree, but my posts may be less and less frequent. 

Thank you to all my loyal readers, I REALLY appreciate you. ♥ I leave you with a selection of sun-drenched photos from York, where we visited last weekend. 

Ciao.

Photos: York, UK. Source: Phone camera.

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Week 240/241, Day 1683.

A wee bit of a delay between this and my last post. I have been swamped with various things, like driving 725 miles around the country to attend a birthday party, wedding, and gig last week on annual leave, and have only just got home. 

The main update is that I received my corrections! Based on what they are, I am hoping that they will take me no longer than two months to do, assuming I actually focus and apply myself to achieving their completion in that time. I have been struggling to focus lately on any single task and constantly feel overwhelmed. Juggling a job, PhD, and social life is taking its toll. We are also not fully settled and unpacked yet, which adds a lot onto the daily ‘to do’ list. However, not long until the PhD journey is complete and the boxes are fully unpacked. Additionally, my role at my company is starting to properly take shape, which is helping to ground me a little. 

I leave you to go back to my corrections with a photo from my time seeing The Architects, where I felt so alive and free, moshing my heart out. 

Photo: The Architects. Source: Phone camera.

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Week 239, Day 1668.

I have been contemplating over how lengthy, complicated, and exhausting the journey is to get a PhD. I was therefore not very surprised to discover that only 2% of the population in the UK have a PhD. The highest percentage around the world can be found in Slovenia, but even then that’s only 5%. I’m going to remember that statistic whenever I doubt my capabilities. 

What I am finding difficult at present, is the lack of conversation around the come down after the PhD. After your viva, everyone sort of expects you to just resume normal life, but life has been very abnormal for at least 4 years by this point, and a PhD does not just magically finish after the viva. There are still corrections to do, papers to write, and presentations to give on the outcomes of your work. 

PhDs are REALLY hard and they have a massive impact on your personality and mental health. My partner, friends, and family seem to be under the illusion that I am somehow suddenly going to be my old ‘going out, bubbly, non-busy’ self again. However, most days I just want to sit in silence, alone, processing the impact the PhD has had on my life and my wellbeing. The experience, although incredible, is also traumatic, and there is a dependence you build on your work and the process itself. There is, of course, a feeling of celebration for the freedom regained after a PhD and a huge sense of achievement, but also a mourning for a loss of purpose and unwavering dedication to one specific subject. 

I also realised how isolating PhDs are and how lonely I have been. Since joining my new company, I remembered everything that I missed about working as part of a team. The pandemic has exacerbated that state of solitude even further. 

Furthermore, no-one talks about the financial implications of a PhD. Even if you manage to submit your thesis prior to the end of your funding period, there is still a long way to go to finish the degree, which will likely put you out financially. My funding ended in September, I submitted in January, had my viva in March, am still waiting on my corrections in April, and will likely not see them until May. Assuming I receive them by May, I then have three months to do them (with major corrections, that number can go up to twelve). My internal examiner then has to approve the corrections and everything needs to be signed off by faculty, including any thesis supporting documents, before a degree can be awarded. So, that’s at least ten months of the process being completely unfunded. I am fortunate in that not only did I manage to save four months worth of salary for the period after my funding ended, but in that I also have a job. However, I am still very much part time, and despite my best efforts not to be, I am in debt. And mine is a very fortunate scenario. Sigh.

Anyhow, I wanted to put these thoughts to paper as I believe it is important to talk about these things and provide other PhD candidates with realistic expectations and struggles of undertaking such a difficult degree. 

I know that I am not quite done yet, but despite all the PhD challenges and the slow transition away from PhD life, and I am sure that it will take a good while before I start to feel like ‘myself’ again, I wouldn’t trade the experience of doing a PhD for the world; it was worth every second.

Picture: The mood of this post. Source: Alena Aenami. 

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Week 238, Day 1659.

It has been just over a week since we moved to Scotland. Everything is exciting and overwhelming and most of the time my head is spinning. I met my boss and some colleagues the other day for the first time in real life, which was weird considering I’ve been working with them for over 10 months now. The first thing my boss did upon seeing me was hug me and everyone I work with is wonderful, and, I don’t know, everything is already starting to feel like home. Most of the boxes are now unpacked and we’ve already had three sets of friends and a family member visit. Sometimes it still feels like we’re in an AirBnB, like we’re just visiting, and I think it will take time to adjust to the overwhelmingly exciting thought that this is now home. I am also currently working from my office at the company, instead of working from a desk at home in Sheffield, and there’s something really joyous about that, about being a part of a team, a community, especially after being in isolation for so long with the PhD and the pandemic. 

