#nonbinary blog

[fuitbat]

Pride Month

Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's pride month and I'm very excited to celebrate and learn more about the community's history. Hopefully I can complete some artwork for it too...

[fuitbat]

Quiet as a mouse

So, I have social anxiety. Not only that, but I’m terrified of bothering people. I don’t know if they’re related, but anyway. Ever since I was little, I’ve been a quiet person. I suppose I was shy, but the more I think about it, the more I begin to wonder if I had social anxiety earlier than I thought. I generally try to make as little noise as possible, so as to not disturb anyone else. If I’m loud, I get really nervous that someone is going to be upset with me. I don’t know where this feeling came from. 

I’m so quiet, apparently, that I’ve startled people when I enter a room or I have already and they only notice me after a minute or two. I don’t mean to do that, really. 

The other thing, though, is how quiet my voice is. This is something that bothers me a lot from time to time. Unless I’m at home, my voice is generally very low. If I can hear myself, I usually expect others to be able to do the same, which of course, isn’t always true. With the pandemic and having to wear a mask, it’s definitely made it more difficult for people to hear me. I really don’t like repeating myself, because talking louder frightens me. Also, I suck at it. For whatever reason, if I try to be louder when speaking, it doesn’t work. It takes a few trys for me to be audible, and by that point I feel really embarrassed with myself. I know it’s also a little embarrassing to have to keep asking someone to repeat themselves, though. There are times where I wish I was mute, but I know that it isn’t easy for people who are. I guess I take my voice for granted, even if it does cause me some problems.

[fuitbat]

Gender thoughts

You know, I feel like a fraud sometimes. I spend a lot of time thinking, and sometimes I misgender myself. Most of the time I don’t care what pronouns are used, but it feels like I claim to be something I’m not when this happens. When I don’t stick up for myself and correct someone when they use the incorrect pronouns on a day I’m more particular about what I’m called, I feel as if I’m betraying myself. I just don’t want to bother people. I don’t want to make them uncomfortable, even if it’s at the expense of my own comfort.

[nbandproud]

Would anyone be interested on a blog based on the viabinary/mesobinary/exobinary/ideobinary system?

I want to encourage content based on those experiences, but the few people who mention the terms are mostly talking as if those were gender identities, which misses the point entirely.