It has been just over two weeks since my viva and I am currently waiting on my corrections, which I am, believe it or not, really looking forward to. I have also made several corrections myself when reading through my thesis and am just eager for the thesis to be the best version it can be and to finalise this degree.

For now, I leave you to go back to work with a photo of me looking over the stunning Scottish Border views 10 min run from my home (below) and a huge thank you to exactly 1000 followers for sticking with me from the start or joining me along the way on this journey through my PhD. Until next week!

Photo: Me, in my happy place staring at sheep and hills. Source: Phone camera. 

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Week 236/237, Day 1651.

Apologies for being a wee bit MIA and potentially keeping you all in suspense...

I PASSED MY VIVA WITH MINOR CORRECTIONS!!! 🥂🎉🍾

What’s more, I really enjoyed it and felt a little disappointed once it was over.

It has been a crazy manic week of having my viva on Monday, then straight into four days of managing a job on site Tue-Fri and then moving to Scotland this weekend (!!!) and so I haven’t even had a chance to acknowledge this outcome, let alone celebrate or write about it. 

I will write a more long form post at some point when I and all the things in my life have settled a little. We are currently surrounded by unpacked boxes and new beginnings and it’s hard to find time to process it all. ✨

Photo: For now, here is my tired, but extremely happy face in the pub straight after my viva...

Thank you for being on this journey with me. ❤

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Week 234/235, Day 1638.

My viva date has finally been planned in for the end of the month, well, in 6 days to be precise! 

As much as I am obviously nervous, I am also surprisingly extremely excited, a feeling which so far has prevailed over the anxiety. I am excited to talk about my work in depth, to hear what has been thought of it, and to get that huge step (well, leap) closer to the finish line. 

I have taken two weeks off work last minute to prepare, which my manager has been really supportive of, and I am so grateful to him for that. Preparation has taken on the form of re-reading my thesis twice/thrice (I have re-read it once so far and I am genuinely so proud of myself for what I have achieved and I want to record that here for if I feel meh in the lead up to the viva), preparing some questions that might come up and thinking of answers for those, re-reading key literature, and writing/practicing my elevator pitches. I also have a mock viva and a presentation on my research outputs to one of my sponsors scheduled this week, and I am hoping that these will also help with the prep. 

Aside from viva preparation, I have been using some of this time to sort stuff at our current home before the big move at the end of the month to our new home. It’s going to be an intense but exciting two weeks of major challenges and changes and I am doing my best to be as ready as I can be. 

For now, that means bed time. 🌙

Photo: I am so looking forward to another beach holiday someday... when we’re less poor and not saving for a wedding... and when energy prices are no longer insane... and the war is over... someday. Sigh. Source: Tumblr.

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Week 232/233, Day 1623.

Little did I know that war would break out the day after my last post. As a Russian, I am directly affected by this conflict, especially as I do not support the oppressive and aggressive regime of our president, nor do I support war. Furthermore, this conflict has meant that the flights that I had booked in May to finally go out to see my family after three long years have been cancelled, which has left me devastated and heartbroken. The sanctions, bans, and new bills imposed on the Russian public also mean that my family and friends are victims of decisions they did not make and I can do nothing to help them. I do not wish to discuss the matter further on this platform as I don’t need a political debate on my hands, especially as the whole situation is way too close to home. 🌻🌼

As I am STILL waiting on a date for my viva, almost nine weeks since the submission of my thesis, I have also made the decision to post fortnightly as my days are largely filled with non-PhD related things. 

We have completed phase two of our move to Scotland, moving all but a couple of camping chairs, an airbed, a kettle, and some essentials to our new home. Our final phase of the move will happen at the end of the month, which we are both extremely excited about. Trying to focus on such positives. 

Picture: The national flower of Ukraine is the sunflower and the national flower of Russia is chamomile. I have found an image that unites the two flowers and, in my humble opinion, represents what the majority of us hope for, peace between the two nations. Source: Shutterstock.

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Week 230/231, Day 1611.

I am crazy busy with my job and moving house at the moment, hence I haven’t had the time to post much of an update on here, so covering two weeks with one post. 

I successfully hosted my final PhD project steering group meeting last week, which was extremely rewarding, albeit exhausting to prepare for and hold. Turns out summarising four years of work in a two hour meeting is a big challenge. However, it was so so worth it as I had some wonderful and encouraging feedback from my host water utilities on the outputs of the project as a whole, my commitment to it, hard work, and even a compliment on my enthusiasm, which almost made me cry. 

We also picked up the keys to our new home on Monday, a truly exciting and pride inducing day! We can now officially say that we live in Scotland! 

On that note, I have to go, have a great rest of the week all!

Photo: I thought pictures of some thistles would be very topical this week.💜 Source: Google.

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Week 229, Day 1601.

I feel like I’m in a bit of a limbo with my PhD and subsequently this blog at the moment. Feels a little like those never ending nothing chapters in ‘New Moon’ (Twilight) where Bella is pining for Edward for months on end and it gets a little boring. 

I’m hoping I will hear about my viva date soon, but I’m also grateful for the break between thesis submission and viva prep. 

I have a final steering group meeting with my project sponsors next week, where I will be going over the key project outputs. The idea of this meeting both excites and exhausts me. It’s taken a lot of willpower to put together a presentation for it, which I’m still working on.

However, it is another huge step closer to the PhD finish line. 

For now, it’s bed time, up early for my JOB (!!!) tomorrow morning. Hype. 

Night all. Thank you for being here. Look after yourselves.

Picture: Felt relevant. Couldn’t think of anything better. Source: Tumblr.

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Week 228, Day 1594.

My external examiner still appears to be occupied with other things and is currently MIA dealing with a wildfire emergency, which is fair enough. Hence, no viva date yet. 🦉

However, I start my permanent job role tomorrow!! I am both extremely excited and kinda nervous. Having spent the last 4.5 years managing my own time, working alone, and not working to set hours, it is going to take me some time to re-adjust to a proper schedule and to working as a team. 🕖

We are also moving soon! It’ll be a gradual transition over the next 2 to 8 weeks! Once again, I am both super excited and scared. The house in Sheffield has been my longest, most permanent home in my life ever, and it is going to be very emotional to leave. But this was never my forever place. 🏡

Went wedding and bridesmaid dress shopping yesterday with the girls, which was something I never thought I would do, but it was super fun and weird and magical.🤍

It was also my birthday 3 days ago. Thank God I turned 29, not 30, because honestly I could have easily forgotten it was my birthday at all if it wasn’t for all of the love I received. 🍰

There is a lot of everything happening at the moment and most days I feel extremely overwhelmed, stressed, and out of control. There is a lot of change, all at once, and it’s wonderful, but terrifying. Taking it a day, an hour, a minute at a time helps. ✨ 

I was thinking about when to finish writing my blog, after all, the thesis is submitted. I have however decided that I will write about this journey until the day that I can officially call myself Dr. Although I write for my readers, I mainly write for myself, and I want this blog to be a complete book of this HUGE chapter of my life that is the PhD. This blog is a thesis in itself. 📚

Thank you to all my 985+ followers, as always. 

Photo: Vibes from yesterday. Source: Google. 

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Week 227, Day 1583.

My more permanent job role doesn’t start fully for another two weeks.

My first important presentation isn’t for another two weeks. 

Our house move is not due to commence for at least another five weeks. 

I am still waiting for a date for my viva.

I am still using this time to rest. 

Turns out a PhD gives you chronic exhaustion. But, life doesn’t stop. 

Choose how you spend your free moments wisely.🌿

Illustration: Healing takes time, be kind to yourself. Source: Pinterest.

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Week 225 & 226, Day 1575.

As you can probably tell from the absence of a blog post last week, I am taking a well deserved break from, well, everything. I have a short window before my industry job kicks in properly, deadlines for presentations/meetings get too close for comfort, my viva is scheduled and thus I need to start preparations, and when we need to move to Scotland (aka, another country). Therefore, I am not planning anything into my days and just blissfully doing whatever it is that I feel like doing. For instance, I bought myself a large chai latte and spontaneously took myself to the cinema last night to watch ‘The Electrical Life of Louis Wain’. I cried, I laughed, I rejoiced, I am recovering. 

Soon my life will be chaos again, for now I choose rest.

Photo: Mood. Source: Tumblr.